Comments on: I don’t belong in this world http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/ share your suicide story with others Sat, 11 Feb 2012 17:21:03 +0000 hourly 1 By: nastoff http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-96580 nastoff Sun, 18 Sep 2011 03:44:39 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-96580 Nobody is meant for this world but some people make the most out of it. I think your problem is emotional. As you mentioned, you go home to an empty apartment. Why? There's a person out there who is meant for you, find her. All the rest are trivial. Nobody is meant for this world but some people make the most out of it. I think your problem is emotional. As you mentioned, you go home to an empty apartment. Why? There’s a person out there who is meant for you, find her. All the rest are trivial.

]]> By: ostrich http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-57919 ostrich Tue, 15 Feb 2011 19:17:33 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-57919 i often feel like you do. im going to tell you about my life first my parents divorced( and i remember it like it was yesterday), my two nans died and my grandad, we moved away from my dad and my home town in the country into a city and in year eight in high school i suffered severe depresion (im in year 11 now) I was put in this room at the top of my school where I spent the next year and during that year every month i went to the local hospital where I would be given breathing exercises and things like that to relieve the stress. I haven't told any of my friends what happened to me and im not sure that I ever will. anyway during my year of depression my granddad died which knocked me twice as hard and I ended up staying off school for months but then gradually i came in to school for a few hours a day and eventually back into full time. going to the hospital was a complete waste of time as the breathing and stuff would only work temporarily and one day during that year i wrote a suicide note, it was short but held all the information my mum needed to see that something was wrong (i got caught writing it) and the second my family found out everyone wouldnt leave me alone they bugged me everyday asking if everything was alright and i would just by habbit say that it was. anyway after sort of getting better the next year i tried to reclaim some of my friends but i found myself being pushed aside (which i was not used to as i have always had alot of friends and have been able to easily make new ones) as i tried to bring more people into my life i realised that i had made friends but they just werent very easy to talk to anyway recently i have started to build up my confidence again by just living my normal everyday life and i have met one person in particular that i can easily talk to and we have even started going in to town and going to the cinema but lately (as this year is my last in high school) i have really tried hard to listen to music my friends like and watch similar things but lately i have really began to feel the pressure and i keep hearing my mind telling me to leave this world (i know it sounds dramatic but its true)but this time i feel like if i go into depression (i dont like using that word it makes me sad or feel like im mad) i wont come back out and although i have never felt like i wanted to commit suicide (even when i wrote the suicide note) i know that deep down i have the capability of it. i feel like i should belong to another world where people understand me. at the moment i havent spoken to anyone about this new wave of bad feelings because i dont want the fuss i had last time , this time i feel like i just want to be alone in my own imagination where i can forget everything. i think that so far the only reason i am still keeping my barriers up is that i want to become an ecologist where i can go out into nature where i feel amazing and help the struggling wildlife of todays world.that thought of helping many inocent creatures and plants that are worse off than me is the only reason i can think of that i want to stay alive and i think that you should try and do that and find something that you can permenantly refer to as you go through your life that will make you feel like your life has a purpose. anyway lately i have been trying to stop myself from going red with embaressment (leftover from the depression) and eventually i realised that if my friends said something embarising then i would go red and my eyes would fill with tears and you want to know what? now i just accept it and carry on talking. there are only five things that i am scared of in life and that is spiders(even though i have held a tarantula), heights(i get dizzy and feel faint), going red in front of someone ive never met, something that i have to put up with everyday of my life untill i die and that thing is me (i am upset with myself for going through depression and i will always feel that way no matter how much support i get and in the end i think it is down to the person not to recover from depression but to cope with it as depression will never go away as i have discovered but dont become submerged in it just always no matter what you do always just keep your head above water. tips no1.do something positive to take your mind off your bad feelings no2. try listening to your favourite music at every chance you get (it gives you confidence. especiallly in the mornings) no3. any oppurtunities you get to do something you want, snap them up because they might not come around again. lately i read a series of books called the power of five by anthony horowitz and since reading them i have always felt like i want to be part of the book and im not sure if this is part of depression but when i read the books it was as if they hypnotized me and i just didnt put them down and today i tried to search for the last book of the series on the computer and found that he hasnt yet finished writing it and i feel so bad it has really knocked me, i feel like my soul has just sank but it makes me scared of wanting to read because i feel so attached to the characters that i dont want to leave and this i think could be part of depression and i really want to live in the world that my imagination had created from anthony horowitz's words. the reason i wrote this extra bit is mainly because if you are similar to me you may get put down really badly by a book but on the other hand some people read to relax which i suppose is why i chose to read in the first place but i cant yet bring myself to pick up another book and face that soul sinking feeling again.( i also found that with a film i watched) one last thing i'd like to give is a quote from a website i came across while searching on google( http://www.boardofwisdom.com/mailquote.asp?msgid=13772 ) this quote is the thing that i looked at everyday when i felt like i had no friends= "Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times an dthe confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end." i often feel like you do. im going to tell you about my life first my parents divorced( and i remember it like it was yesterday), my two nans died and my grandad, we moved away from my dad and my home town in the country into a city and in year eight in high school i suffered severe depresion (im in year 11 now) I was put in this room at the top of my school where I spent the next year and during that year every month i went to the local hospital where I would be given breathing exercises and things like that to relieve the stress. I haven’t told any of my friends what happened to me and im not sure that I ever will. anyway during my year of depression my granddad died which knocked me twice as hard and I ended up staying off school for months but then gradually i came in to school for a few hours a day and eventually back into full time. going to the hospital was a complete waste of time as the breathing and stuff would only work temporarily and one day during that year i wrote a suicide note, it was short but held all the information my mum needed to see that something was wrong (i got caught writing it) and the second my family found out everyone wouldnt leave me alone they bugged me everyday asking if everything was alright and i would just by habbit say that it was. anyway after sort of getting better the next year i tried to reclaim some of my friends but i found myself being pushed aside (which i was not used to as i have always had alot of friends and have been able to easily make new ones) as i tried to bring more people into my life i realised that i had made friends but they just werent very easy to talk to anyway recently i have started to build up my confidence again by just living my normal everyday life and i have met one person in particular that i can easily talk to and we have even started going in to town and going to the cinema but lately (as this year is my last in high school) i have really tried hard to listen to music my friends like and watch similar things but lately i have really began to feel the pressure and i keep hearing my mind telling me to leave this world (i know it sounds dramatic but its true)but this time i feel like if i go into depression (i dont like using that word it makes me sad or feel like im mad) i wont come back out and although i have never felt like i wanted to commit suicide (even when i wrote the suicide note) i know that deep down i have the capability of it. i feel like i should belong to another world where people understand me. at the moment i havent spoken to anyone about this new wave of bad feelings because i dont want the fuss i had last time , this time i feel like i just want to be alone in my own imagination where i can forget everything. i think that so far the only reason i am still keeping my barriers up is that i want to become an ecologist where i can go out into nature where i feel amazing and help the struggling wildlife of todays world.that thought of helping many inocent creatures and plants that are worse off than me is the only reason i can think of that i want to stay alive and i think that you should try and do that and find something that you can permenantly refer to as you go through your life that will make you feel like your life has a purpose. anyway lately i have been trying to stop myself from going red with embaressment (leftover from the depression) and eventually i realised that if my friends said something embarising then i would go red and my eyes would fill with tears and you want to know what? now i just accept it and carry on talking. there are only five things that i am scared of in life and that is spiders(even though i have held a tarantula), heights(i get dizzy and feel faint), going red in front of someone ive never met, something that i have to put up with everyday of my life untill i die and that thing is me (i am upset with myself for going through depression and i will always feel that way no matter how much support i get and in the end i think it is down to the person not to recover from depression but to cope with it as depression will never go away as i have discovered but dont become submerged in it just always no matter what you do always just keep your head above water.

tips
no1.do something positive to take your mind off your bad feelings

no2. try listening to your favourite music at every chance you get (it gives you confidence. especiallly in the mornings)

no3. any oppurtunities you get to do something you want, snap them up because they might not come around again.

lately i read a series of books called the power of five by anthony horowitz and since reading them i have always felt like i want to be part of the book and im not sure if this is part of depression but when i read the books it was as if they hypnotized me and i just didnt put them down and today i tried to search for the last book of the series on the computer and found that he hasnt yet finished writing it and i feel so bad it has really knocked me, i feel like my soul has just sank but it makes me scared of wanting to read because i feel so attached to the characters that i dont want to leave and this i think could be part of depression and i really want to live in the world that my imagination had created from anthony horowitz’s words. the reason i wrote this extra bit is mainly because if you are similar to me you may get put down really badly by a book but on the other hand some people read to relax which i suppose is why i chose to read in the first place but i cant yet bring myself to pick up another book and face that soul sinking feeling again.( i also found that with a film i watched)

one last thing i’d like to give is a quote from a website i came across while searching on google( http://www.boardofwisdom.com/mailquote.asp?msgid=13772 )

this quote is the thing that i looked at everyday when i felt like i had no friends=

“Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you’re down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times an dthe confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.”

]]> By: thrifty_smurf http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-46971 thrifty_smurf Mon, 25 Oct 2010 01:45:45 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-46971 Wow, it's like you are my twin, I would be dead too if it wasn't for one relative (my brother), I am a social failure. Girls look down on me. Never had a relationship or date. I have an unlimited calling plan and use only 8 minutes a month , just to check my voicemail. I am not ugly or obese and I have a good job. I have never wronged anyone in my life, yet I get treated like a piece of junk. If I killed myself today, no one would care except my brother. I want out so bad. This world is not for people like me. Wow, it’s like you are my twin, I would be dead too if it wasn’t for one relative (my brother), I am a social failure. Girls look down on me. Never had a relationship or date. I have an unlimited calling plan and use only 8 minutes a month , just to check my voicemail. I am not ugly or obese and I have a good job. I have never wronged anyone in my life, yet I get treated like a piece of junk. If I killed myself today, no one would care except my brother. I want out so bad. This world is not for people like me.

]]> By: Matt http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-41879 Matt Fri, 28 May 2010 07:47:06 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-41879 Hahahahaha... god.. Hahahahaha… god..

]]> By: TrueLife http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-41872 TrueLife Fri, 28 May 2010 04:37:03 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-41872 If you want to then you can watch this video, it is powerful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA If you want to then you can watch this video, it is powerful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

]]> By: TrueLife http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-41871 TrueLife Fri, 28 May 2010 04:34:55 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-41871 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

]]> By: TrueLife http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-41870 TrueLife Fri, 28 May 2010 04:01:09 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-41870 Listen, I didn't come here because I have problems but I came here lead by God because Christ sent me to write to people here in this place right now. The main reason why some of you don't feel like you belong in this world is because it could be that you never were meant for this world but for the world to come. Jesus Christ has a kingdom that no evil will be able to touch filled with joy peace and life everlasting but suicide will not get you there. Suicide is a tool that your enemy is using against your mind because Jesus Christ has chosen you. Which enemy you ask? Satan is your enemy and his kingdom is around you but Christ destroyed the barrier between God and man through the cross of calvary. Why does Satan hate you? because there were angels that fell in sin before mankind fell in sin and God never gave them a saviour but he gave us a saviour so they hate us because they never will recieve forgiveness when we can. Satan and the fallen angels want to see you in hell because thats where they will be forever and will never recieve forgiveness but you can recieve forgiveness and a relationship with God. Why did Jesus have to die on a cross? Jesus Christ was slain on the cross under the wrath of God the father because he became the sin bearer for mankind. It is sin that separates us from God but through Jesus Christ we are reconciled to God through the cross and through his resurrection because he took the punishment for those that give him thier lives. I used to be a drug dealer, drug addict and drunkard and hated life and always felt like a never belonged to this world and little did I know that it was because I never did belong to this world. The scriptures call me a pilgrim in this world and if you truly want a relationship with God than I urge you to truly surrender your life to Jesus Christ and I mean everything and you will see how real he is and the power of the love of God through Jesus Christ. Please consider this from God because I was lead by God to stop here and leave this message to somebody or to some people here. If you don't want to recieve this message then you can keep going on with your life but if you are reading this and feel like Jesus is calling you then E-mail me at Anthony.Rodriguez@Hotmail.es Listen, I didn’t come here because I have problems but I came here lead by God because Christ sent me to write to people here in this place right now.

The main reason why some of you don’t feel like you belong in this world is because it could be that you never were meant for this world but for the world to come. Jesus Christ has a kingdom that no evil will be able to touch filled with joy peace and life everlasting but suicide will not get you there.

Suicide is a tool that your enemy is using against your mind because Jesus Christ has chosen you. Which enemy you ask? Satan is your enemy and his kingdom is around you but Christ destroyed the barrier between God and man through the cross of calvary.

Why does Satan hate you? because there were angels that fell in sin before mankind fell in sin and God never gave them a saviour but he gave us a saviour so they hate us because they never will recieve forgiveness when we can.

Satan and the fallen angels want to see you in hell because thats where they will be forever and will never recieve forgiveness but you can recieve forgiveness and a relationship with God.

Why did Jesus have to die on a cross? Jesus Christ was slain on the cross under the wrath of God the father because he became the sin bearer for mankind. It is sin that separates us from God but through Jesus Christ we are reconciled to God through the cross and through his resurrection because he took the punishment for those that give him thier lives.

I used to be a drug dealer, drug addict and drunkard and hated life and always felt like a never belonged to this world and little did I know that it was because I never did belong to this world. The scriptures call me a pilgrim in this world and if you truly want a relationship with God than I urge you to truly surrender your life to Jesus Christ and I mean everything and you will see how real he is and the power of the love of God through Jesus Christ.

Please consider this from God because I was lead by God to stop here and leave this message to somebody or to some people here. If you don’t want to recieve this message then you can keep going on with your life but if you are reading this and feel like Jesus is calling you then E-mail me at Anthony.Rodriguez@Hotmail.es

]]> By: AnonymousApathy http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-39386 AnonymousApathy Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:54:51 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-39386 Wow, I can relate to a lot of people who've posted here. I actually feel guilty for being all gloomy, because I know there are so many people who are objectively worse off than I am. Even so, I've never felt like I really belonged anywhere, and since graduating from college (7 years ago...) I've had pretty much no regular social interaction. On the very rare occasions that I do interact with people outside of work, I feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I wish I were alone at home. And yet when I'm alone at home, I end up wishing I had someone to talk to. I can't seem to win. It does all seem very pointless sometimes. I think the only reasons I'm still around are my parents (who are good people and don't deserve the pain they'd go through if I did something stupid), and an ever-so-slight hint of curiosity about what *might* happen next. Know how you can be watching a movie that you're not really enjoying but you think "oh well, I've sat through so much of this already, I might as well see it through to the end"? That's pretty much the current state of my life. Anyway, I want to thank the OP and everyone who's replied. It does bring me some solace to hear that there are others in the same boat. Unfortunately, the boat still isn't very pleasant to be aboard. Wow, I can relate to a lot of people who’ve posted here. I actually feel guilty for being all gloomy, because I know there are so many people who are objectively worse off than I am.

Even so, I’ve never felt like I really belonged anywhere, and since graduating from college (7 years ago…) I’ve had pretty much no regular social interaction. On the very rare occasions that I do interact with people outside of work, I feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I wish I were alone at home. And yet when I’m alone at home, I end up wishing I had someone to talk to. I can’t seem to win.

It does all seem very pointless sometimes. I think the only reasons I’m still around are my parents (who are good people and don’t deserve the pain they’d go through if I did something stupid), and an ever-so-slight hint of curiosity about what *might* happen next. Know how you can be watching a movie that you’re not really enjoying but you think “oh well, I’ve sat through so much of this already, I might as well see it through to the end”? That’s pretty much the current state of my life.

Anyway, I want to thank the OP and everyone who’s replied. It does bring me some solace to hear that there are others in the same boat. Unfortunately, the boat still isn’t very pleasant to be aboard.

]]> By: Homeless http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-39270 Homeless Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:17:50 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-39270 "Marla's philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn't." Pick up Fight Club when you get the chance - the book, not the movie - reading that book made me feel like someone actually got me. You're not alone. I've felt homeless in this world since I was very young. I've never felt like I belong anywhere. It's an indescribably horrible feeling. Mom frequently jokes that at birth I looked personally affronted at the fact that I was born and never forgave her for it. Since at least 6 years old I've strongly felt that my birth was a karmic clerical error. Since 8 I've been suicidal b/c I just hate it here and want to go back "home;" wherever that is, it's certainly not here. I'm nearly 30 and for all 3 decades I have walked around this place like an alien trying desperately to understand people and how this world functions and how I can squeeze my way into it. For 3 decades I have aggressively pursued every possible opportunity to find happiness - career, friendship, love, helping others to an obsessive degree, finding a meaningful mission. I have literally tried everything. I'm out of ideas. And I give up, I can't do this anymore. It's not about having a rough life - objectively I have a great life. I couldn't ask for a better family, born with loads of opportunities. After years of study I even figured out how to relate to people. I haven't figured out how to retain friends though. People love me at a surface level, men fall in love with me all the damn time, but people consistently have 0 interest in developing a real relationship. I feel like they can see that I'm an alien, a friendly one, but not one they want to get too close to. I just wish I could give my life to someone who can do something with it and who will appreciate it. I don't want it. My life is not me, it's an empty vessel I'm trapped in. So, yeah, I get it. I don't know how much solace it is to hear that other people feel exactly the same way. For me, it's really comforting to know I'm not the only mistake. But it doesn't make me any more at home. Like you, I'm only here now to avoid hurting other people. But I'm getting sick of continuing this suffering for the sake of a handful of people. For once I'd like to do something for myself. “Marla’s philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn’t.” Pick up Fight Club when you get the chance – the book, not the movie – reading that book made me feel like someone actually got me.

You’re not alone. I’ve felt homeless in this world since I was very young. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere. It’s an indescribably horrible feeling. Mom frequently jokes that at birth I looked personally affronted at the fact that I was born and never forgave her for it. Since at least 6 years old I’ve strongly felt that my birth was a karmic clerical error. Since 8 I’ve been suicidal b/c I just hate it here and want to go back “home;” wherever that is, it’s certainly not here.

I’m nearly 30 and for all 3 decades I have walked around this place like an alien trying desperately to understand people and how this world functions and how I can squeeze my way into it. For 3 decades I have aggressively pursued every possible opportunity to find happiness – career, friendship, love, helping others to an obsessive degree, finding a meaningful mission. I have literally tried everything. I’m out of ideas. And I give up, I can’t do this anymore.

It’s not about having a rough life – objectively I have a great life. I couldn’t ask for a better family, born with loads of opportunities. After years of study I even figured out how to relate to people. I haven’t figured out how to retain friends though. People love me at a surface level, men fall in love with me all the damn time, but people consistently have 0 interest in developing a real relationship. I feel like they can see that I’m an alien, a friendly one, but not one they want to get too close to. I just wish I could give my life to someone who can do something with it and who will appreciate it. I don’t want it. My life is not me, it’s an empty vessel I’m trapped in.

So, yeah, I get it. I don’t know how much solace it is to hear that other people feel exactly the same way. For me, it’s really comforting to know I’m not the only mistake. But it doesn’t make me any more at home. Like you, I’m only here now to avoid hurting other people. But I’m getting sick of continuing this suffering for the sake of a handful of people. For once I’d like to do something for myself.

]]> By: Jlavm http://suicideproject.org/2009/07/i-dont-belong-in-this-world/comment-page-1/#comment-38863 Jlavm Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:17:56 +0000 http://suicideproject.org/?p=3057#comment-38863 I can't tell you how much your post means to me. I feel almost exactly the same way. I come home to an empty apartment, and an empty life for the most part. I make attempts to "Find" someone and try to find hobbies but it never works. When i woke up this morning the first thing i thought was how my job, my friends, my life just feels wrong. Like i am watching it on tv. I feel like there is no way this is my life. It has gotten to the point that i believe the only way out is to end it. I've tried to make changes but they go no where. All i can say is i hope you figure out what you need to do to be happy, I'll work on it too. I can’t tell you how much your post means to me. I feel almost exactly the same way. I come home to an empty apartment, and an empty life for the most part. I make attempts to “Find” someone and try to find hobbies but it never works.

When i woke up this morning the first thing i thought was how my job, my friends, my life just feels wrong. Like i am watching it on tv. I feel like there is no way this is my life. It has gotten to the point that i believe the only way out is to end it. I’ve tried to make changes but they go no where.

All i can say is i hope you figure out what you need to do to be happy, I’ll work on it too.

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