He’s not calling

May 31st, 2011by lalalala

So I tried to kill myself (with good reason) a couple months ago and this guy who’s been helping me get through stuff that I’ve known for over a year made me go to the hospital and it was traumatic hell and I’ve been more screwed up since then than I was before. I’ve only spoken to him a couple of times since then, and I talked to him yesterday and reiterated all the same stuff about how it’s his fault that I had to go to the hospital and how it was stupid and screwed me up and he won’t listen and keeps saying it was my mom’s fault for not taking me to a private shrink. He told me to call him today and I spoke to him in the morning and he said he would call me later and to call him if he doesn’t call me and I just tried him and he didn’t pick up. I feel so alone. I used to have him to tell everything to but now I can’t trust him because I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing he’ll have me shut up in the hospital again and I can’t do that. I want to just end it so that way I don’t have any of these bad memories anymore because they screw me up really bad. I just want to talk to the damned bastard because I still love him and I hate him and he won’t pick up, his phone is off, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m home alone. I could kill myself easy this time.

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