I’ve been backstabbed, cheated, let down by people who told me they cared about me, incredibly disappointed in those who were in any position to help me, and have come to the conclusion that the entire human race is shit. I don’t think that anyone out there acts like a human being any more.

For example:

A few weeks ago at one of our weekly sorority meetings we held elections for president, vice president, etc. I actually wasn’t there because I had family business to attend to that day, but i heard all about it from my friend, who really wanted to be vice president. She lost to another girl who I thought really didnt deserve it, basically because (sorry but I’m really oversimplifying this) the other girl had more friends. [On a side note, contrary to what you may think, not all girls in a sorority are friends with each other and may even hate each other.] Losing the election wasn’t a big deal because anyone can easily get over it. What really shocked me was something else..after the results came out, my friend started crying. She was extremely hurt because the election ended up being an immature popularity contest instead of deciding what was best for our organization. And even though all the sisters were right there watching her cry, not one person came over to comfort her. NOT ONE PERSON. And these are girls who swore an oath to be there for each other no matter what happens. When she told me about this, I thought “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM????? How can all of them act so inhuman like that – especially to one of their own?” I was already very disillusioned with my sorority and what it stands for, but this just confirmed my suspicions that the girls who are my own sisters are complete bitches!

So that was just one example of my disillusionment with humanity which leads up to my hatred of the entire human race.

This past year I’ve had trouble with my roomate, who is an inconsiderate, downright stupid bitch and who also happens to be another sorority sister. [You're probably asking why I joined this dumb sorority if they're all bitches, but when I pledged, everyone was actually really nice. Now after spending so much time with them I know how they really are.] This girl made life hell for me, and when I tried to talk to her about it we got into a fight, after which she apologized to me and I thought everything was going to be ok. Afterwards she called the cops on me. Like WHAT THE FUCK? I was so shocked and confused as to why she even thought of doing that,  since I was the one with bloody scratches on my arms and after she spent half an hour trying to apologize to ME. In the end none of the charges stuck because they were obviously all lies concocted by her, and the prosecutor figured that something was seriously wrong with her mind, which is something anyone who knows her will confirm. So while all the court stuff was happening I moved out of the apartment and had to talk to like 10 college deans/advisors about my court case. They all claimed that they wanted to help me and other bullshit like that, but obviously it was all just a formality because they really didn’t do anything other than inconvenience me with all those pointless meetings. In fact my college deans were extremely UNhelpful. I asked them many times about finding a new place to stay around the university and finding a mediator to help me with my old rent, but none of them ever responded to my calls or emails about that. When I asked about going on a sorority roadtrip that I already bought plane tickets for (I was essentially banned from sorority activities that semester, as was the bitchy roommate) the deans didn’t get back to me until AFTER I had cancelled my flight, basically losing $150. In the end I took care of these kinds of matters by myself, after which they asked me, “Sorry it took us so long to get back to you, did you manage to figure out your rent problems?” Yea, thanks a lot for all your bullshit help you useless people. Please note that I go to one of the top public universities in the nation, thus you would expect advisers and deans to do their fucking job and help you if you need it. But in reality, they’ll only help you if the university’s interest is at stake. Two of their students getting into court trouble makes the university look bad, which is why they were all in my face about court matters (even though they were powerless to do anything about it). But more personal matters like finding a new apartment or financial issues they don’t give a shit about.

I’ve experienced all sorts of cases and situations where people just don’t do what they’re supposed to do. College deans not helping students, professors not knowing what they’re teaching, friends not acting like friends, leaders getting scared into acting like sheep, family not supporting you, etc etc. It seems that people work hard and suck up to others just to gain certain advantages (friendship, entrance into a sorority, a job, favors, you name it), but once that is attained, they get a little too comfortable in their position and in the end only care about maintaining what they have, and all their previous actions, even though they may seem like acts of kindness, may just be a means to an end.

For all the nice people out there who think that kindness and love cures the ills of society, here’s a hypothetical situation for you:

You are standing on a subway platform on the way to work. All of a sudden a drunk homeless guy who you have never seen in your life falls unconscious onto the train tracks. You know the train is coming soon and you know you can’t drag him out by yourself, but will you jump down and try to help him?

So what will you do? An even better question is, what do you think others will do? Are you going to wait around for someone else to jump in first? Do you think anyone else will care about a homeless guy? Are you going to yell “Someone help him!” while doing nothing yourself? If you jump in first, do you think anyone else will jump down to help?

Before college I would have thought the obvious answer was YES of course I will jump down and save him. A life is a life and if you’re a good person you would “do the right thing” and save him. But now I completely change my answer to HELL NO. I will not risk my life for a useless piece of trash. I don’t know him and I don’t care. For all I know he could have just murdered a guy. I might even get a day off work if I call in and say that I just saw a guy get ripped apart by a train and am too traumatized to go in that day.

In an ideal world where everyone has morals, then I would have jumped in to save him, but the world is not a good place. I used to believe that people will always try to “do the right thing”, but that’s not always the case. In fact, I think that more often people are willing to get their hands dirty if it will benefit them. I’ve been extremely disillusioned, and because of that I’m now extremely cynical and depressed. What makes it more painful is that I know I changed because of what happened to me. But I can’t rewind time or bring myself to change my feelings. I used to think the world was filled with hope and a bright future. Now I see that there’s a sickness in society that no one can cure. In this kind of society, I don’t want to jump onto the train tracks to save a random dude. And what’s really sad is, it would be perfectly acceptable in the public eye if I did nothing to save him. Would anyone blame me for not wanting to risk my life for some useless drunk? Doing nothing would be just as acceptable as doing something. So in the end, does it matter if I choose to do anything? It’s not like it will make society better, because one incident like this won’t make people more compassionate or caring. It will be in the news one day and forgotten the next.

What about this world is so great? Every day I see fellow students working hard to make something of themselves, but I don’t see why they want to work so hard live in a world as shitty as ours. Maybe they’re just shitty people themselves and would fit perfectly in this world. Maybe they can somehow magically block bad things from happening to them to keep themselves in their safe, perfect bubble.  It doesn’t matter which one they are, because it doesn’t change the fact that I think living in this shitty world, the same world that used to be full of promise to me, is almost too painful to bear.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 at 4:05 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.