Well I know I just added a few posts for others, but I should let you all know who / where I am.  I am 43 years old, have a great wife and a good daughter, but happiness has for all purposes eluded me. I have done many things in my life, some of which I am very proud of, others not so much. Some would was I have been around the block a few times and also through the grinder. PAIN I know, JOY I don’t even have a passing relationship with.
One would think that a good family, a good job, the ability to pursue a ‘life dream’ would bring happiness, but in my case all it has brought is despair, financial loss, and frustration. I feel I am one of those that what ever I touch goes to hell. A good investment that has been going well for years has major losses after I put money in it. That company that is doing great starts failing after I join. My wife gave me the opportunity to follow a dream that I had, only to put the family into serious debt.(You get the idea)
I know that suicide for me would be just another fuck-up, but sometimes I think that is the only way to get out of this cycle. At this point I’ve stopped taking meds, (they were not helping as far as I could tell and I was on some serious ones) all they were doing is make me forget short term stuff (like what I had for lunch yesterday). Now it is just down to existing, putting on a fake smile and nothing else. I’ve caused my family pain with failed ventures, and do not want to cause them anymore pain, which I know suicide would do. THAT thought is the ONLY thing keeping me from acting on it.Â
My best to all.
4 comments
u don’t owe anything to anyone . u deserve to be happy . don’t kill yourself , why kill someone you haven’t met ? find yourself first . everyone has the answer to their point for existence . don’t give up on life , something so few of us know well about . I’m not like some other people that will encourage suicide . Suicide , like every thought that passes through our minds , like every bump on the side of the road , is but an obstacle to abstain us from getting to where we have to go . Everyone of us have our own destination in life , each as distinctive as a fingerprint , but as significant as the blood pumping in our veins , that motive , that strive , that purpose that keep us alive . Reading your post , being less than half your age , i could somehow appreciate what it is you’ve been through your life , knowing less than an ounce about you . the paths and decisions you’ve made seem to be worsening you , you need to disconnect from your reality , not life , there’s no disconnecting from life , life exists even in the most insignificant corners and alleys of the world , flowing with energy , but if you can’t see it , if you can’t feel it smell it or touch it , how are you able to experience it ? Reconsider everything , disconnect from your “life” and reconnect with yourself . Anyone is able to . Even you . You aren’t alone .
my aim is jessins94 if you want to talk .
Hi,
as you write, everything seems to be related to money, financial losses. Certainly, money is physically a note of paper but it is the power engine for everything that we have and do and undertake. You say that you have a wonderful wife and a daughter. I shiver at the thought that you could do such a thing to your daughter. Doing that to a young girl is not even a matter to think about one second, so we really have to discard that option. Forget it, we have to find other solutions. You would traumatise her for life if she at all managed to survive the blow. Ie, she would be another suicidal girl.
I am a little older than you and my salary was around 90.000 dollars a year. Now, I live on 200 dollars a month just for food. New regulations issued by the Ministry forbid foreigners to work as pharmacists etc etc so I was snatched the job. My job was impossible to replace by a similar job, so I refuse to find another thing because my job was paradise.
You can bet I had the same thoughts, and that is I how I landed at this place. The facts that you mention that an investment went queer just after you put money in it…you are not going to tell me that it was because you put money there, or that you were so coincidentially unfortunate that it was just when you did it. If you are reading the papers and the news and have notions of macroeconomics, the whole financial sand castle of the west is just showing its true structure, a fake.
In the West one out of 6 shops on the streets have closed down. The shopping centers look like phantom towns of the far west. That applies to USA if you are living there. Well, the point is that you are another victim of the System but of course, dont associate yourself with the breaking down of companies. I dont think you even believe it. So you cannot say “I have caused my family pain with financial ventures etc”. On the contrary, first, I am proud of a man who is capable of asumming the responsibility of a family. I dont have that emotional strength. You do. That is why I always stayed single. Also, you love them, to the point that the actual reason of your feeling down is because of the pain you have caused on them, not so much the money you would have lost for yourself.
They love you. You love them. The financial system of the west has collapsed. You cannot be blamed. Everybody is experiencing in different degrees what is going on. I dont know if you have had chats with your wife, but if she is such a lovely person, she is your allied. If you put it the other way, if I had had a lovely wife or lovely female companion, I would have had a reason to carry on instead of deciding to survive on 200 dollars a month. I can decide to do away with myself because I am completely on my own on the planet. The telephone has not rung since 1989. So, imagine. I dont even know my telephone number, because I dont have to ring home as there is nobody in, and nobody asks me for my phone number other than companies billing me, to which I reply i have no phone.
So you have a lot of reasons to carry on, nothing to feel bad about yourself specifically.
Killing is sad so try someting else that might actually work
hey i had a close boyfriend that died when he committed suicide last year, i’m 14. I know how u feel, i tried to hang myself the week after and locked my self in my room and starved myself, i wanted to die but then i figured something out…. our world is shit, it is for everyone, we have to grin and bear it and get through i live in pheonix, arizona, the rough part, i go out everyday, see the world around me and realise… why the fuck dont i just hang on and see what happens eh? good luck and keep smiling <£ xxxx