I can’t live like this anymore

August 2nd, 2009 by kayceekitten

I can’t live this way anymore. My best friend gave me a lecture about me killing myself, and now hates me. My one friend, Paige, doesn’t even ACT like she cares. I’m probably depressed, I wanna kill myself, and I have thought of running away multiple times (I would have nowhere to go….). My life is one big hell. My dad hit me when I was three, has been verbally abusive since, hit me again when I was seven, and juSt plain pisses me off. My parents argue often now, and I’ve decided next time they get in a fight, I’m running and not coming back. There are people whose lives are nearly perfect, but act depressed and wanna kill themselves. I’m not one of those people. Don’t tell me not to commit suicide, I can decide for myself. Sorry I just had to say this.

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5 Responses to “I can’t live like this anymore”

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  1. Hi,

    I dont know you and i dont know your life. I just thought maybe all you need is a little perspective. Your dad has hit you and been verbally abusive, ur parents fight, and ur friends can never understand, thats my understanding of your life. really what i am trying to say is you also need to appreciate what you have over others much much less fortunate than you, as bad as things may get for you, remember they can always be worse.
    how bout being sexually abused for years,how bout standing above ur abuser with a 8inch blade hovering above their chest and making that decision…do i or dont i? how bout having 2 physically disabled parents to care for, how bout being beaten with a studded dogs collar every time you talked back, how bout barracading urself in ur room 4 three days at a time without food covered in welts fearing for ur life, how about sleeping on park benchs and in sewers cos you have no where to go, how bout eating out of bins cos ur that hungry, how bout overdosing in agony for 5 hrs and just surviving, how bout stabbing urself in the leg cos the pain inside was too much to bear, how bout growing up unable to have physical contact for fear of abuse, hows bout finaly gettin kicked out and told never to come back….

    hows bout all that…well that is my life or should i say was my life. Despite my past, i have learned to be strong and find meaning for myself. I know it could have been worse for me and am glad to be where i am today, a happy girl with a life i made my own full of love, caring, trust and the love of my life in my arms every night. i have travelled and found myself beneath all the demons.

    Every day is a lesson if your willing to learn.
    Find the happiness in your life.

  2. I’ve also thought of running away both when i was little and now but thought like you did. There is no place to go and then you only turn back hungry and cold with the head down in shame..

    How can you call your friend to be the best if she/he gave you a lecture in how to kill yourself, i’ve had such friends who gives a rats ass about me and those arent called friends but people.

    im not saying not to suicide but not to do anything rash, show that you’re better than them.

  3. Dear I Can’t:

    It sounds like a very stressful situation. You are dealing with a depression, one of your closest friends can’t handle it and has withdrawn from you, and your parents are fighting a lot.

    Have you thought of getting some counseling? Sometimes just talking with a kindly and sympathetic person can make a huge difference, and help provide positive ideas on better ways to cope with problems.

    If you re in middle school or high school, one of your guidance counselors can help you find a therapist in a confidential manner.

    It might be better to find a counselor than running away from home. Your homelife is pretty tough right now, but runaways often end up in horrible situations, worse than the homes they ran away from.

    No one can tell you what to do about suicide.

    We can only offer thoughts from our own experiences with it.

    For many of us, suicide did not work out the way we thought it would. In some cases, we were badly injured and spent months in regular hospitals or psych wards.

    Consider that if you can stay alive until age 18, you can leave your parents and your home, and find a happier life elsewhere, as an adult.

    You will always have the option of suicide, but consider postponing it for a while, until you have talked with a counselor, and considered what you want to do with your future.

    Wishing you a better adult life,

    Cordially,
    Struggling to Survive (been there)

  4. It’s hard when nobody takes you seriously.

    You keep having to make bigger and bigger threats to try to get anybody to pay attention, but sometimes it backfires.

    I had the same problem with my brother – when I told him I was feeling suicidal, he took it as a way to get attention.

    Well, yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

    The reason we threaten suicide is because nobody pays us any attention. Duh.

    Well, now I’ve cut everybody out of my life except the people who *do* pay attention.

    Which I know is harder for you because you’re young and still in school and dependent on your parents for money and a place to live.

    And it sucks that your ‘friends’ are turning on you like this. I think they’re too young to handle something like what you’re dealing with, they’re too immature to be able to help you properly. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that.

    Like Struggling says, you need to talk to somebody.

    Seriously, I called that hotline number I gave you, and the guy I talked to was really, really helpful. You might just try it. If you don’t have your own phone, you can call an 800 number for free on a pay phone. There are sometimes places kids can go when they’re in a situation like yours, where people can help them.

    You might also try calling your local abuse hotline, which should also be a free 800 number.

  5. PS – the ‘duh’ wasn’t aimed at you, nor was the ‘no shit Sherlock’ – it’s aimed at the people who think suicide is a joke or some kind of attention-getting stunt. Hope I made that clear!

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