killing myself

September 2nd, 2009 by dreamer

i have had three attempts.

!. od on vicodin, got sick, pain for over a week following, think i did permanent liver damage

2. od on ativan/ambien, friend called 911, transport to hospital, don’t remember much, forced to drink charcoal, hospitalized in mental ward

3. strangulation, friend found me, cut tube off my neck, damaged throat & had difficulty swallowing

if i try again i am going to drink a lot of alcohol, take a bottle of of ativan & hang myself from a bridge near my house. i have the rope and i have been practicing tying noose knots. i’m pretty good at it now.

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16 Responses to “killing myself”

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  1. Those are painful methods. The Japanese use charcoal.

  2. you tried vicodinand it diddnt work? wow how did that not kill you? please tell me how much you did and what milligrams. i am shocked that is hillbilly heroin. please give me details where are you located how did you even get it?

  3. Maybe If you tried soo many times &&You havent died maybe ur not meant to be dead yet… its not your time yet. Let god take u when he wants to..

  4. the reason the vicodin did not kill me is because it i got sick and threw up some of it before i passed out. that’s what i think. also i used to have the capacity to metabolize drugs/alcohol quickly before the liver damage. i was very pissed off about the vicodin episode because i really expected it to work. the reason i threw up was because i felt like i was falling through the floor and was therefore extremely dizzy. if i could get my hands on that much vicodin again (i had a bottle of it, post-surgery) i would also take some antihistamines to knock me out. that way i would not get the nasty falling feeling and throw up! the things we learn from our experiences..

  5. Good grief buddy, I’m very curious what would make someone so determined to die.

    What happened to you that makes you so eager to die?

    It saddens to just reading all your attempts.

  6. Dont kill your self.
    i want to commit suicide as well
    od on drugs rarely works.
    hanging as well.
    if u want to die so badly
    u might as well accomplish somthing worth remebering before then.
    If nobody remebers you then whats the point of dying
    nobody will care and it will be a wasted life.
    u might as well change somone elses life positivley before dying.
    being forgotten is worse then living in my life
    it keeps me alive
    so i will be remebered
    and people will care
    im not gonna die a pointless death
    you’d do well to do the same

  7. Thats interesting. They do say that you have to mix opiates with sleeping pills for them to kills and I guess thats to make you pass out so as to stop you from feeling sick or throwing up. How many milligrams of vicodin was it and how many in a bottle? did you mix it with alcohol? How long will you wait before you try it again? Are you too scred now or more motivated…

  8. im glad it didnt work. i dont know if u believe that everything happens for a reason, but this could be a sign. maybe ur not meant to die yet. maybe theres something in life you have to do first before you can die. you should try this website, its helped me a lot.

    or you can email me:

    if you ever need to talk im here for you. please dont try suicide again.

  9. i’m not scared of dying, but i don’t like feeling like i’m falling through the floor. that was awful, and when i try again i am definitely going to take something that will specifically knock me out so i won’t feel anything.
    when i tried the ambien/ativan combination i passed out in the ambulance and my whole memory of that period is really vague. those two drugs taken together cause amnesia and loss of consciousness- a good combo for suicide. i think if i were to do an ativan/ambien/high dosage opiate i.e. vicodin, etc. combo it would work. that plus making sure i don’t get found by a well-meaning friend. two out of three times a friend has found me and “saved” my life, and i don’t want that to happen again.
    i don’t remember how many mg of vicodin i took, but it was a lot- basically a bottle of big pills.
    one of these days i am going try again, and when i do i am going to succeed. you know what they say- “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

  10. Why do you want to do this so bad?maybe you are meant to live for something when it hasn’t worked so far.

    Did it hurt when you took the pills or do you remember?Is it just like blacking out?

  11. Remember, you only die when you are mean’t to die. Sometimes life (people) and/or the lack thereof etc etc too many circumstances – no understanding from anyone pushes people over te edge. Many people might say “get over it” it’s not that easy depending on support systems – and not everyone has those due to ‘lack of people surrounding them – period’. The problem with ‘trying’ to kill yourself whether it be an od r whatever and a person doesn’t succeed – the stigma attached to a person via doctors, community, supposed friends, (and if the information gets out to a corporation i.e. H/R – it happened to me) well, the repercussions from that is irreversible.

    Pills rarely work (and then you will find doctors will not prescribe them to you even if you REALLY need them re liability issues – they should listen in the first place….) Pills do not work – especially if you are a relatively healthy person and then YOU WILL have to live with the stigma of this for the rest of your life – and believe me – it affects your life.

    So if you DO have some TRUE friends, and the RIGHT doctor – describe to them EXACTLY what your environment is like (whether workplace or home – AND BE SPECIFIC) – they may be able to help…

    Everyone’s stuation is different – pills/antidepressants aren’t always the answer – and yes you should have counselling – sometimes this is limited as well.

    You will suffer immensely in tryng to kill yourself – IN YOUR CASE it seems that it is situational – soemthing traumatic – soemhow try to find the right help – YOU STILL have a future – especially if you are young

  12. dude if you want to kill yourself go head man you are very determine to die and i would have to say the same here and your not trying to die for attention you just hate this fucking world and this gay thing called life with a person cant even decide to end if they want to we should have the right to kill our self because we have the right to live fuck this man we are dead

  13. hey, i just wanted so say that i know how you feel. I have tried multiple times, and it never went through. Maybe since you have not been able to go through with it all, maybe its not your time to go. I dont believe in god or religion, but i do believe in people having their time to go. I know that it isnt my time to leave, but i continue to try. I hope that you find peace in life, and if not, i hope that you are satisfied with ending your life. I know how it feels to want to die. Good luck. all the best

  14. i wish we could help eachother. i also have attempted suicide but was found passing out on my bathroom floor next to some alcohol and pain killers and was taken to the hospital. i still want to die but it seems alot of poeple fail. so i stopped trying because being alive after trying to kill yourself leaves a worse feeling than before the attempt and it makes me feel embarassed :\ but i think about suicide 24/7, i’ve been googling and searching for methods and advice but that doesn’t help. and now i realize that what im searching for is someone who wants to die also and is serious about it. i hope it doesnt sound twisted but i’m glad there are other people who feel like me, it makes me feel a little less alone i guess…

  15. Please, I am tired and just want the pain to go away, could anyone give me an alcohol, ativan mix, to leave this fucking life?

    I don’t want to know your thoughts, just the mixture quantities….

    Thank you

  16. Dreamer, don’t do it! I know you have to have dreams you want to become reality in the future. Don’t give up, please be strong.

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