FUCK YOU ALL
February 28th, 2010 by mnemosyneI’ve been backstabbed, cheated, let down by people who told me they cared about me, incredibly disappointed in those who were in any position to help me, and have come to the conclusion that the entire human race is shit. I don’t think that anyone out there acts like a human being any more.
For example:
A few weeks ago at one of our weekly sorority meetings we held elections for president, vice president, etc. I actually wasn’t there because I had family business to attend to that day, but i heard all about it from my friend, who really wanted to be vice president. She lost to another girl who I thought really didnt deserve it, basically because (sorry but I’m really oversimplifying this) the other girl had more friends. [On a side note, contrary to what you may think, not all girls in a sorority are friends with each other and may even hate each other.] Losing the election wasn’t a big deal because anyone can easily get over it. What really shocked me was something else..after the results came out, my friend started crying. She was extremely hurt because the election ended up being an immature popularity contest instead of deciding what was best for our organization. And even though all the sisters were right there watching her cry, not one person came over to comfort her. NOT ONE PERSON. And these are girls who swore an oath to be there for each other no matter what happens. When she told me about this, I thought “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM????? How can all of them act so inhuman like that – especially to one of their own?” I was already very disillusioned with my sorority and what it stands for, but this just confirmed my suspicions that the girls who are my own sisters are complete bitches!
So that was just one example of my disillusionment with humanity which leads up to my hatred of the entire human race.
This past year I’ve had trouble with my roomate, who is an inconsiderate, downright stupid bitch and who also happens to be another sorority sister. [You're probably asking why I joined this dumb sorority if they're all bitches, but when I pledged, everyone was actually really nice. Now after spending so much time with them I know how they really are.] This girl made life hell for me, and when I tried to talk to her about it we got into a fight, after which she apologized to me and I thought everything was going to be ok. Afterwards she called the cops on me. Like WHAT THE FUCK? I was so shocked and confused as to why she even thought of doing that, since I was the one with bloody scratches on my arms and after she spent half an hour trying to apologize to ME. In the end none of the charges stuck because they were obviously all lies concocted by her, and the prosecutor figured that something was seriously wrong with her mind, which is something anyone who knows her will confirm. So while all the court stuff was happening I moved out of the apartment and had to talk to like 10 college deans/advisors about my court case. They all claimed that they wanted to help me and other bullshit like that, but obviously it was all just a formality because they really didn’t do anything other than inconvenience me with all those pointless meetings. In fact my college deans were extremely UNhelpful. I asked them many times about finding a new place to stay around the university and finding a mediator to help me with my old rent, but none of them ever responded to my calls or emails about that. When I asked about going on a sorority roadtrip that I already bought plane tickets for (I was essentially banned from sorority activities that semester, as was the bitchy roommate) the deans didn’t get back to me until AFTER I had cancelled my flight, basically losing $150. In the end I took care of these kinds of matters by myself, after which they asked me, “Sorry it took us so long to get back to you, did you manage to figure out your rent problems?” Yea, thanks a lot for all your bullshit help you useless people. Please note that I go to one of the top public universities in the nation, thus you would expect advisers and deans to do their fucking job and help you if you need it. But in reality, they’ll only help you if the university’s interest is at stake. Two of their students getting into court trouble makes the university look bad, which is why they were all in my face about court matters (even though they were powerless to do anything about it). But more personal matters like finding a new apartment or financial issues they don’t give a shit about.
I’ve experienced all sorts of cases and situations where people just don’t do what they’re supposed to do. College deans not helping students, professors not knowing what they’re teaching, friends not acting like friends, leaders getting scared into acting like sheep, family not supporting you, etc etc. It seems that people work hard and suck up to others just to gain certain advantages (friendship, entrance into a sorority, a job, favors, you name it), but once that is attained, they get a little too comfortable in their position and in the end only care about maintaining what they have, and all their previous actions, even though they may seem like acts of kindness, may just be a means to an end.
For all the nice people out there who think that kindness and love cures the ills of society, here’s a hypothetical situation for you:
You are standing on a subway platform on the way to work. All of a sudden a drunk homeless guy who you have never seen in your life falls unconscious onto the train tracks. You know the train is coming soon and you know you can’t drag him out by yourself, but will you jump down and try to help him?
So what will you do? An even better question is, what do you think others will do? Are you going to wait around for someone else to jump in first? Do you think anyone else will care about a homeless guy? Are you going to yell “Someone help him!” while doing nothing yourself? If you jump in first, do you think anyone else will jump down to help?
Before college I would have thought the obvious answer was YES of course I will jump down and save him. A life is a life and if you’re a good person you would “do the right thing” and save him. But now I completely change my answer to HELL NO. I will not risk my life for a useless piece of trash. I don’t know him and I don’t care. For all I know he could have just murdered a guy. I might even get a day off work if I call in and say that I just saw a guy get ripped apart by a train and am too traumatized to go in that day.
In an ideal world where everyone has morals, then I would have jumped in to save him, but the world is not a good place. I used to believe that people will always try to “do the right thing”, but that’s not always the case. In fact, I think that more often people are willing to get their hands dirty if it will benefit them. I’ve been extremely disillusioned, and because of that I’m now extremely cynical and depressed. What makes it more painful is that I know I changed because of what happened to me. But I can’t rewind time or bring myself to change my feelings. I used to think the world was filled with hope and a bright future. Now I see that there’s a sickness in society that no one can cure. In this kind of society, I don’t want to jump onto the train tracks to save a random dude. And what’s really sad is, it would be perfectly acceptable in the public eye if I did nothing to save him. Would anyone blame me for not wanting to risk my life for some useless drunk? Doing nothing would be just as acceptable as doing something. So in the end, does it matter if I choose to do anything? It’s not like it will make society better, because one incident like this won’t make people more compassionate or caring. It will be in the news one day and forgotten the next.
What about this world is so great? Every day I see fellow students working hard to make something of themselves, but I don’t see why they want to work so hard live in a world as shitty as ours. Maybe they’re just shitty people themselves and would fit perfectly in this world. Maybe they can somehow magically block bad things from happening to them to keep themselves in their safe, perfect bubble. It doesn’t matter which one they are, because it doesn’t change the fact that I think living in this shitty world, the same world that used to be full of promise to me, is almost too painful to bear.
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February 28th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
You help the homeless man off the tracks. As shitty as people have treated you, it is best to not become them. I am going through a similar situation. My roommate is a borderline narcissist and enjoys seeing people in pain. Do I want to know why he behaves this way? No, I just want to be away from him. Nor would I employ any of the techniques he uses to one-up people. It disgusts me to no end and I do not wish to treat people like that, ever. My narcissist roommate has made me appreciate people more…I talk to people more, ask them how they are doing and listen. Because I have been treated so poorly, I am not going to “pay it forward” the same kind of nastiness that has been wrought upon myself. So, my advice to you is continue to be kind to people. That day you stop is the day you become one of them.
There’s a really good film called “Search and Destroy”. It stars Griffen Dunn and Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper. The film is about struggle and contemplation about one’s purpose in life. Dennis Hopper’s character is a novelist that writes self-help books. This is a tad funny and corny, but also true: these “four rules of success” just might help you and make you laugh at the same time
1. strength needs no excuse.
2. the past is pointless.
3. just because it happened to you doesn’t make it interesting.
4. the things you apologize for are the things you want.
February 28th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I think I need motivation more than strength.
The past is pointless. I agree. But no matter how much I tell myself that, it still affects me. Every time I think of the people who have let me down I feel like strangling someone.
Yea, my life is not interesting. Neither is anyone else’s.
I just want to live the way I want. But for some reason whenever I try to make a step forward I always hesitate and think “what’s the point of trying”.
I like those four points, but it’s so hard to live an ideal life, especially when I can’t trust everyone else to live up to those same standards.
February 28th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Yes.
(And laughter is good–the best medicine–if you get that movie, you will laugh and cry at the same time.)
Try surrounding yourself with worthy people. People have let me down too, but I don’t focus on it…too much. A lot of people are just selfish and mean. It sucks.
My problem is I trust people too quickly, and I pedestal them in the sense that they become super-awesome and can do no wrong, which sets me up for failure when they do, for I then say “they suck” fairly quickly. Which isn’t really fair to anyone, including myself, but I am working on it.
My mother had the worst parents ever. Alcoholics, abusive in all ways, sexually abused her (the father). She became a stand-up comic when she turned 19 years-old and based much of her material on them. She had to laugh about it and if she didn’t she was going to commit suicide. And my mom told me that she got over it when she realized her parents were just people. She took them off the pedestal and saw them as people with faults and weaknesses and the whole lot.
So we do put too much faith in worthless people that didn’t deserve our reverence in the first place. This is what I have come to realize.
So, laugh about some things. Get that movie I mentioned. Take those people in the past and take them off the pedestal and laugh at them. Difficult to do at first but it is possible. (I have a friend that belly-laughs all of his tragedies, it is quite intoxicating to hear him laugh about how much things suck for him right now…and it isn’t angry laughter, more like a “truth is stranger than fiction” laughter, and it works for him.) Remove the worthless people’s importance, and value and honor and cherish the one’s you know are worthy of your honor.
I got so sick on my roommate (who used to be my friend) I went and visited a good friend in Texas last month. It did wonders for my psyche.
There are people who are worthy of your time. Find them. (Stay away from people that covet worldly devices, though. That is a definite character flaw to look out for, those people always turn out to be worthless people.)
z
August 23rd, 2010 at 6:24 am
I agree with you z.
I too have been a victim of this cruel world, but my problem (that i absolutely fukking loathe but don’t know hot to fix) is that everytime someone does something bad to me, i just go and make it worse by saying shit about them.
For example: I really liked this girl at my school.
I told my mate about her, and he wanted for himself. I knew that he did, but I didn’t say anything to him as I didn’t want to upset him.
They started talking on msn and myspace and then, out of no where, they had a fallout and started calling each other names. He started calling her a slut/whore and things like that. (I think it may have been because he kept trying to get on to her even though she didn’t).
Anyways, a lot of other people got involved and it became a massive mess.
I posted a comment on my other friend’s wall, bagging my other mate (the one i told about the girl). I don’t know why I did it, and i fukken regret it every day of my fukking life. He forgave me for it because i absolutely poured my heart out to him, but i’m not so sure he cares anymore. I didn’t want to lose her because she was the first girl I ever felt very strongly for, and i was on the brink of losing her, because of my friend. Perhaps that is why i did it.
There isn’t a day that goes past where i don’t think about it. Does this make me a bad person? I’m not so sure, because i’m truly sorry for it. I’m only fukking human, and i do make mistakes, but i see the errors in my ways and try to make them better. I feel very depressed :’(.
So much shit has happened to me and i think it has taken me over. i used to treat my friends like crap sometimes (such as ignoring them and talking about them). I really don’t like it. I confronted them and told them i was really sorry. It’s due to my depression that i sometimes treat other people badly. it seems to start whenever they start bragging about something, it just really annoys me. But i have realised that each person is unique in their own way and i respect that.
I fogive all those who have wronged me, but in return, i wish for those who have wronged to forgive me, because i know that i fukked up and am truly sorry for it. Do I not deserve forgiveness too? who knows.
I am so sorry mnemosyne, i don’t think my spiel helped u too much, but to be honest, people are people. Most of them can’t help it. You will find someone one day and they will transform your world into the beauty it deserves. can’t say the same for myself but oh well. who cares about me :’(
September 25th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
The major source of pain is that freaking sorority, go burn them!!!!
December 21st, 2010 at 9:10 pm
I’m not going to kill myself becuase the world is cruel. Im going to kill myself becuase I am too good for the world. I don’t fit in here. I am not a pig, a liar or a glutton. I just wanted truth and got lies.
December 22nd, 2010 at 4:44 am
I can relate to this post…
Sometimes I do wonder if this so-called “shitty” Life is either:
1. simply just it is. and that humans are *SLOWLY* and painstakingly learning in perhaps hundreds of generations, that things will get better. And the *HOPE* inside each of us is for us to unleash it, to CREATE or BE the Change that we want to see (ie: Mahatma Gandhi’s popular remarks),
2. as a “test” for the next Life, for our Spirit/Soul/whatever.
It’s still a mystery to us five-sense humans, but I do believe that this Universe is far larger and contains a lot of mysterious that us five-senses and 3D humans still can’t fathom/comprehend..
or
3. Nothing matters at all.
If humanity will destroy Earth, then so it be.
the whole Universe simply will keep continue and it certainly won’t stop its course, just because this “shitty” humanrace and Earth got destroyed.
February 20th, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I am also seriously dissapointed in people, especially in my so-called relatives. I have excellent grades at university, and the husband of my cousin s (a professor at my university) hates me because of that. I realised that when, after a month working on a project he gave my 0 points on a pretty good assignement, yelled at me, told me that I was lazy and stupid in front of a colleague. I told him loudly that he was making revenge for something that I am not guilty for and that he didn’t read the assignement at all. Now I’m in a very bad position – I have another course in his class and he is waiting for more revenge.
My aunt (his wife) stood at his side and would enjoy to see me fail.
Blood doesn’t mean anything nowadays?
March 28th, 2011 at 11:46 am
University shit .. thats getting you down ? really ? what about child molestation, human trafficing, child labour, sex slaves .
MONEY MEANS EVERYTHING and if you dont have any … then sing this with me
GIVE ME A F!
GIVE ME A U!
GIVE ME A C!
GIVE ME A K!
GIVE ME A E!
GIVE ME A D!
WHAT DO YOU GET!
I CANT HEAR YOU!!!
September 29th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
mnemosyne, are you over-weight?
October 7th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Shit if life was easy and their was no pain we wouldnt appreciate the good times,i hate myself when im depressed and anxiety and ptsd affects me also but we are hete for a short time a lifetime is no time at all.sometimes we focus on oourselves or others actionn hurtfull or otherwise and wounder why the fuck we bother at all.suiside hmm ive tryed that so manytimes im too embarrassed to write a note cos mum would just add it to her fucken collection but what it all boils down to is this
Try not to take things too seriously
Laugh hard when you can and help others when they are down oh and lots of fuckin coucilling to couteract your self hatred or whatever it is that brings you here and sometimes its enough to get you through not everyone is an arsehole hope we all find peace in each others words……