I Want To Die Now!!!

March 1st, 2011 by hani3

Fml I have lost all hope and confidence today was outright hell. Going to school and coming home to my same problems. I wish I ordered the nicotine patches to come today instead of Thursday cause I would’ve killed myself a long time ago! I can’t wait til Thursday to die I want to end this now.

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74 Responses to “I Want To Die Now!!!”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. Hani are you okay? What happened at school today and whats goin on at home thats so bad?

  2. Did something bad happen?

  3. Everything I’m so stressed with everything and my family sees me really frustrated but doesn’t care it’s kinda of like a ”well you need to figure it out yourself” type of thing since it’s nothing they could fix for me.

    But in a nut shell I messed up my chance at my university, my gpa is low so I can’t get into any competitive bachelor degrees which is the most depressing cause I will have no type of future career. I’m completely depressed that what ever type of major I think about leaves me hopeless and I’m a really passive person in the sense that people just take and take and push me around. So I don’t think I can manage working or doing any type of thing. And as far as talking to a school couselor goes it didn’t work they just tell me to take what interests me but at this point I’m depressed/ suicidal/ anger/ and tired so nothing interests me.

    I can’t talk to friends about this because their are 40,000 people at my school so what friends???? The only friends I do have are not close friends and besides their too busy with their other studies. And people just want to talk about themselves.

    My homelife is apart of the chaos since I have a big family were not really close with one another some of us don’t even talk to eachother ( yeah it’s that f***** up). it’s just additional noise at home and they all too just tell me to get over it.

    Point blank I just HATE my life!
    I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be okay or happy or anything. So Please no comments like ”go talk to a family member, parents, friends, counselor, therapist, or hotline people” because i’ve made my decision and want Out asap !

    @ crying sorry I didn’t mean to reply so late but alot has been on my mind about today and my life in general.

  4. I get you there, my family is the same. I didn’t ask this yet, but have you talked to them about how you’re feeling depressed and want to die?

  5. I hear ya hani just know that your not alone we all feel pretty much the same. You can always talk to us?

  6. No I haven’t abyss they don’t care at this point. They just see me as pathetic I can tell they can. They don’t know that I’m suicidal or even attempted before but I don’t give a damn anymore i don’t care about my life or what happens to me. I just want to die

    Why didn’t I just buy instead of order the nicotine patches. I couldve been ended it by now? Why?!?

    @ crying I know I can talk to you guys but I need an end like at this very moment I can’t hold out any longer !

  7. Yeah but you dont even know that the patch thing is gonna work what if it doesnt?

  8. You’re right.. they might not care I guess. But then they might also care and start to realize it and care more about you too.

    I can’t argue with you there if you really want to die. I want to too, so yeah.. can’t say much to stop you.. but idk, maybe you should tell your parents about it too, just in case. It won’t do much harm if you already plan on killing yourself.

  9. It will I’m sure of it nicotine is a poisonous drug itself. I plan on using all 14 patches will fall asleep wearing them and I die in my sleep.

    Trust me less than 14 has been noted to kill people. The lethal dose is 40-60mg and I plan on taking 295mg of it. I’m a nonsmoker female that’s 5’4 and 120lbs I’m sure it will kill me.

  10. You sure it’ll work though? done enough research about it? Sure that the product you order is the real thing and not just a fake imitation? cause… if it’s the wrong thing… that’ll mess you up in a way you can’t ever return to… and you’ll even hate life even more and then suffer living through life until you can find another way to go while suffering the side effects of the failed attempt.

  11. Hani i wanna help you too i know it makes me a hypocrit cause i wanna do it to and dont want help and i dont wanna make you mad so please dont bite my head off but like deep abyss is right just try talking to your parents maybe they’ll react completely different to how you think and with the school thing you could always fix it i guess and if you do have depression it makes it very hard to concentrate or be interested in anything i know the feeling and i know you said you tried some meds but maybe they just werent the right ones like maybe you could try some others i mean dont get me wrong meds are no magic cure they dont just fix everything i guess they just kinda mask it but at least they make the days bareable i mean i would’ve went mad without them i kinda feel like they buy me some time cause im sill trying to figue out everything like how im gonna do it and stuff

  12. @deep abyss/ crying I have to remember that you two don’t know my life entirely that is but their is NO way I’m telling my parents about my suicidal mission cause they would put me back in the hospital& psych ward. And i can’t have that at all. They work to much and have issues in their lives as well it’s depressing even more.

    Trust me nothing can be said or done no one gives a fuck really and even if they did nothing would really change for me. I just have to end it!!!

  13. Dont tell them your suicidal just talk to them like tell them your having trouble at school and tell them about your depression. I wouldn’t dare tell my family that im suicidal they only know what i tell them and i also lie to my doctors i dont wanna end up in a pysch ward either

  14. If no one cares about you, we wouldn’t be here trying to tell you to think about it. I’m pretty sure I’m a hypocrite, cause I want to die myself, but I don’t want to see you die if you don’t have to or if there is even a small chance of you living. Yes… I know I’m hypocritical, but we know how you feel. Sure… we might not know all of it or everything, but we can relate in our own different ways. Your parents might start to try to understand you and pay more attention to you instead of sending you there.. you never know.. just tell them casually…? or something..

  15. Hani i really dont wanna piss you off or make you feel worse i just wanna help you, i mean well i hope you know that. But i also know how annoying it is when people try to stop you and talk you out of it. It just frustrates you more i always feel like that and you just sit there and think omg no one fucken gets it! So if you want me to just shut up i will but dont think that no one cares or understands cause thats no true we care and can relate so your not alone just sucks that we’re all scattered all over the world

  16. I can’t their is no chance of it getting better.

    It’s pointless to even try cause it won’t change anything. Trust me I just want to end it this life is not worth living for me.

    I’ve lost all hope and just Want To Die

  17. I feel exactly the same hani :( And i wish i was there i’d give you a big hug!

  18. Yeah, there’s always a chance of it getting better… you can talk to them and they might pay more attention to you and start caring about you more or something.

    @crying on the inside: yeah.. I know it sucks how we’re not in the same areas… or we can just hang out and actually enjoy that time together and actually understand.. instead of those fake faced people I see around me here…

  19. I’m just so numb from this crap I hate my family they don’t care and just could careless. I’m done and just want to die. I’m going to cry myself to sleep tonight ( from this that’s how bad my life is right now and how badly is just like to die.) But that’s if I even get to sleep tonight. I have so much to get ready for school tomorrow.

    I just wanna die !

  20. I have things for school too. Behind on 70 pages of reading for a midterm and other homework due… but… instead of crying to sleep, I can talk to you until you’re bored to death to sleep if you want. It’s better than crying to sleep… I’ve done that before… it can give a major headache.

  21. I always have a cry especially at night so no one can hear me its actually quite depressing and yeah sometimes you get a headache but it can also be a good release so if you wanna cry then cry

  22. So hani your a girl and deep abyss are you a guy? Sorry im just curious who im talking to not that it matters or anything i was just wondering

  23. @crying on the inside: Hmmmm.. I guess that’s true too… sometimes it is a good release.. but idk.. I would think talking about it and talking of your pent up feelings and depression would help a bit too.

  24. Yeah of course

  25. @ crying yeah I’m a girl 19yrs too but abyss are you in college not that it matters but it helps is get a better understanding of your story

    I keep coming back to this same thought
    I need to die man I don’t know what else their is to do !

  26. Im female too and im 23. Nah im not in college but i think maybe deep abyss is? Deep abyss how old are you?

  27. Oh and i know what you mean no matter what i do or say everyday i always have the same thoughts of suicide

  28. I’m a guy, if it you didn’t know yet. I posted things before here that mentioned of how I was a guy and talked about my exgf left me and how friends betrayed me and family ignore me and everyone leaving me and all of that. I’m 21. I’m in college. So I can relate to you guys.

  29. And where are you’s from again? Im in Australia. Are you’s close to each other?

  30. I too, think of suicide on a daily basis. I wake up unable to breathe sometimes too, having to calm myself as best as I can. I do research on suicide methods and constantly try to find a way out. I haven’t found anything good… as you can tell with me being still alive..

  31. @abyss yeah I read your posts what is your major if you don’t mind me asking.

    But it seems like our family and friends just have made it worst at least for me it has I hate this lame life of mines.

    I don’t even show emotion anymore just sadness and the feeling of giving up. I just want to die but it’s so frustrating.

  32. @crying on the inside: I’m from the USA. I’ve never been in to Australia before. I had a “friend” who lives there though, that I’ve known for awhile.

  33. Deep abyss yeah i figured you were a guy and im not sure if i’ve read all your posts but theres also some gay and bi-sexual people on here so i wasnt sure if you were male or female

  34. Oh okay yeah i’ve never been to usa either actually i’ve never really been anywhere lol!

  35. @hani3: It used to be biology/chemistry… being a doctor… but now it’s business cause my parents believe I can’t make it being a doctor. I’m not looking forward to being in a cubicle working my days off with low to average pay and hating my job as I come alone at home all alone. I don’t see any future in that anymore.

    Yeah.. my family make it worse by bagging on me and talking about how incompetent I can be. I don’t have friends anymore so I can’t comment on the friends part. They all lied to me and then left me, after I gave them all my trust. Hell.. if you saw my facebook, you’ll only see me talking and making comments on my profile without anyone saying anything while my other “friends” that I’ve known for years and years comment with each other back and forth.

    I still show emotions… but… mostly depressing ones that no one wants to hear about or talk to.

    What is your major and story if you have one?

  36. @crying on the inside: Yeah, there are people who are bi or gay. I’m straight. But that doesn’t matter much, since we’re all the same really.. and feel the same things.

    And yeah.. I’ve been in the same place for years now.. only been out long ago on vacations with my family and that was long ago, in like elementary school when we were still somewhat close.

  37. Oh okay yeah im straight too but your right it doesnt matter we all still ended up here. I guess im kinda close with my family they’re all i’ve got seeing as i dont really have any friends. But then i still feel pretty isolated and alone cause they dont really understand my problems

  38. @abyss I wanted to do biology but the program was way to tough at my school but I by that time I already took 1 quarter of general chemistry and failed miserably to the point where it’s impossible for me to apply to other competitive majors.
    So at this point I’m screwed and can’t do anything my motivation is killed I have no idea what type of career I could get. I’m seriously done and can’t do anything. I wish I could come home to a place that was quiet but it’s really impossible for me to do work because of constant family drama in my house.

    Anyways the facebook thing I’m right there with you on that I haven’t logged into my facebook since 2 months I’m not even exaggerating either. I just hate the idea of having to cover up about how things Are going in my life. Like at this point i’d like to avoid contact with people because I feel like I have no good thing to talk about.

  39. @crying on the inside: My parents would say that my life is so great cause I get food to eat and everything. I don’t think they’ll understand unless you tell them directly. That’s what I realized. Though even if you do… they will sometimes not care so much…

    @hani3: I messed up my first semester by taking unnecessary classes. Then I started doing really bad and killed my GPA cause I couldn’t concentrate anymore. So I know how you feel. Can’t you turn your music on and listen to an mp3 player or something while working? I tried doing that and it helped a bit… or just do work late at night instead…

    I was never a fan of facebook. Just logged on it a lot lately in past 1-2 months, but no one ever talks to me. It’s like I talk to myself with posts, so I stopped.

  40. Hey guys im back just quickly went for a shower i exercised earlier so i was a bit feral. At least you’s do something like school i dont do anything. And yeah deep abyss i know what you mean my parents think i should be the happiest girl in the world cause i have stuff like material things

  41. It’s 2:07 I have to get some rest since I wake up at 6am tomorrow or should i say today. I can’t look completely defeated tomorrow. But anyways Ill continue this convo tomorrow. Night All

  42. Night hani hope you sleep well and just know that i may be far away but i feel the exact same way (hug)

  43. I left you a comment but for some reason its not goin through?

  44. Anyway this is what i wrote. Night hani hope you sleep well and just know that i may be far away but i feel the exact same way (hug)

  45. Deep abyss you still there?

  46. can i talk to any of you on messenger?

  47. @crying on the inside: Sorry, I logged off last night around that time last night. I thought you guys left, so I logged off to read as much as I could before today’s midterm. Ended up with 2-3 hours of sleep.

  48. Hani,

    I know you are going through a very stressful time right now, but please do not give up. I’m sure there a career that is available for you that you will like. Please keep trying, I know someone that did not have a good gpa in the beginning of college, but they improved overtime and got the job that they wanted. People will see your improvement if you keep working hard and do not give up.

  49. Nicotine patches??? That’s a new one. I can say with some certainty that it won’t work.

  50. hey hani3 please don’t try nicotine it does not work it is a myth. you will most likely feel very exhausted and sick for days to weeks. That is even the case if you make an extract of 100 grams of tobacco (the body will reject it eventually). Patches do release only small amounts and you will eventually feel so sick that you will rip them off. If an extract is used then there is also the possibility of permanent damage so please it is not worth the try and since you are still young i am not going to point you in the right direction that is up to you. in my earlier days things like carrier have been very important to me too so i do understand your current situation but it is not what is needed to get a good life. Why not look at it as a chance to reorient and get a profession, money and a life right now instead of studding and get all that in 4 years or so?

    yours beatenup

  51. I seriously hope these guys didn’t kill themselves already

  52. C’mon guys we are lucky because we still have a chance to succeed tomorrow. Try to figure out what is the root cause of our failurs. Just think positive.

  53. I seriously hope every thread doesnt go on this long. (although it makes a change)

  54. arent u scare to harm yourself ….. where and how do u get the courage to do that my life is a pain to me too i cant sleep at nights cuz i think too much and i have a father who only talks money half the time and begs me to tell my problems to him only when i dont talk to him for days …… bt i tried taking pills bt never works :(

  55. there is no peacfull suicide right? i dont see in this website any ideas of how tosuicide peacfully please i want die i cant take this anymore help me… i cant get a handgun in my country and im pretty coward too im afraid to jump from a high building i need help please maglan74@gmail.com

  56. guys i know how it feels . i have always been lonely. neglected.never had frnds. my family has never taken me seriously. i have a dumb lyf . very dumb.
    i dont know who u ppl are , but trust me i want u all to live. b happy bcoz howsoever stupid my life is , there is a part in me that says that i want to live. so i wanna tell u ol U R SPECIAL ALL OF U. PLZ LIVE COZ I WANT U TO LIVE. DONT TRY TO TAKE UR LYF. PLZ”.

  57. I know how you feel but you have to stay strong for you! I think about it all the time but then I remind myself i have a future-you have a future even though its so hard to ven think about it

  58. Hani, i just your story. Please tell me you’re still here. Please give me hope

  59. I know how you feel. I have tryed killing myself over 40 times now. I finally realized life is to short so why make it shorter. Keep your chin up.

  60. I have problems tooooo

  61. Can sumone help me

  62. Sure, what’s up?

  63. My parents dont trust me anymore….I did sumthing ,so they spy me

  64. I came home and found cop and ambulance trucks in my yard. My dad shot himself . Wait untill I getmu hands on a guun. Bye bye. I want to go now.

  65. Helloooooo…..its urgent

  66. I’m sorry you feel this way. Maybe, you could consider writing about how you feel.

  67. Hani, im only new to this, but i know how it all feels, getting all the bullying at school and than coming home to it too, iv been through it , but what ever you do dont suicide, wprst thing ever iv tried 4 times, and never worked i relised how much my parents actually love me, just keep your head up ! x

  68. I downed a bottle of oxycodone shot up 10 mg of heroine 5 grams of cocaine a bottle of whisky and im still alive 14 nicotine patches isnt going to work

  69. im sorry for what happend but just stay strong and dont let people put u down i’ve been reading your post and im sorry im going through a tuf time know and i know youll feel like you are in a dark place like nobody cares but you just have to find that right friend like one of my friend told me to kill myself and i listend to him because of what my dad did and then he said that i still want to kill myself and i have these dreams now that i just want it all to stop

  70. I have had 20 codeine 16 temazapam (sleeping tabs) 11 OxyContin and a box of taboo woke up with the worst hangover ever splitting headache and couldn’t stop chucking up all day so yeah not sure about that nicotine patch idea either :(

  71. let me tell ya better lose that nicotine thought unless chucking up is a career move .starvation will test your will thats my way out been down that overdose road by stomach/needle/rope failed at all. on eight days now first three days are the worst but after that it gets easier just aA thought

  72. I have seen people die of cancer and alzheimer, and it is scary, so much that I rather die before suffering this long agony.
    So I came to look for the best way to commit suicide and this is what I came to find.
    First be it fast, second be it peaceful, third not messy, forth not toget your people in legal problems.
    For the last take a video of myself advicing my intentions and at the moment of commiting it. I had an acquaintence who shot himself in his office in front of the people so there were witnesses of his suicde, but it seems rather radical-

    The fastest, easiest way would be to fire up a carbon barbeque stove and when it stops smoking git inside your room, sit there and fall asleep forever in a few minutes, only be certain nobody will come in and save you because it might be worse if you revive with brain damage.

    Next would be to die of dehydration: stop eating and drinking as long as you can (a day or two). empty your bowels and blader as much as possible. Make exercise as to sweat till you are tired
    Take a glas of salty water (this dehydrates you fast) and some vodka until you are dizzy
    Get to bed and wait until you fall asleep. Will experience Some headeak
    There will be convultions but you will be unconsious and from then on only a few hours and you will be free.

    Another way but I am not sure it works is to inject into your veins lots of air, when this buble reaches you heart it will arrest

    Anyway I would like your comments

  73. I’m committing suicide tonight.
    I have no reason to live and nobody would notice I was gone.
    My dad was in jail for sex offending.
    When I was 3-8 my older brother would
    Sexualy touch me. I have been hit and abused by
    My brother and I’m fed up. I can’t wait to go.
    My dad left me with my mom who is always to
    Busy for me. I have no friends. I am constantly
    Called a slut,whore,cunt,assfucker,bitch,and so many more.
    I have one friend, she is suicidle to but she won’t do anything
    I’m tired if living and this is my chance to leav and I’m taking it.

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