Knock knock! I would like to have a word with you.
August 2011
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ok, so i am 14 years old, a freshman in highschool.
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my father died when i was three years old and i have been trying to deal since then. i have been depressed for about 6 years. i try to tell my mom but she just doesnt get it. i talk to this lady at my school but she doesnt know the whole truth. i started cutting at the beginning of second semester and i havent stopped since. i dont try to hide them cuz i just want someone to notice and to care.
I was really surprised such a site existed where we can discuss wanting death and not be put away.
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I’ve already been there, wrongfully.
I’m a writer, it’s the only thing I’m good at and it’s gotten me into trouble. Back along, I was expelled from school because I blogged in a dark lamenting sort of fashion.
I didn’t mean anything by it, but the school had enough. They didn’t want to be liable.
It was actually two ex friends who gave me away. They destroyed my life like I was an ant.
They expelled me because they thought I would kill students […]
For a couple weeks, I’ve been browsing this site. It started with an attempt to find a concrete suicide method. I had first been set on slashing my wrists, then overdosing, then drowning. I can’t decide. I’m not scared of dying, or pain. I’m scared of not succeeding. Of surviving and being “that girl who tried to off herself.” I would hate for everyone to think I did it for attention. This is precisely the reason I don’t really talk to my therapist. I don’t want to ask her if I’m actually fucked up, and have her tell me I’m just a normal teenager having […]
done with life . bored with life. Â don’t want to move a muscle. too lazy to do anything..so unmotivated. if death could be painless i would have done it a long time ago. still searching for a painless way to end it all. i miss when i knew how to have fun..how to enjoy myself. every little bad thing makes me feel like suicide is my best option. even something as little as doing school work sets me off and makes me depressed and suicidal. i’ve lost all hope of being happy. i feel so selfish for wanting death..i know people would be hurt..few but […]
I can’t even begin, but I know I can’t ever end. I was born broken, and I grew up a tangle that twisted inwards and ruined everything I thought, loved, and touched. I learned that my feelings were nothing and of little importance in comparison to everything bigger in the world. By the age of 8, I was telling people I was going to kill myself. I had barely experienced the world, and already I was ready to leave it forever. I was neglected. I was crying myself to sleep and holding knives over my wrists, watching the blue blood pump through veins under paper […]
I know I’m ugly, but you don’t have to look at me too often, you could just look down.
I know my voice is annoying, but I don’t have to talk, I could just listen.
I know I don’t have a job, but I have plenty of time to spend with you.
I know you don’t like me, but I like you, I like you a lot.
So i took 40allergy pills on purpose obviously . its just been so rough i really dont give a shit any more say blauh thats stupid why werent you knocked out cold?!?!?! allergy pills make you sleepy idfk! okay but what ever on one hand i want to live because of certain peopl on the other im just tired of shit!!!! my family !!! my grandma my best friend just died & my father the reason i was living to see him again died also ! with in 7 months !!!!! what the fuck!!! i just like to swera and th […]
I want to be brave and end myself, I know by coming on here it probably says I am attention seeking or something or other but I am not I just need help, I dont want to mess up, I dont want to fail, I been lots of online reading and its all screwed up, I want the strength to be able to go through with it and not wimp out and be even worse the next time and the next time, the constant hurt, the constant fuck ups, the constant sorrow I bring to others and then I look at what I have? I […]
i feel trapped and i wanna check out. it feels like some people are meant to be happy and some people are meant to suffer. not everybody can be normal, sometimes youre born on the wrong side of the coin. my parents think its all in my head & im just a spoiled brat to just end it all and waste the money they spent on me. if i fail & its evident theyll stick me in the mental chapter of some nearby hospital and then apparently ill be GLAD to see the sight of home. what makes certified, licensed doctors think that mental hospitals […]
What more important thing is there than each other? What matters more than people? The people I love. Those I hold dearest to my heart. How could anything ever matter more? I don’t understand.
Why do I feel so alone?
I don’t see it. How you can say you care yet not care. How every last attempt feels broken and I feel like I’m cheating and still not getting anywhere. And the guilt. The guilt. I know it’s wrong, so wrong. But I don’t know any other way. I don’t understand. How can anything be more important?
All I see are my insecurities. My faults. […]
I really need someone to talk to before I yell at my brother and sister… Before I ruin the “close” family we have. Before I maybe scar my nieces and nephew for life. Before I disappear from this place.. town.. as quickly as the life will disappear from my body.
I have hardly any control over myself right now.. So please
It’s not really about the pain from the external factors because there are always ways and means to cope with those – it’s got a lot more to do with the fact that I simply cannot see the unique purpose to my entity being alive whatsoever. It’s pretty evident that the world would keep spinning without me and not to sound self-assuming or pompous but I find this realisation ghastly i.e “Am I really that insignificant?” Then I think of how I am original and different in some way, and so that can build humanity but that’s not true at all because every thought I’ve […]
There’s almost no point anymore. My parents are never happy with anything I do. I have never been good enough for them. When I was a child an A wasn’t good enough bc it wasn’t an A+. They are sending me to a shrink bc they are christian and I’m an atheist.And they think my sexual orientation is disgusting. The man I love is in a completely different state, hours away. My old friends all stabbed me in the back. My real friends are a two hour drive away. I have no car, no money, and my parent’s house in is the middle of […]
To be honest I have SO much pressure on myself for the future.
Not by my parents, not by my friends, no from myself.
I have an autistic brother who has stage 3 autism (basically can talk like a baby but is really smart, most of his classmates are abl to talk but not my brother.) and I have to take care of him when I’m older.
Meaning I have to get a good job and right now in high school I’m in all applied classes cuz I’m too dumb to gras anything academic, including math….ew.
But I just have so low self woth that […]
I have been depressed and thought of suicide constantly since I was in high school. I have attempted but always failed, anyway I just wanted to find a place that maybe others who feel like me would understand my feelings. I am twenty years old, and I feel like my life can be a living hell. I have psychological problems that stem from my abuse as a child. I just think that psychological abuse is never a big topic because it is never visible, until it is too late. My abuser was/is my mother. She and my older sister are the only people that can […]
After 3 months of feeling this way i thought things would deff change. My dad was supposed to move out in June, then it got delayed till july then sept. Somehow in those 3 months he has won my moms heart again. After months and months of harassing her over teexts and emails she takes him back? now whoever is reading this doesnt even know how much pain im going through. I have been mentally abused by my dad and im only 15. i can not take this anymore and i really want to commit. I feel horrible when i tell my bestfriend but its […]
Ok, I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN, THIS STATE and THIS JOB!
Or I’m gonna DIE soon.
I’ve got some money coming this coming week, that will allow to cut and run.
I know exactly where I want to go and why I want to go there(make a lot of money, start over)
Do I just pack my clothes and a few other essential items I can’t live without and GO!
Do I plan my departure, 2 weeks notice, set up interview appointments etc and then pack way to much crap and then GO?
The “going” part is a bit over 2,500 miles away…..so this is a ONE […]
School starts next wednesday, I can’t stop thinking of the girl I like, god dammit. I might just be insane by tuesday, wouldn’t that be ironic?
There was a beautiful sunset this evening as I was driving home. I wish I could have spent it with somebody. Loneliness is a bloody annoying thing.
Keep doing what you’re doing… right?
(Didn’t think of the title so I put what the page’s number was)