I don’t belong in this world
July 28th, 2009 by qwertyuiopThat is how I feel. I can’t believe I’m actually at a site like this but it’s getting worse. I’ve long felt I was depressed (my entire life), but this is the first time I’ve actually called it quits. I love life and the experiences of living, I just hate my own life and would wish it upon nobody. I think the only reason why I haven’t succeeded in killing myself is because of one relative in my life. I have to outlive them. But once they go, my expiration will be soon after. Probably the same day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in my life with the exception that I don’t fit in.. anywhere. I try to be social, I try to meet new people, but it always fails. I feel God put a curse on me. There’s only so many times where you can tell yourself ”it’s not you, it’s them”. I’m long beyond that point.
If you knew all about me you’d probably tell me to shut up my life is fine and wonder what my problem is – and I completely agree with you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I’m a pretty regular guy. I’m in good shape, attractive, I make good money, I have no debt, zero health problems, a great family (siblings/parents). But I’m otherwise alone in the world. Every day is redundant. I’m bored to death. I work a job I hate, come home to an empty apartment, then sleep. For what? What’s the fucking point? The nights I do go out, people (especially my friends) tell me I’m creepy when I don’t even know what I did!? Forget about talking to girls, they never acknowledge me or act like I’m on crack. Even mediocre girls where I don’t have much interest. People tell me I’m too nice and wear my heart on my sleeve.
I’ve tried group activities and other things with friends but it always leaves me feeling worse, wishing I had never gone out to begin with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve actually made new friends, only for us to lose touch within a few months. I’m not a bad person at all. I don’t know what I do wrong. I think I have some kind of social phobia / anxiety. Sometimes I do feel great when I get out and things go good, but those days are so rare.
What brought me to the site and the desire to speak up is lately I’ve been drinking a lot (and I normally do not drink – and I just started smoking too which is insane) and crying / cutting myself, writing suicide letters, hoping I die. But it looks like I’m still here.
I just don’t feel that I’m needed or wanted in this world. If I were gone, nobody would miss me. I don’t matter. With the exception of my one relative.
July 29th, 2009 at 1:15 am
I don’t know you.
But I would miss you.
Life is rough.
We all feel out of place.
But…
You would be missed…
…by many.
People have trouble showing their feelings.
Your not alone ;]
July 29th, 2009 at 1:56 am
I understand how this feels, like you’re stuck in the same scenario day after day. Whay might help is find a larger purpose to work on, a cause to support. Somebody out there (besides your relative) DOES need you and your skills, you just don’t know it yet.
July 29th, 2009 at 3:27 am
Dear “I don’t belong”~
I’m not going to try to convince you that you do belong. I’m not going to try to give you a “religious awkakening”.
I just want you to know that we couldn’t be more on the same page. Sometimes I think to myself that this world wasn’t made for me. That it just isn’t my time to be alive. One time, I seriously googled “What’s wrong with me?”. That’s how low I’ve sunk. Whenever a friend calls me or tries to get a hold of me somehow, I just hit ignore. Pretend I’m not home or I ran out of minutes or some shitty excuse like that. And when I’m actually with people, I feel so out of place. I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding for the rest of my life would be a capitol idea. Like you, I have very few health problems, great family, but none of that makes me feel any better at all. Despite how aware I am that people who have it so much worse.
I want you to know that I’m here for you. I will more than likely never know you, but I want you to know that will never be alone no matter how much it may feel like you are.
Thank you for sharing your story.
July 29th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I would like to talk to you, personally. You say you come home to an empty apartment. Do you want someone? It’s strange how when my friends always say, “that guy is creepy”, I always approach him/her and strike up a convo. Why don’t we talk/chat? Not about preventing your decision of suicide, but of making you feel relevant. I’m here to help if you want mine.
July 29th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Dear Don’t Belong in this World:
Consider going to a therapist who can help you find out why you are so uncomfortable in life.
There may be answers to your questions and then you can start a new, happier life.
Also, ask a therapist for medication — you are having a severe depression, and medication would help.
You would take care of a broken leg immediately, so get help for your (temporarily) broken brain.
Show yourself the same kindness and consideration that you would show a sick family member or friend. You would be helpful to them, so be helpful to yourself.
Also, please don’t cut yourself. Every bit of you, including your skin, is valuable and needed for the future.
And if you can, please stop smoking and drinking — after a while they will make you feel worse instead of better. You will need your lungs and liver for the future.
If you are bored with your life and unhappy with your friends, you may not belong in the current niche that you find yourself in.
A therapist or counselor could help you find another niche — please call one.
And if you don’t like your first therapist or counselor, keep trying until you find one that you do like.
And if you can do this, tell a trusted family member or friend that you are considering suicide and need some advice or someone to listen.
Don’t despair if they can’t do it or say the wrong things — it is important that at least they know what you are going through.
And consider visiting this website at:
http://www.lifeline-gallery.org/
to listen to stories on podcast from other people who considered suicide, and decided to “come back.” You are not alone!
Consider reading “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It is a very informative paperback.
Like you, I once had a lot of problems relating to other people. A therapist gave me valuable advice about modifying some of my approaches to them, which really paid off.
Give yourself a chance!
Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)
July 29th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Dear Friend:
You’re suffering from a serious depression. Treat yourself with the same kindness that you would show a family member who was sick.
Call a therapist, who can help with your depression and perhaps advise on your social life problems.
If you don’t like the first therapist, try another one, until you find one that you do like.
Bear in mind, you don’t like your job and are unhappy with your friends — you may just be in the wrong “social niche” and a therapist can help you figure that out.
Or you may need to learn some new social interaction habits, which a therapist can guide you on.
Please don’t cut yourself, smoke or drink — you will need your body healthy for a more positive future.
Consider going on long walks and getting more exercise. That will put positive endorphins in your brain — much better than drinking and smoking!
Drinking and smoking will eventually stop ‘helping’ anyway.
If you had a broken leg, you would get help immediately — please get help for your (temporarily) broken mind!
Consider telling at least one family member and one friend that you are seriously depressed. Even if they say the wrong things or shut down, it is important that they know you need some kindness.
Two good books: Dr. David Burns’ “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” contains easy exercises that you can do on your own to help your brain get through this time.
Dr. Harriet Braiker’s “Getting Up When You’re Feeling Down” might also be helpful.
If neither of these two books helps, try others from the self-help category.
You have a better future in front of you — just take a few small steps towards it.
Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)
July 30th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Kindof sounds like me (although i not so brave to do the hacky slash on the wrists. But was hooking into as much otc stuff as I could). 29 days ago I got onto some anti depressants because I wasnt waking up to well. Hasnt fixed my issues but im coping again (kind of almost). Touch wood they keep working – – – But there still are those days :S. Hope you find your purpose.
July 30th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
i’ve decided i’ll help you.
most things in your life, people don’t have. you have money, looks, intelligence, and i guess, some “friends.” the world is full of people who are misunderstood by “normal” people simply because they are different but no one is normal. everyone is a creep, even president obama–is a creep and probably has thoughts about things he shouldn’t. “God” is even a creep–what guy creates an entire civilization who is bent on destroying itself, who killed his only son, who created RuPaul?
you sound like you are just different and these friends are comedians, outgoing, possibly dickhead individuals. if you ever want to be happy, if you want to stop writing suicide notes and cutting yourself, then don’t depend on girls and friends to make you happy. you already said yourself that they’re not doing it. you have to realize that you can do whatever you want. you find your job boring and your life outside of it boring, then try running every day, or find a hobby–you can look up anything you want on the internet and meet up with them.
drinking and smoking to fit in is stupid and people know that you’re just drinking and smoking to fit in, which is even more stupid–because it’s like this thing that you’re doing that you don’t even like, people don’t even care that you’re doing it. you should do what you want to do. you should be exactly who you want to be.
you can make a really good life for yourself. you really truly can. you said it yourself, you have money, family, health, and you’re attractive. just try a little harder to be your own person.
July 31st, 2009 at 3:20 pm
imagine you have lost your home to forclosure imagine you have lost your beloved son who was autistic …whom you raised for 30 years…imagine you have lost your money imagine your children dont care were you end up in this world….imagine your best friends became your enemy sinse you lost it all….yes i have a reason to end my life….i cant Sleeep i cant eat i cant bare the pain of every breath i take….of the thoughts of how people just have closed the doors on me in my deepest sorrow in my life they were only hurting me more….i have nothing i cant go back to my country because there is no there to help me no one cares
July 31st, 2009 at 3:31 pm
i have tried to say to my self past is past you can make it …but i feel i am falling down so deep i cant seem to pick my self up again…my son is taking drugs for his back pain…and i cant convince him to seek help to stop it ..i love him so much he will die..i dont want to live i dont want to face this moment i pray everyday for my sons health and to make me strong..amd my ex husband has my autistic son with him because he has money to support him and i cant and he is on drugs and not helping my son…when my son was with me he stated to go out and haVE FUN WITH ME AND NOW I CANT SUPPORT HIM I CANT WORK I DONT HAVE ANY EXPIERIENCE I AM A FALYER….I DO NT WANT TO LIVE I DONT WANT TO KEEP ON THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE…I HAVE NO REASON TO BE ALIVE…
August 7th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
That sounds just like me. I have going on wondering if i belong in this world for years, be i finally reached my answer. No. And like you said, only one person would miss me. I have two, but they are my cats! My pets, and that does not feel so great. I love them more than anything, and i’m afraid that if i kill myself, would they not survive. Sure, i’m young… 13. But having this feeling since i was around 5 is not very healthy, right? I pray to my angels and to god, to be taken away from here. I know where i belong. I’ve seen the place in my dreams over and over again. I just don’t no how to get there? should i die to get there or is there another way? anyway, i know how you are feeling. i have no friends and my “parents” (they adopted me) never notice me, unless i get into trouble. I do really hope that soon we will both find a place where we truly belong. Maybe not in this world or universe for that matter of fact. But someday we will.
August 12th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
First i want to say man your crazy, not in a bad way just a figuer of speech cause we all are crazy. Life fullfillment can not be 100% be achived by our own efforts because there will always be somthing more we want. many of us don’t want much and still can’t obtain that, which causes us to be more upset and feel worse. As bad as we feel about our life only God should be the one to decide when we should leave this world. i know u don’t understand it all but no one does, u do good to vent to someone and to talk about it.
October 25th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
hey
hope you’re still here with us. all i can say is: me too dude. for a moment, when i was reading your post, i thought i had written it in the past and forgotten about it. i kept thinking if i had visited this site and put up a post, because it sounded just like myself. recently, i’ve just settled into a more blase mood, not stressing about fitting in or girls. if it happens, it happens. i think i’m crazy, i always feel homesick for somewhere else, someplace else, but i never know where. you know, i don’t think it is in this world. my friends say i’m crazy, they know i’m ‘out there’. somewhere. i feel very down, and really homesick for something/someone, and never find it, and don’t think i ever will here. i sure hope there is something after this life, ‘coz this life just isn’t doing it for me. and it isn’t doing it for you, is it. i wouldn’t want to talk ‘religion’ to you, lord knows i don’t know what there is and isn’t in this life and even if there is a next.
maybe just accepting you are different, and crazy by the world’s standards. i’ve started to believe that about myself, it’s helped a little for me. there’s nothing wrong in being a dreamer, there’s too few of us.
to wrap up, i know your feelings exactly. but we’ll all die soon enough, maybe it’s a good thing we all live such short lives. just hold on for a bit longer. i wonder how many people who are “crazy” (speech marks are deliberate) and just hide it for all the “normal” people who can’t see anything outside their world.
i’m like you. i think there’s a lot of us, so you’re not really alone
and i’m dead serious.
December 4th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Somehow a link to this page popped up in google when i was looking for a song called Unbel and just now i found its ‘Unbeliever’ by Troublegum lol
Anyway, you dont know me, I dont know you…..but I’ve gone through the same thing you are feeling (still am actually).
It’s hard, and it hurts when the family you thought you could go to in time of emotional stress is not there to listen, or best friends seem to ignore you…whether it be phonecalls, facebook, myspace, etc. Maybe that’s just me, but still its pretty tuff and it makes you think things you never would have imagined…but I believe there is something out there actually worth living for.
so, i’m gonna sleep…just wanted to post a lil somethin, I would have regretted it if I hadnt lol
Goodnight
Peace, Love and Chickengrease
ps if you ever want someone to talk too…here’s my email…i’m always on messenger in case you’d like to chat sometime.
lola_goth@hotmail.com
January 29th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Your post saved me,I feel the same way,I was desperate and didn’t know what to do,so i googled:I don’t belong to this world!,and I found your post.I have the same problem except I’m a girl,I don’t have any actual problems,still no one understand,they all say that I fine and that I’m just spoiled,I have an amazing family who supports me in everything I do,I’m just a student,I should be a normal girl,but I’m not!I didn’t felt alone anymore when I read ur post,I felt like someone finally understand what I’m going thru.I know this sounds odd but if u want please answer my comment!
February 15th, 2010 at 9:17 am
I can’t tell you how much your post means to me. I feel almost exactly the same way. I come home to an empty apartment, and an empty life for the most part. I make attempts to “Find” someone and try to find hobbies but it never works.
When i woke up this morning the first thing i thought was how my job, my friends, my life just feels wrong. Like i am watching it on tv. I feel like there is no way this is my life. It has gotten to the point that i believe the only way out is to end it. I’ve tried to make changes but they go no where.
All i can say is i hope you figure out what you need to do to be happy, I’ll work on it too.
March 11th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
“Marla’s philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn’t.” Pick up Fight Club when you get the chance – the book, not the movie – reading that book made me feel like someone actually got me.
You’re not alone. I’ve felt homeless in this world since I was very young. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere. It’s an indescribably horrible feeling. Mom frequently jokes that at birth I looked personally affronted at the fact that I was born and never forgave her for it. Since at least 6 years old I’ve strongly felt that my birth was a karmic clerical error. Since 8 I’ve been suicidal b/c I just hate it here and want to go back “home;” wherever that is, it’s certainly not here.
I’m nearly 30 and for all 3 decades I have walked around this place like an alien trying desperately to understand people and how this world functions and how I can squeeze my way into it. For 3 decades I have aggressively pursued every possible opportunity to find happiness – career, friendship, love, helping others to an obsessive degree, finding a meaningful mission. I have literally tried everything. I’m out of ideas. And I give up, I can’t do this anymore.
It’s not about having a rough life – objectively I have a great life. I couldn’t ask for a better family, born with loads of opportunities. After years of study I even figured out how to relate to people. I haven’t figured out how to retain friends though. People love me at a surface level, men fall in love with me all the damn time, but people consistently have 0 interest in developing a real relationship. I feel like they can see that I’m an alien, a friendly one, but not one they want to get too close to. I just wish I could give my life to someone who can do something with it and who will appreciate it. I don’t want it. My life is not me, it’s an empty vessel I’m trapped in.
So, yeah, I get it. I don’t know how much solace it is to hear that other people feel exactly the same way. For me, it’s really comforting to know I’m not the only mistake. But it doesn’t make me any more at home. Like you, I’m only here now to avoid hurting other people. But I’m getting sick of continuing this suffering for the sake of a handful of people. For once I’d like to do something for myself.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Wow, I can relate to a lot of people who’ve posted here. I actually feel guilty for being all gloomy, because I know there are so many people who are objectively worse off than I am.
Even so, I’ve never felt like I really belonged anywhere, and since graduating from college (7 years ago…) I’ve had pretty much no regular social interaction. On the very rare occasions that I do interact with people outside of work, I feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I wish I were alone at home. And yet when I’m alone at home, I end up wishing I had someone to talk to. I can’t seem to win.
It does all seem very pointless sometimes. I think the only reasons I’m still around are my parents (who are good people and don’t deserve the pain they’d go through if I did something stupid), and an ever-so-slight hint of curiosity about what *might* happen next. Know how you can be watching a movie that you’re not really enjoying but you think “oh well, I’ve sat through so much of this already, I might as well see it through to the end”? That’s pretty much the current state of my life.
Anyway, I want to thank the OP and everyone who’s replied. It does bring me some solace to hear that there are others in the same boat. Unfortunately, the boat still isn’t very pleasant to be aboard.
May 28th, 2010 at 12:01 am
Listen, I didn’t come here because I have problems but I came here lead by God because Christ sent me to write to people here in this place right now.
The main reason why some of you don’t feel like you belong in this world is because it could be that you never were meant for this world but for the world to come. Jesus Christ has a kingdom that no evil will be able to touch filled with joy peace and life everlasting but suicide will not get you there.
Suicide is a tool that your enemy is using against your mind because Jesus Christ has chosen you. Which enemy you ask? Satan is your enemy and his kingdom is around you but Christ destroyed the barrier between God and man through the cross of calvary.
Why does Satan hate you? because there were angels that fell in sin before mankind fell in sin and God never gave them a saviour but he gave us a saviour so they hate us because they never will recieve forgiveness when we can.
Satan and the fallen angels want to see you in hell because thats where they will be forever and will never recieve forgiveness but you can recieve forgiveness and a relationship with God.
Why did Jesus have to die on a cross? Jesus Christ was slain on the cross under the wrath of God the father because he became the sin bearer for mankind. It is sin that separates us from God but through Jesus Christ we are reconciled to God through the cross and through his resurrection because he took the punishment for those that give him thier lives.
I used to be a drug dealer, drug addict and drunkard and hated life and always felt like a never belonged to this world and little did I know that it was because I never did belong to this world. The scriptures call me a pilgrim in this world and if you truly want a relationship with God than I urge you to truly surrender your life to Jesus Christ and I mean everything and you will see how real he is and the power of the love of God through Jesus Christ.
Please consider this from God because I was lead by God to stop here and leave this message to somebody or to some people here. If you don’t want to recieve this message then you can keep going on with your life but if you are reading this and feel like Jesus is calling you then E-mail me at Anthony.Rodriguez@Hotmail.es
May 28th, 2010 at 12:34 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
May 28th, 2010 at 12:37 am
If you want to then you can watch this video, it is powerful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
May 28th, 2010 at 3:47 am
Hahahahaha… god..