on friendship

I have goals, I have people, I’m about to graduate from college with good grades and then I’ll launch off into a career that could be rewarding.  But I don’t do these things except for some vague idea of the future and in order to survive. I don’t cry often, I don’t despair.  I’m apathetic toward nearly everything and I don’t think I can ever be happy because people out there don’t enjoy me or relate to me at all.  They don’t share any of my interests, they’re never really looking forward to seeing me.  They won’t come out of nowhere to say “hello” and smile at me.  My friends don’t contact me, I contact them, then we spend time together, great.  But really, if I didn’t get out there, no one would ever bother to find me. I know I’m loved by a couple nice people out there, they’re close to me.  They don’t make me feel loved, though.  I hear it from them, but no matter how many times they say it, I never actually see or feel love.  I don’t feel close to anyone, friends, family, classmates, coworkers, nobody, they’re all distant and foreign and I don’t think they really know me or care about me and I’m doubtful that anyone will ever care about me.