Tonight I got 10 pills ready to take. Just for a night long sleep. I had an okay night I guess. People made me happy today. Friends I thought I didn’t have. Maybe I really don’t have them though, maybe they’ll hurt me just the same.
Well I hope things get better for me(selfish but true comment). I’m tired of feeling like I want to die all the time.
Well anyways, anyone wanna talk? Anyone wanna fb me or text or anything?? I’m a bit lonely since its so early in the morning….
June 2011
i have been having nightmares of someone in my life or me dieting I think something bad is going to happen I can feel it but it might just be my many disorders driving me insane I can’t find peace In this house
Feeling out of my skin tonight kinda sick of life wanting to cut or smoke I’m addicted to both I can’t control my own life why not why am I still alive I feel like my soul is trapped in this thick skull and I can’t leave this horrid place
hey guys its me david i knw i havent been here in a while for those that knw me but i have so lil in my life going on tat well im just tat boring…
I think we go through a life review of our entire life and how it affected others. That in my personal opinion is the “judgment”
http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research24.html
Shes upsetÂ
Bad dayÂ
Heads for the dresser drawer toÂ
Drive her pain awayÂ
Nothing good can come of this.Â
She opens it theres nothing thereÂ
Its only left over tearsÂ
Mom and dad had no right she screamsÂ
The anger runs down both of her cheeks.Â
Then she closed her eyesÂ
And found relief in a knifeÂ
The blood flows as she criesÂ
All alone the way she feelsÂ
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow reliefÂ
Bite the lip just forget the bleedingÂ
Then she closed her eyesÂ
And found relief in a knifeÂ
The blood flows as she cries [x2]Â
Curled up shes on […]
A couple days ago I found out my mum has cancer. It’s not serious and she’s going to have surgery soon, and then 6 weeks of recovery (either chemo, radiation, or both). I was going to kill myself tomorrow or the day after, but I feel that I need to stay a little longer to help mum get through this. I was feeling… almost at peace that I didn’t have much time left, but now, I’m struggling. I don’t want to go through another 2+ months of this. I’ve made up my mind about doing it and nothing is going to change it. It’s just […]
Im shaking why am i shaking. It maybe cold but its not that cold. Why do i do this. It always happens. The littlest things… i shake. Am i scary? Is there something behind me? Whats going on…
No big deal, right? Cept it’s carved into my thy. I’m 34 years old! Who the fuck has fresh cuts at 34?! And why my own god damned name?! What am I?! I tried to lie n say it was an accident, hoping she didn’t see what it said, but she asked, “then why is it your name?”
All I could say is, “it’s personal; don’t mention it to anyone. We’ll talk about it later.”
Really?! WTF am I supposed to say?
I did it. That thing I havnt done in almost a month. I cut. And I can’t stop.
I believe that love doesn’t exist for me. I’ve never been loved and never will be. Maybe I just don’t want to. I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I did fall in love, and was happy. But that’s a dream for me. I know no one will love me the way I want to be loved and cared for. I will never find a ”soulmate” because my doesn’t even exist. So I don’t want to exist anymore. It’s not worth it anymore. I’ve lived my miserable and horrible life for way too long. Maybe tonight’s the night I will be on my way to a […]
well I have a huge situation now. the 2 people that saw my scars, I told them I was ready to tell my parents, even though I’m totally freaked out about what they’ll say. I can’t go back now, its too late. my dad is expecting a ‘meeting’ with all of us, that’s when I have to tell about my arm(no one knows about my scars except the 2 people).
I made a huge mistake. I have realized that I don’t want anyone to know about my scars. my parents will stop me from cutting. I will never be able to cut again. But now I […]
Everyday I struggle with wanting to cut myself and just bleed out. I used to cut and I wore wristbands to hide it. I feel worthless. I only have a couple friends and I want to be different. I want people to like me, but I want to be myself while doing. I don’t want to feel this way. It’s actually hurting my health. Instead of cutting, now I just binge eat. It’s gotten to the point where I know there is something wrong but I just can’t stop. I cry just because I’m so depressed. Why can’t I be better? Why can’t I stop […]
Now its over. This is the end. Everything that you have done to me has led to this. My wrist now bears a vertical cut along the vein from which there is no coming back from. A bloodied knife lays on the floor. Blood gushes from my wound. My vision gets blurry. I write on the wall with my blood the word, WHY? The only note I leave is to whoever finds my body. I tell them to let Her know what I did and that I will always love her. Time is running out. The moment that I have longed for is near. I […]
Battered. Annihilated. Shattered. Fragmented. Cracked. Crushed. Fractured. Call it what you want. But I’m broken. Casualty. Fatality. Innocent. Martyr. Call it what you want. But I’m a victim. I know what it feels to be alone. To stare at your blade. Music blaring. Trying to escape reality. Writing fuck up deeper and deeper into your skin. Not caring that it’s said to be a sin. Watching your blood. Biting your lip. Too ignore the pain. I know what it feels like to be up at night clenching your stomach cause your crying and just wish you could scream. Crying cause there’s no one there. No […]
I can’ t take it anymore everything is falling apart around me i don’t want to live anymore. i hate myself so much, i cut but it brings no relief  it would be better for everyone if  i wasn’t here. i’ve told the doctors how bad i feel but i don’t think they listen or care they just increased the medication i told them was making me feel so much worse. What am i going to do is life really worth all this pain?
You can think of you’re own title for this. This is something is wrote when I was in a bad place. Still not really out of it but maybe there’s hope now.
verse 1:
“this is a life,
but nobody cares
everbody running round like their all scared
everone is trying to be somebody
butt I’ll tell what this life feels like to me
everyday an other but they’re all seem the same,
every year is different but they all look a like
everbody talking me in to this shame
I can not choose between death or life.
because I …”
chorus:
“… got no hopes,
got no dreams,
got no fears, got no believes
don’t remeber me when I’m gone, just forget and carry on
I know […]
I’ve been datin this girl since 6 yrs v had a fallout a few months back because of this other guy but somehow i prayed n wished a lot tat she comes back to me n the other guy had patched up wid his old girlfriend n i’m still not sure if tats the reason my girl got back wid me tat time.. but she did n i was more thn happy to take her back i kno i cudn’t be a bigger moron.. But i believed in her u see v have practically grown up together v’r best friends n v had decide to […]
I think it was February ? I know it was close after the Valentine’s Dance at school that it all went down like it did.
My boyfriend had accused me of cheating. I was trying to take my best friend at the time (who was a guy) to the dance instead of him, because my friend was alone.
So he accused me of cheating. He threatened me. So I turned and walked off. But once again, I was alone, by myself. I was wandering amoungst the people, swaying side to side and “Gettin’ down wif it” to each song, attempting to avoid him, hoping he would avoid […]
last nite i couldn’t sleep,things about my past just got into my head and i couldn’t get em out.
when i was young i was raped. it took about 6 years just for the courts to deside how long he should b put away. in a fuked up way im glad i went to the police if it wasn’t for me then a lot of women would’ve kept the fact that he raped them as well hidden. at the end they came to me and said that they were envious of me and they never could’ve stepped forward if it wasn’t for me.
but the memory of […]