I know you must be in incredible pain, but please hold off on your plan and please talk to someone (therapist, support group, hotline, hospital). Even if we ourselves feel worthless, we are not in God’s eyes — we are each marvelous, individual, amazing creations. Our lives may get really crappy, so dark that we cannot see our way out of the fog, but there is a way out eventually, so try to have faith even though you cannot see it at the moment. As long as we are alive, there is always potential.

You may not realize it, but I can even see some of your talents and positive qualities coming through in your post. You are obviously a good, clear writer for starters. You present things in a very organized / logical way, and conveyed your point effectively with the parrot analogy. I can also see that you must care about your family, since you are trying to figure out a way to ‘lessen the impact’ on them. You also obviously care for animals, having a pet for over 20 years. Even though I am a total stranger, I sense that you must have many more great qualities.

Ironically, in your logical analysis of avoiding ‘complications’ for your family, you don’t address the crushing emotional impact of this potential event in their lives: their husband / father will be gone FOREVER. If this happens, they will have had no say in the matter, they will be devasted, and they will probably struggle to understand this for the rest of their lives. Plese consider this: you are planning the pre-meditated murder of your wife’s husband, your children’s father. They need you — please do not do this. You are valuable, you are loved.

Prayers & blessings, Elizabeth