I had a bit of a breakdown today. My Dad got mad at me for something not at all my fault (which he always does when something bad happens, it’s always someone’s fault) and it just made me think about how people get pissed at me, and I couldn’t shake that feeling of uselessness. I got in my car but before I could even make it out of the driveway I just started screaming and losing my mind, it scared me a bit, because I don’t usually (ever) just scream and lose control. I drove half a block to an alleyway so I could rail on a fenceboard for a bit to take some frustration/anger out. I suppose it helped, but I really wanted to cut myself. I cut for the first time a couple days ago, not very deep, but that was mostly because it was a rusty old blade that didn’t cut very well. Fuck I don’t know. I feel so stupid with all of this. I just need to escape I think. I wish I knew what from.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
9 comments
I got drunk while watching Lord of the Rings last night 😐 felt good for a couple hours, next morning shits back.
I also have an abusive dad who used to blame me for everything that went wrong. I say used to because I moved out from his house 4 years ago to study at a university in another town. I don’t know how dependent you are on your dad financially, but try and get out of there and start a new life somewhere else. This is the first step.
The second is to get help from a therapist to restructure your thinking. I say this because a lifetime of living with someone abusive will program your thinking to basically what you are saying: feeling absolutely useless.
Before I did these two steps I couldn’t even go into a shop and buy something without feeling like the most useless person in the world. I am very different now, and although memories bother me from time to time I am able to function as a normal person. That is worth the hard work it takes to complete the two steps I mentioned.
Well the thing is, my Dad’s not abusive. Not in the least bit. He just has a bit of a temper (but he’s never laid a hand on me or put me down or anything like that) and I’m not in a good place, so it hit me harder than it normally would have. I may get mad or frustrated with my family from time to time, but they’re nothing close to the problem.
Cutting is a bad habit to start ):. I started when my ex told me he didn’t love me and even though things got better, my mood didn’t. I continued cutting and now I cut for reasons I can’t even pinpoint anymore. Try not to let it happen to you, even though I love my scars it’s also taking many opportunities away from me. My scars travel up my arms and down my leg, others don’t find it attractive.. lol. But yeah, try not to get stuck on cutting…
I wish my dad hadn’t split before i got out of boot camp so i coulda kicked his ass, but the joke finally left. Of course now that I’m like 10,000 miles away he wants to return and screw my family up some more. I’ve learned i’m alot like my dad, i have small anger issues and i like to control things. I guess we all can’t have perfect parents but no matter what you always take a part of them with you. It’s what you do with what you take that makes you a good person i guess. I used ot my dads anger to a good use and now i’m doin what i love. I believe you can do it too.
My Dad isn’t the problem at all though, it was just one incident, and he didn’t really do anything. It just set me off because I’m unstable as fuck haha
this is ridiculous
just talk to me
This isn’t related to you, and I’m not sure how you know this is me. Besides, I did try to talk to you just yesterday.
really think I wouldn’t be able to tell it’s you?
It doesn’t matter if it’s related to me. you need to talk to someone, and apparently you can’t talk to your friends.
you tried to see me yesterday, you made jokes and pretended to be so happy. It was gross. I don’t want to see someone who’s just going to be fake with me.
and don’t use a rusty blade. they leave worse scars