I’m a 26 year old man, I was born with unfortunate facial and body features (giant lips, lazy eyes, bent nose, scoliosis) , I basically look very odd, like a freak. A low point of my teenage life, was a girl ‘dating’ me for a few days as a bet given to her by her friends, my world was crushed when I realised what the joke was. That was the closest thing to a ‘relationship’ I ever had. That was the first time I can remember seriously thinking of suicide. I dropped out of school shortly after that and began living like a hermit. I sit here and recall all the horrible experiences I’ve had over the years, people telling me I look disgusting, laughing at me, staring at me with pity.
I don’t enjoy going outside of my house anymore, it’s always stressful, always an ordeal for me. I’ve been like this for the past 7 years, I live with my mother, I’ve had a handful of jobs over the years, the longest lasting about 5 months. I haven’t had a genuine friend since I was 14 years old, the last 12 years I’ve been unable to connect with anyone at all. The bad experiences I’ve had has crippled me emotionally, I have very bad anxiety now, I’m agoraphobic, I can’t be in a crowded place for too long anymore, I can’t stand the fact that people even look at me anymore.
I hate myself, I’m lonely, I’m miserable, I think about dying everyday, the only thing that makes me reluctant is the fact that I feel I didn’t try hard enough in this life. I know that I could have made atleast one friend if I was strong enough to withstand the teasing and staring. I’m just so tired now, I’m tired of feeling awful, tired of sitting at this computer by myself, day after day. Is there a place in this world for me? Can i find happiness through all the stares, is it worth living if you have to be this miserable everyday?  There’s a train track nearby and I think about standing in front of one of those trains, or laying my neck on the track.
4 comments
did i write this? though I don’t think I’m ugly, I face the same barriers. 25 and beset with agoraphobia and severe anxiety when among the general populous. I emailed a co-worker the other day about how I’m almost brought to tears every morning when I have to ride the train. The seats are positioned in such a way that you’re face to face with a complete stranger for a good 45 minutes.
I feel the same way.. I have agoraphobic too. I get ALOT nervous when i’m around with people, especially if they are strangers. I wasn’t born beautiful enough for this world and pretty much everyone has told me how ugly i’m.
When i have to go out, i feel like everyone is disgusted by me. I usually just look down. I usually pick streets where not many people walk by.
I have -0 confidence. I have alot anxietys and many other stuff, it’s not just i’m ugly.
Lot’s of things are going in my head. It’s killing me.
I don’t have any friends too. I hope i die soon. i’m 19 years old male by the way.
@tphg buy a paper. @solonely Don’t worry about it. You could move to where i live. Cause most people here look like they all fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branch’s on the way down. Hay i’m not judge in. Have you consided surgery? I don’t think people are looking at you like a freak. Could be in your head? Ugly people can be cool.
@all: It’s true that people look at superficial features to some extent, but what truly impresses them is one’s self-confidence. Confidence counts for much more than anything else. Try walking with your back straight and try to look forward, instead of down. Try it at home first, and see what your family thinks. Also, clothes can help. You don’t need to buy from expensive labels; buy something you think you look good in. A good first impression nails you company and jobs (: