most successful way to kill myself?
March 10th, 2009 by stella21I just found this website while trying to find out the easiest fastest 100% guaranteed successful way of killing myself. I can’t get my hands on a gun. Or buy charcoal without it looking suspicious. I don’t have a car. I could take pills, which ones? I could hang myself but from where? I’m 5′10.A bridge. I’ve thought of running infront of a semi-trailer. Slitting wrists takes too long, I don’t want to feel pain. I hate myself so much. I hated things before but it started to get a little better until something just happened the other day and now I can’t live with myself. It’s not like I want to leave this world. I just want to leave myself. And I’m having panic attacks, I can’t sleep or eat,i feel sick,i’m crying, i can’t look at myself. And I just want it all to end. I hate myself so so much. And the thought of killing myself is making me a little scared but it’s all I really can do to end all this. It can’t get better and no one can help. And I need someone to tell me how I can just get it over with and it’ll work. I don’t want to fail and end up messed up more then I am. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t do it. Just tell me how I can.
March 10th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Google up “suicide” and read the first result that isn’t a news article.
Remember; I love you, I trust you, and I believe in you.
No matter how much you might not believe in me.
March 11th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
You aren’t worthless. God created you and loves you… unconditionally. Please, don’t end your life here on earth and then wind up in Hell in more misery than you ever could’ve imagined. Hell is real and it’s not fun. Jesus made a way for you to not experience Hell by dying for you. He loves you and doesn’t call you worhtless. There is hope. Give Jesus your self and ask Him to come into your heart and save you. Repent (change) of your sins and confess that Jesus is Lord. Believe that God raise Him from the dead. Please, choose Life and not death. Make Jesus your God. Don’t kill yourself. God has plans of hope for you. Please, recieve Him and live.
March 11th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Hello there,
I hope you are safe and well in spite of your despair. I can’t help but desire this for everyone, even when I feel like crap.
I was thinking about my reponse to your request, and so I started researching it even more. In reality I don’t think this is the best way, and since I haven’t actually done it (obviously) I can’t say for certain that it is painless but it apparently isn’t as quick as I had thought. I just read also that there is a high chance it may not do the trick and you will just end up with permanent brain damage, so scratch that option off the list. I just threw mine away after reading that!! There’s no way I’d want to end up like that, then I wouldn’t even be capable of ending it some other way later if I wanted to
Please delete that comment of mine off the page, I dont’ want anyone to try it and end up brain damaged. Can’t believe I didn’t research that better before posting it, sorry…
My suggestion would be to continue searching for the most comforting way for YOU to do it, one that doesn’t run the risk you will still be here and just permanently incapacetated…Do the research and don’t take anybody elses word for it. Though I feel much like you do, I never said there is NO reason we are here. I said there is no way for us to know for sure. What if there IS a reason to our eartly existence? What if we WILL be happy? Those are still possibilities. In our despair and frustration we must remember this possibility. I try to not get too caught up in the here and now, and just remember we won’t be on this earth forever, even if we were deliriously happy! If we stuck around till we were 98, at least we wouldn’t be depressed, but then we’d be the happiest mo-fos on the planet!
Please email me if you want to talk more, the_eclectica@hotmail.com
ALso, please don’t forget to delete my previous comment. Turns out, like I said, most people survive anyway just brain damaged so that one’s a no-go…
March 11th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
P.S. Listen to that song “Fall in the Light” by Lori Carson. It gets me through my dark nights…
March 13th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Yeah, right. When you post something – think twice, don’t give it a second thought. I have a copy of your “advice” regardless whether it will be deleted or not, and I’m on my way to farmacy. Thanks for the tip, I needed it and I don’t care if my brain is damaged or not when I take it, I wrote my will to put me to sleep if I go into coma and don’t just die, so that there’s a legal way to kill me while I’m unconsious and brain dead. Bye.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Hi I been suicidal for a couple of years now and i agree you should just do the leg work and do a keyword search or somethin dont take no one’s word for it cuz they dont know they could be givin you crap information or tryin to trick your ass or somethin. i already have a few plans in case one doesn’t work but i had to read up on methods and there are several that are wayyy better than that crap. my college roommates brother tried to o.d. on that insulin crap and guess what he got – throw up, slept for like 2 days then woke up in the hospital signed up to go to a psyc house for suicide watch. He ws like 26 already and he was not stable so the mom took over and he couldnt do anything. plus, he was kidn of slow after that not sure what that stuff did to himbut he took a crap load and it didn’t really do shit so this is bogus advice. Just do keyword searches on best sure-fire methods liek suicide.com and cracked.com but there are wayyy better methods than this shit it doesn’t work
Good luck
March 14th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Since I’m a nurse I have access to all kinds of drugs and things, and I’ve beaten my head against the wall about the possibilities. But I know for a fact that any kind of drug is NOT the best way, because they are all painful or slow, if they even work and they usually dont. I read the posting on insulin, and anyonw with medical knowledge would know that this is probably the worst way unless your diabetic becasue if your not then your pancreas jsut stops producing it until the body uses up what you just put in it, then it just funcitons as normal, except for non reversible neurological side-effects. I’ve seen enough people in the hospital who have tried to o.d. on drugs, insulin, all sorts of stuff and none of it works effectively and they almost always cause major brain or organ damage. If they did work, I would have already done it since I have access to all of it.
I’ve just been searching online and I just don’t think there is a good way to do it. The only way to be SURE would be to stop eating, use a shotgun, or jump off a high cliff or building (the first being the most peaceful probably, but still painfully slow). There are plenty of suggestions just doing online searches. I heard people have pleasant out of body experiences Near Death Experiences when they don’t eat, and often get to visit the afterlife and see God, who tells them that they need to stay on Earth because they are needed. I’ve had almost all patients tell me that after they tried, they were so glad to still be here and wanted to change their lives for the better. This does kind of make me feel better in a way.
March 28th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
You do realize killing yourself is a sin and it’s counted as killing someone. so you won’t be in a better place you’ll be in hell.
April 1st, 2009 at 5:28 am
I’ve been wondering if this can be absolved through having someone kill me, or, plan my “accident” without my having any specific knowledge, other than the impending knowledge of death we all get from life.
April 1st, 2009 at 5:41 am
I definitely know you do not want anything that gives you time reflect to before the desired effect is drawn…in the end, you wind up with a week long stay in a mental health facility…no one has respect for a renewed lease on life…
April 1st, 2009 at 5:44 am
Pardon the syntax, I’m in the “thought process.”
April 1st, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Carbon monoxide poisoning. Google/research it. You simply just need to make sure that it will not be interrupted/leak.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Mister Zakulover101 sucks with his silly remark!
If I woild have the guts(!), IT was done already at age 12… That time I tried to hang myself, but it was a pretty shocking experience … mid 90’s I tried to cut my wrists, even that didn’t work out like it shoudl be!
But now, I’m looking for something more effective and I will succeed, IF the moment is there. This planet sucks, … happiness is just an illusion.
While some privelaged people can sip of their cocktail on a beautiful beach somewhere in Copacabana, a few miles furhter on, people are living in misery! Who cares… don’t worry, be happy no?
While Mr. Pope is announcing how unnecessary it is to use a rubber, thousands of children are born with HIV, coz of his “great” statement! People are born to suffer and to die. Nobody choose to live, nobody wants to die, except this baby!
i just want to do it “my way”… thanks Mr. Sinatra:-p
April 4th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
I think the best method after much research is carbon monoxide poisoning, i have been trying to get my hands on some decent kit for a awhile now, as i just cannot go on any more in my life while it gets shitter everyday, i think of ending it constantly and the only thing that keeps me here is the fact that i would cause pain to my family but i dont care anymore about them they have their own journies mine is ending soon, i just have a few things i wanna do before i die i wanna take all the drugs i havent tried and i want to ride a suzuki gsx 1000 once im done with that and i have my gas equipment and carbon monoxide bye bye uncaring world i wont be missed anyway im just a fucked up junkie anyway good luck with your quest its a personal decision but once made it can actually feel good to work towards the goal of exiting this shithole….
April 7th, 2009 at 4:57 am
I think the best method would be either carbon monoxide or shooting oneself in the head. My brother committed suicide a year ago without any warning signs. He had had an accident earlier that day and had been drinking, his license had been currently suspended and I was not aware of the wreck until I was frantically trying to find him. My mother had heard him in the safe and when I saw the 10 mm gone and only one clip gone I knew something bad was going on. I tried to call him no answer. I found out what had happened through a friend and like that he was off within 10 minutes of arriving to the house. It took us ten days to find him and the search was all over the news but do you know how far he was from home….less than five miles and into the woods where no one could find him and his car was found at random. He was 1000 yards from the car. Shot himself at the temple leaning against a tree. It was the saddest day I have ever had to deal with not to mention the agonizing days of searching for him because him not answering my phone calls was not like him even if he was in trouble and I knew that morning as I woke up with a cold chill at 3 am that he had to have done something and my worst fears had come true. Ever since that day there is probably not a day goes by that I don’t cry. I miss him so much because he was my best friend. Maybe this will help those wanting to commit suicide and I try and think of this but I also have bad thoughts of wanting to end my life to be with him because it is just no fun anymore without him. And no you don’t go to hell if you confess your sins to God and ask for forgiveness, my family talked with our preacher about this. Suicide is definitely on the rise. I try and think of my family because without me there will be no children left in the house. But the way he did it and it was successful was drunk+10mm to the temple =dead on spot.
April 7th, 2009 at 8:36 am
thanx 4 da info misses mask
April 12th, 2009 at 2:35 am
Would it be easier to kill your self if someone wanted to die with you ? or would you rather do it by yourself ?
April 12th, 2009 at 2:44 am
Now with that said ………….. anesthesia over dose would be a great way to go . You would be put in a very deep sleep and would never wake up from it . Now the hard part where do you get your hands on something like that any body know out there ?? I would imagine it would work way way better then sleeping pills . Because it would be injected into the body working in seconds!
April 12th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
There is no god, there is no heaven and there is no hell. We are all carbon based life forms that have developed on this planet through 6 billion years of evolution. Believing anything more then this is simple naivety. Best of luck with ending your misery, I hope to soon muster the willpower to do so myself.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
I know what your all thinking “what a looser” but from my perpesctive this place has no real meaning and seems totaly usless. I just dont get why we are her or even exist. What good could come from it. If the universe began millions of years ago, what did it come from? Nothing? I just cant accept that. It’s not logical. Somthing from nothing is not within my grasp. God? No, I dont beleive. Dont even start with that crap. Are we part of something bigger, that’s totally beyond our grasp. Maybe, but its a question I just cant seem to grasp. This just seems like torture to me. I dont have close friends, and Yes, I lonely. I feel too much apart from the rest. I feel isolated in a sea of confusion. I have been seeing a shrink for 2 years and it is certinly not helping mew figure out anything. I’m married to a wonderfull wife, but I dont think I can honestly say I love her. She’s just another “person” whom I know, but dont know. I enjoy being alone, I enjoy drugs that make me sleep long periods. I enjoy not being with crowds. I say enjoy, but it’s really not being with anyone. I really feel like that I’m not part of anything, not do I want to be. I just dont want to be. But, what is that? I’m lost. A lost cause.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
I don’t want to burden my family any more
Let me die with dignity
April 15th, 2009 at 4:36 am
how do you lot sleep at night. Giving people advice on how to kill them selfs its sick. Wanting to kill your self is weak there are people out dying of nasty and horrible things. Leaving behind children and family and friends they dont want to die. Ive been to dark places where Ive wanted to end it all and its not worth it. It all seems like the end now and it still does for me but you need to think of the thing you love most whether it be someone or something and bear the thought of not seeing that again be a fighter prove all those people wrong that mistreated you. Get some money Book a holiday and clear your head think what would make your life better write it down while lying on a beautiful beach. If anyone needs free advice please contact me. lucysarah1@yahoo.co.uk
April 16th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
im thinking about this now, weighing up my options, but im still un-decided? people who are writing about how sick others are for wanting to help someone ill themselves is nieve in them selves! and hwo did they find this page any way…?? surley they must of been looking into this to find the page a scrutinize it ? anyways i think i might jump :S i know this will be bad for my family but they are already wishing my death anyway. I’ve done the self harm…the bulimia and the anorexia! and now im 17 years and one day old…and what have i to show for it ?? nothing……emptyness! everyway seems to have it down sides so i guess its all about whats best for you! i know everyday i ake up and wonder why then i go to sleep and pray for my inner turniol to end. But i always awaken the next morning ! i cant take it anymore ! i hope you all find your inner strength and peace before you end up bitter and resentfull like me ! everyday i feel as though im wearing a mask, one that portrays me as happy , intellectual and popular. So why cant i be like that on the inside ?? it just sems such an injustuce ! yet the saddest thing is that it is a self inflicted injustuce! well i’ll stop rambeling
good luck, find peace and inner strength 
xx
April 16th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Hello,
Okay people, regarding several emails I’ve recieved from people claiming it doesn’t work. I know this, I already clarified that it doesn’t.
Once again regarding my original comment a while back, I tried to tell folks and they didn’t listen –
Further research has led me to the conclusion that it is not as effective as I previously thought. I should have research it further before posting that, but I was actually trying lend some temporary comfort after I read several people had very violent plans. I thought it would save them some time and maybe they could do more research on the topic or get some help in the mean time. I understand that deepest depression. It goes away. I promise, it does.
Anyway neither the website nor the original author (reading this) has not gotten back with me about deleting it, oh well. Hope no one tries it and ends up with brain damage or in a psych ward, the most likely results. It’s actually an extremely slow, not completely painless, and it most likely will not result in death but rather some severe neurological side effects.
Once again people, I already know so please no more mean emails.
thanks,
missesMask
April 16th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Your not wrong in doing anything. You only mention of how to. There are gillizion ways to do youself in. The mind can conjour up plenty of thoughts in our twisted world.
What blows me away is the fact that with all the religion in the world, and supposed “bibles” written that we can kill, torture, abuse, and live. If you dont call that hell, then I dont know what fantasy world you live in. For the most part, even though I was born into a religious family, I cant seem to grasp this religious mumubojumbo. It just all seems too goofy, twisted, fake and deceitful.
Personally, I cant stop wondering what is after death. Cant be any worse than living in a twisted screwed up world where I dont seem fit.
Are we just some little toys in a twisted game?
April 17th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Hi.I have a disability. I can’t accept it and I’m going to kill my self i have 2 brother’s that lecture me and boss me around and rude to me and can’t handle life I’m scared of life l feel like life not work out for me. my brother is my boss. I’ve work with family since i left school i see a psychologist once a fortnight i feel its not working for me. I’m not shore if i get panic attacks when i do things my hart starts racing i get angry real easy i put my self down
April 19th, 2009 at 2:39 am
screwup,
I am sorry to hear about your brother passing.My brother was killed in a car accident 22 years ago he did not kill himself.I know what you are going thru i have been there number of times.i wanted to kill myself just to be with him so bad.Me and my brother were so very very close.I miss him so much.I have debated to kill myself,but i just keep think everyday is a new day and new day that will bring hope and success.I keep praying for hope and success on a daily basis.i just hope one day it will come.
i am not a person who considering in killing himself on a daily basis.Just the thought has come to my mind since i have lost everything in this economy.The economy has taken a toll on me.I just hope things will get better me and for all of us that have lost everything.I am a well educated person with 2 masters degrees,but now the way everything is i dont know any more.i have read some of the response i am hanging in there,but i dont know how much i can hang on.i am trying to keep the faith as long as i can.i am going hang in there as long as someone else will hang in there and want to live.I know we all live in a strange and cruel world.just make the best of it.i have and i am still hear hanging in there,but it has crossed my mind to kill myself. i will hang in there as long as i can….tsorenson2@yahoo.com
April 19th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Awareness preceeds truth.
Neither by will of another nor by your own command will truth reveal itself to you.
Would you search the entire universe for truth, you shall do so in vain.
For one to preach the ‘truth’ into another is in essence a violation against one’s own creaturehood.
To adopt another’s brand of ‘truth’ is to give away one’s power to a wizard (elite families) of illusions that hides behind a dusty old curtain of deceit.
Beware, for anther’s declaration of ‘truth’ regardless of their adornments or wealth of speech is simply at best an honest lie.
Humanities many institutions know well the power of illusion for their existence depends on it.
The consequences of blindly following negative paradigms of separation via distortions of nation, race, status, gender, etc., are obvious.
YOU are the author of your script by which you experience reality, the only ‘authority’ of your life.
One’s life experiences follow one’s intent.
Do you choose to live a consciously responsible life or do you choose to exist unconsciously reactive?
The river of your life meanders as a consequence to your own intentions.
YOU are the artist of your own canvass of life.
Living with-in conscious wakefulness is not easy, many distractions surround you, much flash and flare that would blind you.
One must cultivate a receptive mind before one experiences truth.
Preparation for truth is perhaps at once the most simple and the most challenging to perform.
Taoist masters are correct in that one must first empty one’s ‘cup’ before truth may pour in.
When one has surrendered what they believe to be ‘truth’ then does the truth arrive.
One’s intent is the goal, all else is distraction including the desire to be without distractions.
This is the great koan.
Be comfortable in a quiet place and witness your thoughts.
Without attachment, eventually your thoughts, like clouds, will drift farther and farther away.
After much practice the mind shall at one singular moment become empty as void, without form, pure potential.
When void is achieved, the gateway is opened for the light of the Creator (higher-self) to naturally flow within.
This is your natural heritage which you have been denied.
When receptivity is achieved does truth literally pour forth as liquid light cascading within you.
With new eyes, like a shimmering child, you may see the world as full of wonder and joy.
You may call this experience holy communion, divine love, or a multi-trillion watt orgasm.
This is your home whence you come.
Given your renewed in-sight you may find that you see the very ‘least’ among you as beautiful expressions of the Creator.
You are then naturally helping others to see their own inherent beauty.
The consequence of this awaking is that one may feel immense joy, intuitive and intellectual brilliance, great physical vigor and countless other de-lights.
For these joys are truly of the lights, love expressed as joyous light filling your being.
Your ‘cup’ now becomes full.
Others may be highly attracted to you, for you shall be without want and simply offer, by example, the sweetest truth of all, love is all we are.
The world really does come to those who give it all away.
By this paradox is one’s greatest promise.
Most of that which is broadcasted to the masses is actually an inverse paradigm of how to experience joy, a sparkling hoax of misery.
Beware however for the temptation may appear to believe in one’s own superiority over others who are simply choosing their own path.
Become the change you seek.
As cold is the absence of heat, so too is fear the absence of love.
Condemn not for one shall become that which one condemns.
Bless those who would ‘hurt’ you for all attack is a cry for help.
Fear is separation, love is unity.
Love over fear,
Sean Thibeau
April 20th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
suicide it can be a bitch
i was reading on and ive done alot
i did the insulin thing
shiit i ended up feeling like shit and then was in icu for 6 days
but trust me i still wanna die
i need ideas that will work
and will work over night
and not just end me in the damn hospital
so any facts email me
xnevergiveupx4@yahoo.com
April 20th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Best way? Have someone shoot you in your sleep. In the head. While you sleep…. The only problem with that is making sure you’re asleep b4 they kill you.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:36 am
i would really like to know a successful way to commit suicide. Ive tried everything pills a lot of pills of every type,pain pills,anti deppressants,xanex and even nitro pills for heart problems, hanging, carbon monoxide( all i did was sleep for a long time)slitting my wrists, suffocation just about all there is and i cant find the answer.ive googled it and researched and can find nothing. the only thing i havent done is a gun because im am not allowed to purchase 1 since ive been in the mental hospital for this crap.so if any1 has a really good idea please..by the way for all you religous ppl i think god has lost control of the world he intended. and if there is a god im sure he forgives me for this cuz of all the pain that has occured to me in my life.so take yoour religious crap and stick it you know where im tired of hearing it. this is between me and god if there is 1 not me and 500 other ppl and god.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Heroin is definately the way to go if you want to kill yourself been considering it myself recently as I really hate every thing about my life and see no hope at all for the future. Oxycodin any opiates really just shoot up as many as possible. Just makes sure theres no one around to find you or you will be resuscitated. But Heroin is the most pleasant way you could ever give up on life. But bear in mind suicide doesnt really solve anyones problems because shitty as it is this is all you get there is nothing after this that has ever been proven to exist. So if you just want to stop feeling horrible all the time the world is full of drugs that are capable of making you feel ok with how godawful fucked up your life has turned out.
April 27th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
I feel I have very little in this world. I see no hope, or point of going forward. Life to me is a very troubling problem. I cant focus, stay a steady path for more than a day. I want to there and not here, but where is “there” that could make me happy. All of this is just no making sense. I’m lost, and I’ve lost it. I cant stop from thinking this way. What is wrong with me. Why do I fee; this way. No one needs to answer that, but it is a cry for help. However, I feel it too late for me.
I’ve decided for the end that I’ll crash into myself. By that I mean I have devised a diabolical plan to do myself severe non-reversable harm.
First is a glass of anti-freeze. Second is a large dose of Trazadone. Both will be enough to destroy the brain and stop the heart.
I’ll slowly go to sleep and pass away.
Goodbye. Clocks ticking. First 1/2 glass, 10th pill. Feeling drowzy and lightheaded.
Obvillion.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Become a Buddhist, meditate your ass off, and attain enlightenment.
Nothing else will work as you will just be born again into a new body and will have to suffer through the same BS all over again.
The Four Noble Truths
———————-
1. Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a “self” which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call “self” is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.
There is a path to the end of suffering – a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely “wandering on the wheel of becoming”, because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:13 am
anyone who want to kill them self al i can say god created u and he will take ur life with the time comes please think about ur family and how anything u go thru has its way out talk to ur freinds and family think about them attend church once and u will c how wrong u are taking ur life is guranteed life in hell and if dnt believe in god or hell and heven then tell god to show u his love and u will feel and change ur mind
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:15 am
taking your life is never the way out regarless of what happend
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:06 pm
hey talk to me at aleshya.starry.girl@hotmail.co.jp k? I’ll listen. And for a record people usually like talking to me about their problems becuase I’m a very dependable person for everyone with the unfortunate exception of myself.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:08 am
OK. MY GIRLFRIEND HAS JUST LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER GUY. IVE TRIED TO OVERDOSE ON PILLS BEFORE. MY MUMS A NURSE I HAVE ACCESS TO PILLS. SO FUCK OFF ALL OFF U PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP US, WE DNT WANT IT, WE DONT WANT JESUS, WE WANT DEATH! I AM A NICE LAID BACK GUY WHO IS TORTURED BY MY OWN HEAD BY VOICES THOUGHTS AND MY PERSONALITY CHANGES FREQUENTLY. IM 14. I WANT TO KILL MY SELF HOW ?
May 7th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
I would really like to know a certain painless way to go that doesn’t disfigure my body or face so that my son has the closure to be eble to see me in my coffin and say goodbye.
May 9th, 2009 at 9:10 am
There is an emptyness… deep inside. something was broken and can not be fixed…. it hurts and it has hurt for soo long. silently. To the point one believes that suicide is the answer.
It isn’t.
Those of you that about to do it. And I know you are … give it a thought. no matter how messed up your life is right now it doesn’t define you. You define You. the very fact that you want to die proves that there is something very human in you. Whatever it is that is hurting you… you can turn it around. find help. it is out there.
Therapy can help. they don’t fix you… they give you the tools to cope!
Ryan Brady, you may have a chemical unbalance that makes your pain bigger! harder to take… it’s probably fixable. look, your girlfriend left you? then she wasn’t made for you. you are in so much pain you want to die?on heartache? look for help even though you don’t think you want it. give it a shot.
May 9th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
I want to kill myself too…if anyone is from the Ohio area let me know…maybe we can help each other…
send me a comment back
May 10th, 2009 at 12:28 am
You know I have wanted just like all of you to die, kill myself but have not been able to do it myself. I am a coward, because I want to kill myself but just dont have the courage, I want to go quick without any pain, I thought about shooting myself but I dont have a gun nor the money to get one, I just wish I knew someone who will do it for me without them getting into trouble. I cant sleep, I have pannick attacks, I drink to get rotten drunk, and I hate my life. I just cant seem to get rid of my life. I have had my brother who is younger than me die of a massive heart attache they did revive him but he had another one soon after but died, I wished it was me and not him, I am even more depressed and more suicidal. why cant I just kill myself! can someone do it for me please?
May 12th, 2009 at 4:58 am
I am 26,male
I DONT HAVE:
FRIENDS
RESPECT FOR PARENTS
FAMILY
CAR
GIRL FRIEND
GOOD GRADES
MONEY
JOB
HAPPINESS
I have panic attacks, I am shy and reserved and sensitive.
I am a perfectly miserable loser. I want to die
May 15th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
I am go to kill myself
May 16th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Im at the end I have been for about 5 years now I have been hang n on for my family but now i just wnt to die I wish I could get it right I have tryed some many times so many ways and nothing is workin I did the pills but that did n work and i tryed them a lot of time bt i body wnt keep them down. I tryed hang n myself but that did work my cuzzn come home and stoped me I tryed jump n off a B but the cops stoped me. I need help I can’t do this any more Im ready to go I have nothin left. I lost my baby and my gurl all n one week how much can one gurl take. I have been unhappy for year I am just ready to walk away and call it done…I know my family will be okay they really dnt care to much any way I just wish i was die
May 16th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Dabest, -hugs- for you, I know it probably doesnt mean much but.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I’m sorry you all feel like that. I called the Samaritans today and cried like a baby. I went to church for the 1st time since school, anything to see some light … I just can’t see any. I’ve reseached it and I think I’ve found the best way with the resources available
And to think this time last year I had it all, the beautiful girlfriend who I adore, a good job, a family, my family’s respect… I turn 40 in 3 weeks time. I can’t really see a future, not one without this crippling sense of loss
Today I had none of the above, and the worst thing is it’s my fault
I think the saddest thing is part of my decision to find solice is so my soulmate realises just how repentful I am
I’m sorry Amy. I love u
May 17th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Hi!
What about xanax with alchohol – preferebly whisky? I’ve done some research on the topic but can’t decide if its a good option or not. Some say that their friend or relative died because of like 20 pills + alcohol, some say they take 20 pills on regular daily basis. Any thoughts on that?
May 18th, 2009 at 7:17 am
How do I kill myself where there will be no trace of suicide? I have been living for the past 30 years with only one wish, that I’ve never been born. But I can’t go back and change that. I’ve made so many mistakes, I’ve hurt so many people and I did that without even trying. I believe that if I’m not in this world my family will have a better life. Maybe the world will even be a better place. Now the only thing I need is to know how to kill myself without people knowing that I did. When I die my family will get some money and maybe that would help them. I have been without work and have been financially dependent with my parents and siblings. I’ve lost their respect. I love them too much that I don’t want them to suffer anymore because of me.
May 19th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Well, Nichi, I have thought of that a lot too. I think there are ways to do it w/o looking like suicide. Unfortunately you have already left a footprint. Did you type your entry on a public computer or are you at home? They can do forensics on PCs now & determine what sites you have been on. Go to a public computer at a library or something like that where you can be anonymous. I have heard good things about using kerosene heaters in the winter, that would look accidental. Also, google it. from a public PC. I read somewhere – Ikept the paper but not the url – that it is relatively easy to kill yourself by going outside incorrectly dressed ona winter’s day. Check out death by hypothermia via google. I understand why you dont’ want people to know, itmight upset them. I had planned on trying it over the winter. Maybe I’ll get the strength to do it this winter. One thing people don’t understand is that it takes a lot of courage to do this – we are not cowards just becuase we say enough. We are self-determining people who deserve to make a decision. We decide when we’ve had enough. Good luck to you in your journey. May you find some peace somewhere, here or on the other side.
May 19th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Isn’t it a shame that there isn’t a place where we can all live? They should make a place called Loser Town where we can go & not be laughed at.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Nembutal, a drug available in Mexico,Bolivia. It is the phenobarb that killed Marilyn and other stars. I am goin to get it in the next few weeks. Alternatively, Helium Baloon method, causes lack of oygen.Both methops are painless. Are cant take anymore of the lonliness,confusion,lack of desire in everytin,breakdown of relationships due to the unhappiness. L
OVE DOESNOT Exist and people really dont care. I have survived until 36 with depression, misery since age 4,. V
May 19th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
I wish I could make friends who are suicidal, it is lonly pretending to be happy
May 19th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
I love u all. I hope you get what you need. No matter what it is.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I’ve been wanting to kill myself ever since i can remeber. But im such a coward that i cant. What am i supose to do……. life sucks.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I had to give away a child to the childs father who I despise, When I see this kid I get told that I’m a shitty mother, My own mother and father have kicked me out of the house I am now living in the soup kitchen on taranaki st, hahahaha! I’ve been beaten down, slept next to the smelliest bums off the st… (If that isn’t enough to kill someone then I dont know what is), my little boy is now sick and dying, I am shoeless, loveless and lost.
No one cares if we live or die, especially the people on this site.
The world is shit but if you have any balls you will live through the shit and let pain come to you and die when you die, or do something cool when you die like why not jump off the highest cliff ever and if there is some slight chance you survive atleast you got to experience how it feels to fall like in your dreams.. that would be mad, or steal shit loads of money from somewhere and buy everything you have ever wanted or go over seas and if you get caught and go to jail may you experience what it’s like in jail or mental ward whatever just do anything! Your body is a puppet if you hate your self so much and dont care anymore do anything you want. People live and die everywhere there are so many people… even the smallest most innocent thing will fight for there lives but in the end if they die there is nothing you can do to solve it?.
May 20th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Triple C’s. Only did like 14 which takes a minute to pop and my neck felt tight and hot and felt like i was dying. almost passed and fell asleep next to toilet
ive been thinking about killing myself for a while i just dont want the people i live with to think its their fault
I would say get two boxes and just put as many as you can into your system
maybe more
just go get alot of boxes and put as many as you can into your system as fast as you can you will die
May 20th, 2009 at 2:50 am
I just found this website while trying to find out the easiest fastest 100% guaranteed successful way of killing myself. I can’t get my hands on a gun. Or buy charcoal without it looking suspicious. I don’t have a car. I could take pills, which ones? I could hang myself but from where? I’m 5′10.A bridge. I’ve thought of running infront of a semi-trailer. Slitting wrists takes too long, I don’t want to feel pain. I hate myself so much. I hated things before but it started to get a little better until something just happened the other day and now I can’t live with myself. It’s not like I want to leave this world. I just want to leave myself. And I’m having panic attacks, I can’t sleep or eat,i feel sick,i’m crying, i can’t look at myself. And I just want it all to end. I hate myself so so much. And the thought of killing myself is making me a little scared but it’s all I really can do to end all this. It can’t get better and no one can help. And I need someone to tell me how I can just get it over with and it’ll work. I don’t want to fail and end up messed up more then I am. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t do it. Just tell me how I can.
OMFG! U TOOK EVERY SINGLE WORLD RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!! I CANT BELIEVE THIS! Everything u wrote i feel exactly that way 2 right now im freaking out and i just read that so i had to write write to me if u want maybe we can talk or something wowww i cant believe u feel the same exact way i do please hit me up my e-mail is mkafan12@yahoo.com please hit me up!!!
May 20th, 2009 at 2:52 am
LISTEN 2 ME RIGHT NOW EVERYONE THAT FEELS LIKE KILLING THEMSELVES OR ANY OF THAT STUFF I FEEL THE SAME WAY SO HIT ME UP MY E-MAIL IS mkafan12@yahoo.com PLEASE HIT ME UP I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!!!
May 20th, 2009 at 5:00 am
HD – I just backspaced what I wrote cause you allready wrote it for me. Hey Toes – I like your style. Lee – two negatives cancel each other out (its a maths thing) so i reckon suicidal friends would make make non suicidal friends
yay i need a sucidal friend. … Jany Jones – I had the money have had the holiday have chilled out and still dont give a sh!t about living. The unfortunate person laying there dying of illness may be just as passionate about living as the Unfortunate person perfectly healthy looking sitting here passionately looking for ways not to be living.
Beth – I reckon loser town sounds great .
And i reckon some of you would make great friends oh and i reckon that that I love yous all and even though I dont think much of being around myself like and If some how I could save your life I would even though I dont think my own is worth saving. go figure aye
May 20th, 2009 at 11:21 am
kill ure self if u want but it is a sin and u will be sent to hell and work for the people in heaven and also yea im goth i think of killing my self but i dont to many people love me and i know it its just that i feel hated and i do slit my wrists and i have been in the looney bin 6 or 7 times foe attempted suicide its not all that great and also i have thrown my self in front of a truck!!! IT WONT WORK IM TOO YOUNG GOD DONT WANT ME YET I STILL HAVE MY WHOLE LIFE TOO LIVE AND SO DO U SO DONT KILL URESELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:52 am
I heard there are pills in Mexico you can buy that people use for Euthanasia. Something I think of doing regularly, but dont act on it. I will just ride it out and then try to change my situation when I get the chance. There is always a way to escape, even if it is only temporary until yourself catches up to you. But then just escape again.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 am
All of these religious nuts can keep it to themselves. Christianity is an obsolete belief, based on false premises, written 2 thousand years ago when people thought the Earth was flat. You cant blame people back then for believing it, but its a load of crap to believe it today. If you don’t understand what I am saying, I will try to explain my rational. Its impossible for an all powerful, all knowing, benevolent god to create a world where people have ‘evil’ natures. Such a being would never create such a world. They would give people better natures, so that instead of 9 out of 10 people resisting ‘evil’, it would be 10 out of 10. Human action is not random, its a result of nature. If you want to believe in god, you need to take away one of the qualities of a monotheist god. Such as, he can either be all knowing, all good, but not all powerful. Or all powerful, or knowing, but imperfect. Or as I do, just accept that you are a human living in the universe. That should be enough. Stop trying to make out that your existence here is more important than any other form of existence here. Its all special, and if you can see it as special for what it is, then that is enough. It doesn’t matter if you want to off yourself because you are unhappy, that is your choice and the world wont stop spinning because you do. But is that really the answer? I don’t know. There has to be some way to find happiness. I think people who believe in god must have had really good relationships with their Dads to believe there is some loving god who created them, it seems to have a psychological basis. Its very egocentric to believe your existence is part of a divine plan. If Christians, Jews, and Muslims were harmless I wouldn’t care. But these wankers go to war defending their self-absorbed beliefs. They end up killing to defend their illusions. Killing children, who are innocent, which surely is proof that god cant be as they describe, because a child can in no way be deserving of a violent death, and a benevolent god wouldn’t allow this to happen. Once you start seeing this, things can become clearer. My 2 cents worth. Listen or ignore, as you like.
May 25th, 2009 at 1:54 am
I am gay, I still not out of my family, I got no friends except my partner. Last year, I found out I got HIV, and also gave me to my boyfriend, I was sad and very sorry to him, as I gave that to him. But he still love me more than anything in the world.. but I didn’t treasure what he is giving me. I still want to go fool around in my mind. The only way I can stop that thinking. is end my life…I don’t want to think about the dirty thing anymore, this is the only solution. I will miss him and my family. But I know I wont be missed….
May 27th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqO635TibGw
this is me, this was me, good bye world
May 28th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I can’t believe all you people… I found this website because I was trying to research how to help one of my friends that just tried to commit suicide and now I understand why he did it… because all you people are stupid enough to encourage someone you don’t know anything about on commiting suicide… I hope all of you actually achieve your goal and that way maybe the world would be a better place with out all you dumb people pulling us down… And I know you are going to get mad and respond to this message with stupid remarks, but don’t bother because this is the last time I am visiting this website.
May 28th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
hey ppl. i was looking for “quick ways to kill myself”, im really ..welll…not very well, it all about school, u’ll see, school is my life, i dont want to be another “person”, i want to be someone successful, but i dont know, its always the same….final tests and i messed it up, im not rich, so i better do well on school so i can get an scholarship and get in the University i want to, but im scared of failure, and i dont want to dissapoint myslef, or my family, and dont know what else to do, im scared.
May 30th, 2009 at 1:28 am
I have some useful information. I don’t know why its putting gaps in my words on this webpage I am not typing like that. Anyway, first of all that whole going to Hell thing is not correct. On this webpage http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a5.htm#2282 it has the Catechism of the Catholic church and is what the church teaches and what its laws are. It says “Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.” God doesn’t not send people to Hell for committing suicide. People make up that shit to keep you from doing it. They get this idea from the fact that it says that one must not murder and they say that also means that one must not murder oneself. WELL IT DOESN’T SAY THAT PART MOTHERFUCKERS IT JUST SAYS DON’T MURDER OTHER PEOPLE SO STOP MAKING SHIT UP. I am directing that of course to the jerks who made that jump in logic which causes all us poor suicidal people to think we have no way out since we will go to Hell if we commit suicide. Then also I can tell you what I think is the way to kill yourself that has the most likely success. Now read all of this because I need you to see what happened to me. I tried this and was told later that it would have worked if my boyfriend hadn’t figured out what was going on and come home from work and stopped it from finishing. Well I will explain. What you do is you buy a big bottle of Tylenol PM’s (those are a brand of sleeping pills). That brand specifically because I was told by doctors that those are particularly effective. You get drunk on something strong that gets you drunk like vodka. Don’t drink too much because then your stomach will get sensitive and you may throw up the pills. Okay so once you are pretty drunk you will be like “let’s do this!” because you will have the courage and lack of fear from the strong alcohol. Then you take the whole bottle of Tylenol PM’s (I think I took 50 or as many as I could get down). Try to swallow like five at a time so you don’t take too long to take them and get sleepy before you take enough. Now this next part is very important to remember. You should try to make it *as cold as possible* in the room you are killing yourself. I learned this because I did all I just wrote here then my stupid boyfriend came home and figured out what I was doing and called EMS and they told him to throw a bunch of blankets on me because if my body temperature dropped below some certain temperature I would die. Now this is my guess at the most effective way simply because it sounds like I got close to succeeding. Also this is proved by the fact that they kept telling my parents I would die even after me being in the hospital a whole week. Okay so but what you need to realize is that they kept telling my parents that if I did wake up I would be a vegetable. And people that is not cool. Because those motherfuckers will keep you alive with machines because they have to for legal reasons. So there you will sit for like 60 fucking years. Now there is a different method. It is not using your car exhaust which doesn’t work anymore due to the damn new catalytic converters in all cars that stop that stuff from coming out. Its called charcoal burning suicide and here is a link to a wikipedia article on it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charcoal-burning_suicide You basically burn charcoal in an enclosed space like a bedroom or garage. But again if it fails you end up with severe brain damage. I know, do the pills and the charcoal thing then whatever else you can combine with those and you will probably succeed. I don’t want you to kill yourself. I just want you to have a choice to successfully do it if you are as desperate as I sometimes am. Oh by the way if antidepressants aren’t working for you they are not giving you a high enough amount (they like to give too little, those assholes). And if more doesn’t work you are probably bipolar and get on Lamictal (make sure it is enough! The “effective dose” is what that is called. Each drug has one. Look it up because your doc doesn’t know it. And as far as God existing um yeah he does. I died there in the hospital (well hovered on the edge of death for days) and in the Catholic church they teach that the Devil is given a chance to get your soul when you are dying. So say this prayer right now “dear Virgin Mary please don’t allow me to go to Hell”. God listens to her because she is his mother. He grants things she asks for that he normally would not. So she is sort of your buddy in Heaven. Pray the rosary also it is her prayers and it is freakishly effective.
May 30th, 2009 at 2:04 am
I didn’t finish my thing about God existing. I didn’t believe he existed when I was taken into the hospital after my suicide attempt. I was on the edge of death for about a week and during that time I went to Hell. And I remember it. Fire on top of water. Its just like they say in the Bible a “lake of fire.” Needless to say I believed in God after that. I figure if Hell exists then God probably exists. I lived because tons of people prayed for me to live. But I kinda wish I didn’t live. I don’t understand why the world thinks its their duty to save someone who has attempted suicide. I believe that if that is what the person wanted then let them die. It is their right. It is their life.
May 30th, 2009 at 2:06 am
Oh and say the prayer to God to please forgive you for your sins and say to God please forgive me for the sins I will commit right up until the moment I die. Ifigure that should cover it!
May 30th, 2009 at 2:09 am
Found this quote (so maybe the charcoal method isn’t good) “Carbon monoxide is extremely dangerous to bystanders and people who may discover the body” Geez is there any proper way to do this stuff?!
Maybe God makes it so difficult so we won’t do it.
May 31st, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Hey if your not already dead I just wanted to let you no that your not allown nomatter how old or young you are. Hell i’m only 16and I wish I could kill myself. People look up to me and thinks nothing is wrong and they don’t know anything about me. So if I was you I woulg fuck this hell hole we call earth and leave and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
May 31st, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Magen,
to be death is to be death and that mean not to be at all. Not leaving earth or whatever is metaphor. Death is death. Your death will come, sooner or later, that is for sure. Many people are stuck with their heavy process, but that does not mean they should die. So do not “inspirit” somebody who is on the edge to suicide by writing like this.
Yesterday I saw on TV the chinesse man to jostle down another man on the bridge who wanted to commit suicide. The bitter-comic part was, that man who survived falling down complained how it could happened that this man was allowed to come close to him…
Do I mean that “suicidal” man just pretended to be suicidal? Not at all. I just want to say, he wanted to die, but part of him wanted to live. That part was really upset about the jostling man (who said suicidal people are just plain selfish etc….). Do you get the point?
Thanks, Hugo
May 31st, 2009 at 9:06 pm
hi every since I injured myself at walmart after a while when I found out I had to mess up disc and a pinch neverse and here that walmart keep dening my medical needs I injured myself in august 14 I’ve been in so much pain walmart don’t want to pay for nothing they wasn’t and still not paying me right I tried so many times to kill myself im in so much pain walmart don’t care they just want you to work our ass of if you hurt your self they don’t care just like my manager darlene sutton in port arthur to me and she new I hurt myself told me I should have told her .but she new because I told my manager sharon she told me to go home early didn’t tell me to go and fill out a injury report but go home and darlene sutton told me walmart is not going to pay me are do anything for and I see its true walmart is full of shit now its going on two years and im still in pain can’t afford insurance for anything can’t by clothes I gain a lot off weight and im tired of being in pain I tried drinking and taking a lot of pills I tried 10 times I tried cutting my arms still nothing happen I wanna die real im tired of being in pain staying in the house and the medicain I take doesn’t do a damn thing 5mg and 10mg it doesn’t do nothing tell me how can I kill myself faster without feeling pain which im in pain now…..
June 1st, 2009 at 3:05 am
Hey there, i just wanted to tell you that and i liked to kill my self, but i didn’t, as u can see
. I didn’t coz there was always one thing against my think that I must kill my self, so i hope that these things to come to u2. In that moment that u really like to kill your self do something, like listening a good song, or playing poker in facebook 
, drink alcohol as much as u can etc… maybe u will change your mind. If u can’t do these things find me somehow, i writet my e-mail here and will kill you with the gun “big one” right on your head.
p.s: I hope that u are still alive.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:49 am
Ok. I am a girl, well in fact i am a woman, 21 years of age. I still feel like a girl though. Since the age of 13 i have been depressed. I have been on medication which has not worked – if anything it made me more suicidal. I’ve seen a chaplain who was catholic, she did not help at all. Ive seen a counsellor, it was not to any avail though. I had just about given up on my life until i met a guy at uni. I thought he was the one. He made me feel so special. Things felt right when we were together and we had a short lived relationship. He cut it short. He told me in a text that he wanted nothing further to do with me, he had no real reason, other than he thought we’d be better off friends. I tried od’ing that night. I think it was 8 paracetomol or aspirin- i just grabbed what was in the cupboard, and 3 (i think) solpadiene. From what i remember i drifted off to deep sleep, and woke up in the middle of night and puked really badly, luckily i had an ensuite in my bedroom, so didnt make a mess. I had really severe stomach pain, i went back to bed feeling sick to my stomach and had a bad headache. In the morning i felt so frustrated i didnt succeed, i cried and cried and cried. I told him. He was very dismissive of it. This happened about 6 months ago, last year, it was just b4 xmas. The next week i found out i was pregnant. I wish i had succeeded so badly when i look back, when i found out, i told him, he told me to get rid of it. I didnt want to. But i went through with it because he told me he would make it up to me, and that everything would be ok. Wrong. He failed in making it up to me, nothing was ok, i was in bits. He told me later that he only said those things to make me do it, that i was worthless to him. He told me to stop calling him, trying to make contact with him, and to ignore him like he would be ignoring me. Since then another two attempts, slitting my wrists. Each time someone called ambulance before there was any substantial blood loss. He didnt care in the least when i told the receptionist to call him to say i was in hospital. He claimed he was never my friend.
I saw him yesterday with some blonde girl. I am completely sad, i have nothing to live for, and while i am going to take my own life, he is continuing on with his without a care in the world.
As for me. I am going to wait for december. And wait for that fateful day. Hopefully it will be the same weather-cloudy, foggy, raining and cold. I am going to get immensely drunk and go for a long walk wearing very little. Finding somewhere secluded , i will sit and take some aspirin. The cold will be getting to me, but the alcohol lets blood run closer to the skin, and so i will feel warm whilst all the time loosing heat. Then i will take out my razor blade and drag as hard as i can up my wrists, finishing with the throat if i can.
I am hoping this will work.
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:05 pm
hi all of you. i want to kill myself sice im little. tried it 3 times and didnt suceed. i guess shooting yourself would be best, but i live in germany and its not that easy gettin a gun. what pisses me off are all those christian fuckers on this site. fuck off. you have now fucking idea how we feel, how we suffer. i am a lovly, good lloking women with a job and am going to the university and still i feel so lonely, i feel so much pain inside of me that i want to go. ive been to therapy im taking medication and im still too sad to be alive.
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:54 am
hey Anonymous girl, can we contact somehow ?
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
hey man! i feel th same way. life is just so hard to deal with and everybody knows that some just hendle more kus theyre tough but in reality the only way out is dying…god doesnt exist if he did u think u would want to kill urself? problems just dnt go away bkus u have faith and if people think ur different or krazy for thinking the way u do? well dnt let that get to u bkus in the end nobody knows if ur right or wrong. so im not telling u to kill urself but what im saying is if u kant put up with life anymore? y not? i myself am 18 and i kant take shit anymore i just lost my job i have disease that i dnt even know what it is and ive just been slowly breaking down as the years pass …u and i are not the only ones who want to die but im sure that ur reasons are strong enough for u to do what u want to do maybe not to everybody else but thats only kus u have kontrol of ur life and only u know what u kan handle…i wish i was dead too and im skared bkus theres always ur family…i love my family and they love me but there is just simply nothing left for me here as a matter of fakt there never was..nobody is gonna help u out of ur problems but urself and if u kant then its time to try something new dnt u think? wish u the best man since its really all one person kan do for another think about it and if u have the balls to do it first than me? i would appreciate it if u kame back for me…good luck
June 4th, 2009 at 5:04 am
Me again. Hi noone.
I dont know why anyone would want to talk to me, if you want to help me improve my chances of success, here is my email- fibigia2002@yahoo.co.uk
God help us all.
June 4th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I just found this site on my husbands computer while checking his accounts and closing out some banking issues. I was completely shocked, terribly ashamed, and mad that I didnt see this coming. He died April 22nd from complications of kidney failure after ingesting anti-freeze. For gods sake, if you feel so bad please talk to someone. I just didnt listen, or rather hear his cry for help. My life is now a complete void, and I’m at my bottom. Luckly our daughter is here, but we both cant stop wondering what triggered this.
June 5th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Hi Linda,
I even had hard times to find the words for you, sitting behind the PC speechless. By risking of bein not sensitive enough and risking of missing some points, here is what I want to tell you:
it is so sad
It is not your blame – your husband, I believe, was probably severely depressed – by that I mean the disorder of how the brain functions (transmitts signals). I produces bad mood and what is equally important lack of pleasure even from small daily things and activities etc. It is connected then to ideas like – “What is this all for?”, “What is the meaning?”, “Everything is empty.”, “I do not feel anything.”, “This is final, it won t go over.” etc. Even if you know that you suffer from depression, anyway it is hard or impossible to change these thing by your will.
And it is not your blame – because for you as (and it shines through what you written) loving partner (or be it parent, child, sibling, friend) it is very hard to hear from your loving one things like these. Believe me here, I have the firsthand evidence. Death, deep chronic pain, suffering, loss of meaning and related processes are our cultural and personal edges. It is so hard to stand it, also because we literally FEEL pain of other people and that is – painful.
For you, and your daughter too – in this hard period ask for whatever necessary help – be it friends, family or counselor or psychiatrist or all together. All of them can offer different kind of support, they can complement. It is important to have support to go through such trauma not alone.
Wish you and your daughter all the best, Yours Hugo
June 5th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Sheen, my name is daylland moxey. I can say that I feel like you a lot of the time. I see that advice on self embetterment isn’t taken to kindly on this site so I won’t offer any, but if you have a facebook or myspace maybe you can message me sometime. Maybe what a lot of people need is just a sense of connection with someone else in this world.
Well like I said, im on myspace and facebook. If anybody on this site feels like talking about anything (except how to kill yourself or dating) ill be there. Since we only have one life to live, why not see how many people you can help out?
June 5th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
With all do respect to bible jockeys, shut it. God has long since stopped occuring to people who have tried to kill themselves. Such as me. In fact, I’ve prayed to him to take me.
June 7th, 2009 at 5:48 am
I want to kill myself but I don’t want others to talk about my suicide. I’m worthless, hopeless.. I’m totally crap… I have no job, seems that my girlfriend who I really love so much doesn’t love me. My family thinks that I’m worthless, a lot of people doesn’t like me,, everyone hates me. Nobody Loves me!!! Nobody cares for me, and even just talk to me…
June 8th, 2009 at 3:11 am
Get some anti-depressants folks. Cybalta, Lexapro, Prozac, ect. Take it for 6 weeks and if you still want to kill yourself well…. Stay drunk all the time, get on the Methadone program, get strung out on herion. Hey I spent the first 5 years of my adulthood doing those things. It gave me somthing to live for.
June 8th, 2009 at 5:19 am
I have been wanting to kill myself for over 6mons,I’m worthless, hopeless. i hv been with a man for a year and 6months, been honest never cheated on him but he always is makeing me feel like crap. god knows i was pregnent by him but he says its not his. i swear to god i never talk to anyperson since i mate him. i feel like there is no tomorrow for me. funny part, i am in debt since i been with him caus he never worked and the reason he said is because he does not trust me to leave me at home and go to work. but its okay for me to work
June 8th, 2009 at 5:21 am
I have been wanting to kill myself for over 6mons,I’m worthless, hopeless. i hv been with a man for a year and 6months, been honest never cheated on him but he always is makeing me feel like crap. god knows i was pregnent by him but he says its not his. i swear to god i never talk to anyperson since i mate him. i feel like there is no tomorrow for me. funny part, i am in debt since i been with him caus he never worked and the reason he said is because he does not trust me to leave me at home and go to work. but its okay for me to work. he says he loves me but i dont belive him. am 26 never before have i wished to end my life. i just want to die and never have to suffer again. help please
June 8th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Mia, listen.
“Suicide is definite solution for temporary problem” – how true most of the time!
You said you never talked to any person since you with him…
That is not OK – You have to speak to someone outside your relationship!
You should seek professional help. By that I mean therapist, counsellor or psychiatrist. It is worth it. They at least can give you different view on your situation. Close relationship can make us feel very secure in the unsecure world – but it can also create realy weird atmosphere – that can really alter your views of reality. And even more so if you do not contact anyone from outside your relationship.
So I repeat, you better check your situation with someone professionaly skilled and at the same time independent person. It can bring clarity to your confusion about what is happening.
I wish you all the best, Hugo
June 9th, 2009 at 12:28 am
My friend commit suicide. I wish I could have helped him feel better, but I see that when he fell into the darkness, it mattered very little what people said…words become pretty meaningless.
I think about him. I was mad for a while about his choice, but I came to understand and accept it. It was his life and his choice and no one else can really know what pain he carried inside. I’m not mad anymore…but I miss him and I think that’s maybe why I was mad to begin with, because I wish he was still here.
There is a song from Pantera that I wish I played for him before he went away, hope you don’t mind if I share it here. Maybe there is someone that feels this way about you; maybe you don’t know it. I was scared to share some of my feelings with him and now it’s too late.
http://www.imeem.com/kirstenrox/music/mEBKlwZQ/pantera-hollow/
What’s left inside him?
Don’t he remember us?
Can’t he believe me?
We seemed like brothers
Talked for hours last night
About what we wanna be
I sit now with his hand in mine
But I know he can’t feel…
No one knows
What’s done is done
It’s as if he were dead
I’m close with his mother
And she cries endlessly
Lord how we miss him
At least what’s remembered
It’s so important to make best friends in life
But it’s hard when my friend sits with blank expression
No one knows
What’s done is done
It’s as if he were dead
He as hollow as I alone now
He as hollow as I alone
A shell of my friend
Just flesh and bone
There’s no soul
He sees no love
I shake my fists at skies above
Mad…at God…Mad…
He as hollow as I converse
I wish he’d waken from this curse
Hear my words before it’s through
I want to come in after you!
My
Best friend
Come back!
June 9th, 2009 at 2:12 am
My life is a wreck and I want to die. Wife left me after 28 years and kids not talking to me. I am so depressed and suicidal. I have been feeling this way for the pass 18 months. i lost my job as a teacher. Been on all kinds of antidepressants. I have tried to kill myself with pills but I;m still here. I am 50 and just want to die.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Any Canadians down for a suicide pact?
June 9th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I’m 22, been suicidal for 7 years. I’ve tried killing meself 20 times in the last 7 years, sometimes I think I might be superhuman. Today is Tuesday 6/9/09, I’m going to try again…this time w/ a bug bomb inside my truck on an empty road. I’m paranoid, schizophrenic, bipolar, severely depressed, I never really had a girlfriend, don’t really have a life at all (for me it’s work, work, work). I am in Nebraska, if I live I will say HI.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
By the way, if anyone wants to talk if I end up living buckleycjon@yahoo.com is my email
June 10th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
DAMN! Didn’t work.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
any body there?
June 10th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
no ok then
June 10th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
I’m here elise. This isn’t live chat though, so it may be a while before people get back to you. Did you want to talk about something or vent?
I will be here if you need me.
June 11th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
iv been suicidal for 5 years now.
iv tried multiple times and one time i was declaired dead for 23 minutes.
..best 23 minutes of my life.
im about to do it again and theres no stopping me.
i feel the same way i did the morning i killed myself before, just this time i didnt feel like i do for a day, its been weeks.
i know what needs to be done and no one can talk me out of it.
June 11th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
hi, i am trying to find a way to painlessly off myslef too. i read like 2 responses n theyre all like dont die but i want to kno how to. ive been researching forever n ive been planning to kill sometime before i graduate high school. but i just recently changed my mind n i wanna do it in a month because i do not want to live at all. i need to kno so if u do please tell me how.
June 12th, 2009 at 12:13 am
do you realize the pain you will put your family through if you do this??? just lost my uncle to suicide and its the worst pain in the world….please dont do it!! For your familys sake….no matter how much you think they dont care they do. Please dont do it
June 12th, 2009 at 5:09 am
Hey kasss94, you should literally try everything – including getting professional counsellor or therapist – before making this permanent step. Death can t be undone. You cant take it back. So please, even you are hurt, or depressed, or angry or bored or all that together, or whatever, try this first.
June 12th, 2009 at 5:13 am
Hello, dont do it.
I can understand your point, but your argument is wrong and it doesnt help to people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts or tendencies.
This argument can easily turn into manipulations, guilt and anger and further hurt for both sides.
Hope you understand me. Hugo
June 12th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
hi man i didnt know there was so many people with there lifes as fucked up as mine.i have been unemployed now for 1 year im a recovering heroin attic (by the way i cant spell).my ex wife wont let me see my 2 little boys i live at home with my mom that hates my guts im so lost. they told me my life would be better once im clean well since ive been clean my life has just went down the toilet i want it all to end im just scared for my 2 little ones itry try try nothing ever goes my way ihope the carbon monoxide poisning works im going to act like i was working on the car in the garage with the door shut ofcourse life sucks all i want is afucking job
June 12th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
when the pain of life is more than the pain you’ll give those that love you get from your death you’ll do it. your pain has to mean more to you than theirs. I’m on the “brink too”
June 13th, 2009 at 6:09 am
Hey keith – that makes so much sense. If it would not cause just 3 people the pain I think it would – I would go right now. Yet im a pain being around.
June 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
You guys, I am so sorry that you feel this way. Life is a precious gift and I just hate it for you that you can’t find the joy for living. We all have difficult and sometimes it seems impossible things that we all have to deal with. Living does seem bleak at those times in our lives. I know a lot of you haven’t found God or think that He has deserted you. I have felt that way. He never said our life walk would be easy. Some of us have harder life walks than others, but one thing He did say is that He would be with us every step of the way. I feel there is a spiritual warfare going on right now. Satan tries to put doubt, despair and hopelessness in to our lives so he will be able to claim us. It helps me get through these times by just praying through it. God is silent at times, but don’t give up. If you put your hope and faith in Him, you WILL come out on the other side into joy and light. This is a very hard and difficult time in our world, but I encourage you to hold on!! Go to people who can help you. Many churches have caring programs. I have seen many miracles in my lifetime and I am a prayer warrior for many people. I KNOW Jesus and God exist. Don’t give up. Put your hope and faith in living and that your life WILL GET BETTER! I will be thinking of all of you and praying for you too. If you think no one cares, KNOW that I care even if I don’t know you. I care! I love you guys and I send encouragement and hope to each one of you.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I’m having the same thing. Depressed up and down since I was about 15 (coming up to 8 years now) and my most serious contemplations of suicide have been ruined by concern about still living but with horrible brain/organ damage and pain. ODing, drinking toxins/bleach, hanging, jumping off things; I’ve considered them all. A gun seems pretty scary.
Anyway, be careful with the carbon monoxide idea because it can be harmful also for the person who finds you. However, inert gases are apparently very effective and peaceful; nitrogen in particular. You would need to feed it into a sealed bag around your head (e.g. from a barbeque gas bottle). This is the method suggested by the Exit International charity.
You’d be unconscious in 12 seconds and gone in a few minutes, with no yucky messy or dangerous side effects.
However, while I don’t believe in god or ‘punishment’ myself I think anyone considering it should think very carefully. You could end up causing a lot of pain and sadness for all the people around you – even if you think you are not ‘useful’ or cared about the likelihood is that you are wrong. I feel absolutely terrible alot of the time but the knowledge of how I could be hurting my friends and family is really what stops me; in my lowest points I often feel like I can’t talk to them at all, but that doesn’t change how they feel about me or anyone else in their lives. You should at least try to find a way out of your sadness through counselling or medicine first, or you’re not giving your life a fair chance.
June 13th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
hmm so Im back here again , this page always comes up. But I stumbles across something the other week. By Accident. Was so close though so close. – Oh I think therefore Iam …Right? Maybee I think too much!!!!
June 14th, 2009 at 12:36 am
Nah fuck this just fuck it all really losing my sight losing my mind wish somebody would tell me im fine nothing is right nothing is fine cant go on liciving this way
June 14th, 2009 at 4:27 am
i want to die, two days ago i went and tried overdoseing on a sleeping pill but didnt work any advice please. i want to go to sleep and never wake-up.
June 14th, 2009 at 5:18 am
my boyfriend has a gun only if i could get my hands on it.
June 14th, 2009 at 5:20 am
my boyfriend has a gun only if i could get my hands on it. any body see what time it is and what am doing up at this time, well he is out having fun while am at home tring to kill myself
June 15th, 2009 at 3:29 am
Information Highway! my butt. I ve been looking and looking but i can’t find a quick and easy way to kill myself, I guess Im going to have to buy that gun and shoot myself in the chest.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Oh come on,I just want to kill myself. Why should it be s hard to find a web site that will provide information. How many meds? How much gas? I don’t want help, I don’t want support, I just want a quick easy way to kill myself. Please don’t talk to me about the richness of life and PLEASE don’t talk to me about god. I don’t believe in either. I just want to kill myself. I am trying to find the most expeditious way. This site is an abomination.
June 16th, 2009 at 8:06 am
Noir,
OK, if you are really into it – there are some Humprey s books on the topic. They are quite descriptive and prescriptive about killing yourself succesfuly and not so painfuly.
In contrary to you I hope this page will help many people who are hurt and in pain not to die but to live – to find options, they may missed, to find some support, to be directed to some professional support which may help, or at least to hear “You are not alone. I m having similar troubles”.
I do not say suicide is not the option – just that it is definitely the last one.
Hugo
June 16th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Why’s life so shit? I just wana die and get out of this f*cked up place we call our home. I need suggestions.
I also need to know why women like to break your heart
June 17th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Hi all! Still living unfortunately. Any new tips? or if someone wants to talk privately buckleycjon@yahoo.com
June 17th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I know how everybody feeling about life it is hard and I think about Sucide sometime that part of life.
June 18th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
ps dont kill yourself because if u dont think ur good enough to live, your not special enough to cause the large amount of burden put on other people when you die.
seriously chill out, all your problems really arent as important as you make them.
sorry you cant see that.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:04 am
I just want to die and I lost my gun rights last year in some legal problems. I had a 40.cal that would have done the trick but now the police have it. My cuz has a 22. but it’s not powerful enough but contimplating taking it and using it to get a bigger caliber. I’ve been in and out of phyce wards and jail. I have no money and am living off my mom.
I feel like such a piece of shit, I feel that only my mom loves me but that she can’t fix me. I have severe depression and insomnia and can’t hold any friends. Weed always helped my suicidal thoughts but I recentlly quit because of money problems and more and so far as you can tell it’s not so good for me. I am a christian but I guess the devils got a hold of me because my life feels so hopeless and I feel that nobody loves me and never will. Maybe fake love from some gold digger one day but I’ve been hurt so much my head is f’d.
I know no one really gives a shit about this so I guess I;m going to walk infront of a semi truck or try to get the cops to shoot me. The hospitals don’t give a shit bout no one and neither does the govt. Fuck this world. JESUS PLEASE COME BACK AND TAKE ME AWAY BEFORE I DO IT MYSELF
June 19th, 2009 at 4:43 am
what i dont understand is why men break ur heart
June 19th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I had lived a good life, we’re not rich but I live decent life. Couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I’m always a drug dependent, every time I feel something I always think that meds can take care of it. I became suicidal, I think of it most of the days. I want to seek help but I don’t have the guts. I have friends, families, and relatives. I got married couple of months ago and it was the greatest. I thought everything will change but I become weaker, every time we have disagreements and fights I always think that suicide will end it. I tried a couple of times, taking pills but I just end up falling sleep and a day later wake up with really bad headache. Every time I think of doing it I always think of my mom that lives with us. I always think what will happen to her, I’m her only child here in U.S. and she’s old and doesn’t know much about the culture in here. I think of my wife, my wife is a nurse and she makes more money than I do, thus makes me feel worthless. We discussed this several times already and she told me that I shouldn’t feel that way but she never did something to ease me. Recently we have this huge fight about her plans on her family. She planned to buy them a car, take them to a vacation, send them money, etc. I have nothing against all of her plans but she never talk to me about her plans with me, she never say anything, she said that she’s planning to buy me car, etc. But all I need is her to make me feel worthy, to make me feel that I am truly love. I know she loves me but I don’t feel being respected. I threaten her to file for separation; well she thinks that every time we fight things will be alright the next day. She thinks that I am only making things up.
Now more and more I want to end my life, I don’t want to be a failure but that’s what I am becoming. I am a coward; I am stupid for letting all these things to happen. I want to commit suicide but don’t have enough courage to do it. I want somebody to do it but I don’t want anybody to get in trouble because of me. I want to die easy and flawless. Don’t give me advice on how to live my life, on how to overcome my depression. I’ve been through all those things and I am still on my suicidal phase. I want to do but I don’t want anybody to suffer about the consequences, all I want is to evaporate and that things will be the same to those people around me. I don’t want to cause any pain or sadness to anybody. I want this to be just me, without pain. I want to give my life a fair chance but nothing is fair. So can somebody help me.
I do believe in God deeply, and I was once his servant. I do believe that when I will ask forgiveness on what I am about to do, He will
June 20th, 2009 at 6:04 am
My question is if there is a god why are we going tru all this bs? where are the mircales, and if there is a devil why the hell we dont just kill our selfs already the devil is suppose make us do it quicker and faster right?
So where is God when we need him? Or the Devil? I say fuck the both of these made up BS…
June 20th, 2009 at 6:06 am
I’m always in pain since my car accident I was suppose to die but instead I’m leaving with fucking pain how sweet it is… Life seriously sucks bigs balls…
June 21st, 2009 at 1:40 pm
I want to kill myself. My finances suck. My disabled mother lives with me and makes me feel guilty that I have not saved money. So I just want to get away from the pressure of my finances.
June 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
ANYONE ON HERE THAT OBV. WANTS TO KILL THEMSELVES LISTEN 2 ME PLEASE!…I FEEL THE EXACTTTTTT SAME WAY THAT ALL OF YOU DO AND IN A WAY ITS KIND OF COMFORTING TO SEE THAT OTHER PEOPLE WRITE EXACTLY HOW I FEEL, AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO KILL THEMSELF MORE THEN ANYTHING ITS DEF. ME AND STILL I CANT WAIT TILL I DO IT BUT HONESTLY IM HERE AND I UNDERSTAND I WONT TELL YOU THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT GOD AND W/E AND TELL YOU ITS GOING TO GET BETTER BECAUSE WHAT PEOPLE DONT GET IS FOR ONE WE DONT WANNA HEAR THAT, AND 2 IT TRULY ISN’T GETTING BETTER BUT ANYWAYS IN SHORT IM HERE SO IM GOING TO LEAVE MY STUFF AND YOU CAN CONTACT ME IM USUALLY ALWAYS CHECKIN MY STUFF SO YEAH…
MY E-MAIL IS-mkafan12@yahoo.com
MY MYSPACE IS-myspace.com/olsentwin122189
MY SCREEN NAME IS-olsentwin122189
IM HERE! CONTACT ME!
June 24th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Everyone who said suicide is a sin and will go to hell if committed, show me exactly where in the bible it says they will go to hell…. Exactly it’s not there. Check your facts first next time before trying to scare people of not doing it
June 24th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Hi. I’m in the same boat, I want to end it all badly but am too scared to jump off a building. same reasons as most of you. 27 alone, screwed finances and life in general. no career, no ambition, no hope. yes there was a reason that set things off, I loved a man who loves my bestfriend. there’s a few of you on here, teens. I think, you’re so young, maybe you’ll have another chance, but me, it feel i’m too old, and i’m sick of being hurt and used. I’m in Australia, but I’m guessing most of your are all over in USA… I’d like to find someone to make a pact with, so we can help each other let go. please if you feel the same way and read this email me kitten_666_@hotmail.com ASAP.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:28 am
It’s just so hopeless. i am so tired of being in pain, so tired of the past haunting me so tired of messing up everything. i ahve been robbing peter to pay paul, have back taxes, bad checks, bad credit overdue bills my husband gripes about my housekeeping and money if he only knew how bad the money situation was he’d leave me for lyign to him about it I just want it all to be over i hate myself so much the pain in my body matches the pain in my soul and i just dont have it in me to try any more to be normal
the only thing that stops me from checking out is how bad things would be for the couple ppl who love me…. so i sit here and type through my sobs because i cannot tell anyone how worthless i feel and how bad thigns are.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Doesn’t look like there are any Aussies here at all.. wish I could make pact. I was planning to go out and try buy Heroin today and overdose on that. I thought what a brilliant way to go, floating away on a high… but I’m scared that I don’t know where to get it and it could cost more money then I have to get enough to OD… so… I’ve been doing alot of research. I agree. If we really believe we want to die and the pain of living is worse then the pain you may cause for anyone you may leave behind, you have the right to go the way you feel comfortable with. Me? my parents love me and don’t want me to go… to an extent. They fought with me only a week ago and called me a “shit bastard who was nothing to no one”. They hit the nail on the head, it’s exactly how I feel. I am not young like so many of you on here, and I think really, if you are only 14yrs old that you should give yourself enough time, to see if a second chance works. If you get to my age, 27, you live at home burdening your parents who resent you, then you have the right to do it… please just don’t give up so young. I don’t have a boyfriend that loves me and I think if you have a partner, don’t do it. I would do anything for that kind of love and support. I am bankrupt and I have no career. I work casually I am on a pension because the government recognises that I am severly deppressed and have been for as long as I can remember. I think I am going to try this method http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_device#Exit.27s_euthanasia_device . The EXIT device… it was even invented by an Australian scientist. An awarded humanitarian. It is better then carbon monoxide as it won’t harm others and will not trigger a panic response. I won’t say too much more, because as I’ve said, there’s alot of kids on here, if there is anyone my age and up, contact me, be nice to be not alone and do this together, but if you haven’t even lived to see your 21st birthday yet, maybe you should try harder, you never know, you might be more successful then me, turn your life around, discover happiness.
I will say the main reason I want to die. Daniel Butler. Because he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even believe that his actions have truely caused me this amount of pain. Sure I have always been deppressed, but never, ever have I been this hurt before, never untill now have I been this sure I want to go, yes I’ve tried before, but over the counter sleeping pills do jack shit, I know that now, this time I want to be sure I’ve done my research and I have. I love him but he loves a girl who used to be my best friend. I think she loves them too. I wish I could be happy for them but I can’t. Her name is Jo and she broke up with him years ago, because he was acting like a jerk. I also had a litte crush on him I suppose, but this year when he asked me out, I was delighted and said yes. I get on with him great when we are together in person, we like the same movies and enjoy the same sort of music, he’s a photographer and I like when he teaches me what he knows. He is the only one, ever, to have fully understood my needs and desires in the bedroom, he’s a little sadistic, but it’s what I’ve always wanted and don’t think I’ll ever find another who knows me and my body that way. I know he’s still very attracted to me, but it’s not enough when I love him and he just doesn’t care. we only went out for a few months, before we started fighting… it was because I didn’t feel like I could trust him, like he wasn’t treating me nicely at all and I didn’t know why. He tell me things like he didn’t have enough money to go to the pub to celebrate the long wkend with friends, so I bought a mini keg, took it round to his house and when I got there I waited for him to finnish work and looked for to meeting up with him. All I got was a text message saying he was going to the pub with friends and I wasn’t invited. I left in a storm of anger. As he and my good friend Jo used to date, he told me I should tell her, seemingly innocently wanted to make sure there was no animosity between us…. but I don’t believe that at all now. I am sure he was using me against my friend Jo now, just to hurt her. What better way to get back at someone for dumping you then screwing around with their best friend? he dumped me a couple of days after I told her. and I thought, what was the point in telling her if he wasn’t even going to give us a real chance to work?
Even after we broke up I continued fihting with him, we broke up in april and it’s now June. I just wanted him back. I begged and pleaded for another chance, I heard that he lied to me about a few things… I rang him up and blasted him, he promised me he would try and change. He took me out a couple more times, and it was great, but only last weeked I got a text message from Jo saying “ummmm you’re gonna hate me”. I knew right then that she had slept with him again. She knew I would hate her because she knew how I felt about him. WHy? why would they do that to me? Daniel said he only promised he would try and change because I was harrassing him. he never even tried at all. he just stabbed me in the back. Now he says he’s back with Jo and he always missed her (why was he stuffing me around in the meantime then?) and he’s promised her that he’ll change. for her. not for me. He was supposed to change for me. It’s the promise he made for me.
I can’t cope and I can’t just accept the way things are like they want me to because they used me, it’s just not fair. He has changed his number so I can’t call him. She is ignoring me, he has said that me saying I’m suicidal is just crying wolf, looking for attention. He is so wrong.
I want to die because I want him to have the guilt of my death of his conscious for the rest of his life.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
is there anyone here from Sydney, Australia?
June 24th, 2009
I want to die. tomorrow. I’d like to talk to anyone who is contemplating the same and is from Sydney too…. I don’t want to be preached to, I’ve tried help, I chose the right to end my life… so if you’re from Sydney Australia pls contact me ASAP
From this, I was hoping for an apology and some understanding from you. I didn’t even get that much. you’ve basically just told me again that you did use me and lead me on in the meantime that you weren’t with Jo and I meant nothing to you. reading your answers have made me feel more deppressed then ever and more determind then ever to die.
How many times did I say I’d do anything for you? How many times did we go do and see everything I wanted? It was always your suggestions I followed. never once did you say what would you like to do. how can you say we only did what i wanted all the time and i never listened?
How dare you blame everything on me not taking no for an answer.. you said yourself that proves me stubborn and determind, but doesn’t mean I forced you with a gun to your head. You kept asking me out, you kept leading me on, you took my hand and put it on your cock. Yes I was stupid to keep going back believing you were going to try like you promised, but I wanted things to work, so I saw you. If you didn’t want things to work, you should’ve stayed away.
I’m not crying wolf. If you’re telling me the truth is you never cared and you did just lead me on the whole time… well guess how i’m feeling? like less then nothing. I wanted to please you, make you happy, all you’ve done for me is told me i filled in the gaps whilst someone you actually love and care about wasn’t around. What you have said in this email has every effect on me, if you had been kinder, I might be feeling better now, thinking, yeah, I can do this, keep on going, I’ll be happy one day… but you’ve just told me… that i mean nothing to you, that effects me but wondering why the fuck I m even still alive. I don’t see the point. You have Jo, Jo has you… and I have, nothing but memories that make me cry and it’s fucking painful and I want out.
I’m going to the cross tomorrow. alone. I’m going to look for heroin. I’m not going to tell another single soul besides you. you have my number, you can contact me, you may even change my mind, that’s if you want to, but I don’t think you do. You said before that it’s the only way you will ever feel sorry and truely believe the pain you’ve caused me, then so be it. It’s the only way you’ll feel sad and even slightly have a clue of what i feel like right now, if this is what i have to do, so be it. I’ll finally be free and you can think about what you’ve done for the rest of your life, but it will be too late to say sorry.
——————————————————————————–
Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:24:11 +1000
Subject: Re: and just so you know…
From: danieljbutler@gmail.com
To: kitten_666_@hotmail.com
I’m still waiting for you to comment on my photography work, whether or not you thought the pictures were real, you asked me to send them, remember?
I remember asking you to send them by email yes, I asked you to do that because I didn’t have the time to organise a video call and watch, I work during the day remember? you are blocked on msn so I can concentrate at work, and I just didn’t have the time to sort it out and watch. 2 photos look like you indeed had beer/cider in a syringe, and another photo does show a red spot on your arm. Nothing more though.
I can send you a photo of the balcony i’m scared to walk past if you want to see if that’s real?
I’m not worried or interested in seeing it either way. I said I am not going to be worried about you crying wolf or be worried about things I have no control over. As I believe you never listened to anything I have said to you in the past I can therefore continue to believe you wont listen to me in the future either.
Thus no matter what I say to you can have any effect on what you will or wont do.
Therefore a balcony is just a balcony, its your choice to jump off it or not.
Telling me about it or showing me a picture has no meaning. Only your actions surrounding it have any meaning, this backs up my position when I said that until you do something I will not be worried or sad. If, however you do something silly, like jump off a balcony, I will react and feel accordingly.
If you wanted Jo back, if you had just said something about it from the beginning, last year… you should’ve left me out of it, left me alone, not used me and lead me on time and again. WHY DIDN”T YOU DO THAT???
I don’t and never will know what difference telling you I missed being with Jo would have made, besides, you weren’t talking to her.
I should have just ignored your text message that day, you are right. I didn’t because I remembered you as being a girl who was fun to hang out with even if a bit full on, and thought that after a year of not speaking to you we could have smoothed things out and been friends. I thought that would have been nice.
WHY did you USE ME (just because you didn’t continue to sleep with me doesn’t mean you weren’t using me)?
Can you explain what you mean exactly?
If you mean why did I take you out to the movies, and walk around the city taking photos with you? then, its because you wouldn’t take no for an answer, not even after more than a month of arguments and shouting matches over the phone were you deterred from wanting to see me again. I repeatedly told you I didn’t want to date you again.
WHY DID YOU KEEP LEADING ME ON (again, you did that without sleeping with me, just because I didn’t sleep with you again doesn’t mean you didn’t keep leading me on)?
See above – same question?
I’m pretty sure I know the answer, was it simply because you’re selfish and you liked the attention? but that wasn’t fair to me, it was screwed up and you knew it and should be sorry at the very least.
It wasn’t a fair situation for me to be in either. Also I shouldn’t have to be sorry for you not listening to me.
If it wasn’t a date, then why did you invite me out again when you KNEW I would say yes, and I BEGGED you to leave me alone if you weren’t going to try?
I was trying to be nice. Do something good that we both might enjoy. You begged me? You only ever begged me to get back together with you, date you, apologise to you, make things up to you…
WHY did you put my hand on your cock?
I remember you putting your hand in my pocket to hold hands with me, after I stopped holding you hand while walking around Circular Quay. I said ‘oh look out’ because your hand was brushing against my cock.
Do you think that was fair and nice and not fcuking confusing for me?\
Be serious now. You loved it, you smiled and grabbed me all the way to the bus station, no hesitation and no regrets were shown, you said nothing bad about it at all about at the time. If you didn’t want to be grabbing me or were confused why didn’t you say something about it then? Why even do something like putting your hand near my crotch at all if you were in a state where you weren’t confident of where it would lead? I think you knew exactly what you were doing and now your pissed because your actions didn’t get you what you want.
WHY have you still not said sorry for saying all your friends despise me?
Because I was pissed off that you wouldn’t leave me alone and nothing else I was saying was getting through to you. It was something said that was based on truth, but in itself wasn’t true. I wont apologise for saying something in anger to keep you at arms length, you pushed me and I reacted. I wont apologise for a situation you caused. Note, that I am not saying it is your fault that I lied to you, but that I would not have said the those things if you would listen.
Do you not realise that was a stupid, horrible and hurtful thing to say and as soon as I found out you lied to me in that way again I should’ve told you to fuck off and never spoken to you again at that point?
I realise it was stupid to lie. In the end it didn’t do anything for me but cause more trouble. You are right, you should have told me to fuck off and never spoken to me again. Everything would be better now if you had.
WHY did you promise me you would try and change… and then had me doing stupid things like trying to win free tickets just to see you, that even when I went to the trouble of getting them we never used them?
I promised, (also I had no choice either, you would not stop harassing me, when I had had enough and took an hour out of my day at work to talk to you, I apologised and promised to be a better person) I did my best to be truthful and nice, I took you to a movie, I invited you out to do nice things. I saved you from a possible broken neck even.
I asked you to try and win a free movie pass for us because you said things were so one sided. I figured for them to be even you should do what I had done and I should do what you had done. You take me to a free movie and I pay for a pizza dinner. I even told you how to get free passes and later paid for a different movie anyway.
Do you think that was a nice, thoughtful thing for you to do?
See above, I thought it was fair.
ARE you starting to understand all the shit you put me through and all the hurt for nothing?!
I understand that this is almost a sentence, but I get the meaning, Emm, for you this was a huge and emotional situation, the whole series of events over the last 3 months has been.
For nothing? No. Not for nothing. I thought we could have a good friendship, that’s why I agreed to a meal with you from the beginning, and since we got along, I thought we could have a good relationship. But I have explained to you and you Dr. I don’t deal well with emotional and irrational outbursts. they fuck with my head and work me up. I don’t like being that way and started to see that we didn’t have a good future so I broke it of. None of the last 3 months was for nothing.
I also wanna know… why did you lie to me and crap on about how you’re no good at realtionships… and then ask Jo out again?
I didn’t lie to you, I have a history of fucking up relationships. I asked Jo out again because I remember all that great times we had, and how it was only my one stupid moment and way of thinking that fucked that up. I apologised and promised to try again and try harder, I did learn something from breaking up with Jo. If she can forgive me and give me a second chance then I want to make the most of that and become a better person with her beside me.
I realise that is bullshit and a lie, why do you expect me to believe such shite when you say it?
Were you “just following your cock” this time? I don’t believe so, otherwise you would’ve just slept with me like you were so scared you were gonna do. why scared? because it would be good?
I didn’t want to sleep with you because it would lead to another 2 months of shouting, crying and arguing.
why did you give me everything I ever wanted, dangled it infront of my face then stabbed me in the back?
I can answer that with a previous reply and the stuff at the end of the email.
***I thought we could have a good friendship, that’s why I agreed to a meal with you from the beginning, and since we got along, I thought we could have a good relationship. But I have explained to you and you Dr. I don’t deal well with emotional and irrational outbursts. they fuck with my head and work me up. I don’t like being that way and started to see that we didn’t have a good future so I broke it of. None of the last 3 months was for nothing.***
why did you have to treat me like dirt?
read below.
why couldn’t you just try like you said you would, why did you do the opposite and keep trying to sabotage and ruin everything?
read below.
***
The countless arguments we had, you never listened once, never paid attention, never gave up asking the same old thing.
It was tiring for me to deal with 24hrs a day for 2 months straight. I was explaining everything from my head and heart and you were never satisfied, nothing I said was enough for you.
Can I ask, what kind of person do you think would want to be in a relationship with a person who never listens?
No one I know can deal with that for long and be happy Emm.
I know I wasn’t happy going through life waking up and thinking ‘will I even get to work today before I’m abused over the phone because I haven’t given in to dating her again..’
The hundreds of emails and texts and calls were all the same ‘why, why, why, don’t do this, why are you doing this’ or ‘thats bullshit, your a liar, thats not a good enough answer’, or were totally the opposite because you had a glimmer of hope when I didn’t argue with you. The kicker is that I didn’t argue with you when you didn’t push to see me or talk to me when YOU wanted to or to date me etc…
I like that the ‘it only takes a sec’ argument works really well for you as a reason for me to continuously reply to you, well, sometimes I don’t want to stop a conversation, stop working on something or stop halfway through dinner with parents to type out a text.
It was always about you and having the things you wanted in your timeframe.
When that didn’t happen it was ‘woe is me’ time – every time.
***
That it, I’m done, I have nothing more to say. I don’t want to talk to you about this any longer. I will do my best to stay out of and away from your life. I hope you do the same for me. Considering all the shit we have been through in the past 3 months, I do not think is too much to ask and I believe it will do both of us some good.
——————————————————————————–
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June 25th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Hey everyone, I’ve just gotten out of jail, currently on bail… and I am also looking for a quick way to off myself, I will be going back to jail and want to succeed in suicide before my court sentencing, my girlfriend of a year and a half killed herself about 2 months & a half months ago, life has certainly taken a turn for the worst, if anyone has the best way of doing it, please let me know at south-side-39@hotmail.com
June 25th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
When does this life end? WHy can’t I go to sleep and never wakeup T__T
I’m 14 and I’ve been suicidal since I was 10. I was abused around 7-12 years old when my mother took anti-depressants and drank alcohol at the same time…she went cookoo and used to beat me, lock me in my room for a few days (untill my dad decided he wanted to see us, that’s when I was let out and told to pretend we were happy) and other ‘things’… ‘Things’ kind of ended when she drove into me with a car…she was told to stop drinking alcohol and she lost her license for a year.
I am completely off my head now, with an eating disorder of some sort and always crying..my mum is drinking again but she doesn’t go crazy..in away I want her to so I can go back to thinking ‘how to save myself’ like I did when I was younger….I really hate myself..I want to die so f’ing badly….she knows how to do it but she won’t tell me because she’ll get into trouble.
I hate myself and so does everybody else..nobody wants me, I don’t want me..why can’t I fucking die already..I hate these memories..I hate not having happy ememories of childhood like everyone else where they are playing with their friends, eating ice-cream, watching movies etc.
I am just miserable. I am truly a miserable person and anyone who tries to tell me otherwise doesn’t know me well enough.
June 25th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I need to kill myself, but i don’t know how. I can’t think. But I need to.
I don’t wanna any advice for to live. I just make a plan for a suicide successful. Please. My whole life was a lie, I’m completely lost myself, I just wanna live. Is just a life. I’m sure that. I wanna die. Sorry, my english is asuck, but I’m desperate!
June 27th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
KK idk the best way but i’ve been trying for years, and i’ve found out that pills don’t work that well 8/10 of the time u just puke them up 1/10 of the time it doesn’t work and ur in a pyche ward. if u want to be completely certain u will die then ur best bet is to probably cut off ur head or blow ur heart all over a wall with a shotgun. i’d try these options but im not aloud to be alone for more then 20 seconds im surprised im able to type this right now.
June 27th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
hey youngblood, try hanging yourself or ingesting large amounts of pills or some kind of animal poison. I’ve tried all those and still I live but I’ve come to realise I’m superhuman.
June 28th, 2009 at 12:06 am
i’m reading but losing it. alcohol and barbs, think iot will work. dbl vision, glad o found this site and not alone.
June 28th, 2009 at 5:04 am
I’ve been wanting to die for a few months now, and also want to know the best way to kill yourself. Need something thats easy to do and will work first time. I’ve been to the doctor, tried speaking to a friend (but they didn’t care) and even tried counselling and if anything I feel worse. Please help.
June 28th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
This really has not helped…. The internet is meant to be the fountain of all knowledge, yet something as simple as finding a way to get up from my computer and end my life with minimal pain, as quickly as possible and without having to think to much does not seem to be available…. I have sat with a knife, but this isnt going to happen, im aparently alergic to asperin, but 60 didnt kill me, infact it did nothing except make me feel kinda hollow and unable to move very quickly, but this only lasted a few hours and didnt stop me working…. Can someone just tell me of a way I can do this in my own home and using the stuff I may have to hand…. I dont want the rubbish about god loves me, cos I dont believe in god, nor do I need help…. Im a very happy person, I have a great family and a top job, I just happen to want to die… Its that simple…
Thanks…..
June 29th, 2009 at 3:42 am
…im repeating myself…
ANYONE ON HERE THAT OBV. WANTS TO KILL THEMSELVES LISTEN 2 ME PLEASE!…I FEEL THE EXACTTTTTT SAME WAY THAT ALL OF YOU DO AND IN A WAY ITS KIND OF COMFORTING TO SEE THAT OTHER PEOPLE WRITE EXACTLY HOW I FEEL, AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO KILL THEMSELF MORE THEN ANYTHING ITS DEF. ME AND STILL I CANT WAIT TILL I DO IT BUT HONESTLY IM HERE AND I UNDERSTAND I WONT TELL YOU THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT GOD AND W/E AND TELL YOU ITS GOING TO GET BETTER BECAUSE WHAT PEOPLE DONT GET IS FOR ONE WE DONT WANNA HEAR THAT, AND 2 IT TRULY ISN’T GETTING BETTER BUT ANYWAYS IN SHORT IM HERE SO IM GOING TO LEAVE MY STUFF AND YOU CAN CONTACT ME IM USUALLY ALWAYS CHECKIN MY STUFF SO YEAH…
MY E-MAIL IS-mkafan12@yahoo.com
MY MYSPACE IS-myspace.com/olsentwin122189
MY SCREEN NAME IS-olsentwin122189
IM HERE! CONTACT ME!
June 30th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
This reply goes out to emily. I know your feel tired and probably have heard this many times before, but your barely 17 years old. I think you should try giving life another shot. I tried to kill myself when I was 19 and after that experience I told myself that I would give myself till I was 35 and if life still sucks then it would be an option. I’m now 42 and honestly it never has gotten better. In those years I have seen how life is pretty random as fate goes. I have seen people you would never have expected would make things out of their lives turn into very happy, productive, and all around successes. Families, loved ones, friends, enjoying life. Don’t through in the towel now is all i’m saying.
July 1st, 2009 at 4:40 am
well if you want to kill yourself you can always just take alot of pills or burn yourself alive or have someone to numb your body and slit your wrist. it wont take long trust me if you cut the main vein in your arm you’ll die in 15 sec. But i know alot of ppl are saying dont do this but its your life and i really dont want you to do this i was just giving u a few ideas but if you do then i hope ur afterlife is full of happiness and love but im sure your just going through a very hard life. everyones life isnt perfect and there is someone out there whos life is alot worst than yours thats how i get through my bad days so just think about someone that has hell for life and think about how urs is better than theirs. im sure one day in ur life u will be happy and u will regret thinking about killing yourself. next time u get a feeling to kill or hurt yourself just listen to some very loud dance music it helps me alot and i use to cut my self but its been some months now and when i get mad or depressed i just listen to music to help me
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Hi, if anyone’s in the NE area and is legally able to purchase a gun please contact me. I’m unable to buy a gun…stupid gun control laws, can’t buy a gun if you’ve been released from a mental hospital. But seriously contact me.
July 3rd, 2009 at 5:49 am
Well, it’s about that time…again! I am awaiting the police to serve my warrant and take me to jail for defrauding my bank (1800.00)…but I had too, I had to pay the rent, bills and put food on the table for my family! I tried to explain to them, but money matters more in this world than life or so it seems! I already have a criminal background in fraud, always trying to support my family seems to get me in trouble. Yes, I have a job but it does not pay all the bills and we get further in debt everyday. My husband has served in Iraq for 3 tours and ever since he got out of the Air Force we have suffered.
I tried to commit suicide back in 2003…3 bottles of Tylenol PM and I sliced my right wrist all the way to the bone. I still have no feeling in it as I cut every tendon and ulnar nerve in my wrist. I kept waking up throughout the night and kept slicing with the razor blade. Needless to say I am still here, after a week in hospital due to surgery trying to repair the damage and they lovely psych ward.
I got to meet one of the EMT’s that was on site at my house and to this day he told me he still has no clue how such a beautiful woman (I have no clue why everyone thinks I am, when I feel so ugly inside) is even alive today. He said my whole King size bed was full of blood and there was nothing left of my wrist other then tendons flapping around, skin just hanging, and bone. He said I barely had a pulse, but taking all the sleeping pills made my heart stop pumping so much blood and that is why I am probably still here…Yea Me…whatever!!
6 monts ago, when our car was taken and we were evicted I tried again! STUPID…I tried with 3 bottles of Unisom and drank a bottle of wine. Hey guess what, my failure of an ass is still here! Pretty said I am such a failure I cannot even kill myself, huh? Sleeping pills…HUGE MISTAKE, I woke up to stomach pumping, seeing spiders all over me with red ants biting me and just freaking out completely! Oh, and I have liver damage…again Yea Me…
This time, it’s going to be a hanging! I honestly think if I prepare it all correctly I will finally be able to do the job…you know the saying, 3rd times a charm? Lets hope!
I think I will set it up and then take some sleeping pills (to fall asleep since I am scared of not being able to breathe) and when I get ready to doze off the chair will fall and I will hang. I also cannot buy a gun due to my past, and that seems so messy…I am done having my poor family clean up my messes! I am done with the system and this terrible world! I feel great after writing this, I’d love to come back and tell everyone it worked and was not so painful but if it works then I won’t be around anymore! With my luck I’ll post again saying I failed yet again…
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:30 am
I know dying is not the only resolution to the problems in life but it is more like vengeance on all the various troubles which are brought upon us.
I hate myself for always being a coward. I fear people, the strangers, even my mum, she loves me the most. But there is something b/w us, something separates us. My dad, who left my mum and i for another country because he did not like here. I doubt he ever loves me. Well, there is a lot of evidence that prove he only loves himself.
I have no friends. I go to school and it is my last year and i hate it. I am quiet and i have been bullied in someway. Hardly people see me as existent because i am so quiet. People can make fun of me any time and any day and i do not know what to do. People can be nice and nasty.
I appear stoic and indifferent but deep inside i have just numbed up my feelings of pain. I do not have anyone to talk to. I do not trust people. I do not trust myself.
If someone wants to shoot me they can really go for it right now.
July 4th, 2009 at 5:12 am
Well, it’s about that time…again! I am awaiting the police to serve my warrant and take me to jail for defrauding my bank (1800.00)…but I had too, I had to pay the rent, bills and put food on the table for my family! I tried to explain to them, but money matters more in this world than life or so it seems! I already have a criminal background in fraud from years ago, always trying to support my family seems to get me in trouble. Yes, I have a job but it does not pay all the bills and we get further in debt everyday. My husband has served in Iraq for 3 tours and ever since he got out of the Air Force we have suffered.
I tried to commit suicide back in 2003…3 bottles of Tylenol PM and I sliced my right wrist all the way to the bone. I still have no feeling in it as I cut every tendon and ulnar nerve in my wrist. I kept waking up throughout the night and kept slicing with the razor blade. Needless to say I am still here, after a week in hospital due to surgery trying to repair the damage and the lovely psych ward.
I got to meet one of the EMT’s that was on site at my house and to this day he told me he still has no clue how such a beautiful woman (I have no clue why everyone thinks I am, when I feel so ugly inside) is even alive today. He said my whole King size bed was full of blood and there was nothing left of my wrist other then tendons flapping around, skin just hanging, and bone. He said I barely had a pulse, but taking all the sleeping pills made my heart stop pumping so much blood and that is why I am probably still here…Yea Me…whatever!!
6 months ago, when our car was taken and we were evicted I tried again! STUPID…I tried with 3 bottles of Unisom and drank a bottle of wine. Hey guess what, my failure of an ass is still here! Pretty said I am such a failure I cannot even kill myself, huh? Sleeping pills…HUGE MISTAKE, I woke up to stomach pumping, seeing spiders all over me with red ants biting me and just freaking out completely! Oh, and I have liver damage…again Yea Me…
This time, it’s going to be a hanging! I honestly think if I prepare it all correctly I will finally be able to do the job…you know the saying, 3rd times a charm? Lets hope!
I think I will set it up and then take some sleeping pills (to fall asleep since I am scared of not being able to breathe) and when I get ready to doze off the chair will fall and I will hang. I also cannot buy a gun due to my past, and that seems so messy…I am done having my poor family clean up my messes! I am done with the system and this terrible world! I feel great after writing this, I’d love to come back and tell everyone it worked and was not so painful but if it works then I won’t be around anymore! With my luck I’ll post again saying I failed yet again…
July 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am
I have read for the last hour so many sad writings on this site and my problems and feelings seem futile compared to so many. At the end of the day it comes down to the fact that even when you try and tell some people how you feel, they don’t listen. You show them and they don’t see, so you feel so physically tired, and mentally exhausted, you feel you have done all you can and there is nothing left. You try to please everybody but yourself, just when you feel there can be no more tears left, still they keep coming. My head feels like it’s going to explode and still no one hears or sees. I was diagnosed with Cancer 10 years ago, cutting a long story short the surgeons took the main Tumour out but am left with many small ones, I have a colostomy bag which I hate. I can live another 10 years, but I don’t want to go through the pain anymore, but like so many others I am too much of a coward to kill myself. I feel guilty for living and feel guilty for wanting to die. Anyway another day goes by. x
July 4th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I’m your momma. I’m your daddy. I’m that nigga in the alley.
lol. everytime I say that it makes me laugh.
if you smile at moments through your day.
You’ll see that not every single second in life is miserable.
I’m going through a really hard time in every life category there is as of now.
And it seems like no one cares to understand.
Its things way beyond my control.
And I just find no use to live with it
Especially since I feel like I’m living life alone.
and I’m practically worthless.
Just remember that there is happiness maybe not total or complete.
but you must have experienced it
because you cant know what misery is without feeling the opposite to distinguish the difference.
I may not know who you are. but i feel for you.
please just take the moment to stop thinking about what is going on around you.
and just smile a bit.
July 4th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
I’m 53 years old and have thought about suicide probably 25 times a day since March of this year. It’s all about money, I have none left. I had a good career and lost it years ago. I had a home and lost it just before the market took off because I got divorced. Banks wouldn’t give me a mortgage because I’m self employed and work wasn’t steady. Now I’ll never be able to afford a home where I live, no I don’t live in the U.S. where homes are cheap again. I have had 3 months work in my industry of telecommunications in the last year and a half. I thought I could day trade and make a living for a while, wrong…lost it all. I live on my parents couch at my age, what a fucking loser. I have a 13 year old boy that lives with his mother and I love very much but the older he gets the more he discovers what a loser I am.
I have thought of leaving the exhaust running on my car in my parents garage while their at church on Sunday mornings because I know they would be gone for a few hours. I heard it’s not a sure fire way though because of catalytic converters on vehicles and you could just get sick to death. I don’t even have enough left to cover my funeral expenses. Seriously thinking about ending it.
July 5th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
seriously please please please somebody please post the procedure i don’t care about the pain because it is prerequisite to death.. all i wanna make sure is that i must die.. i don’t fucking wanna end up in hospital or in some sorta disability..
please for the love of God anybody please post a way to get out of this miserable life.. world is such a bitch full of scumbags.. this life ain’t worth living.. i’m sick of reading posts.. it seems like everybody is faking no one really knows the way to it..
July 5th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
i want to die , i don’t want to live anymore , i have no one to live for , i have no dream to keep me alive , i want to end my suffering , i’ve tried pills but it didn’t work , now i think i want to cut my wrist to bleed to death .
July 6th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Dear damn :S,
Jump off a tall building.
Try a running leap then try landing on yer head.
The building should be more than 5 stories, that should do the trick.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
You people talking about “God” and “Jesus” are half of the problem- why would a loving god let anyone burn in hell, let alone someone who suffered so much on this earth _ if there is a god or jesus they are pieces of shit for allowing so much suffering
to those contemplating suicide meditation has worked for me so far- learning to acknoledge and as much as possible let go of my emotional pain- also I wrote down what I really want in life (not what my mom wants, not what my friends want, not what some dumb fuck “god”wants for me) and am taking steps in those directions. It is not easy, and there are days I wish was never born, but slowly progress can be made. Good luck
July 8th, 2009 at 1:31 am
meditation may work for some but if you have racing thoughts and can barely think straight then it won’t. and Mike, you’ve had days that you wish you hadn’t been born I’m 22 and more than half my life i wish i hadn’t been born. if anyone wants to talk to me shoot me an email @ buckleycjon@yahoo.com. later
July 9th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Checking out has always been in the back of my mind since childhood. I made feeble atempts, pills, (many times pissed i woke up.) Slit my wrists, I failed again. Now Im thinking pills and hang myself. Have it all set up to hang. dose up then neck in and leap!
I think all the worldly churchy GOD stuff is bunk! Im not a bad person, I dont lie I work hard. I love people. I should not go to HELL. At least all of us suicide driven humans will have a place togther. Lets hope we will be happy then. Or be friends in flipping limbo.
My birthday is comming up , I’m thinking perfect! Time to check out! On the same day!
By the way, people that think this is a selfish act need to get over THIER selfishness!
Unless you have lived in a mind and body that is miserable, unhappy, tormented,
blah, blah . F’ UP ! It looks promising. The light, the end of days.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Hi everyone, I am 31 yo female. I am a looser. I don’t feel happy in my life and I hate my mother as she try to controls me like a teenager. She wanted me to endup with my BF of 3 years because she believes he didn’t respect her. She is a nosey person. She did alot for me but I hate her. She keeps calling me every 2-3 hours and keep checking on me and if I switch off she starts calling my BF and his family to ruin my relationship. ANyway I don’t see any future for myself and I want to end this life. Nobody and nothing makes me happy i just want to get rid of my mother. I HATE HER.
Lala
July 10th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I suggest using carbon monooxide.
Look at following website, experiment 2:
http://www.tutorvista.com/content/chemistry/chemistry-i/carbon-monoxide-dioxide/carbon-monoxide-preparation.php
* go to lab equipment store and get equipment
* get yourself concentrated sulphuric acid and formic acid
(not hard to get, find nearest chemical suplier on internet)
* let formic acid be dripping into boiling sulphuric acid …
(Don’t care about rest of the equipment,
you don’t want to be safe you want to kill yourself.
* breathe in the gas
Don’t do it in your room unless
you wish to kill your familly!!!
But small room is good idea.
Once concentration of CO is high enough death
is sure. No oxygen to your body tissues == death.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
PS: Idea 2: take sleeping pils + get completely drunk and walk into river in night when nobody can see, best someplace out of the city …
July 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I wish I was you Lala, you have someone to hate, I hate myself. I can’t left myself behind; but you have a chance do you realize?
July 10th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Idea three, get yourself a methanol
(tastes like alcohol). Make sure it is pure form
(per analysis) !!! Ask nearest chemical supplier.
Lethal dose for average person is 1.5 deci liter
so make sure to drink at least 3-4 deci liters! If you
drink less you will only get blind so hurry up!!!)
July 10th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Get pure coffeine (looks like salt) lethal
dose should be about 25grams.
Taste a tiny bit first so you know
the taste (really disgastingly bitter).
It is badly soluble in water so use
something like very fatty youghurt.
Only small ammount so you can
eat really fast (in seconds).
ps: next bunch of minutes will be horrible.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
(PS: use at least 50 grams of caffeine!
July 10th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
you can combine method two with drowning to make things faster I guess …
July 11th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
does anyone want to help me start an uprising? overthrow the president, assassinate congress and the senate and install me as ruler? I promise to make a better America for all.
July 12th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
My name is Eric I am a husband and father of two a 19 yr old daughter and an 8yr son. August 9th 2007 my brother died from cancer, I still bare the whole in my heart from this event. Nobody understands my pain. About two months ago I tried to over dose on sleeping pills I had not eaten for several days and all it did was make me sick. Sure it knoked my out but I threw them up while knoked out. What a failure. My job is nearly non existant anymore my house is being forclosed on I have nothing after all these years. The stress on my wife and children is unbearable so I will try again I have nothing else to lose right. Will sombody, anybody pray for me
July 12th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
prayer does not work my friend, if prayer worked I’d at least be able to ask a woman out but no, i go more and more insane everyday, my murderous rage builds, as do cannibalistic tendencies and everytime i try to kill myself which i’m between my 22nd and 23rd attempt i live. I’ve suggested some things like jumping off of a building, various animal poisons, now I will suggest this ALCOHOL POISONING; just drink like 24 beers, a big bottle of jagermeister, a big bottle of tylenoyl, and what the hell it’s a party: your favourite whiskey. . . all of that should destroy your Liver and you. NOTE: IF YOU DO THIS LIKE ANY OTHER SUICIDAL ATTEMPT MAKE SURE NO-ONE IS AROUND OR YOU’LL BE FOUND! You’re welcome readytodie aka Jon, I will be going by my given name from now on friends.
July 13th, 2009 at 3:50 am
Hey Eric, If you go you wont be there to help out your family. Im not so into prayer, but I totally wish the best for you and your family and that you (and your family) can hold on, work together and make something marvelous work out – somehow.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
I agree with a lot of people on here that life sucks and has no purpose. I’ve been looking for ways to end it all and gotten some info. There is no real reason to live been laid-off from job do to cut backs in Jan. a job that i only missed 1 day of work in 5 yrs and never been late. That is how life goes for me no matter how thing go for me it always ends badly. Seems everytime I start to get things straightened out it only ends worse.
As the song “Lifes a Lemon(I want my money back)” by Meat Loaf. My whole life there is always something going wrong and really just tired of living.
July 15th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Hey Bebe, stop it!
Your “recipes” will cause even more damage and pain with no guarantee of success.
Hugo
July 16th, 2009 at 4:18 am
To all thoes who are attempting suicide, dont do it. I have tried 3 times to kill myself using pills. The last time I told god that if I woke up after taking all those pills that It meant that I was supossed to be here for something. That was a while ago, but now I have a daughter that loves me. I have prayed that none of the people on here have actually done it, and that god will protect and keep them and their familys. There is a song that Yall can listen to that encourages me through the bad times its called ” I Speak Life” by Donald Lawrence. be encouraged people
July 16th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Nichi,
I feel very much the same way as you do. I am 37. My family supports
me and it is embarassing. I am unemployed. I am a burden to them. I have debts that I have defaulted on and I am sure that I will be sued for them soon and will be humiliated and have my family embarassed.
I used to think about ways to do it incognito, when I still had life insurance, so that my family could benefit from the money. Now I no longer have a job or insurance that will pay them anything.
To anyone out there who may go on living. Stay away from Credit Cards. They are the devil. They can take over your life. When you can no longer afford to pay, they will hound you, hunt you, and seek to embarass you. I know it is all my fault. I am a really crappy person. I bought things when I didn’t have money at the time. Most of it was not frivilous. Food when I didn’t have even a few dollars to buy groceries. Toiletries when I could not afford to buy things like shampoo that help normal people to be accepted members of society. Sometimes a small gift for someone when it was expected so that they would not know how much I was struggling finacially.
I don’t understand why some people can be successful and I don’t even seem to have the tools to take care of myself.
I don’t want to be one of those people that all the good, productive people in life despise and do not understand. I wish that I had never existed at all and that I could simply exist no longer without causing pain to anyone. I wish that my entire being was even worth the $ that I owe.
I am in no position to tell anyone how to live or not continue living their life.
My father committed suicide using a shotgun to the head. I remember the several hour trip to the hospital. It was all surreal. I kept thinking that when people got shot on T.V. or the movies, they almost always lived. The gravity of the situation was not hitting me.
It took four days before all the rest of the functions of his body gave up life. He continued to breathe and sometimes contort although his brain was essentially dead and the doctors told us that there was no hope for recovery. I had no idea if he could still hear us or if he felt pain all those days before he finally died.
I remember sitting there while the nurse was trying to convince us to donate his organs. She was going down a list asking specifically if they could have each organ. Can we take his liver? Can we have his heart? How about his eyes? Imagine someone asking you if they can have your father’s eyes. The window to his soul.
I asked if they had to keep him breathing while they took the organs. I asked if he would feel pain. They would have to keep him breathing. They would test to see if he felt pain by putting pressure on a nail bed. If his body could move his hand away, then they would guess he could feel pain. No one would no for sure if he would be feeling them cut the organs out of his body, though he was technically brain dead. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I broke down. My father had been the most generous person all his life and here they were hounding us for the scraps of his body. I told them I didn’t want to donate organs. If there was any possibility he could feel pain, I wouldn’t allow it. The nurse acted as if I was being selfish, childish, and trying to get out of a binding contract. I didn’t care. My father, who would give a stranger the shirt off of his back, had already given enough.
The only reason I go on living is because I would not want to cause my family more pain. It is the only reason. If I could leave without it affecting them then I would have already done so. It would be my sisters and mother that I would hurt. I do not have children or a husband that I would be injuring, and now I am grateful for that.
Sometimes I think I should have been born in another time. I don’t seem to be good at any of the things that make people a valued member of society today. Nothing that I am good at is tradeable for money or a valuable commodity. So I guess that makes me a leech of society. Don’t worry, it is just my family that has felt the strain. I have never taken a single cent of unemployment. I have never used anyone’s tax dollars.
I used to find peace in sleep, but even that does help me escape anymore. I wish that God would take me naturally. Perhaps because of how I have lived that I will go to hell. I believe that Jesus died for our sins, so maybe God will let me go home to him. I am sorry for the way I have lived and I have told him so.
It’s embarassing to be me. I don’t want to see anyone I know. I don’t want to have to tell them that I still don’t have a job or to lie about having a job. I don’t want them to know that I have reached 37 and I still don’t own a home, I still haven’t married, I still don’t have children, I still don’t have a career. I have not accomplished any of the things that I should have by this age.
I cannot bear to be me anymore.
July 16th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Lala,
I hate my mother too. I think she had a lot to do with my own father’s suicide. I am 37 and she tries to control me an my sisters as well. If we go do something without her, she calls and tries to find out what she is missing out on. If she does find out that she was left out, she punishes us in her own way. She doesn’t make any friends her own age. She gossips about all her daughters to anyone who will listen because she does not have a life of her own. She set up our father’s estate in a partnership which she made sure she has control of 54% of so that we would be bound to her for as long as she lives. She takes all the profit from the business but splits the profits up on to our taxes so that it looks as if she didn’t make all the money. Recently she sold off part to pay off some of her debts. I am drowning in debt but she will not help me out a bit.
I think our lives will be less stressful when she dies. She is not happy unless she is creating chaos for us. She makes bad business decisions but doesn’t let us know until there is a real problem. She does things just to spite us as if she wants it all to fail. I have to say, I will not be that sad when she dies. It will be a relief. I wonder how many of us on this site have horrible mothers?
July 16th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Hi Sister! I know very well what you are talking about. My father died in 1985 and my mother showed up her full personality. It was a nightmare. She never missed him, she was very happy and exalted to manage all his money. She wasn’t my mother anymore, she treated me as her worse enemy. I had been used to always say “yes” as there was not other way in my family and I was silent, no matter what she did. I was also pregnant and she was not interested at all. She didn’t want a family anymore, she didn’t need it. And she didn’t need me, as my father was dead and she didn’t need to show her “caring attitude”. She had been very manipulative and false alredy, but I had not got that yet. I was very innocent and kind. She also didn’t want me and my sister to even talk anymore. And they both had other plans that a family. Shortly, they have done a lot of unethical things to get things for themselves. And not being friends, they cannot be friends to anybody. They are both false and manipulative. So I lost all my family at once. It has been the tragedy of my life. Shortly, 2 years ago, a man contacted me on a dating site for spiritual people. We have been in communication for a year and finally we met, to be together forever. He was the love of my life…and when his dark side came up, I became just confused. He left me 9 months afterwards with an empty bank account, the traumas of physical attacks, a new abandonment to face…and 8 months later I had to face the reality that it was a person with sociopathic traits. My lovely companion in fact turned in a cold disappeared man. My life has been devastated in all possible ways. All he told me was a lie, even all about his identity. I am a very sensitive and caring person and I have been totally alone since he left. I cannot think to come close to any person in my life anymore, as the most close persons in my life had a double personality. I believe that I didn’t get about his warning signs, because I have been used all my life to get bad ways and be kind. I have been educated in that way. I always pray, not in the religious way, but in the meaning of Light and Faith for a better reality. I do not damage people, I am caring and all my life I have been taking so much responsability on myself, being so understanding. I know that my ex partner and my mother have both a pesronality disorder, but all this is very painful to me. I found this site because I also deal with the wish to “go Home”. I absolutely know that life after death is much better than this life here. You can read about the NDE experience by Mellen Thomas Benedict. I know that this is just a little portion of my eternal life. And I feel that I have learned enough for this time. I feel tired and I woudl like to rest. There is so little love and so much greed on our planet, and you see this even in the families. It is terrible. I am looking for a way to serve our planet for teh person I am. I wanted to create my own family, built on true love, but after this experience, I cannot love anybody else. I have read almost all the comments. I know how you feel. As a dear friend, a psychologist, tells me, it is the pain that we wish to kill…otherwise we would like to stay here. Since yesterday, I just cry and cry. Sometimes my heart is really broken, again. For me to feel well is a full time job. I cannot see any plan in front of me. I just wish to give all of you a hug and suggesting to find something that helps you in these dark moments. You know that after the darkest night, it always comes the beautiful dawn. If I am here it is because I feel like you…I am tired of the bad people of teh world…Please buy some chocolate and try to smile to the sun..it is what I try too…Love & Peace
July 17th, 2009 at 5:10 am
i just want to die
July 17th, 2009 at 9:06 am
im sat here in floods of tears coz im being forced into a violent relatinship i do not want to be in. if i dont enter this relationship my ex will take my daughter away from me. the only way out of this mess is to just end my life. it is so hard for me to do this coz i love my children immensly but i truly dont se any other way out of it. its no good saying ‘ he cant take her off u by law’ coz this is a man who wouldnt give a shit. i just want to go to sleep n never wake up. i dont want to have to kill myself. ive been hoping to get an illness which would take me away but i know thats not gonn ahappen. im in such a bad place right now and its too hard to cope with. i just want to know how to do it quickly. get it over n done with. ive got maybe 2-3 weeks to do this and i will do it. no matter how…i will do it
July 18th, 2009 at 8:47 am
I’m really ready to go. I have tried before and dealt with all of the guilt when it wasn’t successful. It seems that no one understands the pain that goes on within. I really want to make sure that I do it the right way this time. No stay in a hospital is going to work. When you come out you are back where you were before you went in in no time. I understand what everyone on this site is feeling
July 18th, 2009 at 11:35 am
It’s all very nice and touchy feely everybody but I have tried and tried for the last 7 years of my life. I have been in hospital LOTS and all together I have tried pretty much everything but shooting myself coz I cant buy a gun due to my past in the mental hospitals and places. I have all together now tried about 54 attempts clearly none of them work. I have over the past year become a heroin junky that’s on and off as the time goes by, it really does numb the pain but the problem now is that I have a serious tolerance for opiates of any kind as well as all types of meds so what now??? Can anybody really give us a straight answer and not some soppy bullshit story? Let get to the point and get gone. I believe if everyone works together on this more tightly we can all get what we want. All of us have different resources like that other kid who’s mom is a nurse. She can get all of us more then enough opiates, barbiturates what not to get on with it… Do some research on buying Bulk arsenic or cyanide on the black markets let do a mass thing and send a fucken msg to this world that it and all that pertains to, it SUCKS!
Can we help eachother or does no have the fcken intelect to get us all gone! Dude u above me… If ur not ready come back when u r….
July 18th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
This sounds best, no pain no abnormal sensation. Question is how to arrange room ful of nitrogen without any oxygen. Also it is no danger for others.
When a human breathes in pure nitrogen, they exhale carbon dioxide without resupplying oxygen. Nitrogen is a colorless, odorless and tasteless gas that comprises approximately 78 percent of the Earth’s atmosphere. As such, the subject would detect no abnormal sensation. This leads to asphyxiation without the painful and traumatic feeling of suffocation.
July 18th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
When I was teen, I practiced judo, once I refused to give up on being throotled, and fall unconsious. It took just 25 seconds or so, when I woke up I had no idea what happend at all. Might be this is the way to go. Drowning.
July 18th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Hi everybody!
Well this Wednesday might be the day I finally finish a job that has taken 22 tries to date. If a certain someone doesn’t answer a certain question by Wednesday I’m going to go to throw myself from the tallest building I can find in Lincoln, NE.
As usual if anyone wants to talk in private email or message me at buckleycjon@yahoo.com.
July 18th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
I just found this website because I’m very depressed lately. I’ve been depressed and bipolar since I was probably around 11 or 12 but was only diagnosed at 15. Then I’ve only had meds that worked since the end of this past April (and I just turned 18). I was on Wellbutrin, Risperdol and Trileptal. But I ran out like the end of June or beginning of July, I can barely remember, everythings so fucked up and running together now, and my family doc won’t write me a script for them and my psych appt. is forever away and he won’t write them till he sees me. And since off the meds everythings even worse than it ever has been. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m sure there’s some stupid scientific explanation. I was looking for a good way to kill myself without a gun that wouldn’t hurt too much and would give no chances for turning back or getting found out. Or more, if I got found out it’d be too late to save me. Then I saw that post from Gary’s wife Linda. And…oh my God. She…she didn’t curse anybody out or shame you all…she just wanted to know…why. Just why. And…I don’t know now. Maybe it’s not the best idea to be helping others die. I mean…I guess he wasn’t even one of the people who was GIVEN advice, he just said what he was gonna do but…it just wasn’t…I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. But…I don’t know…I guess it hasn’t really stopped me from wanting to kill myself, but I’m sure not giving any advice now. Also, does anyone know if the boy who started this thread is okay? No one said anything about him after a while…Also, if anyone would like to talk my e-mail is paradelap@aol.com and I know handing out my # is useless but anyone can give me theirs as my father works for AT&T we have free long distance. I could literally call China for free if I felt like it. I don’t know that anybody can help me since the people I expected to be able to don’t seem to be able to, but anyone who wants help, or hell, just wants to rant to someone who won’t call 911 on them the second they since danger, write me and send me your number or ask me to e-mail you back. I live in Michigan, USA, my name is Callie and I just turned 18. Write me.
July 19th, 2009 at 1:52 am
i hate my life i have had everything bad happen to me. when i was 16years old my dad’s cousin raped me. my parents made bad choices and now i have to live with them my papa was murdered and i feel so alone everyone says i know how you feel and i want to tell them SHUT THE FUCK UP CAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA! i have no friends all my parents are fucked up my mom died when i was a baby my dad in mentally ill and my papa was murdered and my grandma is disabled with a stroke. i was on drugs before and they didn’t help i have cut and that never did shit i have done the pills they don’t work i need something to end all this pain please someone you have to have some idea!!
July 19th, 2009 at 8:01 am
YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE,
YOU WANT THE PAIN TO GO AWAY.
Here’s how:
Go to walgreens and buy a bottle of cough syrup
(make sure the only active ingredient is DXM (Dextromethorphan (hbr))
buy it.
Drink the whole thing.
Dextromethorphan is a Dissociative (similar to PCP, Ketamine) that makes you feel wonderful.
People say it’s too “Ghetto” or “bad” but we’re all at a point where we’re ready to end our lives, so why not give it a chance?
It’s nothing like alcohol, you will feel great, without a care in the world.
IT WILL GIVE YOU A NEW PERSPECTIVE.
IT WILL MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY, IF FOR A FEW HOURS.
don’t do this unless you really are suicidal, don’t drive for about 8 hours.
I’ll be checking in with all of you guys and if any of you off yourself I’ll be damn pissed.
later.
GoatCheck.
if any of you need to email me do it at
goatcheck@gmail.com
but if you send me viruses or porn I’ll be pissed.
SOURCE:
I’ve done it. I’ve been at the darkest lows.
July 20th, 2009 at 3:40 am
Does anyone know of any suicide support groups in the San Francisco Bay Area (not suicide survivors groups but a support group for people contemplating suicide)?
July 20th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Dear TiredOfTheBadWorld,
I think our mother’s had to raise us to be selfless to so that they could take advantage of us. Unfortunately, because of the way we are, other people can step in and take advantage of us too, particularly those we love, or romantic partners.
I have found my share of users in the world too. I seem to attract them. They have certainly made me believe less in love and the hope of having a family of my own.
I will tell you that after years of experience, I have learned to recognize these behaviors in people very quickly. It is true that I had to go through a lot of crap and learn things the hard way. Now when these people cross my path, I weed them out of my life very quickly. Being alone is not the worst thing in the world, being with someone who is using you to fulfill their own needs is. We are never really alone as long as we have even a stranger who is willing to chat with us on the internet.
Here is a story I refer to often. I think it applies to being single, too.
Jenny’s Necklace
Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50.
How she wanted that necklace, and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, “Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don’t forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. “Okay?”
Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her.
Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday.
Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.
How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere-to kindergarten, bed and when she went out with her mother to run errands.
The only time she didn’t wear them was in the shower. Her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green!
Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said, “Jenny, do you love me?”
“Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you,” the little girl said.
“Well, then, give me your pearls.”
“Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!” Jenny said. “But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?”
“Oh no, darling, that’s okay.” Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss. “Goodnight, little one.”
A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, “Do you love me?”
“Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you.”
“Well, then, give me your pearls.”
“Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She’s my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy,” the little girl said to her father.
“No, that’s okay,” her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. “God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams.”
Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. “Here, Daddy,” she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father’s hand.
With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box.
Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.
So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so he can give us beautiful treasure. Isn’t God good?
What are you holding on to, the “fake or the real pearls”?
God only wants you to have the best.
TiredOfTheBadWorld, I believe that there is someone out there for you, too. He will be A REAL PEARL, not a fake one, and he will come along as soon as you remove all the losers and users from your life. You have to get rid of the bad stuff to make room to let the good stuff in.
I have to believe that if there is a good person like you out there, that God would be really cruel not to have made another one who is just like you and suitable to be your mate. I really believe that!
Love,
Sister
July 21st, 2009 at 4:05 am
all you bible thumpers need to stop trying to make some one so scared all the time. you have no idea whats its like to be alone, homeless, jobless, and with no one to turn to. life sucks thats a fact its hard even when you have money, and a home. and if you really believe that god, “OUR” father in heavin is going to drop you in hell for all eternity because you were in pain and need it to stop, that hes just going to stop caring about his children because they were hurting your sick, and you really don’t know the love a parent feels for their kids.
July 21st, 2009 at 6:51 pm
ok, well i decided not to jump this wednesday. 1) I have a little hope. 2) denver has taller buildings
July 21st, 2009 at 10:16 pm
I know how you feel. Although I’m not suicidal, I used to be. Anyways, that’s all I can teel you. Inless you want a speach, which I’m guessing you don’t. So, if you do ever do commit suicide, just remember this: Your not alone.
July 22nd, 2009 at 4:20 am
Im sorry. Thats all i can say. I want to end it. What is left? No one can trust me, not even myself. Im not to to be here. This world is not for me. When will it come? I’m not sure. Let the reaper be my friend.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:36 pm
I have been on this earth for 38 years of intolerable misery. my mother gave me to an awful man who abused me for years and she knew it would happen because before I was born he abused her. I was taken away by childrens services at the age of 14. I lived with so many different people that I can’t remember them all. I tried to kill myself at 21 and I was so proud of myself for finally overdosing but it didn’t work. they pumped my stomach and sent me home. every day I wish to die, to be in an accident or get a disease that will kill me.
In september just ten months ago I had 4 pulmonary emboli – 2 blood clots in each lung. I was so happy – I had this euphoria that I had never felt before because I knew I was finally going to die. well here I am in july still breathing – even multiple blood clots in my lungs did not kill me. then a month ago I was in a car accident – did I die? obviously not. I am so angry that nothing has killed me. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want relief from this horrible existence.
July 25th, 2009 at 5:39 am
i know this sounds stupid but hus isnt working for lay offs and im really ready to go
July 27th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
just die peacefully and without pain..
July 27th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Hi,
Just was surfing the web when I came across this. Take it from a suicide survivor, suicide is a permanent soultion to a temporary problem. Wish my husband would have realized that. Now, I’ve spent the last 11 years picking up the pieces and glueing this family back together.NOTHING is worth ending your life over. Trust me, there are always people who do care and will help…seek them out. It’s all up to you to make the right choices to make your life better. Like I tell my kids, it’s all about attitude. If you wake up telling yourself, it’s going to be a bad day, then it will be. Or you could wake up wondering what the day is going to give you that will be good. You can do this if you set your mind to it.
July 27th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I cant sit here and read everyones stuff but i read a little bit and i know how mostly all of you are feeling i feel the same way and its only getting worse everyday…if anyone wants to talk or anything my e-mail is mkafan12@yahoo.com im here so talk to me! i’d love to help, or just talk about stuff or something!
July 28th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
i wish i had the balls…
July 29th, 2009 at 12:48 am
Hmm, I’m not going to tell you a way to kill yourself. You just need to find something to live for. I was like this before…but I found something. I met this girl before, she was like you at the time. Her dad abused her and people always started shit with her. I met her and talked to her. We ended up getting together and now we both have something to live for. Find something to live for, we’re to young to want to die. Just wait…I know you’ll find something. Talk to me myspace.com/beastonthefield
July 29th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Hey.. trust me I’m in the same position as all of you. I recently overdosed on pills but am still fucking here. All that’s been on my mind for the past year is death. Next on my agenda is carbon monoxide poisoning, it’s worth a shot. I have incredibly low self-esteem and I’m just hopeless.
If anybody wants to talk, I’d love to meet some people who are in the same boat. Really. Regardless of age/gender/etc.
mercipourlevenin@msn.com
July 29th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I lost my dreams today. They were all I had left. I think the best way to commit suicide is to disappear and do it far far away from your family. Sure…they won’t know what happened to you, but at least they won’t find your body. I think I’ll go for a nice ocean swim. See how far I can get.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Listen, the best way to kill yourself in any situation is some form of hypoxia. If you starve your brain of oxygen you will feel no pain, you will just become increasingly tired and euphoric until you fall asleep. But once you are asleep you will never wake up again. Hypoxia is what gives you a sort of euphoria when you drink alcohol so expect similar effects. How does one get hypoxia efficiently? Altitude chamber. They use them to train pilots. If you are going to kill yourself anyway, just break into one and set it for 100,000 feet with a vertical speed of 1800 fps from ground level. People who understand hypoxia have used altitude chambers to kill them selves with a 100% success rate in the past. With that said don’t kill yourself, here’s why you shouldn’t . . .
There is always someone in the world who will love you, trust me, some weird fucking people can find love and so can you, you just haven’t met the right person. Don’t kill yourself because of money or a job or because people yell at you, those things are meaningless relative to the fact you have life.
BUT and this is a big one, if you want to kill yourself because your burdening those who love you by cheating on them or just abusing their love then please by all means die, and don’t use an altitude chamber, stab yourself in the lung and stream your slow death online because you are the reason people want to kill themselves
August 1st, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Hey guys and gals. How bout this? I checked out a few ways to do the deed and found out that going to sleep and not waking up is preferable to many (myself included). Here’s what you’ll need. One glad bag, you know 1/2 quart size (1/2 litre for the UK’ers), fill it with ice; also get a bungee cord. You’ll also need a new razor knife and a pen or sharpee so you can mark your skin. A small trash can or a kitchen size plastic trash bag will do. Get your Walkman or i whatever with your favorite ‘fade to black’ music. Start the music. Here’s the deal. Get comfy on the floor. Position yourself so you can’t fall over after you pass out. Next, find the brachiel artery next to the botton of the tricep muscle in your upper arm. You can see the artery actually move up and down as the heart beats. Look at the inside of your elbow, and you should see it moving (beating). If not, slap it with your hand and it will rise. Google it if you can’t find it. Once found, take the pen or sharpee and draw a line over the artery. Start the line about one-half inch before and one-half inch after the artery. You’ll have a line that is about 2 inches or so (maybe a bit longer). Be sure you mark it horizontally (going across the artery). Then take the ice bag and put it on the inside of your elbow over the artery you see. If you’re right handed, put it over the left arm bicep and vice versa if a lefty. Use the bungee cord to hold the ice bag in place. We’re going to cut the brachiel artery. If you’re trying to keep things neat, use a plastic trash bag or small trash can to collect fluid. You can put your arm over the trash or in the trash bag after you make the cut, this will make sure the fluid collects there. After the ice bag has been in place about 20 to 25 minutes, the inside of your arm will be numb. Take the bungee/ice bag off. Take the razor knife and extend the blade about one inch (2 CM for the UK’ers). this step is important as you want to get this right the first time; we don’t want to recut this puppy. Eyeball the artery mark. Take your new razor knife and extend the blade out at least one inch, inch and one half max. Next, take the knife and beginning at the start of the line, push the blade inward to the depth of the extended knife blade and then pull it toward you to the end of the line. Keep the depth across the cut; don’t go shallow. Depending on your size, you may go deeper than necesary, so keep an eye on the blood flow as once the artery is cut, that should do it. You really only need to go deep about 1/2 inch to cut this artery. Done right, the blood should begin to flow quickly. If you’re squeamish, cover it with a cloth or rag and then put your arm over the trash can.
Discomfort should be minimal at this point. The body has about 5 quarts of blood; this artery moves about 1/2 quart a minute, so in very short order, you should start to get woozy and then just go to sleep. Fade to black! If you want to put a little extra kicker on this, dose up on any meds you can get your hands on so that helps too.
BTW, I’m checking out tomorrow so no need to reply to this email. Good luck and remember, go to the first place on the right and let’s all meet there!
Hasta la vista!
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I’m just a bystander who sees my life running its pointless course… i’m lonely, i’ve lost all my friends, my job sucks – i dont know where would my life take me in the future, i just have my mom in the name of a family (who really cares about me and the only reason I’m still alive and writing this post), I’ve never experienced love and none of the girls wants to marry me, and I’ve been suffering from nervous breakdown for several years. I don’t know if there are any reasons for me to carry on with this meaningless existence. I’ve nothing to offer to the society.. just a nobody whos surviving by having 2 meals a day.. hope after reading this you guys might feel a l’il better that there’s someone in the world whos more miserable than you are.. dont do it… if i can hang on so can you
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:14 pm
When ur gets broken and u cant just pick yourself up what do u do?
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I would like to say that after my husbands death I’m feeling completely fucked. I dont have Gary here with me and I’m now alone in a world of crap. I’m left to deal with all that he has lefty behind. Now I’m starting to wonder. God, if there is one, help me.
Right now all I can think of is a buch of 4 letter words.
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
well i actualy accidentily killed some body and i need to pay with my life so on august 19 i will hang my self on camrea and apoligise to katie ashford
August 4th, 2009 at 10:04 am
dear all,
I feel so alone, i have my exams coming up and i just dont want to live. |I am in a relationship that is soooo bad but i cant leave, i lost everything, too much. I just want to die. Being a strong traditional girl, this is really hard on me. My birthday was awlful, i fell so used by everyone around me. My dad always says he doesnt want me.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:05 am
I dont see what there is to live for, i just want to die. I am never going to be strong enough to leave this relationship.
August 4th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
donno if you’ll see this oneday, I found it while looking for an easy way to kill myself . .. and you now 7bibi I wanna die cause you are not here anymore and it’s my fault . .. I know I can live without you but still I can’t see you with another girl or even imagining myself with another guy . ..
I can’t beleive that you are now just a stupid friend and that there’s nothin to talk about after all we did and said . .. it’s just my way, maybe u knew much about me but you still don’t know how much I’m weak and sensetive . ..
I loved you, and I was so happy, but now you’re killing me and I just can’t fight . ..
byebye Nadimy . .. mwaaaaa
August 4th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
im 18 and i cant stop. im a drug addict. evertime i try to stop something happens worse. i dont want to smoke meth anymore, but i cant handle regular life. i just want to kill myself. say goodbye to everyone. anyways i think today is gonna be my last day. im over all of this.
August 5th, 2009 at 1:56 am
it’s crap…I know…the one way I’ve heard of is tying a bag around ur head, but again, big brother will find you and ull end up in a looney bin for a week or more so they can pump ya full of useless drugs or worse, then fuck ya up even worse then ya were b4. Wal-mart sells shotguns btw. You don’t need a permit, but, WTF ? Who even can afford that? Crap, if I had that much cash I’d be partying. And, I cut. Straight up my arms. 15 seconds??? Bullshit! Your viens seal. I cut for four hours in a bath tub. I had to cut my throat! WTF ??? Unless you really want to know despair, think twice, thrice about that!!! WTF ??? 15secs??? Shut up people!!! If you even think it’s a possibility you had better consider how much a surgeon costs, not to mention a freakshow visit at the mental ward… And here’s one for you bible beaters- your precious Jesus is fucking NEPHILIM – son of god and human… Look it up ya freaks! Fuck this world!!!
August 5th, 2009 at 3:33 am
There’s no reason to keep living. I know I’m useless, I look like shit, I have no talents, no job, no love interests, I can’t even feel enough to enjoy any hobbies. No friends either (who would want to be friends with a worthless shit regardless)? I’ve been depressed all my life, the antidepressants I was prescribed before didn’t work (drug resistant dopamine deficient depression, or something like that). Pretty much my only options for medication are illegal. Not like it matters.
I know no one gives a damn. Even if they say they do, they’re just liars trying to cover their asses so the guilt doesn’t hit them as hard if they even happen to notice that I’m dead. Even so, how long would it take them to get over my death? A week? A month? How long before I become just a bar story? I know my death wouldn’t mean shit to my parents; I’ve tried to die several times before, put myself in the hospital a few times, but it’s like it never happened just a few days later. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, it’s not worth reading. I guess I just want someone to say the right words, to do something to stop my self destruction. But… that’s a pipe dream.
My birthday’s coming up in less than two weeks, I’ll be nineteen. Hollow as ever. I can’t really eat anymore, can’t sleep, I’ve been having panic attacks lately and I don’t know why. I’ve given up trying to figure it out. And I feel so fucking alone. I know how I’ll do it. I found it here. Down some antifreeze, a bottle of Tylenol PM, see if I can pass out in an ice bath. I won’t be missed, don’t try to tell me otherwise.
My life is a waste. Let’s hope it ends.
August 5th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I can’t say I know how you feel and whether you really think ending it all is the answer. But I myself am in the process of finding a sure method for suicide, the best option I have found is the wrist slitting thing, so that’s probably how I’ll do it. As far as why? I am in so much physical pain from a terrible back injury and my life has become a series of failed surgeries, lots and lots of pills and sleepless nights. I have become so dependent on pain medication, that I canniot go three to four hours without my fix before I’m experiencing massive withdrawal symptoms. I just can’t take the pain anymore. I’m only 45yo, yet feel like an old man. As far as will anyone care if I’m gone? I doubt it, both my parents are dead, my family relatives have all abandoned me and I have only a few friends, none that I would call close. Well, I hope it does work out for you, please be sure your not considering suicide just because you’re depressed or feel worthless, those feelings will pass. God bless all and good-by…
August 5th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
It seems that CO is the best way to go. My problem is that I don’t have the time/ability to get any pure CO gas from a supplier, and I don’t want to use a grill because of the uncertainty and danger to my two dogs. There has to be a way for me to manage this and I am desperately searching for it. My life just is not worth living any longer.
August 6th, 2009 at 11:42 am
The bill collectors hound me non-stop. I was harassed by my boss until I left my last job. There isn’t another decent job that I can obtain. My carpet smells like piss because of my dogs. The neighbors are hounding me because they want the outside of our townhouse to look better. One neighbor is trying to sell and she thinks our place brings down the value of hers. I feel trapped in this horrible rental where my landlord won’t fix anything. The roof leaks, the dishwasher broke, and half the time the toilets won’t work, the hot water heater is a joke, even the light fixtures are starting to break.
My sister and roommate makes lots of money and could afford to buy us a decent place. She has been pretending that she is going to buy one for 9 years. She never has. I ask her if we could at least find another rental. She says she doesn’t want to move until she buys a house. I feel trapped in her indecision. I hate that I cannot make enough money to free myself from her. She never wants to help clean or throw anything away.
If I was in her position, I would have bought us a nice place a long time ago. I have always done nice things for my family and put their needs ahead of my own.
Everyday when I wake up I wish I was dead. I regret that I ever let her move in with me after she was done with grad school. I hate that I have given up so much control of my life.
I am ready to die. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. Every idea someone has on this site on how to do it is refuted by someone else. There has to be a surefire way. There cannot be more than one attempt for me.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I’ve found about 25MG of xanax, and am considering taking it with about a half a bottle of whiskey. I’ll be checking in to a hotel so there won’t be any pesky folks around to see. Does anyone know the chances of this working as opposed to it just resulting in me in a coma?
August 8th, 2009 at 7:44 am
The best and easiest way to go is definitely a heroin overdose as previously mentioned. Addicts die from accidental overdose. I researched you would need 200 to 500 mg of it but you would need to double check that depending on your size and tolerance. Ask the dealer. The hardest thing about this is finding the heroin. It would be a depressing or exciting process to get it as you would have to go to certain nightclubs ask certain ppl maybe hookers on the street, but you have a goal and this is the most pleasurable way. Ask the dealer how much would kill you as you want to make sure you don’t overdose. Just say it’s for a party and you want to try it out with friends. Opiates are the way to go. Its how the celebrities are all accidentally killing themselves but take note, its all involving painkillers as they are opiates like Heroin. This is what I have decided on. In the interim I have started using sun beds in a bid to develop skin cancer. Wouldn’t the salons love to know that!! It costs me $50 a week for 40 minutes I have been doing this for 3 months now. I am sooooooooooooo brown! This way if I get skin cancer my family can’t blame me to a certain extent. They don’t know I use sun beds. This is of course slow, expensive way and really only self harming right now as there is no guarantee I will die. I have never heard of anyone doing this before but I thought it was quite novel love me. I am home on a sat night when really I should be out there looking around for heroin. I live in a conservative country so drugs are hard to come by and I am scared to look for it but I will make it my goal for next week to drop by red light district after work and look for pros on the street. They would sell it to me for a higher fee and show me. Very seedy but that could be the start of something…….my definite desperate downfall…
August 8th, 2009 at 7:51 am
Hey I am interested in discussing this on hotmail or whatever if you are game enought to email you address on this site. I am not just yet…but let me know and I will either put mine up or email you. It can be good to discuss with likeminded people.
August 8th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Tried taking overdose on Zopiclone sleeping tablets (extra strong ones) took loads. Housemates didn’t even care. One just carried on watching teletext. Tele-fucking-text for christ’s sakes! i phoned for an ambulance but the stupid 999 men just buggered off again as soon as they saw me- the fucking wankers! My housemate then startted attacking me, gave me two black eyes And then the police arrested me- (why me- i was the one being attacked) and abused me- the sick cunts. Plus the city is full of fucking beggars & con men who want to screw you out of everything you’ve got. I hate life.
August 10th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Lost my job today. Am bipolar and have been off my meds for a while because I can’t afford them. Have become suicidal again. I am just longing to go to sleep and never wake up. But I feel the world closing in on me. Pretty soon I’ll have no choice but to kill myself. I guess then I won’t feel trapped but free.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:00 am
My parents approval has always been the most important thing to me. But today my mom called me an embarrassment. My dad yelled at me. I can’t take their shame.
I lost my job yesterday. And the day before that, I found out my ex is now dating one of my close friends, and has been for the past month. I’ve been stabbed in the back, heartbroken, and devastated all within the past 3 days. My best friend has been in the hospital on and off for the past year due to a critical illness. The only people I have are my parents, and now that they are ashamed of me, I am completely alone.
I feel like I have nothing to live for. I’m exhausted from trying so hard and constantly failing.
I don’t want to live anymore. I have nothing to live for. My goals mean nothing, because I know I’ll inevitably fail.
I don’t know how i want to kill myself. I’m scared, and feel incredibly guilty for hurting my family. I have a sister and a brother who I love very much, but I’m so tired of not being a good enough role model for them.
I’ve never quit at anything in my life. So I guess now would be a good time to start.
August 15th, 2009 at 1:18 am
Hello,
How is everyone? I am shitty and have been for probably 17 years. I am 29 now. I am at the end of my rope; seriously. I’ve been around the world and have come to the conclusion that this is a prison planet. We will be slaves soon. Things are not like they used to be in the 1960-70s when almost everyone had a job and you didnt need to goto school for them.
Hit me up at jackaugh at gmail.com
August 15th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
What i dont get is why ppl say god loves us and thats why we cant die. Im only 16. and i have over 12 diagnoses and over 28 doctors. half of them think im a freak and cant be fixed. i bleed from my eyes. i have type one diabetes and an A1C of 15…its supposed to b 7. i have a brain tumor and i cant sleep at night. my boyfriend thinks im crazy and is only dateing me because hes bored. my best friend died already of drug overdose. my body is not effected by any normal meds. i cant od. im afraid of guns. i dont want pain. i just want to be free. if god loved me why would he tourture me like this?? i get depression and bad things. but im like a labrat for freaky things. in the middle of bio bruises started to apear all over my face. my class mates thought i had the plauge. i want to die.
August 16th, 2009 at 2:26 am
omg i completely almost understand exactly what your saying! and i have no idea where you live or anything but like the fact that you put your family ahead of urself thats whats happening to me i do everything around this apartment for my family and right now cant get a job and they are ungreatful for it! it suxxx and the whole never wants to help clean or throw anything away thats my family too! i know exactly what ur saying
August 16th, 2009 at 10:43 am
You’re being very selfish. There are a lot of other people who go through the same things you’re going though and don’t give up. Why should you quit when others aren’t? To take the easy way out? Because you don’t want to deal with it anymore? I’m not saying that thoughts of suicide are just a phase or that anyone should think a certain way or stop thinking about killing themselves because “it’s a sin” or “you should be happy” but what I am saying is for those of you who think you’re doing the world a favor by ending your life…think about those who DO care about you. (yes, there’s at least one person who cares about you, no matter who you are) You’re only hurting those people if you end your life. You’re not solving anyone else’s problems, you’re only making more by ending your life.
August 17th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
i get what u mean , lifes tough but we have to live it no matter what , the light will come sooner or later… just wait , i know i am…
August 17th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
i have wanted to kill myself for some time i cant because i fell scared i will go to hell sometimes like now i fell hell is not so bad i cut myself a lot i think it is to get attention but i feel good about it i cant help it but i feel good and i think people will pay attention too me i am depressed im fat in 33 never had sex i am lonely and im gay i have a job but no one knows im there i dont know what to do i dont want to go to a class and talk about my feelings i think that i done with this life i will serve in hell and when i am born i will be great ans sexy bye bye now see you next life…………………….
August 18th, 2009 at 8:21 am
i hate liveing. i have been cutting for 8 years now. My step dad is sexually abusive.My mom is depressed and basicly numb all the time.My girlfriend is the most controlling and verbaly abusive chick i have ever met. I lost all my friends when i came out.I have already had 6 attempted suicides.i dont wanto try anymore.i want to do it.someone help me.
August 18th, 2009 at 9:26 am
i have a .50 cal dessert eagle if you want to use it. but i am taking it back at your funeral so keep it with you. make sure to plan your death i want to be there to see you go.
P.S. i dont think you can do it you pussy, you dont have the sack.
August 19th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Its funny….Because there is no god. its jsut to keep you with morals. media and religion are on the same level in the pryamid at the base are us that in the middle and goverment on top. Its a wicked thing if anyhting the governement are satanist. But why not just take a quick shot of bleach in some pop it will end it pretty quick…how much or how fast is solely entirly up to you
August 19th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
So right now i am goingto to try and commit suicide.
Im going to take 40 voloft. (my anti depressent)
30 depakot. (mood stabalizer)
and wash it down with bleech.
wish me luck.
August 24th, 2009 at 3:29 am
I met Joel at my best friend’s birthday party.
He kissed me at one in the morning in his tent (we were all sleeping outside).
I kissed him back. We kissed A LOT. For hours.
The next morning I went home, so did he, he kissed me goodbye and asked me for my number, i gave it to him. about 2 months and 2 text messages later, me, my best friend and her friend and him all went to a movie. He laid his head on my shoulder twice, kissing my cheek and smelling my hair.
I did the same. (you know, sort of.)
then about a month ago, I was talking to him on msn and I asked him if he liked me.
He said no.
He asked me.
I said, a lot.
He said he wasn’t interested in me romantically. I began to cry. He said that he was attracted at my friend’s party, but he thinks that he rushed it and he was sorry.
He told me that he was just looking at me and then he thought “fuck it, “I’m not going to get another chance” and then he kissed me.
Those few things he said to me every few nights over the course of a few weeks made me cut myself, my left arm, quite badly with a razor blade I had ripped from a shaver.
A few weeks later, when I was still deluding myself into thinking that he would see the light and fall in love with me.
about 2 weeks ago, he said to me on msn, “you’re still hoping I’m going to change
my mind, aren’t you?”
I said, “that’s none of your business.”
He then said,” It’s not going to happen. Ever.” he then told me to go off and find another guy.
He said”son you’ll realise I’m not worth it/or im not a nice guy, i cant remember.
I said, I think i just did (realise)
He said that he was trying to explain, but it was hard
I said, then dont.
Oh, for fuck’s sake…he said.
something then snapped inside me.
FUCK YOU. i screamed at him via msn.
i then locked myself in my room and cried for an hour or so, slitting my arm repeatedly and crying.
I am seeing four psychologists/two of them are social workers.
i have such nasty purple scars on my arms, and i think about death every day.
i am no longer planning my death but the few suicide notes i wrote are still on my computer and i know how i will die.
i no longer love him, but i am sure he would probably try to sympathize with me and my temper i so short it is practically nonexistant.
I have sworn to myself that if he ever falls in love with a girl and DARES to parade her before me, I will kill her right in front of him.
im rainbowprincesspip@hotmail.com, add me if this has happened to you.
im fat and ugly and if i cant become an actress i want to die.
Joel HAD to become another person on my hit list.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
To all:
Don’t feel bad about your desire to end your life, every person has the right to decide what to do with themselves. Believe it or not these thoughts are a normal, human feeling; especially these days in which our world is so chaotic, oppressive and materialistic.
I envision death as being asleep. When I go to sleep I never worry about waking up, so if I didn’t wake up I would never know it…
Yes, life can be wonderful and if I was free to be myself I would probably have a desire to stay. I yearn for freedom but I am aware that I will never attain such a dream so my only way to break away from the social slavery in which I was reluctantly born is to get out of here.
I’ve had many happy moments so I am glad that I experienced the things I did. Without revealing my intentions I have let my family and friends know how I feel about suicide in hope that when they learn of my death they will only feel sad about not seeing me again. Hopefully they won’t feel guilty or feel like they could have done something to stop me from leaving. I am sorry about causing them this pain, especially to my adult son, and still they need to understand that I have made a personal choice that has nothing to do with them. That there was truly nothing they could do to alleviate my pain.
Although I have been considering ending my life since I was a child I have never attempted it because I am afraid of the consequences of a failure. My biggest concern is to end up in a hospital, or disabled in some way. I am currently trying to decide on a fast and painless method to do so; one in which I leave no mess behind for anyone to clean up. The latest idea with which I am toying is to wait for a freezing cold, or snowy day; get rid of any IDs that I may have and go for a hike in order to find a secluded spot in which I won’t be disturbed. Once I am there I will take a bunch of sleeping pills and maybe some alcohol, just enough to induce sleep while hypothermia does the rest…It would be great if my body is eaten by bugs or animals after I die, that way my family won’t have to have a dumb funeral expense.
August 29th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Never in my life have I felt so bloody worthless. all over a boy. Im in love with this boy, he is my whole life, we arent together or anything but i love him, he says he loves me. but he flirts with so many girls and it makes me feel so horribe, so unloves, so use less, iam only fourteen years old, and ever since he started flirting with other girls, ive been, cutting myself, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, with the drugs i feel like im actually starting to become addicted, and like just then this guy told me they were talking on the bus and the boy who i like told the other guy that he hardly knows me. i feel so bloody hurt i want to fucking kill myself.
August 30th, 2009 at 7:21 am
you know…In the past 12 months i have currently attempted suicide 6 times….and everytime i wake up…i cry….becuz i wish i hadnt awoke….I have deployed to Iraq 3 times…have had a cheating fiannc’e…and I feel like my life is stuck…stuck in this purgatory if you will…and until i do kill myself…i really feel like…i wont ever be normal again….ive cut…till the point where ive had to have infusions…ive o.d on pills to where ive seizured….ive even tried to drown myself…yet im still here…every day…that slowly turns into night…..i lay on the floor of my apt…wondering…wondering why i have been chosen out of all the people in the world…to be the one wanting to die…I’ve served my country with honor..ive killed people that have had bad intentions against American forces…ive saved poeple…ive carried my best friends hand in my pocket becasue my own hands were full (carry his body)….I want to die…and i know what your sayin….lets hope…lets hope that one day…my dream will come true….and i can possibly…be happy…
good night….
August 30th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I do not really want to be here anymore since I see no future in my life.
I have been feeling sick for about 2 years now and no doctor can point out what I have, some even claim I have absolutely nothing and that I am healthy, but I dont feel that way at all.
Would be great if there was a way to just end everything, a way that is guaranteed to succeed and that does not involve a lot of pain or struggling.
Last thing I want is to end up even more messed then I am now and not being able to end it myself anymore.
I think more people should also respect people who want to commit suicide, since nobody choose to be here, so at least let people choose for themselves when they want to go.
I also heard that cyanide together with diazepam would be a guaranteed succes but is this cyanide on sale anywhere whatsoever?
Good luck to all, weither it is in this life or somewhere else.
Paul
September 1st, 2009 at 7:15 am
Paul Krakowinski,
doctors are just someone with a few years of learning in medical fields.
But are entitled the DOCTOR’s name.
Shame on them of not finding your cause.
I believe there is always a cause. But most of the doctors are too busy to collecting money from the patients who rely on them,
and they don’t bother to serve just an individual.
That is the heart they are lacking!
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:09 am
im tired of pretending to be happy.. everything i do and say is just to make others happy…. I am a different person around everyone I m with… When I am alone all i think is that i am a fake piece of shit…
I am extremely self conscience and paranoid .
I drink just to drown my thoughts… I am happy only when im drunk./.. cuz i can finally just live without my mind fucking with me constantly.
I am convinced no one gives a shit about me… when i do try to open up I just fuck it up completely. Havent had a girlfriend in years.. coudnt possibly do that now. being in college just escalates everything 100%
IM just fucking trapped…. if i got checked out by doctor he would tell me i have anxiety disorder, schizophrenia, and bi polar disorder most definantly..
then i would just drugged out and even more worthless.
for everyone on this page: the quickest way it to get drugged up and heavily intoxicated. run a bath with ice cold water; and cut wrist vertically. you wont feel much and it would be over soon
If anyone feels anyting like me please talk
September 4th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
mate,please,i hope u all read this,mayby it will help,mayby not…im 34 now,but when i was 19 my mum,dad,and my baby sister died in a car crash…i spent the next 10yrs in an alcohol and drug daze,wishing everyday that i would die…and i really meant it…i discovered just how low a human could feel…i cut myself,….and what i really regret,,i cut other people…..i wanted to die….but i couldnt go through with it….and looking back,im so glad i didnt!….my lifes not great,im not a millionare living in a big castle….but im so glad i didnt kill myself when i was 19,i lived to tell the tale,i hope you do too,…you are loved,even if you dont feel it right now..take care mate and get off this website,and go and ask that one person you trust to help you….and il see you in ten years time,when like me,your looking back,and writing something a bit like this,to help some one a bit like you….x
September 5th, 2009 at 12:13 am
Take the bus to mexico. It’ll be easier to get a gun over there. After u got it, don’t take the chance of not shooting yourself. Ask somedy else to do the hard work for you. I’m pretty shure u could convince a kid over there for a few tacos.
P.S. On your way to mexico, make shure there’s no way u could get a sense that you love life again. Wear tight slips, poke yourself in the eyes as often as you can, listen to morbid music like the new Linsay Lohan album…
September 11th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Ok, I need help. I’d like to do myself in and I’d love your input. I was thinking along the line of multiple methods. I’ve got access to the following drugs:
Lexapro, klonopin, zoloft, depakot, keppra, topamax, paxil, gabitril, xanax, and more.
I was thinking that I’d take a sleep med that I have (can’t remember the name right now) as well as anything else to make myself fall asleep. Chase it down with alchol, bleach, and drano, and then get in a full tub, cut myself in some really bad spots and put some duct tape over my mouth. Hopefully the overdose would do me in, and if I vomited I would suffocate to death because of the duct tape. If not, maybe I would fall asleep and drown in the tub. Any suggestions?
September 12th, 2009 at 12:46 am
I lost my job a few months ago & that was all I had left, I have no friends (I have spent the last 8 weekends home alone & my phone didn’t even ring once) I have wanted to die for many, many years. Over the past 15 years I have tried, but no success, I’m not surprised though I failed at everything else.
I have read most of the post here & it makes me sick that people pass judgment & make jokes. To those people I ask you Do you know what it feels like to be alone every day & every night? What it feels like to have no hope, no nothing? Not everyone has something to live for. I’m happy for the people that do, but I don’t, I have no family, no job, as I’ve said no friends, I truly have nothing at all to live for.
When I say I have no friends, I f’n mean ZERO friends. Here I am another Friday night & I’m home alone.
If I knew of something that I could do & it would be a 100% guarantee that I would die I would do it, I don’t wanna be in a hospital, I don’t wanna be paralyzed, that’s why I’ve never smashed my car or jumped off a bridge & I have zero access to a gun, if I did well then I would not be typing this right now.
BTW did I mention that I’m fat, yeah that just adds to my problems, vicious cycle type of thing.
One thing I will do, while I still can, is I will offer my e-mail address to anyone, for anything. But please I know I’m fat, yeah it’s funny to you.. I get it, so please don’t send me e-mails calling me fat, or telling me to diet, or exercise. allalone337@yahoo.com
September 12th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Im so glad there’s someone just like me. I really fell suicide. I cant find the meaning, the point to live in the world (if there’s one, which i doubt in). yes i did have happy moment in my life as well as sad. And yes the second ones are more often in the last years. I’m 21 but i believe i’ve seen enough from all of it. Anyway that my final decision just i’m waiting for the right time which is gonna be soon.
Good luck to you and i hope some of you will change your mind….. but i’ll not….
September 12th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
People who feel suicidal are just people with many holes in them and sick sons of bitches have like this proverbial straw and are just sucking the life out of you making you want to die. I want to die and think of ways but in reality I can never feel good about my life because there are people in this world who are taking my life from me as we speak. It is all politics. All those who want to die should have the right to take their own lives in a comfortable and sure manner. The government pigs and all of their agents want people trapped in shit lives to continue living and doing all the dirty work. They exist on that energy because in reality there God is in every man but those with lots of money, good looks, wealth and a happy little bubble are the reason that people without that continue to have to wear the coat of failure and disability. Fuck the world. Long live dr. kevorkian
September 12th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I was sexually molested over and over again when I was a little kid.
my family said it was no big deal.
You know what, the most important people in your life (this is in the Bible) is NOT your family, not your mother not your father. It’s the people you choose later.
That means they are not always right the ones who had you.
There is more for you out there.
Much much good times fun, enlightenment and delightment that you don’t even know about now, that you totally deserve over and over again.
Someday you will have babies that will really love you like a Mommy or Daddy and you need to take care of yourself till then.
And you will be perfect like you are suppose to, and away from the bad that is now, don’t worry welfare or Government help WILL help you get away. God is watching you, he is keeping score; I know you are good.
you will find those that love you.
I have attempted suicide plenty of times.
I had “friends” tell my a serated knife is always sharp enough to kill myself, guess what those “friends” raped me later Physically and mentally, i could put them in jail. I wish I never wasted my time meeting those losers, I wish I wasted their time lol but I was NIcey Nice Constantly. You’ll see. life will be sooooo fun.
My screen name is glitteryfrown@yahoo.com anyone can write me with troubles. I probably been thru them all. I am 22.
I tried to “huff my brains out” if I had just tried to walk or something in instead (run) I know I would have been stronger than now.
Endorphins from running in my brain would have made me feel better regardless of the circumstance.
And you know what you can do whatever makes you feel better…, I walked ,I ran… I ran into a old homeless like man digging through the trash, that loved God but lived different than everyone else and shunned out of society but so what, it made him feel better trash digging. Gave him purpose. He gave me a friend. And I will always love him for being my good friend when I needed him most.
F*** all these people that tell you to go thru with it, they are demons. They are giver upers. They are like what I had using me and my time.
Guess what Girl or guy. All the most famous people been sexually molested by relatives and that is going to give you this stronger edge in life, I have it too. Don’t be sad it is just a test , you will be the best. Write me and I will try to find your email in all of the yahoo.com mail ha ha. If your a teenager I could help you sew new clothes from old ones or anyone I guess.
September 13th, 2009 at 12:20 am
dear that me person i just read that message you posted PLEASE DONT KILL YOURSELF i found this website thinking i was going to find a few chuckles ( i feel like a jackass for doing that ) but the people ive read about in this have storys that dont have to be sad. it only one person to change the world.
September 25th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I have not been happy for the past 15 years, and that is all that I want to be, and just don’t see it happening. It’s like being trapped alone in a room with no doors or windows to escape. No one in my family seems to really understand or is there when I really need them. I feel very much the same as most people here, that I just want the pain to be gone-it’s no way to live, and yes, I know my pain is way more than what my family would have to deal with. The meds they put you on are a joke and have never helped. I just want to let go with the least amount of trouble, but hate myself even more because I feel like I can’t follow through.
September 26th, 2009 at 9:36 am
hey everyone,
I really don’t know how exactly I found this page on the internet, but glad I did, I was searching for “sucsessful suicide stories”…. not much that I have found, nothing suites me anyway,
I wont start talking about how fucked up is my life, because that doesn’t matter people, it doesn’t matter how bad things are going on with you, other people might me going in a lot worse shit than I am going through but still they have the “spirit” to go on and fight or whatever the hell they could to survive, because they don’t want to give up, they want to live, they want to survive,
I know 50-60 year old relevants who still fight with all that they can to survive, to accomplish something, to find more sucsess in their lives, like they never want to leave this earth… where am I from those?
I’m the one pretending to be alive, yes… I did that since the age of 13, I went to school, I joined competetions and debates, in reading and writing and painting, sketching, designing… I learned English and French and took the DELF tests in French, A1,A2,B1… I always got high grades…
I was a real tresure to my school through all those years, yeah I’m so damn creative, I play acoustic guitar too, I sing, I’m skinny and pretty if that counts, I got a new phone yesterday cool LG KP500, and I’m getting a laptop next month…
my first year at collage starts tomorrow, I’m going to study engineering, life is fucking brilliant yeah… if you picture it that way… everyone knows me as the funniest girl ever, no one has ever seen me crying, I just laugh all the time, I make jokes about everything…
my life is not empty at all, I mostly don’t have any free time and don’t even want to have a free time, cuz in that free time I have to think about how fucked up things are… forget about the sucsess and major brilliant stuff going on… I’ve been going through severe depression and panic attacks since the age of 13… my family always treated me like shit… totally my mother hates me so much that she always wishes I die, and only calls me retarded or dumb… nothing I do is ever apreciated… nothing is even counted, I’m 18 and the whole family “runs my life” still I can’t decide about anything ANYTHING alone, most of all, everyone excepts me to be just tough and take all the bullshit, becaue I look “okay”, my parents say they don’t worry about me, my friends say the same because I’m always laughing and shit they think everything is just fine and I can take more and more bullshit… the fact is I hate everything and everyone right now… I have all the reasons in the world to kill myself and most of them I can’t even talk about to anyone, I feel like I’m going to explode one day, maybe I would burn this house down I don’t know… I’m taking too much and I cant talk about anything… I’m so fucked up….
I have a boyfriend, he loves me a lot, I love him too… but I always push him away, be both know that, we used to be best friends at first but then I got in severe depression last January after my aunt died and I was doing midterms for my senior year… everything was so messed up I got suicidal and he helped me through all and thats sort of how we fell in love with each other “sounds lame now”… but things never really change, I always get too depressed sometimes and hurt myself, I used to cut myself since I was 13, I used to smoke too but he forced me to live, in fact I feel sorry for him, I truely do, he thinks it’s enough to make me stay alive that he loves me but it’s not, he tries always to convince me not to commit suicide because he says he cant live without me but he can and he will, actually I dont want him to love me that much that he wouldnt be able to live without me because… well I chose to end my life, it’s not because the troubles that Im in right now, or because my life is full of shit… not because I dont love him enough… people who truely love you can never understand why you might want to end your own life with your hand, but for me… I dont believe in God or anything, life is pointless, it’s all bullshit like we’re popets in some sick play… yes thats what we are.. there is no God who looks after us or whatever the hell that they say, my boyfriend believes in God and always tries to convince me that I wont die no matter how hard I tried unless God wants me to die… but then I asked him this… “so you say that I wont die unless God says it’s my time to go… so why would you panic if I swallowed a pack of sleeping pills now? why would you rush me to a hospital? I wont die unless your God wants me to right?”… and he didnt know what to say…
there’s nothing to live for… life is some sick game, thats how I see it… and I dont want to go on with it… but yeah I still cant find the best way to do it… I wont starve myself for I could end up with leukemia because of the lack of some Vitamines and thats worse than just dying because then a lot of people would have to suffer waiting for my death… I dont want people around me to suffer so I dont want something that could make a huge mess… also slittling wrists doesnt work… it could if I could get too much time alone, but thats not possible for me, I would choose a gun shot through my brain but I dont have a gun right now, my uncle does but he lives away I might think about visiting there and stealing his gun… other that I dont know…
if you have any good ideas contact me, I need a 100% chance to be dead, I dont want to have to wake up in a hospital for mental illness and get trapped there for more 30 40 years without being able to end it, those places are pointless, I mean whats the point of trapping someone who tried to kill himself? they just force you to stay alive, in what? a prison? why? seriosuly why? to keep the population rates in a spesific range? I dont see any point… anyway I want something irreversable and cant be iterrupted, like some irreversable poison or sth like that… I dont mind if I could end up with major brain damage but only if there’s no chance that I would wake up again, because if my brain died then no problem I’ll write in my will that I want them to cut the oxygen and let me die in peace, I even want to donate my organs… Im not a bad person, and Im not insane or out of my mind… but I dont want to spend another 50 years pettying myself for not being able to find a reason to live for… my diaries? since I started writing at the age of 10 maybe and its all full of crap, and death!… when I was 8 I thought about jumping off the building and killing myself, what for? I honestly dont know or give a shit… I think maybe some people were just born to die? or maybe I dont fit on this planet, maybe creating me was a mistake….
uhh that made me feel a lil better, no offence to anyone but honestly Im glad I found a bunch of people who just want to die and they accept that want and deal with it… people maybe just as suicidal as I am… and I respect you all, I respect people who know where they do belong or dont belong…
and Im a good listener by the way, it would be nice to talk to any of you guys sometimes if you want… whether you want or dont want to kill yourself if you feel like talking about depression we can chat sometimes…
just.like.hell@live.com *that figures eh?*
oh and by the way I have been researching for like 6 months now… there is no painless way to kill yourself… realize that it takes a lot of pain to end a human life…
September 26th, 2009 at 10:13 am
by the way… sorry about that long long message!
if you have any suicidal thoughts then lets talk about them
just.like.hell@live.com
September 26th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
I’ve been victimized as a child, teenager, young man, and now, someone in his sixth decade of life. I’m tired of “their” abuse. I can’t take it anymore.
When I was a kid, one of my favorite movies was Jason and the Argonauts, which at that time featured cutting edge FXs. One recurring theme throughout the movie was had the Greek gods, would manipulate Jason’s quest for the skin of the golden ram (or was it lamb?) while playing a game of chess. What made this game so particular was that the pieces themed on Jason, his ship, his crew, etc. All through out the game, the gods would laugh and hoot, and the traps and missteps Jason would take while on his quest. At times that is how I pictured my life being played out to the amusement of the gods, while I endlessly pursue ways to enrich my life.
I’ve had enough, and I’ve turned to web pages to consider a way to put the pain I feel inside to rest. I have something to consider and will give it deep thought.
October 24th, 2009 at 8:49 am
damnnn i know how a lot of you are feeling i feel the same way i just keep goin through so much and everyone just keeps saying its gonna get better and it never does i’ve been living like this for 7-8 years feeling like this and it suxxx idk e-mail me im here if you wanna talk or anything!!!! … mkafan12@yahoo.com
October 24th, 2009 at 8:58 am
omg please e-mail me im really here to talk i just started reading some more…really im here to talk and listen and all that!!!!! mkafan12@yahoo.com
October 28th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Something weird…
Linda–Gary’s wife said Gary was dead on April 22nd due to anti-freeze.
suicideproject.org/2009/03/most-successful-way-to-kill-myself/#comment-33846
Gary’s last post on April 27th mentioning anti-freeze.
suicideproject.org/2009/03/most-successful-way-to-kill-myself/#comment-33091
Do you see the dates’ contradiction?
The wife’s forever uncaring? Or was it the message after death?
Or Gary with the same name suffering the same?
July 19th, 2010 at 7:26 pm
my life is worthless iv’e never had a girlfriend i’m really bad at socializing with people i feel hopeless i want to be with my mom and dad but cant cause i’m in the army i just want to go to sleep and never wake up ever again and it just pisses me off knowing that i am going to wake up and the only way of killing myself is doing bodily harm which i’m to scared to do cause i have fear for pain the only people that care for me are my parents but there far away and cant really do anything but just talk to me over the phone it’s eating away my life
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:05 am
i will try to not give up the hardest thing is people that wont accept you for who you are blame my cousin for my life of hell why he did it how he use me i feel use like fucking toy like i should off say no but i was to scared the memories guilt goes inside of me the dirtiness of my body the disgusting and know how hard is it and know am 18 and never had boyfriends always had trouble being social with guys and wonder to like my life i cant help it