I’m going to kill myself tonight.

February 16th, 2011 by ross h
    im going to die in a few hours. I dont really want to start a panic on facebook but i did want to say a few words before im gone. If anyone i know ever reads this then im sorry u got hurt. The way i feel right now is too much to take. Im passed the point were i can cope as a normal human being. I can not even look after myself anymore. I no longer have a penny to my name. I will be homeless in a day or two. Infact i was expecting to end up killing myself in allyway. My partner of four years left me around a week ago for no or little, i just dont fit in with life anymore. In that time ive lost my job and will not be able to cover any bills. In short my life is in ruins and there is just no hope anymore. I am alone in this world and im scared and hurt. I have decided to use a home made exit bag. I have everything i need including sleeping pills, helium, a large exit bag, pills to stop me vomiting and handcuffs to prevent me from removing the bag after ive passed out. Im ready. In away its a relief to know thats it over. Anyway thanks for reading and letting me share sum of my pain.

    Ps. If for some i live or i fail then i will come back and post. If i dont then that means i did and i found my release. Peace.

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27 Responses to “I’m going to kill myself tonight.”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. Please don’t do this. You can get help from the government. You are in a bad place right now, but you can always improve yourself. That is what life is about, becoming a better person.

  2. Stop this shit, killing yourself is the most selfish, hurtful act you can do….
    Yes times get hard and we all think about suicide but
    Getting through the hard times makes us stronger….
    Life can only get better – suicide never the answer…… Stop being selfish

  3. I hope you find peace, alive or not. I will pray for you my friend.

  4. Please don’t kill yourself. You are dealing with a situational depression and in time, everything will be ok. I am 38 and have been through a lot in my life. I went from having nothing to having 3 kids, a house, a dog, a great job etc….. Even though I recently lost my job and can’t find a job, I stay positive and still have my family. My sister committed suicide 2 months ago. The pain is terrible and I still can’t believe she took her own life. She had a mental illness and was in treatment when she hung herself. She could have taken care of herself but she chose alcohol and drugs, and then suicide. Every time I have thought about suicide, things always got better. Life can be a rollercoaster but if it gets really bad, it will always get better; trust me! I can’t imagine not being here for my kids and boyfriend. Of course, when things go bad in life, Suicide seems like the only option, but it is NOT the only option. To think I would end my life for something that is temporary sounds really dumb if you ask me. Please, if anyone wants to commit suicide, please talk to someone or get help; go to a hospital and get some help.

  5. in my prayers you are, but i hope that you do not go through with this. There is a way to get better, its different for everyone. You just have to find yours.

  6. Ross… I hope you didnt do it… and ‘STOP’ seriously having a go does not help…. someone who is in the frame of mind to write this is not in the frame of mind to take any more critasism. I understand what you are saying but this will not help.

    Ross please message us and say you havent done this x

  7. You need to read my profile blog and think again.

    What you are thinking of doing is a permanent thing.

    You cannot take it back, once done, but the situation you are in is just temporary and will pass.

    Many of us have had equally terrible things happen in our lives and fight to stay here. Things change every second we are alive even if we just stand still on one spot and do absolutely nothing. That is why you should rethink. I have been where you are after my husband hung himself and wish someone had been there to show me how wrong suicide is. I was lucky to be found in time and therefore my children are not orphaned but missing only one parent who chose not to wait for things to change.

    I know none of us telling you we have had terrible things happen to us too, or that we have been where you are right now can actually stop you, but if you are undecided, there is a world of us struggling on out there.

    Come to our group http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7383862180
    and give life another chance. For all the material things in life, there is a solution and for everything else there are people like me and my family who care enough to reply to your post now.

    Please wait, please think again.

  8. It’s strange to think I am answering to a person that may already be dead. Part of me really hopes you don’t go through with it. But I have been thinking seriously about suicide myself for over 6 years now and I think I’ll be going through with it. I hope the best for you. I hope you explored all possibilities and have given it time to develope. Life is not always fun. It really isn’t and I don’t have any words of wisdom to motivate you with.

  9. hello everyone. I promised i would reply if i didnt go through with my plan. And clearly i didnt. Thank u all for the replies. Why didnt i do it u may ask? I dont know really, it would be nice to say i picked myself up and gave life a chance. But it would more true to say that i was just to scared to die. Not much has changed , i have gone to stay with friends to sort myself out but now im filled with guilt because i feel a burden to them. I think the feelings of wanting to kill myself have passed for now. Im trying to maintain a posative outlook and i really hope that things will get better. If not then i know what to do and i wont be afraid next time. Why do bad things happen to good people? Im a young and not bad looking guy, i always treat people with respect and loved my ex with all my heart. I never treated her or anyone badly. My only mistakes was not holding down a job and even then i was never out of work. And now thanks to one person my life feels ruined. I miss her every breath and i cry before i fall asleep because i miss her so much. I know this all sounds really stupid. But im pretty sure u only find one real soul mate in life, and mine has walked away without evening telling me why. I tryed to talk to my friends about i feel but they just want to say stuff they think sounds senseable but i dont want to move on or get over it. I know im only tourmenting myself but ive decided im not going to try and get over anna. If it means i will always have a candle in my heart for then i will. I know i really did love and adore her. I will carry on with life tho in the meantime. Im staying with friends till i find my own place and im looking work and hope to get a job soon. I dont think my life ever be the same as before and maybe things will never be as good as they used to be. If anyone cares i will post again soon. I hope i will be sharing good news. Anyway thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who left a comment it did make a diffrence to me.

  10. Wow you sound exactly like me… I care and I’d love to hear what you have to say. I’m also stuck in a situation where I don’t know to make myself get over her. I hope things get better for you and you can find life again

  11. please dont do it i was just googling things and i saw this and i clicked it and while i was reading i started crying and had to make a account to tell you thins your better then all this trust am trying to help you am and am 15 soo please dont kill your self lie will get better TRUST !

  12. Did you do it??

  13. GUess not….life isn’t fair….but life is good….waking up every morning has it’s plusses… imagine not!!! You have to weigh what you want out of life….as much as I want to dissapear at times, because of all the artiricail people where I live… the criticism and judgement of these people, the way they ignore my children, and they way they don’t like to hear the truth, besides their judgemental ways,
    my friends, and most of all my family, and especially my daughters, make me want to live when I want to give everythin up…..

  14. I just made this account to tell you you are a fucking idiot.. I’m not saying you should kill yourself intact the opposite. I’m sure no matter how pathetic you are you obviously have people that care about you (or the ppl u live with are stupid as well) but think of everyone else who you would leave wondering why, missing you everyday!, it’s honestly selfish as fuck live is short enough just get through it. The reason for me doing all this is I stumbled randomly upon this post and it honestly made me sad at first and worried for someone I don’t even know.. But over a girl breaking up with you?!???!? My “soulmate” committed suicide jan25 2012 her name ironically is…was Anastasia Tatiana Byrd we lived together in Smyrna DE . That’s all I have to stay …. Just stop…

  15. I am in the same situation I just cannot let go I pray everyday I think about her all day long I have lost my car,house,credit, job, savings, everything ! I cannot concentrate on anything I rarely shower or comb my hair or brush my teeth I hardly eat I just don’t care anymore I cry all day long & ask God for help & forgiveness. I looked up murder suicide it says God will forgive me. I am in so much pain ! I am going insane ! I love her so much. I gave up my marriage of 23yrs to be with her. She is part of me She is inside of me She is my Daughter who I gave up for adoption 25yrs ago. DEATH is a small price to pay.

  16. I’ve been there a few times. Somehow failed. Had friends who didn’t fail. I had a friend who helped one comment, one time before another run at it. She asked if I ever had a truly awesome day that was a surprise to me? Yes I had. She then said, what a difference a day makes. That was 15 years ago. She passed from illness last year but her love lives on. So does mine for her. Since that last attempt, I had a new wife, two kids, some pets, a home etc.Today that wife is gone, biz dead, home in banks hands soon perhaps, few pets passed awayButI now know, this too shall pass. I don’t know how or when but I’m not giving in this time! Not for all the marbles. Losing sucks! . Thanks to my friend Diann. God bless your soul! what you did for me….i paid it forward! Diann! I’m here. And I just stopped a neighbor’s teen girl from doing this!

  17. I hate it when people get angry at people who consider suicide. Calling them stupid, pathetic, or short-sighted. In my opinion, the people who are slurring out these insults are the ones actually best fit for them.

    They don’t understand that all people are different. And it’s no ones fault about how they are born. Some of us are born with temperaments that are more delicate, and cause us to react differently than someone who might have a stronger personality. Bad situations affect people differently. Some get angry, some get depressed. Some (who insult people at risk for suicide) are shortsighted about the affects of kicking someone when they’re down.

  18. I hope you ignore the critical posts you’re getting. You sound like a nice person. I’m glad you chose to live, it inspired me to rethink things and I haven’t changed my mind, but this was helpful.

    For everyone who was posting criticism, I hope you realize…
    1. People are different and react to things differently.
    2. Emotional pain is just as bad (or worse) than physical pain.
    3. People like you are the reason some of us are here in the first place.

  19. find peace my friend

  20. spot on. my life my choice.

  21. My brother had a go at me for killing my self (I was blue dead) a year latter he shot him self in the face.

  22. I have had 2 family members and three friends kill them selves. And I have to say they effected a lot of people and gave them just what they needed. The only ones that say suicide is selfish are the guilty fuckers. you have no understanding at all.

  23. @STOP: “stop this shit”? When was the last time you saw someone give up what they want to do because someone else said, “stop this shit”? And what about suicide is “selfish”? That after a lifetime of unremitting emotional pain, despite the ineffective “therapies” offered, one should choose death over continuing pain? Is that what you’d want from your dog? We euthanize suffering animals but tell suffering humans we cannot help, “stop this shit”? Really?

  24. @Tina Bryan: What makes any of us certain that another’s pain will end? Because our own pain ended? Isn’t it possible that treatments will cure some people of cancer, say, and not others? So why is there a guarantee that emotional suffering will end? How many decades must one suffer for before one has the right to decide one doesn’t want one’s life?

  25. If you should die, then I wish you peace in wherever you may end up.
    If you should live, then it is not your time to go.
    This is your decision and we should respect that.
    But make sure this is absolutely what you want.
    It can get better, but it ultimately starts with you.
    Not to sound cliche, but it’s the truth.
    Peace out.

  26. Are you still here………? :/

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