I’m 12. it seems kinda young to do this. idk how i got here. i came across this site while looking for stories about people who’ve been through it. my dad died 3 years ago when i was 9. i’m kinda angry over that. he had a 6 year battle with cancer. he was my everything & was truly a good man. my first memory is of being in the hospital after he got surgery. but i don’t get too upset over that. you could say i had a problem with pills. i’d take anything. i had vicodin prescribed for a soccer-related concusion. that was where it started. i progressed to taking 15 of everything (anti-depressants, tylenol, vicodin e.t.c.) i haven’t taken anything in a while. i feel good about that. i also cut myself. but i haven’t done that in a while either. i can’t even remember how i started that. my friend told my mom & she was crushed. for her & myself, i won’t do it again. i don’t feel the need to, which is good. i think i conquered 2 of my demons
 i’m quiet & don’t cause trouble. people try & pick a fight with me. it irks me when they say things like “go kill yourself & spare us of your exsistance”. someone actually said that to my face. it hurt. idk if they meant it. i’m depressed (i guess) but i haven’t disclosed it to anyone except 3 of my close friends. i’ve been to the school counselor 5 times in the past 2 weeks. i lie to them & tell them i’m fine. it’s my defense system. i tell everyone i’m fine
my brother beats the shit out of me. he’s 16 & litterally 3 times my size. he’s touched me a few times. he’s given me a concusion. he hurts my mom too. she’s about my size so she can’t defend herself. he’s been to jail 9 times. i keep things to myself & confide in my friends. i get called down to the office at school to talk to counselors becuz my friends tell teachers things that worry them. i don’t like talking about it with them. they make it seem like a big deal. idk if it is
i tried to o.d. on pills. in january, i took 21 pills & passed out. when i woke up, i couldn’t move. that’s happened a few times. on december 21, 2009, i tried to hang myself.  i called my friend who convinced me to not follow through with it. my two other friends are very supportive & talk me out of shit. one of them (who will remain nameless) gets abused by her dad. so we talk to the counselor together. i just want to be happy. i play guitar, bass & drums. i go to a recording studio. i have a wonderful mom. i have an awesome dog 🙂  awesome friends. but i still have this slight emptiness. im trying to fill it. i think my music has filled it. i just want to help people & talk…
6 comments
well i know you’ll hear this alot but it’s true, you have your whole life ahead of you, it seems to me that you are in a bad situation which will change eventuallly, just ride this out i mean things will change. i hope you don’t kill yourself because you have yet to see how much more there is to this world, yes there are bad things but there are also many good things too.
hello
thanks for posting. Definitively you have a lot of great things coming up, if you go to a record studio at 12 you are over talented because i did not know how to tie my shoes at that age. Your mom is great, that is a treasure. You are more intelligent than the kids of your age. You write that someone told you “go and kill yourself bla bla ” etc. You realize that the one who is really sick it is him for saying that. You can feel sorry for him or laugh at him if you prefer. The same with any other like that. Kids at that age are just mindless, and will say any kind of things, but, should you care for those stupid? of course not!
do keep on the great things you are doing with your music, improving guitar techniques etc, that is a talent you have, so keep on recording because who knows, that can give money, and make a living.
As per that your friend gets abused by her dad and she goes to the councelor…eh, I assume her father is in jail already, right? what kind of abuse is that specifically?
Hi there,
Firstly, I’m always so thrilled when I hear about people of your age expressing such great talent. I’m 16 years old, currently playing drums in a band. Definitely keep up the good work with your music – such ability shouldn’t go to waste.
A few mates of mine have actually had similar experiences to you. I have also been in the frightening position of saving one’s life, too. It really blows you away.
If you’d ever like to talk, I don’t know, to get some things off your chest, feel free to contact me: lindsaybgilbert@msn.com
Might be better than a councillor 🙂
@rebecca : Thank you Very much for your nice comments to her. If you girls can team up for music talk go ahead. Enjoy it!
Hey Erin.
Hope you find someone sensitive and bright to talk to, Rebecca maybe?
You sound like a really nice person, and if you find good people, I think they can help you work out some of the challenges you are experiencing.
I really hope the very best for you, and I’d like to complement you on your writing skills which are awesome. Ever tried writing songs maybe?
Best wishes,
Daniel
i hope you dont kill urself becuz u have a support system and friend it will be okay i kno wts like to have a missing parent