I feel like my spirit is slipping away . .

August 21st, 2010 by marie3

I’m 34 and I’ve always been such a grounded person and always thought of anyone who thinks of suicide to be really unwell – not ‘mental’ just very unwell, like broken down kind of. But out of nowhere about a year ago I noticed that I started to feel very different about life, I started to question everything. Well I guess my spirit didn’t like the answers to those questions because I think it’s left me. 

I feel so empty and with no possibility of ever returning back to ‘normal’. These past few months I have started to feel as if I am not even inside myself, like I am floating nearby watching myself do pointless and mundane tasks. The other day I was in my local shop just buying groceries and when I was paying, I was staring at my own hand giving the money (God knows why) but it has really haunted me since;  It felt like my hand was moving without my say so, like IT was in control rather than ME (like you have a robot but the controls are not doing what you want, instead the robot is disobeying orders and doing it’s own thing.) I walked back home with the same feeling. It was if my spirit was shouting ‘stop’ just to see if my legs would just stop walking for a second but they didn’t, I just couldn’t make them stop. And I walked home with tears pouring down my face. Since then my spirit has left me again. It must know how hopeless the situation is.

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One Response to “I feel like my spirit is slipping away . .”

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  1. Marie3, if you still have your conscious to come here and write down your story that means you still have your soul. It hasn’t leave you, so that’s why it’s telling you to come here tell your misery, to seek salvation to your soul.

    For what is disobeying your soul isn’t your body, but yourself. Your soul yearns for a new life, a life with new challenges and spices. But you insist on doing the same old routine because you fear to go outside, to see and experience what is new outside. You yourself is the only thing that is going against your spirit, impeding your deepest desires to seek love and care.

    It is not your spirit that left you, it is you compelling yourself to go against your spirit’s will. You know and understand well its desires, but you just refuse to fulfill it. Marie3, please don’t be halted by your fear, go outside, try new things, see new world…There’s a lot of things you haven’t experienced.And please, don’t die…

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