worthless…

August 31st, 2011 by jack55
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I am 55 years old and a recovering drug addict. I had a great career which I totally screwed up because of my drug use. My family is wonderful, they have forgiven me and they support everything I do.

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My problem is, I feel I have nothing to give. I’m just here, still borrowing money from my father-in-law to pay my bills.

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I had to go back to work in construction because I had no other skills and I pretty much was “blackballed” from my previous occupation because of the crap I did while I was using–abusing the company credit cards, the company vehicle, always missing meetings,

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among other things. I’m actually lucky they didn’t charged me with embezzlement because of all the money I stole from them. Now here I sit, too old to start a new career and too young to retire, although I couldn’t retire if I wanted to,

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I have no money, no savings, no retirement, nothing, everything gone to drugs. When I was younger and working good, before my drug use took over my life,

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I was able to support my family. My kids looked up to me and it made me feel good to feel needed.

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I always used to tell them they could come to me for anything they needed financially or whatever. Now that work is so slow in construction, I’m broke all the time, I’m borrowing money from not only my father-in-law, but from my daughter as well just to pay my bills. I’m just a burden on everyone and not contributing anything to anyone. My wife, although she still loves me, feels I am “weak” and should just be able to snap out of this depression I’m in. She’s right, I am weak. I also suffer physical ailments, I have a torn rotator cuff in my shoulder which I haven’t had surgically repaired because I can’t afford to be out of work more than I already am, I have a bad back, bad knees and arthritis. I srewed up my life, everyone would be so much better off without me. The one thing that’s keeps me going the most are my 2 beautiful granddaughters. But they are still very young and don’t know what a complete loser I am yet. I don’t know, I love my family, but they have so much going for them, why should I bring everything down for them? I have nothing to offer anyone. God, please help me.

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2 Responses to “worthless…”

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  1. You should write a book. When i was reading this i didn’t want the story to end. You’d be helping people by giving them a path to follow by, you could sell it and make alot of money, and it would help you realize that your problems and worries aren’t whats important but that you need to be there for your kids no matter how hurt you are. When you do write the book tell me the name so i can buy it.

  2. I agree with the aove poster. When you described yourself from years past, it reminded me of my current situation (i’m 25, employed/skill-less, primary meat getter for my mother and siblings). I fear so much ending up like that; it almost makes me want to try again/harder to avoid this path

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