- A father, son, and husband.

You are having natural responses to many severe life tests: no father, a mother who had little time for you, no extended family, two rapes — the stress has been cumulative and triggered a severe depression.

First, you can come back from this. Consider getting a therapist or counselor, and, if necessary, getting some anti-depressant medication — that will help you think more clearly and start recovering from this episode of depression.

Second, have you contacted any rape help lines on the internet? Your desire to gain weight so that no one will ever be attracted to you again is a response sometimes seen in people who have been raped.

If you contact a rape survivors support group in your geographic area or a message board for them online, you can get support in healing from rape.

Please don’t blame yourself for the rapes. While it is always wise to avoid dangerous circumstances, when one is young, one’s internal “alarm” is not fully mature yet, and does not always alert one to a dangerous situation.

As we grow a bit older, we get a better sense of which situations and people are risky.

If someone rapes or harms you, they are criminals. They know it’s wrong. They know that they shouldn’t be doing it. It is not your fault.

Third, you can come back from the weight gain and social isolation. Many depressed people do, and go on to live happier lives.

Consider calling a counselor or therapist and making an appointment today.

Also consider visiting:

http://www.lifeline-gallery.org/

It contains recorded podcasts from a lot of teens and twentysomethings who considered or attempted suicide, and why they ultimately decided to fight their problems and live.

Alyesha is absolutely correct that no one is destined to commit suicide. Suicides tend to run in families, because tendencies to depression are sometimes genetic, but individual family members can say, “I’m going to go get treatment. I don’t have to die like some of my other family members did.”

Consider that as a fine arts major, you are likely a very sensitive and intelligent person. Many well-known artists and writers have had clinical depressions in much larger numbers than the rest of the population. The sensitivity that makes them good artists also makes them vulnerable to depressions.

But they have survived the depressions and lived to create excellent art, sometimes art about the depressions. Have you tried to draw or sculpt or write about your despair? It might help.

Here is a link to a book about the lives of artists who suffered from depressions and bipolar disorder and went on to create very good art. Why shouldn’t you be one of them?

http://www.amazon.com/Touched-Fire-Manic-Depressive-Artistic-Temperament/dp/068483183X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249002714&sr=1-3

Many blessings for a complete healing.

Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)