See, a lot of it is about sexism: Women are not allowed to be angry. An angry woman is considered ‘crazy’ or ‘out of control’, no matter how many bad things have happened to her for her to have every *reason* to be angry.

So not only a lot of bad stuff happen to you, but they expect you not to even be upset about it. Which is where the PTSD comes in. It’s *normal* to be afraid, anxious, or even really frickin’ pissed off when you get treated like that.

But the culture doesn’t like angry women – no matter how bad we’ve been treated, we’re always supposed to smile and make nice. Even other *women* expect this.

So if I were you I’d start by finding a safe way to get angry about some of this stuff, some way that won’t get you in trouble. You might have to get a bit creative – take a soccer ball to the park and kick the sh*t out of it, for example. Or go for a walk or run somewhere where you can cuss and mutter to yourself, and just stop when someone passes you.

You’ve got to let it out. The problem with DBT is that it basically tells you there’s something wrong with how you’re thinking about things. Which is CRAZY shit!

You’ve had some seriously bad stuff happen to you, and you’ve got to be having some seriously intense feelings about all of it.

This is NORMAL, to have feelings like this, and weird reactions, and stress, and anxiety, and whatever else you’re experiencing. Any therapist who tries to tell you that it’s your *thinking* that’s wrong has got their head so far up their backside that you should just leave them in the dust as you run away from them as fast as possible…

Trust your instincts. Don’t let anybody tell you that what you’re feeling is wrong.

The hardest part is to find someone who will just let you do things your own way. This is a really good test to find out who you can trust or not. If they try to tell you that your feelings or thinking are wrong, then they are *bad* for you, no matter who they are – friend, family, social worker, shrink, whatever. Walk away from them if they treat you like this. Keep looking until you find someone who will just listen. It can be really hard, but it can also make you stronger by sticking to your guns.

If your psychiatrist is on holiday, can you contact the person filling in for him or her until your psychiatrist gets back?

Can that person substituting for your psychiatrist give you an appointment?

You have been through the mill in your lifetime.

But keep seeking the right medication and therapy. Let the bad feelings and memories flow through you and wash away.

Try watching comedies on television or the internet. Try to shift the focus to your positive memories, if you can.

There are also a lot of books now on managing bipolar disorder, simple techniques most of us can use a little bit of.

Also, remember your three children. They need you to live, even if you don’t have custody of them.

Some day they will be adults, and you can reconnect with them. They will need you then, and your love, as a positive link to their past.

It’s very bad for children when their mother commits suicide — they carry the loss the rest of their lives.

I’m bipolar also, and I know sometimes life doesn’t seem worth it. But you will feel better again in the near future, so hang in there.

In addition to the many books on managing bipolar disorder — I’m sure you have a stack of them at home, consider getting bookI s on positive psychology to read.

I know that you’re feeling dissociated and anxious right now, but later, when things have calmed down, I recommend “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky, and “happy For No Reason,” by Marci Shimoff. They will add to the coping techniques you already know.

Many blessings for restabilization and recovery.

I hope that you continue to try to find help and that you eventually find some sustainable peace.