I can’t cope anymore

May 23rd, 2010 by lost_va

Life is just too much for me.  Every way I look, I see signs of my own failure.  I simply cannot overcome my anxiety and depression.  My job has endless hours and endless demands and pressure and endless negativity.  Yet I’m stuck there since I can’t afford to pay this company back for all the training they’ve invested in me.  I don’t think I can do this job any longer; I’m just not smart enough, not quick enough, not able to get things done fast enough.  I really don’t think at this point I can do any job, which will eventually leave me homeless and inpoverished (not like I’m doing all that hot right now).  I see all my friends around me who cope so well, enjoy some career success and affluence, and then there’s me…

My girlfriend constantly nags me about getting engaged, getting pre-engaged, getting married.  I love her, but I cannot stand the pressure.  Once again, I cannot cope.  My mother tells me all the things she needs help with, but I’m in another city and can’t always help her. 

It’s all too much now, it really is.  I don’t really consider it suicide at this point.  More like euthanasia; a mercy killing.  I’m sure there’s people and organizations in favor of mercy killing for people like me who just cannot overcome their depression and who just cannot cope with everyday life.  The psychological pain of my life is just to great to bear any longer. 

 I just wasn’t meant to survive in this world. 

They say God has a plan for everyone… I found out his plan for me… a warning to others… don’t let this happen to you. 

Does anyone know any organizations that promote euthanasia for people who are simply hopeless?  I mean, I want to do it right and painless.

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13 Responses to “I can’t cope anymore”

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  1. Hi,

    Well the symptoms indicate that you need to change job, as soon as you can. If you are well qualified, as it sounds you are, you can try other jobs, other places other life styles. Nobody pushes you to performance evaluation or suicide. You dont have to choose any of the those. Also, dont get married now as obviously that would definitively be a tie, but with the job you are relatively free to break up and leave.

    As per the Euthanasia stuff, well nobody should answer that, but aside from that, they dont do it as you think. In extremely terminal cases of advanced age and incurable cancer or so, they do after a thorough medical examination, but pointing that you are fedup with your job and cannot cope they will not even listen.

    So, you have a nice girlfriend, who even asks you to get married, you should be able to discuss and talk things with her. If you are not, then what kind of relationship is that ? So, work on those things, another job and talking with your gf

    British company ?

  2. Hello lost_va,

    I do not at all mean to make light of you situations, but you have an awesome sense of humor. Yes, I do realize that very seriousness matters are what have led you to comment on God’s plan for you and euthanasia. But you are obviously intelligent, well written and clever/creative.

    If you’re not interested in your job, it can be very difficult to perform at a high level. There are so many creative careers. Possibly if you were to start looking and then train for a different career, you could inject much hope into your life. Just start thinking about it. If you can’t figure it out right away, no big deal. As long as you continue your efforts towards this, the solution has become a part of you and WILL eventually manifest.

    I totally changed careers when I was 33. As I started school, the I was doing and hated, suddenly wasn’t so bad anymore. I sure didn’t know exactly where I would end up, but I knew if I kept trying it would happen. Knowing I was finally doing something to move on from the job I had, really made such a huge difference in how I viewed most everything. I once again was living and not just existing.

    I sincerely hope you start creating. You sound like a very interesting and good person!

    Evolving your life isn’t easy, but the doors that start to open and the overall journey, can blow you away. Things you now cannot even conceive of being in your life will manifest. Start to put the causes out there and the beautiful effects will follow.

    I share this with you not as something I think can work, but something I have proven to myself over and over.

  3. Oracle… I work for an American company. I really don’t have any skills at this point; at least nothing I could support myself with.

    Trinity: I’m much older than 33 (I’m 44). I don’t know that re-training is going to help me with anything. I have problems concentrating and my anxiety gets in the way of me doing anything well… test taking, reading, studying, working.

    I really can’t believe a euthanasia group wouldn’t consider helping me at this point. I’ve struggled with this depression and anxiety since high school. It’s not getting better… it’s just not, and I’m on a downward slide. At least now, when I’m gone, I have money and a house I can leave my mother and girlfriend so they can live better. Just the thought of going to work tomorrow makes me a nervous wreck.

    What do these euthanasia groups use to help euthanize people?

  4. lost_va,
    if there was a thing you can’t get throught, then why not trying to live with it. it is perfectly alright to have flaws, everyone does, YES?
    you’re tryign to help yourself in a small way, that’s good, keep doing it, life’s a long process everyone struggles with throughtout one’s lifetime.
    i think oracle’s already given you some detailed suguestions, try them.

  5. Hello

    In addition to the two mentioned things, changing a job, discussing things with your girlfriend, if you are experiencing anxiety, (and working for an American company I bet you are because the standards of work are tremendous there, I really mean it), while you work on solving things, do have that anxiety treated by a professional, as it is not healthy either that you endure it. Honestly, moving to another job, does make wonders.

  6. Hello. I feel your pain all the way over here! I used to be overwhelmed at every job I ever did too. Everything was just too much to deal with and I’d go home and scream and cry and drink myself to sleep. Changing jobs helped for awhile but it always ended up the same and I’d get really suicidal. Then I talked to my doctor about it. They have meds that can help you stay calm and not overreact so much. Meds that will take away the anxiety so you can function calmly like other people. There are also social networks you can log onto and talk about suicidal feelings (miserypit.com) or local laws on euthanasia (finalexit.com) because sometimes it helps to talk to other people who feel the same way. Right now you’re really locked into feelings of negative self awareness and worthlessness. You’d be surprised how easy it is to stop feeling that way. All you need is to balance your energies with the right meds and start winning at a couple little things in life. It will turn your whole outlook around my friend. Don’t give up just yet.

  7. Moving to another job right now isn’t feasible. I have non-compete clauses in place as well as owing a lot of money in a training agreement plus…. the 10% unemployment rate. I’m stuck between trying to keep the job I have and long term unemployment and poverty.

    It’s Sunday night here and I’m already feeling anxious for tomorrow morning at work.

    At least I haven’t had my girlfriend talk any more about engagement or pre engagement or me buying her jewlery as a a “symbol of my commitment”. Thank God for small mercies.

  8. I’m really concerned that just moving to another job to get away is akin to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. I would be doing something, but the ship’s sinking regardless.

    I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate, and I can’t make any kind of decisions other than the most basic. It’s a struggle to just get up and out of bed each and every day.

  9. My friend was in a similar situation. To make matters worse the company moved their premises 50 miles further from the citiy center where he lived and he found himself doing 100 miles a day on his car plus all the harassment and video surveillance. They would even control him how much time he would spend making photocopies, or he would be randomly stopped to check what he had copied, or as leaving from the WC he was taken to a room and searched, pulling down his pants to see if he had kept a dollar note in his underpants, etc.

    So, one day he wrote me that he was fedup with those motherphuckers and that he was planing to leave. So he did. He found a job at a state university. He spends around 2 hours a day now at the bar, chatting and can go on jeans. He relocated and bought a house in the nearby. Already 7 years there and he is very happy, he even decided to have a a child.

    So actually by taking the decision of breaking up with the source of annoyance, he felt much better.

    I must say that he is a pretty cool, cheerful guy, not a depressing character and each person handles and feels things in a different way, so it can be more stressing for you than it was for him, even if you were in a similar situation. So, if anxiety is upsetting you to the point of blockade, just pop in to a dr to have him manage that for the short time you need it while you operate other changes. Check monster.com and look for something completely different, that may not be so demanding, even out of the country, why not?

  10. I like and believe very much what Dust Devil commented, especially the winning at a couple of little things. Every great thing I ever accomplished I believe started with a few small steps, a few small victories. When I get caught-up in the enormity of the big picture, often it will turn negative and anxiety and fear consume me. I have to take a step back, chill, and tell myself once again that I will be victorious – one step at a time. I desperately have to remember to try and enjoy the journey and its challenges, not fear them.

    It is impossible to accomplish big goals in life all at once, but we let our minds begin to think that way. The journey is the victory, and that needs to be done a step at a time.

    On me changing my career at the age of 33, I am in the process of doing it again. I am now 51. It would be nice to be 31 and doing this, but 51 is what I have and so that has to be perfectly OK. And it is. Plus I’ve learned allot by going through so much crap, so 51 does have its benefits.

    I wish you the best my friend, and hope to hear more on your journey!

    Peace & Love,

    John

  11. I”m back today (Wed) and feeling a little better. Thank you all for your comments. I have new medication, and endless doctor appointments, so we’ll see.

    Unity, I’d love to hear more about your career changes and how you came about them. I just can’t seem to see the forest through the trees and actually figure out something I like to do that I can make a living at. It’s complicated by the fact that I finally make decent money, but the pressure and negativity make me miserable.

    Oracle, I like your story, and I’ve heard of many people doing that. My biggest problem is just finding out something I like and can commit to; otherwise I’m just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic ie I’ll end up putting my efforts into doing something else and then be unhappy (ie again down the wrong track)

    My girlfriend has been understanding and is easing off the engagement pressures, etc. I think she’s realizing all the pressure from all these different places has pushed me to the brink. I’m a little away from the brink right now, but only a little.

  12. @lost_va

    Well I am awful glad to hear you are feeling better. And i think people ought to take note of that. This guy was begging for Euthanasia no more than 4 days ago and now he feels better. This is for all of you who say “yeah go ahead kill yourself it is the best option etc”. Well, one should never say that that easily.
    As per the job change, like you say, something that you like, but as long as it is not so stressing, you can consider the job as the source for money, while you make of your girlfriend and other things, the core of your life.

    You are on the right track. Just take your time.

    congrats

    O

  13. Hi,
    Let me just say, if you think your girlfriend is the one and she is a really good friend as well then i think you should stop seeing negatives here. you still need space from each other and need some hobbies or interestes to transfer your mind from the stresses. heres a little about my situation. I hope you can pull together and sort things out for yourself and you two as a couple it will be worth it.
    I know when you are in a situation like this it is hard to understand where you are and what you are doing with your life. I was in a arelationship for 10 years, living together for 6, I cherished this person to where i done everything for her. tea 1st thing, take her anywhere she wanted to go etc. We had a a baby 2 and a half years ago and from that point she went from appreciating me to expecting and taking for granted. she was making decisions with her mothers help which would affect our relationship. any way I stepped back and started doing things for myself which felt right. I started surfing and set up my own business. These decisions put even more strain on our relationship. Now we are currently selling up and seam to be going our seperate ways. this is the hardest thing ever. I feel I have lost everything and in financial difficulty. I to have contemplated taking my own life but have prevented my self from doing so. The one thing that is slowly helping me through is hoping the business will do well. But the best thing is the surfing, once out on your board and your feeet are off the ground you have a sense of being away from normality, you start to put things in perspective and thinking better. When i started surfing i was to scared to go to far out. when i was contemplating suicide i went surfing during a storm, the waves were huge and terrifying but all i could think of was that this is the way i will die by drowning. I obviously didnt drown but it got me to realise that i pushed my self to a new level of thinking, although i was scared i knew i wanted to be better. now i am not scared of much.

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