Well here goes…I am 14 yrs old and my birthday is in October.In my family its an accomplishment to not be pregnant.My mom had me when she was 14 and her mom had her when she was 15 and her mom had her when she was 16.So you see me not pregnant is just great.Im constantly looking for…love I guess…I just want somebody to need me and want me in their life…after all I was that close to being aborted.My mom says my dad raped her but he’s my dad…idk if I could believe he couuld do such a mean thing.When I was 8 I was raped so for that to be true would be heart breaking.Ive been cutting myself since then…pushing hard enough to feel the pain that I want to go away but not enough to die.Ive always wanted to die a peaceful death but I think about how….what would my suicide note say?would I even leave one?do I deserve a peaceful death?These are all the things that run through my head as I think about how disgusting I am…Im only 14 and ive willingly slept with 7 guys,one of them being my cousin.He wanted to so I jus said whatever…tryin to fill this…void…but it will remain there.I have even gone as far as sleep with my mom’s bf…she chose him over me when she let him back in after she found out…I was ready to leave this earth then but she stopped me…I can only imagine the greatness of death….until then im just still searching for something to make me feel better.
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