Why??
April 27th, 2009 by kayla450I tried to kill myself two days ago by slitting my wrists but apparently it didn’t work. I dont know what to do anymore…Hes gone, he left and all i ever did was love him. I loved him with all my heart….All i want is for him to be happy….All i want is for him to be safe, i know when he thinks of me he wants me dead and i dont know why…What did i do to deserve this torture? I can’t even tell reality from unreality anymore…I feel like im invisible, i see everyone but no one see’s or cares about me…I hate this fucked up world and the fucked up people on it. I want to die and i dont care if its fast and painless or if its slow and aghast. I just want to die in some way. Everyone ive ever known and everyone ive ever loved have turned their back on me and gave up on me so what is the point of trying to move on? I want to be set free of all this hellish torture. This is wrong for me to have to go through its just not right. I cant take this anymore. Im so lost without him..My life means nothing anymore. He was everything to me and I’ll never get that back…Everything is going to hell, I litterally have nothing left, my family looks at me with disgust and hatred and they dont give a flying fuck about me. My dad who i havent seen in over 3 months told me that im nothing but a whore and he hates me…My brothers disowned me my mom and my stepdad told me they cant wait till im out of their lifes. So…Whats the point? My “friends” arent around anymore…Stuff got hard and they dissapeared so they werent real friends. Im a loner and i have been for all my life, but im getting tired of being alone and the person i told my secrets to and the person i trusted most, stabbed me in the back. He tells me everything is my fault and i deserve all of whats happening to me and i dont deserve to be happy…All i want is him…What would you do if you were me? I want to runaway but i havent any where to go.oh ya and guess whats fucking brilliant??? IM PREGNANT! Im so FUCKED. My parents will kick me out! they already said i need to get out….Idk where to go…i have no where to live……. somone please put a gun to my head and pull the fucking trigger!!
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April 27th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
i’m so sorry…if you want my opion if i was in your situation i really don’t know what i would do. at one time there was a chance i was pregnant and just for that i felt susidal. i can’t imagine…i’m sorry. if it helps i do care for you. i think it would be unfair to kill your self. if you killed your self you would be killing your baby too. whare do you live? if you wern’t too far away i would let you stay with me. please, i beg you. rethink your situation. don’t let it end like this.
April 27th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
i love you, too, i dont want you to die. there are lots of us out here in this world willing to help. you will get through this i promise you.
April 27th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
I don’t know where you live, but I would think that anywhere in the United States people who are pregnant or who have underage children in the home should be able to get housing and medical benefits and food stamps if they have low or no income. When I was pregnant with my daughter years ago, I didn’t tell my parents until I was four months along. They surprised me by being very supportive, and I got to keep her. But before I told them, I found there was a place that would let pregnant women stay there and get free training for a job, if they wanted to give up their babies for adoption.
Have you been to your local health department? They’d probably know what kind of help you could get. You could Google it.
Good luck. A child could be a real blessing.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:31 am
i live in wichita kansas…
April 28th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
TeenLifelines.com TheChildrensCenter.com also try googling wichita kansas charities, i found a LOT of great resources for you on there, too many to mention here. there are people out there that care about you and others in your position. please seek help, it isnt a burden, they want to help you. ok? keep talking to us on this page and keep us updated. love you!
April 28th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
how could you love me when you dont even know me..? and ive been looking around too…but everywhere i call or go to says i have to have parent permission. its stupid and i give up.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:14 am
well, let me put it this way. you seem like the kind of person that is kind to animals. ever read or seen a story about animals in a totally different country suffering and it made you sad and somehow even the animals they were talking about that you didnt see you loved and wanted to be ok? you dont think animals are stupid, i can kinda tell that about you, too. well, even though we humans are more verbally communicative than animals and we dress up and do weird human things, we are still animals. i believe you have a soul and so does your child and i love both of you as part of this world. you havent met me or know my name (james, by the way) but you wouldnt want anything to happen to me, would you? you dont seem the type to be mean, in fact, the opposite, you seem to be compassionate. i could be wrong. i have no way of knowing. the only thing i do know is that you are here somewhere sharing this world with me even tho from afar and i love you for being in this place with me. it can be very disconcerting, i know. you call these places and a lot of times the person working there seems to only be working there to be a roadblock, i have had to get help before and sometimes the government workers there seemed to have this hateful chip on their shoulder like the only reason they got the job was to turn people down. and some of them just have a bad day and forget that it isnt just a job. it can be easy to forget that they are dealing with humans with souls when they see so many people a day, sometimes a kind word and a generous helping of politeness can go a long way with people like that. on the other hand, there are a lot of great people that work in places that offer assistance, the kind of people that can change your life byu meeting them. there for all the right reasons, they just enjoy helping others and they genuinely care about the human race including you. having said that, kayla, there are still certain procedures you have to go through to get the best help. i know things are closing in real quick on you, but dont give up and dont lose hope. first and foremost, you should talk to your parents i think, anyway. you might be surprised at how they react, or they might react poorly. there is no telling, but once you do tell them, if they give you problems, you can then go to these places and say that you are 1). pregnant 2). in dire need of help and 3). your parents are or are not supporting you, depending on what they say. then you can get help faster. otherwise, there are many places that do not need a whole lot of info at all. there are food shelters in your area that will give you food, there are medeical assistance programs, there are all kinds of resources for you if oyu will just be patient and take each day one at a time. i will stay here and help you through this, just keep coming back and report on the progress you are making (this will help me research things for you and will also show you that you are making progress so that it wont seem so overwhelming). i do love you, very much, whether or not you believe me. i think a part of you knows that people have a part of their soul that loves all creatures, though, so i dont think it is too difficult to recognize when someone else is not afraid to tap into that part of the soul. im not afraid. i dont want you to be afraid. we are all connected in this world for a reason, we should go ahead and make those reasons good ones, right? you will get through this and you have a friend in me for life, whatever you need i will try to help somehow. let me find some more info out throughout the next day or two and i will post some more links for you. just take it easy, do not stress yourself (bad for you and baby) and know that you will get through this and everything will be ok.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:46 am
it amazes me. reading the comments above . how…much …or..well i guess… how true it is. that people can love you. even without knowing you. it feels good, really.
anyway. i love you too.
where i am, i can only say that to , 3 people that i actually know.
i want to die as well.
but besides that…when i hear that someone else loves me. i never ever belive it. if thats what youre feeling too, just know. that i have no idea why people say they love others. other than the fact that they …just love them. thats all i can come up with. but slowly..id like to believe there really are others that will care for me.
maybe…if you didnt give up. and just hung in there. you could find these people that love you. for nothing but who you really are. and …im just hoping its as much as an amazing adventure for you as it will be for me. thats the only thing keeping me alive. this uncertainty. but i want to find it.
and also. the baby : ) could maybe, be the greatest thing to ever happen to you. some sort of thing..that is telling you that you should stay alive, for this. amazing baby. that maybe, could turn into the first thing that will love you, for just you.
please stay here. as much as i feel weird saying that because i want to leave this world as well…strength will find you. we are given problems..only to overcome them. only to, find that strength..that confidence that was probably lost willingly. find it again please.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I talked to my parents….they said that im a stupid fucking slut and i need to get the fuck out of the house….so im stuck….im at a library right now….idk bout this all anymore….i want to take care of my baby but…..is it worth it?? i mean….no where to live, i dont want my child to grow and in a run down place or be in a unsafe place. i cant find a job so i wont be able to take care of him/her and im not going to let someone else take care of it….idk…my child deserves the best in this world and well i have nothing….maybe it would just be easier if i was gone.!!! my family hates me now they said so and everyone i thought was my friend turned their backs on me so im all alone. I have no idea what to do next…get this i went somewhere and asked for help and they slamed the door in my face…WTF. Im so tired of being on this earth. its not fair what has happened to me my whole life and i dont know if i can take any more torture…
April 30th, 2009 at 3:41 am
im really glad you responded.
im not sure if it was to me or someone else’s comment but i really really want to help you.
well i definitely look up to you for telling your parents. at least you dont have to wonder what they would have thought. im terrified of telling my parents anything. i hate them.
yes. i think it is worth it. i mean…imagine you were the baby. a chance to live is better than nothing. if they hate it as much as you think they will..then let them decide what to do with their life. maybe?
but, you could have one of the most amazing relationships with them. so different than the one you have now with your parents. nothing like the home and money matters as much as your love for her/him.
you know..you probably dont have to let someone else take care of the baby completely. but im sure you could find someone to help You do it. what an accomplishment too. and i feel like, that would be such a spectacular relationship..you and your baby. because its so different than most fucked up families that always seem perfect on the outside but never are.
i really would like to be your friend. they werent real friends if they turned on you. if you give me your email i would love to email with you : )
you will be strong. or, you can be. im not sure if you will..but im sure you can. you said you wanted the best for your child…so please please give them that! at least try? you Never know what will happen. if it doesnt work out, you tried right? and could even turn your life around.
please keep in touch. may i ask how far along the pregnancy is?
April 30th, 2009 at 9:22 am
woa your story is so sad im all the way over in england and if i had a passport and some money i would come and help you no matter what you seem like you have nowhere to turn and you are trapped i dont know much about your area and your country to be honest but if you where to go to your local police station and tell them your predicement im sure they would point you in the right direction theyre there to protect and serve right just go down there and talk to them cry to them see if you can pull on there heartstrings and make them feel sorry for you they should be able to help if not on the day they will probably put you up for the night in one of the cells it may not seem to glamourous but its better than sleeipng rough thats not good for the baby if theres any way i can help i will do the best i can
April 30th, 2009 at 11:59 am
im about 2 months. ill keep in touch jackie, and ill try to make everything work. um would you mind giving me your email first somehow? i dont want to put mine on here…im paranoid. and accuseddevil thanks for trying to help, im trying to make everything work. England?? wow, ive always wanted to go there…that would be amazing..
but im stuck in this hell. ugh nothin is going the way that it should. my parents told me tht im a peice of shit and stuff like that…..FUCK
April 30th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
well why not forget about your parents focus on the future see where you are going not where you have been so your life was bad move foreward first step finding somewhere to stay then having the baby or having the baby terminated then find someone to babysit while you work save money get enough for rent and some spare for an emergency find somewhere to live permanatly find a new bf move them in after getting to know them and making sure that they are safe to have living around you keep out of danger and keep on the right side of the law you will be safer that way trust me (speaking from experience) get place happy clean and reduce stress wherever you can stress causes a lot of negative affects and keep yourself happy as much as you can if someone asks you if the glass is 1/2 full or 1/2 empty say the glass is totaly full and its staying that way
April 30th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
realy why do you want to visit england?
April 30th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
its kinda hard to do that when im only 16 and i cant get emancipated and i cant get a job. my parents told me they hate me and want me out of the house. i have no car, no money, and right now im staying in a drug house with no where else to turn, you look around this place…its crazy like im looking at a whole bunch of coke and weed just sitting in front of me like its nothing… stuff is getting really crazy, these people have a party every night and its getting scary….last night this guy tried to rape me…FUCK. im so screwed…someone help?? I tried going to places but all they told me was you have to have parent permission, so now im stuck in a fucking drug house, pregnant with no fucking money to do anything, i hardly eat. maybe 2 or 3 times a week. thats it. this shit is getting way to much for me to handle…i feel like darkness is just closing in around me and edging me more and more towards suicide. My WHOLE family turned their backs on me, my siblings, parents, and every other peice of shit in my family. Im so lost and confused…Im so scared and im so alone. The guy i loved just broke up with me….I have no one here for me and no one to hold me when im scared or when i cry. I just want a guy that will love me for who i am and will hold me when i need it…A guy that will wipe my tears away when i cry…Im so scared…Right now im shaking because im crying so much and im so fucking SCARED! no im terrified to death of whats going to happen, anything can happen in this house, and i mean ANYTHING. somebody please….i dont want to be here anymore…im right on the edge…god! i catn decide what to do….stuck in a drug house with no food or money, thats not safe for the baby and i have no where to go where i am…..
im so scared..
April 30th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
you need to get out of that place. you already said you know that. if you are malnourished especially w baby you can get into the hospital to receive care. it is more important for you and your baby to be healthy and away from violence and chemicals that can injure your baby than to worry about medical debt. from the hospital, you will also have opportunities to find more information out about getting immediate help for you. your parents cant kick you out but they can give you up for adoption. if thats what it takes to get you and your baby taken care of and put in a stable and positive environment, then maybe thats the best thing to do. there are other options, too, but you need to get to the hospital ASAP.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
also http://www.nationalsafeplace.org/ to find safe places near you also there are shelters for 16 year olds and check angel food ministry … heres the info for safeplace in wichita: Wichita, KS
Risa Rehmert
Wichita Children’s Home
810 N. Holyoke
Wichita, KS 67208 Tel: (316) 684-6581
Fax: (316) 684-7249
Web Site: http://www.wch.org
National Safe Place ….
April 30th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
http://www.wch.org/shelter.htm and this link goes to her website page about the emergency shelter that you can get
May 1st, 2009 at 2:19 am
hey.
i totally understand about putting your email up here. i feel like that too, so i made a new one that i would love for you to email me at. if anyone else is reading this and wants someone to talk to please email me.
outdinsun@yahoo.com
please email me !
thank you. hope you are hanging in there all right…
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:26 am
how are you holding up, kayla?
May 5th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
…not that well. everything is going downhill…Alot of shit is going on right now. I dont have much time left…..
May 5th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
please keep emailing me kayla…im here for you