New

September 30th, 2011by TheNewKid

I start a new school on Monday and I’m a couple of weeks late. I’m going to Year 10 (I’m in England) and I’m really nervous. I keep crying, I probably have the lowest self-esteem in the world and I have a scary feeling that it’s leading to a disorder. I look in the mirror and cry every single day. I can’t look people in the eye except the people I live with.. (for example) If I go shopping I tend to look on the floor, rather than in front of me, I tend to avoid asking for help or going to crowded isles, I’d rather grab the stuff I can get without needing to speak to anyone and leave whether or not I got everything I needed.

I hate myself and I probably would’ve committed suicide long ago if not for my faith & the fear of death but, I have been having a lot of feelings towards it these past few days. I’m not good with new people and I’m scared, really, really scared.

“What if I don’t fit in?” “What if I’m bullied?” “What if I get very bad grades?” “What if NO ONE likes me?”

I feel embarrassed to talk to anyone and when I spoke to my mum about my nerves, she said it was normal and all. I know that but for me it’s way more.

I’m crying as I type this.

I found this site whilst I searched on easy ways to commit suicide & how to make it less painful.

Any advice and more inspiration would be much appreciated.

-With love.

 

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