Hanging myself almost worked…

December 15th, 2010 by I keep surviving....

I tried it, in February. I taped my arms together, and my legs too, so I couldn’t save myself. I made a noose of some nylon tie-straps and tied then to a beam, in the attic, in the garage. I was making my final preparations (freaking out) when my husband opened the garage door.

I jumped off the ladder I had been on. I remember hearing him say “No!” and remember him trying to lift me up, yelling at me to “stand up on the ladder” and then I remember nothing. That took up about 5 seconds. It wasn’t painful at all. That’s all I remember.

Until I woke up, on the floor of the garage, covered in blood, and wet. I couldn’t believe I was still here. I hated him.

He said that he was trying to get me to lay over the ladder, so he could grab a knife, to cut me down, but I didn’t leave enough lag in the noose (careful planning) and while he was trying to figure out what to do, he said my body went completely limp, and my nose gushed blood, and I peed myself. He knew I was dying, but didn’t have a knife.

So he let me hang.

He said my face was blue and my tongue and eyes were bugging out. He said he had to let me hang, while he ran inside to get a knife.

I hope that image haunts him.

Anyway, he cut me down, and he managed to cut the noose off my neck, and he called 911. And then I woke up. The paramedics came, and took me away, and I got to have a 2 week vacation in a mental hospital. It sucked.

The after-effects were not so bad, because the noose was made of a nylon tie-strap, there was hardly any rope burn on my neck. My eyes though, they were a different story. They were COMPLETELY dark blood red, for about 2 months. Most people thought they looked very cool, something that you might see in movies. Nobody would ask why they were that way though, they just looked at me strangely. If they had asked, I would tell them, but hardly anyone asked.

In the hospital, I met several young kids that were there for “trying to kill themselves” by taking 10 to 15 xanax bars, or whatever… I wanted to tell them “Pst, that was hardly an attempt…”

I guess the moral to my story is, hanging was not a bad way to die. I would have made it, but for a few seconds.

I’d do it again, probably, but I don’t have access to his attic anymore…

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week,
because we will not take action on them.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.

8 Responses to “Hanging myself almost worked…”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. That sucks. I’m sorry that you made it.
    How else would you do it if you have the chance to?

  2. Why’d you want to do it?

  3. I feel like I have lived long enough. I am 40 now, and my first attempt was when I was 13. I’ve tried everything, throughout the years, and don’t know how I am still alive. My kids are grown now, in their 20′s. I can’t say that I feel “pain” I just don’t want to keep slugging through the days.
    Sometimes, things are OK; I pretend they are OK to everyone.

    The majority of the time, I just wish I was never born.

    You know when you are driving on the highway, and you have so many near accidents, where you instinctively get out of the way? I pray for one each time I get in my car, and next time, I won’t move. I’ll let them crash into me, and just hope I don’t survive.

  4. It seems like you’re just not open enough about your feelings to people. And I can feel the same, inexplicable desire to off myself even when conditions are at their best. Some people aren’t good at living. You are not alone.

  5. thanks for this :)

  6. I’m sorry nobody asked you why your eyes were red. Hanging would be my first choice, but I’m not sure I want my body found. I just wanna disappear. Thanks for sharing. It’s kinda comforting to know that I’m not the only one who wants to end it all, that others are experiencing the same kind of pain. So many people die everyday. Everyday I wish I was one of ‘em.

  7. im thought about doing that but i also have a feeling that it wont work and like you said “it almost worked” so now im trying to find another way… tho i did hear about amanda todd… but she also hanged herselfi wonder how….

  8. I’m thinking about doing this, so very very soon. Nobody will expect a thing.

Join the discussion: Post a Comment:

You must be logged in to post a comment.