Its not pointless. It helps to put your feelings and thoughts onto paper. A journal helps, but sometimes you just want others to read to share and know you are not alone. You are not alone. We all have different problems, and some seem worse than others, but to ourselves, nothing seems bigger than the problems we have right now. There isn’t really much I can tell you, you are already seeking professional help, and you know the solutions to your problems. Its easy for me as a stranger to say “fix yourself”, but thats what it comes down to. You see it though as too big a problem to fix. So don’t, don’t see the big picture, do not see all the problems and all the things you need to do to fix things, instead look at one tiny thing, one tiny step you know you need to take and do it. All journeys need you to take the first step, so do it.