I don’t think that any human ever truly wishes to die. I think all humans desire an ideal lifestyle. Some of them are unable to live it, so they choose to not live at all. Ofcourse, there’s bound to a few people that are an exception to this generalization. I’d like to know why they’d sincerely like to die. What are their motives other than great curiosity of what happens after death?
As for myself, negative feelings often override the positive ones. I find humans in general to be relatively stupid. Humans tend to be more comfortable with believing things that make them feel good than what is real. Sometimes they’re both in the same, but rarely. I can’t say that I blame them, though. It makes sense to believe what makes you feel good, but they do so without acknowledging other possibilities. People believe that their beliefs are actually undisputably true. I have a problem with this because I’m living with people everyday in society that live in fantasies. I am unable to share my realistic views with anyone without hearing their biased remarks in return. This causes me to feel extremely lonely. Lonely in a crowded room
Now I’ll tell you that I feel suicidal. I’ve been feeling this way on and off for years. It almost seems like an inevitability now because I’m really getting tired of trying to make my life here worthwhile. I don’t sincerely want to die, but also don’t want to live the life I’m living. Simple changes can be made, but it is my perception that is the real problem. I can’t change it without being unrealistic; unobjective.
I don’t know about you, but I get real tired of hearing simple responses to people that feel similar to me. They don’t even have to say it to me; I see them everywhere. They tell you that suicide is selfish. They tell you that it’s necessarily a permanent solution to a temporary problem. How do they know that it’s not a permanent problem? What if I’m in prison for life and that’s what’s causing me to feel suicidal? How is that temporary? They also say that phrase with the assumption that as long as there’s a prospect for a better day it’s worth working toward. I disagree. At what point can someone simply get fed up with trying? Are they never justified for doing so in the eyes of a third party? If that’s so, I say that that third party doesn’t understand the pain. You’ll often hear of people that have felt suicidal for years that now feel better. Now they speak of suicide as simply a milestone to overcome. How arrogant. It worked for them so it can work for everyone, I guess is their assumption.
I get tired of a lot of nonsense. I’ve really lost interest in most things in my life and I’ve lost a lot of my will to stick around. Peoples’ ignorance has contributed greatly to this. Just being surrounded by mindless freaks who believe that everything happens for a reason, god is absolutely real, and so is fate. No one knows any of these to be absolutely true, and those that believe in these things are usually unwilling to admit that they possibly don’t exist. How am I to take any advice or any insight from someone who has biased views like this? No one dares be objective.
I get real tired of it and it’s the same thing everywhere I go. Just more stupid people. I get angry about that, but mostly disappointed. Now I see how people are able to operate cooperatively in society. They revolve around core ideas that are not necessarily true. Unfortunately, they don’t acknowledge it.
So why should I stick around? How fulfilling and worthwhile will my life be if I do, anyway? Don’t tell me that I’m special or any other placebo nonsense. What should I do?
1 comment
Suicide certainly is a cessation to pain. The world is filled with a lot of pain. I am an animal rights activist, and believe me, I see untold suffering and mutilations everyday on facebook, as many are sent over to us,pics and videos. We rail against this and fight for the innocent souls of animals. We are all just animals. I know of no other animal that commits suicide, although, I have often wondered about elephants in circuses that rebel against their trainers. I feel they know the end result will be their death. People are fallible. They fuck up all the time. I can see that suicide is a solution. I tried it once myself when I was younger. I almost succeeded too. Some stranger gave me the will to live. Not the people closest to me. I have many animals dependent on me now for their lives. They keep me alive. Three weeks ago, I lost my son to suicide. He was 28. He appeared to have everything in life. But the darkness swallowed him up. He left behind soooo much pain, I cannot tell you. I worry about his fiance now, she sent me a message today that she cannot take it, he took everything with him when he died. I could not have stopped him from putting a gun in his mouth. I never remotely saw this coming. Nor did his Dad, his brothers, his friends or his coworkers…and more importantly his beloved fiance, whom he loved so much you could touch their love. Never seen anything like it. He left a note to her. It was in the drafts in his cell phone.He said “Look, I am sorry for everything I put you through. And you deserve someone better than me. I hope someday you can forgive me, and live an awesome life without me. I always loved you and your spirit. May God bless you and give you a fruitful life.” That was it..now he is gone forever. He made that choice. He took away futures from people. He took away a wedding, babies, a log house I had built for him by hand on a river for him, laughter and love..the smell of him and the sound of his voice. Mothers day cards that say I love you Momma…there will not be any more of those. He left this hole in the world when he pulled that trigger. He cannot take it back now..it is done. We will spend our lives asking why. He was so loved. That was not enough, I guess. So, even when you are desperately loved by people, his dad and I never got mad at him all of his life, not once! Cherished by people..there were 700 people at his memorial and more that would have come, I know! When you do not want for material things…you can feel inadequate and feel there is no way out. Except for one thing, with death, there really is no way out. If you do this thing, make sure you write a long letter to all involved.Relieve them of any guilt that they will surely feel. Own your feelings and your actions. Self esteem is just that “self” something you give to yourself. No one can give it to you. Try not to leave the people around you with all of your pain. They have to live after you die, and they need to know why and forgive them for being inadequate and just plain human. Let them know it is you that are inadequate, not them. Let them know that they could not have stopped you from doing this. Be sure it is what you want to do. It is final. I will not talk you out of it, you must find the things inside of you to want to live everyday. All of us have to do that. Thankfully, most of us do.