More bs bs bs everyday with the guy i fought n yesterday he waas looking for me jzt bcuz hiz big bro got beat up n how iz that my fuken problem!!..Last night iwent 2 a football game at my school wit my gf n there he waz tryna start trouble wit me..but tehn after he wanted 2 jump me n ididnt do anythin 2 him..so me n my gf ran out of the school bcuz every1 told us 2 bcuz they were guna jump me n itold her..”If they jump me let them idnt want u gettin hurt ill push u out […]
September 2011
Never Unloved.
Sounds pretty unbelievable doesn’t it? But it’s true nobody out there is truly unloved.
At least one person out there cares about you, loves you and will always be there for you, no. matter. what.
To prove it… I probably live halfway across the world from where most of you are but I dare say that I love you.
“Psychotic chick thinks she loves people she doesn’t know? Psht!”
Well yep. As crazy as it sounds it’s trueeeeeeee! I love youuuuu! Why? Because everyone deserves to be loved. No matter how hard we try and tend to deny. I learned all this after […]
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.†– George Carlin
Hail George.
he’s right.
fucking humans who like to over-complicate everything with all their ‘systems’ and rules and BS.
Money sucks. I hate how everything now is revolving all around it, and oh, of course: profits.
I don’t feel like I belong in this fucking boring all-about-money-and-profits world.
After 2012, if nothing happens, I might plan my own suicide.
bye bye crazy world,
maybe I do belong to another world/dimension/life.
my stomach drops everytime i hear anything about my past friendship with someone who meant a lot to me and i cant stand it anymore. i’m sick of being the one that everyone comes running to when they’ve hit rock bottom. “the fixer” is apparently an adequate word to describe me. i hate that. i’m sick of trying to help everyone that i pose some interest in and never here them ask “what about you, are you okay?”. the truth of the matter is that no matter who i finally connect with, all that matters to them is themselves and that which they cannot achieve […]
I’m tired of following
all the rules,
Listening to others,
hearing their ignorance,
And pretending they
aren’t stupid.
I’m tired of worrying
about money,
That it will run out,
Staying home and
playing games.
I’m tired of caring
what my family thinks of me,
Of trying to be
understanding of them,
When they have no
understanding of me.
I’m tired of applying
for jobs,
When my resume shouts
I’m of an age
Employers do not want
to hire.
I’m tired of letting my
creative talents rot
In the face of a world
That has no use for
them.
I wish I were tired
enough to sleep
But soon I will be.
Then I can fight my
battles in dreams;
Not win, not lose, […]
My Best Friend, Jessica, tried to kill herself in 2007. Â She survived… But barely. Â She hung herself from a belt in her closet…. The belt was said to be 1/2 cm ‘too thick’ to kill her. Â Instead, it basically turned my best friend into a vegetable. Â Jessi couldn’t speak or move by herself… And two years after her attempted suicide and us fighting for her life, she passed away. Â We never got to hear Jessi’s story. Â We never got to hear the answer to all of our only question… Why, Jessi? Â Febuary 12,2009 I was visiting family 900 miles away from Jessi, and I got […]
Im tired of being here. Im tired of hearing the fucking voices that live with me. I’m tired of seeing the same person i go to gym everyday. I really find it very useless to live here and be able to breath this air. I dont care who i hurt im just ready to end it. Poor Poor weather why must it rain. Why must it be like this. To stop the only oppuritiny i have. When i am only is either wet or raining. You really like letting me down. You really like putting me in more misery.Oh how i would like to rip […]
I thought for a change I post some good news. For the last weeks I had a really bad relapse, but it has lifted! For days now when almost compulsively I wanted to think/say out loud “I want to die” instead I said “I want to be well!” sometimes 20 times, either out loud or in my head if I was not alone. And it worked, my mood has lifted. Don’t know if it would have anyway, or the trick worked, but it certainly did not hurt.
I also started a new project, a lovely quilt, which is both fun and challenging, to keep my […]
Thats it..itz done..she didnt need me no more she not guna giv in2 me no more bcuz im fuken suicdal..yes ifuken am n ialwayz giv her bs bs bs n ibitch 2 much n nvr leave her alone ….ifukd up bigtime wit her :/ but y doez she wana b wit some1 lik me who iz suicidal im jzt lik those other ppl…n now itz time 4 me 2 go up :(..Dania im srry im srry im srry n no jzt bcuz u ended it wit me im not doin thi bcuz of that im doin it bcuz..bcuz…me n u prob nvr were ment 2 […]
my dads got cancer my mum moved away ages ago i have no family at all just me n my dad whos dieing the house is a shit hole. Im skinny n dont eat properly or sleep just would describe it as living just existing n i wana call it a day!! Christmas dosnt exsist for me or birthdays no cake no cards just wanna fall asleep n not wake up. If any1 is like minded add me on msn warehouse81@hotmail.co.uk just havent got the balls to do it on my own
I’ve fucking had it, there’s way too much petty arguments and stress on this planet. I really want to leave soon. I was going to today but couldn’t find the damn ropes I was looking for, but hopefully this month.
I feel so angry im depressed. I dont like feeling like this but just knowing what is being said and sent around just makes me so much more mad. I feel homicidal at times and I shouldnt. Guys just have a way of messing with your head. The guy that I thought was my boyfriend because we liked each other isnt a boyfriend at all. He is playing games with my head. One of his friends is spreading roomurs around where I go to school. I knew him before I knew my somewhat boyfriend. I am 4’11” and wiegh around 125lb. He is 220lb about […]
I keep pushing forward in my life but I always find myself back at the point of not caring.
I’m moving this weekend to a house with people I don’t know. It’s a friend of my father that’s going to let me stay in his spare room, rent free, indefinitely.
I told my father a month or so ago about what was bothering me, but really I was just ranting about things out of my control (goverments, society, god etc). He thinks I’m ready to top myself off which just isn’t the case (I’m just severely depressed, chronic). So he’s set up this whole thing […]
i’m here at work cryin to myself silently cause i am just not happy
its not like anything traumatic happened
i just dont feel loved, wanted or desired
dont feel smart eough, cute enough, rich enough
no friends, stupid boyfriend , no family where i live
i am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me
do crazy people know they are crazy ?
is there like something really medically wrong with me why every other week i have severe sucidal and depressed feelings?
i dont know how to talk to anyone about this
i want to be normal and happy like everyone else
never thought i was retarded or anything wrong with me […]
i’m having one of those days again…dont wanna go through the pain of offing myself..jus wanna sleep and not exist anymore.
nothing in my life brings me joy except that i am alive
school is pointless , my gpa is so low its too late to bring it up so i can forget about going to law school
i know my boyfriend is cheating but i dont wanna be alone so i try to ignore it and not cause any arguments…pathetic and self loathing
lucky to have a my job but my job security is shaky as the business could go belly up ….and then what for me
want to […]
howdy guys- seems appropriate in this context. um.. I think it’s human nature to talk about what one does, is interested in or preoccupied with, and in the case of socially taboo, illeagle, unpleasant and ideas contrary to indoctrination I guess dishonesty or silence and combinations of the two. I made some sodium cyanide last week and dissolved it in water, chased it with a glass of lemon juice and ended up throwing up a big mess of foam and having my throat burn for a few days after. it was pretty ‘swell. I live in a group house for drug addicts and pretty much […]
Every single night I fall asleep feeling disappointed in myself because once again… I screwed up.
I keep feeling that if I were a better person, I would be a little bit happier but it seems impossible to change my habits because they have become a part of me. I also feel that mistakes that I have made in the past are still part of me, they still define me, so I am not able to move on to become a better person.
I just want to feel like I’m good enough. Good enough for somebody to love me or somebody to care.
I have such an inability to deal with things sometimes. It’s as though the slightest bit of frustration can just set me off. I thought I was doing better the past week or so. I hadn’t hurt myself (intentionally) in any way, I was making some progress in my efforts to start running and it was just as though I had come to peace a little bit with myself and my life. But then last night I had this dream, and it was as though everything in my life was right. I’ve had dreams before about things I regret or miss or whatever, but this […]