R.I.P Mommy
December 31st, 2009 by xxKelseyHello,
My names Kelsey Renzella, and I’m 15 years old. I live with my grandma in McMechen WV. Almost one year ago my mother killed
herself in the midst of a rocky divorce with my father. Prior to her suicide my mom was addicted to prescription pain
relievers, taking depression medication, and taking part in illegal drugs. She was physically and mentally abusive to me and
my younger brother. We blame this partially to her tendencies to all of the medication and drugs. My younger brother was recently diagnosed with depression and aspergers, a not well known or talked about mental condition. When i was younger until when I went to live with my grandma my mother threatened me, tortured me and, beat me, and emotionally scared me. We believe that she too had aspergers and bi polar disorder. In January, a month before my dad told her about the divorce and her suicide, my mother and i had another fight. This fight was worse than all the others, and I’d reached my breaking point with her. This time I fought back. I ran from our home too my grandma’s where I had her call the police. My entire family was aware of the way my mother acted. The police came, and my grandparents had decided to press charges. We told the officer, and he went to talk to my mother. She decided to press charges against me as well. I was taken immediately to a juvenile center, where i was beyond what you could imagine out of place. y mother was taken to county Jail. None of the guidance officers or ‘watch dogs’ would believe my story or the fact that I had never participated in drugs or alcohol. After my three day stay at the center my court day had arrived and all shackled and dressed in bright orange i rode to the court house where i was released to my grandparents. Future hearings would be held for me and my mother later. My father had already told my mother that he planned to divorce her. My mother would manage to come to two more of our hearings, and none of the divorce hearings. On January 21st My mother shot herself in the head with a pistol. Anything can happen, anywhere, and at anytime. Even in a small town where everyone knows everybody else. && to anyone who is considering suicide. No matter how close you are to your family it will still burn and hurt. I swore to myself i wouldn’t care about the whole thing, but i still cried and cried for months to follow. consider the consequences you are leaving behind.
January 2nd, 2010 at 6:19 pm
My comment has been removed. I will write it again. Email me at alvaro@yandex.ru and let me contact the State people to help you. You are by law protected at least until you are 18. You should never feel you are alone. You are not. We are here. Dont worry about the baby coming up, they will help you with him or her, in his coming to life and above all, you have my full sympathy, understanding and support. You are of nothing guilty. You have been a victim and now you need to be cared for.
January 3rd, 2010 at 5:04 pm
i thought i was at another story, my comment was not removed.
Despite how you feel now, I think your story has a happy end. Now you can plan your life in tranquility , prepare to be a wonderful mother youself some day with a great family. I know you will because you have matured a lot with that nightmare of your past life.
A comment to the moderator: why cant comments be deleted or edited by their authors!! why cant i delete the comments I want!! i ve clicked on delete 5 times and it does not work!
January 4th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Kelsey…… I have been reading on this site for 1year, although I have never posting. However, your post really touched my heart. I am a middle-aged happily married woman. I just want to address some of your thoughts and feelings. You can of course, pick and choose what is or is not useful to you, I just really felt a need to relay information to you from years of my life experiences, as well as my heartful feelings to your injured soul. In the end of your post you had said you swore you would not care about the whole thing but you still cry. Kelsey, it is so good to cry. You will be grieving your Mother for a very long time, even though she was not kind to you, she was still your Mother and you only have one. I had an abusive Mother and when she died I cried for years (not literally, although very often). Crying and grieving helps you. It helps you to heal your heart and soul. It helps to heal the years of abuse, heal the years of having a Mother who had a lot of physical and mental issues, heal the years of not having the Mom ‘you’ wanted and never had. So please Kelsey, cry………it heals you. I truly hope Kelsey, you do ‘not’ blame yourself for your Mother’s suicide. Some people will blame themselves when a significant family kills themselves. You played no part in her suicide. She just could not handle what life was giving her. Life is very challenging and to get through life a person has to have very good coping skills. Your Mother did not have good coping skills, she was abusing medication, and she was mentally ill……it was just too much for her. Again, Kelsey, know that you did ——nothing—— to facilitate her suicide. Oh, and somewhere along the line when you are ready, you need to forgive her…….that is very important…….I had to learn to forgive my Mother for her ‘sins’ (not literally) against me, all of the physical and verbal abuse. Kelsey, you need someone to talk to, to vent to, to get helpful information so you can deal with this. A person such as a social worker, a school counselor, a psychologist…….this would be helpful to you because you need to talk. Are you able to talk to your Grandmother about all of your feelings and all of your pain? If you are, that truly is a blessing to be able to talk out your feelings to your Grandmother. Please keep yourself busy with positive things in your life. Doing well at school, doing well at any type of after-school activities, volleyball, softball, the arts, track,etc.. Start to volunteer if you are able to get to a place. Volunteer with the homeless, at a seniors nursing home, at an animal shelter,etc.. Get on the computer and start to plan what you want to do when you graduate high school. What college you want to go to, what you would like to major in…….this Kelsey will give you an abundance of hope for your future, that your future will be greatly different from your Mother’s. Keep a journal. Write down all your feelings, both positive and negative. Be very good to yourself. Treat yourself kindly, whatever that means to you. Do —not—– hurt yourself, (with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, cutting, unprotected sex, etc…) nothing is your fault, and again, you need to treat yourself as if you would your very best friend who is going through a very difficult and challenging event right now. I don’t want to write a novel, but the last thing………what kind of relationship do you have with your Father??
Kelsey, Take care of you. Please, again, be kind to yourself. I just really felt a need to post to you. God Bless you very much and if I can help you, let me know. You are in my thoughts and what a huge horrific, emotional ripping, majorly depressing challenge for a 15 year old Kelsey to have to go through. Take care. JenZea
January 10th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Kelsey…….it is JenZea. Just checking in on you and seeing how you are feeling in your heart and head. I hope all is well with you. Blessings and Take good care. JenZea