Hello I’m new to this site.. haven’t even read other post but I really need to say something to anyone.
Today is a down day… I awoke 7 hours after I was suppose to and only because family member prodded me. Most days are like this. Suicidal thought. Crying fits, daydreams about anything other than my current life. It’s exhausting and I’m tired.
I sought help at the beginning of the month for my anxiety/depression and wonder if I should have told my doctor I have tried to kill myself before but quietly decided not to….until the next time…and the next.
Well now I’m at the end of the rope. The medicine it not working and I;m becoming a horrible person day by day since I can not maintain any relationship ( friendless and boyfriend-less)Â and heavily depend on family. I’m scared. Like I’m not even a person. And I’m can’t even pretend I’m one..not even at work.
School is suffering because of it, and I know at this rate i will die alone with no one but the few family members who can stand me.; if that.
Things are bleak. And the fact that there is nothing promised when I get out of this hole ( if i ever get out)Â makes me only anticipate falling back in.
What kind of life is that?
5 comments
I’m so sorry. 🙁
You CAN climb over this mountain with all that you have.
You CAN climb out of that hole.
No hole is too deep, no mountain is too tall.
You were made to go through this,
And to learn.
You have to think positive.
You have to learn everyday.
You can learn anything.
Dance.
Music.
Technology.
Science.
Psychology.
Writing.
Anything.
You were made to solve your problems by yourself,
And I know you can.
Look up to the sky and the sun is always with you.
The stars are always covering your back.
You’re just blinded by depression and the horror,
That you can’t see it nor feel it…
But look closely,
And there are people there for you.
Like me.
Iammai97@aol.com
Honey go back to your doctor and tell him the truth….u have a right to get the help u need. It might be be a case of adjusting or changing your medication. Whatever it takes u need to seek the help u so desperately need.
I have lost my niece to suicide 7wks ago…our family has been ripped apart by her death. Nothing will ever prepare a family for loss from suicide. Its like hell on earth for those left behind.
Please just reach out …..ring the helpline!
no fuck a doctor, all the medications theyve had me on for psych treatment, depression, bullshit. it fucked with my mind so heavily. i still feel like ive been raped in my mental sense by all of that. getting out is hard but in the long run its better to do it alone. its harder, a fuck ton harder but if you make it, youll understand. im not going to lie to you & say ‘oh well you feel so proud of yourself when your through it’ or ‘it makes you a better person’ it doesnt. it gives the life expiernce to become what your meant to be. fate? idk. but some people were made to go through some shit. some people were just made to sing the blues. fate isnt this gorgeous, precious, little gem everybody talks ab. it has a dark side along w everything else we know on this planet & a few of us venture to far into it. find the strenght to pull yourself up out of it & youll feel new. truth is its always there though, once youve been there you cant forget it. it lingers just like any other memory, or feeling. but regret is never a friend. i dont regret my suicide attempts, my depression, my mental breakdown, going to the nut house. so im a little fucked in the head. some people are, some people learn to deal w it & some people cant. some people venture too far into it & learn to quickly that theyve dug in too far. get out of it. it takes massive mind strength but its not impossible. maybe im just rambaling in this cooment to get my own thoughts out but hopefully it helps you too. ive never been good at expressing my mind when its like this, but if you need to vent it out to someone im avaliable. if not then thats fine too. im not trying to tell you whats right for you but i know what worked out for me.
lma has some good advice, about seeing your doc. amd getting the meds adjuted. 3 or 4 months ago i would have agreed with ineedsanctuary about no not a doctor the mes are bullshit but thats because i wasnt on meds didnt want to be and saw no helpful qualities in them. but then i got arrested for a violent crime one step down from attempted murder, batteryby strangulation i would have been a felon and would have lost all rights and benifits if the victim wouldnt have fought for my freedom also telling the state attorney and judge that i wasnt on my meds and was having mental problems. help is effective alot of these professionals know people want help or need help and they are those in this life that can do that. meds are based on the billions of people in our population so you can understand getting the right ones for you. right now im on anti psychotics and side effect meds. i still need meds for anxiety and drug dependence but rightnow im a hell of alot more functional then when i would have agreed to fuck doctors and thier meds. i love you all save a life take a knife
I too have become a horrible person all one has to do is say something demeaning to me and i am done with them..my boyfriend sides with anyone else no matter how right i am..My meds do not much more than put me to sleep and wake with horrid anxiety attack i must deal with all day..just SO depressed i just really want it to end..anyone need to vent to me please just let me know..am new to this site