Suicide by iron pills

May 30th, 2010 by pastorsteinke

Not a good day today. Never felt more alone in a room full of people then I do now. I have been married for over 22 years and four children of all I love, but things are overwhelming right now… tooo much. I tried to pull the trigger, but just couldn’t, even did it while standing infront of my wife…foolish.
We just had the hugest argument that we have ever had and I just can’t take it anymore. My life is worthless, my married marred, and my example as a father destoryed. All I want to do is leave. My wife doesn’t care, she just doesn’t care, she said that. Then tell my WHY should I stay around. WHY?????
I’m a Christian and know I will be in heaven, but I feel like a lost person without hope right now. I would rather not do this, but there seems to be no other choice.
Just like any suicide note, it is a last resort for someone to help me, but I doubt if it will happen… God help me!
My head is about to explode with anger, disgrace, disappointment, and hurt. No relief, just no relief. My blood pressure is so high I can feel it in my veins in my head. It hurts!!!
I love my family and wish I didn’t do this, but…

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5 Responses to “Suicide by iron pills”

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  1. You said “I would rather not do this, but there seems to be no other choice.” so you will regret your decision if you went with it ,I cannot really relate to being married because I am not but since you are a Christian ,give it to God ,this is coming from someone who used to doubt God all the time and try to do it on my own ,but things never worked on my own ,I let him have my problems ,worries…everything ,he said “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” ,let him take control, he is God ,I’ll pray for you.

  2. Hello,

    There are a series of steps you need to follow one by one. Keeping in mind that the priority now is to control the anxiety as you have 4 kids which are part of your life.

    Drive or walk or take a taxi to the hospital and ask to see a doctor. Let him know exactly what your ideas are. The first approach is to control that anxiety which has taken over. That is number one. Number two. Ask them to put you in contact with a crisis center or suicide line. Third, if you have friends or relatives, contact them once you are a little more quiet. Fourth. Nothing of what you relate is irretrievable so far. So no reason for desperation, no matter how you regard it.

    Fifth. Return to this site to let us know how you are faring.

    Everything can be solved. This is one of those cases.

  3. Hey,

    I’m maybe young, but I know your kids will miss you so much! If my Dad would kill himself – and our relationship is not good ( acctually very bad ) I’d would miss him despite everything so much! Think of your kids and yourself. Don’t do it. I don’t know much about marriage or the love in it. But maybe your wife had just a bad day? Maybe there’s someone out there who have the ability to love like you derserve it. But – perhaps – your wife couldn’t handle it, maybe that’s all. Talk to her again. Without fighting. Just try it.

    Anna (:

  4. I Won’t pretend to know exactly how you feel for you have been married longer than I have been alive. I do hoeever know what it is like to feel like a gun can solve everything. I have tried to find a gun in the past hoping for relief so I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. Ik know the words of a 17 year old kid might not mean much but you have to stop long enough to think how your actions will affect others. I resorted to drug use once and it ended with me being monitored by my mom for 48 hours to make sure I wouldn’t kill myself. I thought no one cared up till then but I finally saw just how badly I could have affected her life had I done it. I still struggle painfully eith depressions and even wanted to end my life today, but I stopped to think how I could end up ruining the lives of those that truely do care. There are people that love you you just can’t see from the for brought by depression. i just ask that you take the time to consder your actions and how it can affect your loved ones

  5. Dear friends, I appreciate all your care and advise. I have alread talked to a Dr. concerning suicide by iron pills which is a non-reversable and an absolute way without fail to die. Unfortunately it is a slower process.

    Leaving my family (wife and children) will be most difficult, it almost killed me to even write on this wall my feelings and what i contemplated. But, to my misfortune, after signing off, i went to the cupboard to get the iron pills which I take every day and only found a few left, just enough to make me sick to my stomach, but not enough to do anything else. Failure once again overwhelmed me and realized I couldn’t eve die right.

    30 min. later, my beautiful wife and I was able to talk, cry in each other’s arms like we never did before. I told her what I was trying to do and many tears were shed. I know there are alternatives to resolving problems for I counseled many and the Lord stepped in yesterday and brought us closer.

    Do my problems still exist? Absolutely! Can I handle them? NO! Can we tackel them together? YES! Now that I was able to share my feelings and direction to end my life, it has opened up more depth to our marriage. Thoughts still haunt me, urges still motivate my mind, but as a mid-40 year old man, I will take one day as it comes.

    Thanks for all you responses, I will keep you posted.

    In His Arms,
    Me

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