I’m just tired of life

October 31st, 2010 by almostgivenup

I’ve had a rough life, I’d say. I’m only a college sophomore, but I feel like I’ve been through enough and I don’t want to try anymore.

  • My dad was abusive my entire childhood. He called me awful names that resulted in me having absolutely zero self-confidence nowadays, yelled at me for absolutely nothing, criticized everything I did and made my accomplishments seem like dirt, and hit me several times, knocking me unconscious once.
  • My mom always promised my brother and I that she would do something about it, but she never did. She eventually stopped caring and now she sides solely with him and doesn’t see any wrong in what he’s done/what he does now.
  • Every friend I ever make and get close to only ends up using me — whether its for academics (a free tutor), or just someone they can chat to about their lives and how great everything is going for them. They always lose interest in me eventually and make up some big fight to break it off. This happened to me 2 weeks ago for about the 20th time in my life. Nobody likes me.
  • I’ve told one of my roommates about my suicidal thoughts/depression but today she made a comment on how she thinks she’s a really nice person because she “tolerates” listening to my problems and complaining all the time. So she gets annoyed with my complaints/depression confessions, and my other 2 roommates don’t even speak to me anymore, they hate me so much.
  • My first boyfriend basically raped me (though I still don’t feel that it classifies as rape since we had had sex before — though i’ve been informed that it counts as rape) and I’ve been left feeling that no guy ever really is interested in me and they’ll only tolerate me in order to use me for sex. I haven’t had a boyfriend/even a guy friend since. This is my one secret remaining that I haven’t told anyone about (you guys don’t know me so this doesn’t count) — I mistakenly told my roommate about my parents and depression and friends. And since she gets annoyed with my “complaining” i don’t think I can tell her now. I hate keeping everything bottled up.

I feel like all I’m doing here is bothering people. There is seriously nobody that I am genuinely close to because when I get close to somebody they find out about me life and then don’t want to be friends anymore.

I have had too many problems and I’m just tired of dealing with them. I don’t want to deal with anything. I wish I could be substituted for the victim of a car crash or a fatal disease instead of that person’s life being taken. I don’t have anyone that I’m close to, and sure if I died/killed myself people would say “Oh, thats a real shame, how sad”, but there is nobody that I’m close enough to that would legitimately GRIEVE or cry over it.

If I felt that I would hurt someone badly then I wouldn’t do it — but I know for a fact that that won’t be an issue.

I get upset and drive around in my car for hours on end on the highway, just going back and forth, trying to make myself speed up and then sharply veer off the road and into a ditch. That’s my plan for doing it because that’s the only way I can do it in private and without risking injury of anyone else (I’d even do it at night when there’s nobody on the road, though I WILL go into a ditch far away from buildings/other cars/anything else).

It’s gotten so bad lately that I just drive around considering it every day. It doesn’t even feel like a big decision anymore, just a matter of when is the right time.

I can’t afford any type of counseling seeing as I’m a college student (broke) and my parents don’t believe in depression and all of that — not that I’d ever tell them anyway. They know nothing about me.

Honestly I don’t even think I’m going to make it to Christmas, I’m just tired of my life and I feel that I’m stuck in the same circle of people that dislike me so much and I can’t get out of it. I don’t have anything to look forward to in my life, and I’d really rather just die. I just need to find the willpower to do it already — there’s no point in waiting another week or so.

End of story — thanks for letting me vent. Nobody else listens to me.. and the one or two that do could care less.

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32 Responses to “I’m just tired of life”

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  1. i am much like you. sophmore in college, roommates that don’t give a shit about what you do, parents that neglect you and whip you around just for the heck of it. you’re not alone. be glad that at least your dad isn’t making other women pop out more humans with his dna. if i learned one thing from men like him and mine, is that if i have to deal with this asshole, id rather have it be me than another 50 babies. i drive around all the time also. but i have more bridges in my area instead of ditches. there are free counseling that your school should supply. I went to mine once, and it helped a little. maybe it’ll help you vent some more. if you ever need to talk just leave me a message.

  2. I’ll bet that your mother ended up siding with your dad out of fear. She saw what your dad did to you and she feared that for herself should she intervene. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it is a reason.

    One of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that you have to be very selective with who you tell of your suicidal thoughts. It tends to turn most people “off” if you will, and they shy away from you because they view you as unfun, weird, sinful, or whatever. They don’t have to be right; that’s just how they feel, sad to say.

    Your roommate sounds like an ass. She obviously has had no experience with this issue. She may or may not sincerely mean what she’s told about it, (that you should be greatful that she tolerates it) but it isn’t the appropriate response in the least. It sounds to me like you need someone who understands and can talk to you about it. It’s too bad you’re not around them

    As far as your means to an end, I think I would recommend some other method because yours isn’t surefire. You don’t want to run off a ditch and get crippled and hurt and then live. If you must, you must, but I hope that mine and others’ responses to your post can help you assess things a little better to help you make a more thoughtful decision on what to do with yourself. I’m never one to discourage suicide, but I think that you have to assess things well enough to make it decidely the best option. You only have a couple more years of college until new things happen in your life. Try thinking of that in the meantime.

  3. I understand the general idea of depression. Been there. Done that. Cried my tears. Stability. Then it turned into aggression. Stability. Now I’m back to showing signs of depression, again.

    Difficult to say in the least to try and keep your head out of the gutter.

    I’m not at all old (18+), but I guess you just really need to vent to people who are willing to listen. If not in person, good old suicideproject.org is still here to listen to you. And me.

  4. Even if you die, no one will care or even really notice your passing. This is because it is in the humans nature to forget and become apathetic. Your mother is weak just like mine. Again, it is human nature for the weak to flock to whatever side will insure their survival. How easily people turn a blind eye from those that suffer or need help.

    It’s really up to you to decide if you’re going to live or die. I’m alive, but not living. I go through the motions required in order to continue life as I wear a mask. I know what feelings you have and are probably still having. I’ve been there, done that, and got a t-shirt.

    If you ever need to talk, I’ll listen. I always bottle up my crap to the point I almost can’t function correctly anymore. If it hadn’t been for one of my now closest friend, I’d probably wouldn’t be here in this tiring world.

  5. I know how you feel….my last car i bought was a little Toyota Yaris, knowing that in a crash i wouldnt survive. Ive tried suicide before, 3 times actually…been institutionalized 3 times, twice locked up…and im still looking for a way out. If you want to chat, dej82000@yahoo.com … I will listen.

  6. i’m actually a middle school student i feel the same way except with my father siding with my mother these past few days have been going better taking my anti-depressants and with that promise that i wont get hit by THEM again but i feel like im a bother and i have no use to being here , i have friends but as like you said they use me for (a free tutor) or cheating in tests. I dont mind very much, but im feeling alot of pain, so now a days i lock my self up in my room. Im still studying at school but im really tires and i want this to end this isn’t my whole story though.

  7. hey Almostgiven up, please don’t give up. Please email me at hlabtulal@yahoo.com so I may help you. I know what you are going trough. Please don’t hesitate to email me.

  8. Dear Almostgivenup, It seems to me that you are only close to giving up, and that is a good thing. In fact, it seems to me that your tag should be, can’tfindanoption, which is understandable.
    Now for some of my crazy that I call Truth…
    Before I begin I think it is important for all readers to know that I think that there is a 98% chance that ‘almostgivenup’ doesn’t even exist, and was created to be a prop of research, and that is O.K.
    As for me, because I want to believe that telling my story might help someone, I will write as if “almostgivenup”, actually, exists….
    So here goes…
    Die, Die, Die!
    Save yourself from the reality of enduring, or decide to quit caring. (Proper answer, quit caring.)
    I attempted suicide in 1999, in a way that I am not allowed to comment on, and I can assure you that it was a way that should have been succesful, unfortunately, at the time, a 28 hour surgery kept me alive.
    What I can tell you about suicide, is this…
    If, If, If, If, your logic is sound, then do it.
    But, if you do, think it through, do not allow the emotional maybe because surviving suicide sucks.
    I will use me as an example, I attempted suicide and failed, though I still wish I would have succeeded, I did not. And, what I am left with is telling people that the pain of suicide is miniscule compared to the pain of witnessing the look on the faces of my parents as they walked into the ICU.
    As for the rest, we will see…
    As for you, my dear sophomore, don’t give up and don’t sell your mom short. You referred to her as weak when you and I both know it takes strength to put up with…

  9. I kinda know how you feel. My dad called me a loser since I was in 2nd grade. My mom never wanted me to get ahead in school and never let me take that chance to skip two grades in fear that I may be a bigger success than them. My brother always sided with all the kids and called me a freak. My only friend was awesome and we hung out all the time. When I went to his house I forgot all the times my parents would critisize my way of life as a nerd, my dick of a brother and all the corruption of drug dealing that ran through the family. But he died in a car crash when I was nine so I just became a loner, left the house to go on walks, and listened to music to get away from it all. The bad thing was I was put in homeschooling so I had to stay home and teach myself. A little later I went back to public school in 8th grade. Throughout that year I stayed as a loner and was confused as a homosexual and was picked on since I dodn’t want to respond to anyone, even flirters. When I hitted highschool I chose a couple of people to talk to and my name was starting to run throughout the school. I was never the type to keep my mouth shut and people gave me sympathy. I was enraged and hated most of them because of this. I don’t like it when someone was looking at me and felt sorry for me. I felt like a child sometimes, just crying for help. But now I’m glad I am alive because even though my family does pot and I’m the only clean one and they call me the loser, I have amazing friends and I’m working my way to see a good college. The only trouble I have now is a problem with seeing how the hell can you tell from flirting and kindness, due to being alone for 7 years. I’m not telling you what you should do with your life, I’m just giving you an example of someone who stayed strong, held their head up high, and gave a smile to change their life than saying “Fuck it, I quit”. Living Strong ~ Ian Lockwood.

  10. SOMEONE STOP HER!!!!!!!!!!!

    GIRL, I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME, BUT I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU. IF YOU ARE STILL THERE PLEASE ANSWER THIS POST, OR MAKE AN UPDATE OR SOMETHING

  11. I’m 51, I’ve been where you are…I tried suicide…failed got help, eventually married and had kids…I won’t lie to you…even now I get severe depression when I “know” that I am not loved or even liked very much. But for the most part things are not so bad…I try and focus on doing things the make me happy…no matter how small, for example just the little moments…playing with the kids, sharing a malt…whatever. I bought a motorcycle and sometimes I just go for a ride to clear my mind. I had a very dysfunctional childhood, physical and verbal abuse, so don’t think you are alone…the selfish people you have met so far that don’t seem to care about you are not the only type of people out there…you will find that special person or friend you need…just try and think about you…what you like to do…and try putting your energy into that…see if it doesn’t help. We are here for you….

  12. i am a boy but also having the same position as you have. i am just used to for all the people. four girls make just use of me leave me alone and i \’m also thinking for suicide.

  13. My dear friends. I too suffered from depression, abuse, physical, mental and sexual. I was on three different medications that caused me to spiral to the lowest of lowest. Doctors and family kept telling me it was in my head and that talking to someone would make me better. I took the meds, I talked to Dr’s. I kept getting worse. I couldn’t imagine living another day. I didn’t want to live another day. Non of this made sense because I love the outdoors. I love nice people, I love crafts etc. I decided to do the opposite of what people were telling me. I got off the meds and started taking Chinese Herbs. I cleaned my liver and kidneys out. You won’t believe how I live life now! Please believe me that there is hope. We are all worth more than what this world tells us we are worth. I beg you to take Chinese Herbs to clease your liver and kidneys and you will feel so much better. Night and day. A light switch was turned on. If our skin can heal from a cut, then our organs can heal from toxins. That’s what it is. When we are abused our body puts out too much adreinelin. (not spelled correctly) This chemical confuses our body to have anxiety, fears, weight gain, depression, greasy hair, low self esteem, panick attacks! I had it all. I don’t now! God Bless you dear friends. This world is wrong and what we are taught is wrong. Our bodies are sick and I made the change to natural plant herbs to heal. Please just try it for one week. You mean that much to me. Really! You are a life! You are worthy of health and adventure and joy in this world. I pray for healing. You are worth just trying for one week. Please!

  14. :)
    Yes, the situation is like this nowadays
    People cold
    People with the same problems don’t talk much about it
    The experiences are alike
    No matter what the reason’
    There are too much people feeling the same
    From time to time i feeling the same
    And i think i know what means, exist but not live :)
    So….
    What the answer?
    Bible?
    You should endure….
    Because suisice is a sin, not solution
    If it is still concerns you, (you are in the same situation), truy to find your own apartment, where you can be alone, and maybe try to find some spiritual information (just be carefull, not to drawn in to sect). Thats all. I hope you will be allright, and will find some genuine things in your life, try to travel accross the boards of country, maybe that helps, it should in the backpack. If you don’t feel valuable, you are always valuable to God, whatever it would be, he is, evil and Good exists….

  15. i know my problems might seam petty but when i was taken from my biological mom
    back when i was four i was molested by six different foster parents and there
    daughters than i was adopted at the age of five at the age of twelve i was
    sent to mentail health clinic because my little brother set a couch on fire
    so my parents thought since my brother did it i would do the same thing
    when i got out i was changed i hated the world but i met someone
    but she had to move away so i got depressed and walked till i got
    tired and six guys subdued me and raped me over and over
    than i got married at the age of eaghteen but one night my
    ex-wife stuck a kinfe at my neck and told me she would kill me if i did
    not give her anal than she forced me to give her that
    than six weeks later her hole family tryed to kill me
    than nine years later i met my ex-faincee i fell in love at first sight
    but we where togather for two years and only two months of it was she loyal
    to me than she started to work at the local wallie world
    she than started cheating on me i knew something was up because
    she did not feel the same to me when we where trying for a baby
    than on the thirteenth of march she texted me and lied to me saying she was
    leaving me for a woman but she had a ex-boyfriend from high school
    that she had only messed around with for three days over while i
    was helping my parents put in new windows and he had been there for three
    days she cheated on me with three ex-boyfriends and one of her cousin
    sho is mixed now i just gotten broken up with two more
    times with two more females and all i did
    was treat them like a queen i never found a real woman and i guess i never will i think no woman no matter what they say realy wants a man that will treat them like they alaways they whant to be treated i could never go gay because guys are ugly to me so the final option a bullet to the brain sounds like a winner i dont care about a pretty corps i’d reather just die and no matter how many times i look down the barrel of my pistel i for some reasin can’t do it i don’t know why even when my friends abanddend me for that cheating ex-faincee and all i have to deal with the fact i have do much credit card debt because of my ex-faincee and my last ex-girlfriend plus my parents never cared for me as much as they did my brother and sister they both can drive i cant because even though i have a permit they will not take me for the road test and i did get to drive enough with my sister but they still will not take me just another reason to kill myself i am stuck in this house because of how hot it is outside or i would walk away and never come back

  16. Christ… I’m so terribly sorry for everything you’ve had to go through in life. Please don’t kill yourself. I have no good reasons, I just don’t want you to die. Isn’t that funny and irrational – a girl on a website who I had no idea existed five minutes ago makes me feel this much. I don’t have any good reasons for why you shouldn’t kill yourself – that’s up to you, but please don’t. One human to another – please don’t die.Look, I’d really love to see an update here sometime, letting me know you’re alive.

  17. I dont even know where to start. Its sad that so many of us feel this way but the fact is you are not alone in your thinking. I dont know the cure but finding peace seems like the only option other than death. Easier said than done i know but you owe it to yourself to try your hardest before giving up. If your in college to do something you love, then focus on that love for what you’re trying to do. If you have kids and your parents treated you badly or didnt even have any, then be sure you dont continue the cycle. Break the chain and maybe that will help. Dont focus on what they did to you but what you’re doing for your childeren. I have noticed this much, people with depression seem to have parental issues, feel cursed, have no real connection with others and are hard on them selves. Well think about it, we are connected in feeling the same way. If your parents suck then leave them behind if you can. This goes for other siblings as well. I know some situations wont allow this but make it a long term goal if need be to get away. Go back to them if you desire to one day. You cant chose your family but you can choose to not deal with thier abuse or negativity. Another thing iv noticed is depressed people actually seem to be very nice and kind which can be a good thing but a curse as well. You have to choose carefully where you place your kindness and trust or else you’ll get stomped on and used. It pains me personaly to not be kind or helpful to others but people will take advantage so i must be careful. What pains me about it is its easy to be kind and others have a hard time with it and look for the easy targets (suckers) to use them. So at times you have to be cold when you really dont want to. Thus adding to the cycle of cold behavior and everyone lookng out for themselves. Being kind or too nice to people is a way of seeking that connection we long for, which often times comes back to bite you in the ass! Be cautious on who your trying to please and make sure they are worth it. The yin and yang my friends, strength has weakness and weankess has strength in some way, shape or form. I dont know if there is an after life for sure but i dont wanna kill myself and find out there is one and be punished for what i did. Im not sure what the hell happens when we die but we should try our best to find peace while we are here to grow as individuals and a species. Learning is hard and we have to learn to deal with this for the future. Considerate as growing pains. I have often been let down by many people, angered with our way of life and have always felt a bit odd. But i know im not the only one and i hold true to waht i believe and dont let the masses tell me what to think or feel. Some times when things get tough, i go to sleep at night and hope i dont wake up. Brings new meaning to R.I.P. I do love hitting that snooze button in the morning. Feels good to just sleep and not know you are even there. But thats the challange of life, get up, go to work, deal with traffic, the assholes in it and at work while trying to find yourself and the peer group that understands you and is worth your time. Passion will breathe new life onto you. Music, dancing, making love, hunting, fishing, sports, exercise, reading, writing, singing, painting, acting, gardening, gaming, hell even learning. What ever floats your boat. I try really hard to focus on these things but it can be difficult in times of struggle. But i continue to work hard so that one day these can be my main focus, not just work, eat, sleep. What the hell do i know though, im just some dude in a suicide chat tyrin to vent myself lol. I could go on so long about all this stuff and in way more detail with speaking rather than typing. Im not the best typer if you havent noticed. But i guess what im trying to say is, dont give up. Keep working hard, growing, connecting and be passionate. Find that passion. If you all knew the shit i have been going through, you’de probably think im wierd to be so optimistic. But hey, maybe im really chatting to myself here. Lord knows i need to be chatted up right now. Stay strong everyone.

  18. keep coming here and posting… i think that’s all i can do anymore… not happy right now… this is looking to be a bad new years too… :<

  19. thinking off ending it well here goes ………………..im not suicidal in the least as some have already commented on been there bought the t.shirt ……..well ive been there 4 times folks dead as u get ……and i was left with survivors guilt and spent years wondering why ….then my son was born and a light switched on i got my answer thats why i survived ,,,,,you are all special only thing u have to do is live not for yourselfs because u gotta ……then u will make all our lives that much richer

  20. Hey. Let me just say that I have felt the way you do except I am only a Sophomore in high school. I sometimes don’t feel like trying. I mean, what’s the point? I don’t feel like living anymore because of so much bullshit I have to put up with but I try and have faith in God. I have faith that I will get through this tough situation and I will have a better situation. I hope you are well and I don’t mind you venting to me I actually love when people talk to me even if it’s about a problem they’re having or once had but still bothers them. Please don’t hesistate to email me. My email is: redrose8597@gmail.com
    I would love to help you in any way I can even if it means listening to what you have to say.

  21. we are much alike my biological parents sexually abused physically abused me and emotionally abused me so i was taken away from them and put into foster care where i was then sexually assulted by my own sister i finally got adopted only to be put into a family that hates me they hate the way i dress they music i listin to everything they call me an attention seeking whore emo fag horrible horrible names they do not know im depressed or that i cut or how many times i have attempted suicide death has not taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking my mom hates me she calls me fat ugly along with my sisters they are just like her my dad is the only one who cares but i wish he didnt it only makes my mom hate me more i have lied so many times when i have cut to deep from trying to commite suicide i say a droped a knife and it cut me but it didnt but taking your life isnt worth it i know why take advice from me someone who trys to take there life all the time well its not worth it if you wanted to trully die you would already be dead you are a beutiful young woman who is making it in life who needs to go on if not for your self but to give others hope

  22. I don’t know how you feel, because I never had it that bad. My parents neglect me all my childhood. They compare me to my brothers, and doesn’t care a damn about me. My younger brother was deaf, so he get all the attention. My older brother do bad at school, so my parents have their attention to him, too, like hiring tutor and stuff.Even when I do good at school, my parents just waved it off. My classmates made fun of me for being a nerd, fat, lazy, ugly, etc. I cut, to punish myself for being a disappointment.
    When I’m younger, my dad hit me sometimes and my mom verbally abused me. I break every rule, just to feel something and feel excited, but people call me attention seeker, burden, etc. I’m tired of life, but don’t want to die.
    I never have it as bad as you, but I know how it feels to have everything bottled up. I’m a Christian, that’s why I never committed suicide, because I knew I’ll went to hell, which made everything worse.
    If you need to talk, I’m all ears, and I won’t judge. You might not trust me, but I knew how it feels to need someone to talk to, but everyone thought you are a nuisance. Just email me at priscilla_ngl@yahoo.co.id.
    Keep strong. If you don’t believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel, believe that God loves you.

  23. planning to end it with vodka and sleeping pills

  24. Dont harm yourself…..
    Im here for you….you can talk to me at jane.doe822@yahoo.com if you feel to share anything

  25. I know i’ll suffer but I won’t die.

  26. I don’t say I understand what you’re feeling. Depression’s a bitch, but look, I am depressed right now because I feel I really haven’t helped anyone in my life. I feel It’s useless for me to be in this world just living for myself… and I have anger management issues to top it all. However, the things you say: “nobody loves me, nobody cares” is really the most absurd thing about deep depression: you only care about yourself, about others not caring about yourself, you’re at the center, sad because others are as selfish as you are. It’s a mirage: you’re not the victim unless you care about others too. And they don’t need to be humans (Its hard with humans, we suck) No money? Make an effort to lift your depressed ass and volunteer at an animal shelter. It may be true nobody cares about you, but there are millions of little helpless animals that could use a hand. I like this phrase: “Earn your way out”. Unless you’ve tried everything that can make life worth it, how can you end it? What if there were marvelous surprises for you out there but you just were too busy feeling selfish to see it?

  27. I still feel times where I think to myself, “What’s the point of it?” But, there is a point. Part of healing is feeling, analyzing, and getting help to deal with what you can’t. How can you throw in the towel without exhausting all roads of help? Stop thinking you know the answer. Swallow your pride, and ask for help from the person or people you trust the most. Don’t hide your sincere intention to leave this world. The people you love need to know it’s a serious issue. If you’re going to burden them with an untimely end to your life, at least give them the chance to feel like they did everything they could to help you before you left their lives. You impact everyone around you, whether you believe it or not. Maybe you should get a pet, so you have another life that directly depends on you and loves you.

  28. Ok , reality check. it matters little what others think of you, what matters is what you think of yourself. Life will thow problems and difficulties in your way, it does the same for everyone. Life is a test of strength and resolve, man up and resolve to become everything you imagine you can be. You can be a success and you can also fail, but ultimately you are the master of your own destiny. I recommend that you follow in the footsteps of those that have gone before you and decide to grasp success. make no mistake, WE WILL ALL PASS AWAY EVENTUALLY. What makes the difference is how we live our lives, like a LION or a sheep. You decide. If you want to be everything you can be then have a look at the books written by Bob Proctor or Napoleon Hill, believe me they can make a difference. Win, lose its up to you. Winning is easy once you know how.

  29. Well i’m actually luckier than you. My parents are the only one in this damn world care about me. But since i was 12 i have never had someone that i can really count on and call “friend”. Every single one of them are assholes and always take advantages of me. I know that i’m not a pretty girl and in fact i’m very fat and just ugly but that never bothers me. Until i moved to a new school and i met THEM. Ppl always say that they r nice cute sweet. All i can say about that is SHIT. Of course they treat u guys nicely but what about me, what did i do to them.?? Like at this moment then can tell good things about u and chat normally to u but just after it they turn imto devils and use bad words and lie about u. GIVE ME A BREAK GUYS! Yeah i should probably stop however i totally understand your feelings and if u need i will always be there to listen to you. This is my email: marmaduke710@gmail.com

  30. I am sure you don’t want to hear any more stories, so I all can say is for you to join a group of unhappy people, just like you. Do whatever they do, and you will be accepted and feel better. A hippie group, maybe? Good luck, and if you are still there to read it, please reply.

  31. I know it doesn’t seem like it would help but please try it because it helped me so much! I know how you feel trust me my parents hate me and no one at school likes me…anyways the thing that helped me was listening to 89.3 KSBJ. (I’m not saying this to advertise) I know church seems like you just sing hallelujah songs and talk about boring stuff. but I recommend going to church and asking for help (it helped me) KSBJ has really good encouraging music that helps me everyday to keep going on with life. Also join the prayer community on ksbj.org (if you can) you just type in what you want people to pray about for you and people will see it (trust me) also if alot of people are touched by your story and alot of people pray for you it may even go on the radio. again I know your probably thinking nah church won’t help it’s just a stupid place where they sing songs. well if you think that it’s really not if you take the time and listen deeply to what the message they try to bring is and if you don’t understand you just talk to the pastor (done this many times) please don’t kill your self I know you can do it if you get a strong relationship with god. I’m praying for you! don’t stop! and I promise this will help you if you try hard to stay with god! he will help you! ~Audrey

  32. you are so sick to tell someone to die like that when they are asking for help not help to die you sicko

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