May 11th, 2011by extremecenter
I have had trouble with depression since I was about 10. My life though hasn’t been bad and I even have two children. I am divorced but I was in a turbulent marriage. Despite all this, all I want to do is die. I know that sounds selfish since I have 2 kids and then I feel guilty and get more depressed and the cycle continues. I really get angry at God because if suicide is supposed to be such a sin then why is God continuing to let me and others suffer so much when I have done everything, and I mean everything to get better. I don’t want to hurt anyone but why does God let me hurt when God is supposed to be perfect compared to us imperfect humans. If one more person says “but God has a plan.” I will jump off a roof. God can only handle this mountain of pain which I don’t even know where it is coming from. I could go on and on but I really feel that God has abandoned me and I don’t know why. I have given my mustard seed of faith. I give all I have to give as far as faith-it isn’t much but it is all I have. God you can’t say you will go to hell if you commit suicide – if in fact that is what you are saying, yet let people go on in unbearable depression with no end in sight. That is cruel. I can’t wait any longer. It has been almost 40 years !!!!!!!