Why do you want to die?

October 17th, 2011 by ReadyToFly

Why do you want to die?

What’s driven you so far off, that all you could think of is dying?
What measures do you take to forget the pain?
Is life really no longer worth living?

What’s your story?

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60 Responses to “Why do you want to die?”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. I see no future. I see no hope. I feel no happiness.
    There are no friends, there is no family. No love.
    I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything
    is going to be okay, but that isnt going to happen.

    I wish I cared about myself more. I wish I didnt want
    to die, but its all I can think of. I want a family and a
    happy life. But I know that my only option is death.

  2. I’ll be homeless in a few months. Not something I can really cope with.

  3. Everything about life right now.

  4. I have no one.
    No one I care for and no one that cares for me.
    I am pregnant and I don’t know who the father is.
    I am married to a man I don’t know.
    I am surrounded by opportunists and whores.
    I have no money.
    I have no home.
    I have nothing….just a long list of people I need to get even with, lots of compensation money that is owed to me and 7 billion people that just refuse to do anything about what they have done to me.
    I have no intentions of continuing to live on this planet.
    I just want myself back somewhere safe where nobody can reach me.
    I cannot breath unless I know that people can’t reach me.
    It’s me against the world.
    All I ever wanted was a guarantee that I would never be forced to be around any of you for too long.
    Now that humanity has forced me to bear the full brunt of what you people are capable of I want nothing to do with planet earth whatsoever.
    As far as I am concerned I am leaving planet earth…I will sit somewhere and wait.

  5. 1 – Becuase what I want in this Life will never be furfilled, becuase if future wage slavey and debt, becuase of transphobia and homophobia, plus the desire to be a child agian,and, becuase the Afterlife will be better than this life, and the burdens will be non-existant beyond the Pale of this Life is live.

    2 – The fact that my college life will soon be over and the need for suicide become greater with each passing day, after college I will have ot get a occupation, and no-one likes that, yet we are coerced by the State to do so.

    3 – Self-Harm, comedy, computer games and ranting

    4 – Yes, it is not worth living, if my life was allowed to persist, then, my life will get worser and worser with each passing day, I will find a job, get in to debt, grow older, endure homophobia and transphobia, it is not worth living.

    5 – It all started in 2010, in Febuary I tried on my mother’s knickers out of courisosity, they felt good, so I carried on wearing them, changing them every few days.

    Then over the Easter holidays I came down dressed in my mother’s clothes, my father hit the roof, telling me to remove the clothes and saying it was “gay” we just had this big fuck-off argument, I was pro-gay back then and I still am, I have never hated homosexuals or the transgendered, but my farther is a whole new ball of wax compared to me.

    This incident was raised when I got back to college, my tutour and my father talked in private, saying Gender Identity Disorder was part of Aspergers Syndrome.

    My totour the next day asked me if the cross-dressing had stopped, I lied to her adn siad it had, she was not very trans-friendly, covertly mocking me and one time called me Cinderella.

    Eventully I just went underground with it, I carried on wearing my mothers knickers, disposing of them down the side of the house and in the washing.
    Then durring Christmas 2010, I mustered up the courage to ask my father for a dress for Christmas, while asking him I was shaking, he shouted and screamed at me, I just ran upstiars to my room.

    Agian I kept it underground, I still wear my mother’s knickers, and yes for those of you that do not know I am gay, but I belive this to be stereotype threat from my father, I am Andrgynous, and still keep my cross-dessing a secret, I am in fear of asking my father for a dress agian.
    My mother is not very supportive either, she too is transphobic and homophobic, I ust want to be loved.

    Durring September 2010 I fell in love with this boy in my college, Stuart, I had realised I was gay since June 2010, but as the months progressed, he asked me in December 2010 if I was gay, I got worried and confessed my love to him, a few days later we agreed to meet in the toilets, we kissed and hugged on another.

    This went on until June 2010, when we were caught in the cubical together, the toilets were the only place we could go, the college was large, but we were segreated from the rest of the college, the toilets were the only privacy we had.

    I was suspened for 3 days from college, and tabs were being kept on me, I was sperrated from Stuart, and he activly avoided me, he sill does to this day.

    I felt like shit, I wanted to die, infact ever since the argument back in early 2010 I wanted to die.

    After that, social sevices got involed, they are now trying to get my life organised, but I just do not want to live, I ahte my life already and getting a Job and working as a wage slave in debt bondage does not sound like life.

    I am a Nihlist anyway, and had my first bout of Nihilism at the age of 15 becuase of extreme bullying, I did not see the meaning in anything, I failed my exams, I got all U’s (U mean Unmarked, it is not even a grade) I did not give a shit that I had failed, my perpective on the life that most people currently lead is the same as it was 3 years ago, this shit has to go, life sucks balls, why carry on.

    As of now, I feel distant from my familly, and hate growing up, I would rather be a child agian, my life is a sack of shit and I want to end it all, I will die on college ground and live out the rest of my life in the Afterlife, I have already written about the Suicide Project House.

    I see you as familly, I see The Suicide Project as a family, one that loves me and will accept me for who I am not for who they want me to be.

    So that is my story, what do you think.

  6. Because life really sucks, and I cant handle the pain anymore.

  7. I’m not satisfied with the things to do in the human world.

  8. Because under my cover of being a goodbuy I really am just a sly cat with a silver tongue. Sharp and witty driven to the marrow of the bone.

    I entrap people like a venous fly trap, then I squeeze until they leave me. And everyone takes a piece of me with them.

    A player without a game to play.

  9. good guy** (not goodbuy..)

  10. My body is broke in. I’m exist in but not living.

  11. im tired of breathing. Im tired of living. Everyday is a struggle for me. I have no future. Nor self-confidence. Bullying has token its toll on me. Im sick of a lot of people. And having the feeling to depart every piece of body part and flesh its not worth it. I let the decaying do that for me. Basically life ish hell. i am and will be broken. lets face it… what is my purpose of living?

  12. ^^^ Depends how you define purpose…

  13. I have body dysmorphic disorder and this thing fucked with my life.
    I have no purpose in living

    I wanna start over, I want another life… But I don’t even know if this is possible.

    It’s time to press the reset buton in my life.

  14. Because I’m depressed broke alone with severe social anxiety. There’s more but that pretty much sums it up.

  15. my story as way i want to die
    I want to die as I hate my life all so hate living I all so have
    learning and spelling disability All have the rest off my life naiver
    can sleep all so I Have depression I have lived 49 years off this hall
    so the only way out is to take my life I want to die so so so bed I
    naiver stop thanking about wanting to die I hoping I can do it soon I
    want to die badly I don’t want to go on living any longer but I want
    to die vary soon hope I can find a good way to c.t.b don,t care about the pain long as I find a good way
    to die as I’m fed up with my life hopeing to do it befor the new year
    any way thanks for lessening
    all be glad when my life is over

  16. I am screaming into the void, this abyss of nothing that I am forever imprisoned in. I am just venting my frustration at not being able to do what I know that I need and want to do for myself, to end this futile and pointless existence. It is my page. :D

    I am venting my frustration of being forced to carry on a “life” that never was, never was, and was never meant to be. By a cruel and sadistic God, if there is one. An omniscient and omnipotent entity that would create beings of higher thought and place them on a plane of existence that is dominated by only thoughtless and irrational instincts. Instincts which run contrary to one’s own thoughts. I know that I should be dead. I know that I don’t belong here. I know that I have no desire for anything of this world. I know that everything that glittered was fool’s gold. I know that every person is a demon waiting to destroy and torture your soul.

    I am railing against the ridiculous impulse of humans to struggle, suffer, and endure for no reason, objective, or reward. We instinctively, and irrationally, “live” when “life” is nothing but a sadistic game for the amusement of a sadistic Creator. If I am a reflection of any part of something bigger, a God, that God is hideous and evil. God may be omniscient and if so he/she/it is pure evil. If God is omnipotent…same, pure evil. No matter what it is, it is not loving in any way whatsoever. It creates only to watch it suffer.

    Now this may be hell. And that would make everything logical. We are here to suffer, so this world being completely suited to torturing creatures, is a perfect setting made by its Creator. Fine. I can buy that.

    However, whatever I did on another plane of existence, I do not deserve my sentence that I am serving here. It is impossible that I could have done anything so horrible or evil as to justify being trapped in this universe between my ears and this stinking cage of flesh.

    I am reaching out into the wilderness of my fellow victims of this “God”, “nature”, or whatever. I am reaching out to anyone who might not be hypnotized be the delusions that humans use to “rationalize” their futile, pointless, and agonizing existence. I am reaching out to see if there are any out there that realize that everything is a lie, a hoax, a fraud, an evil deception. Searching for those who may see the truth of this pathetic existence and who don’t just walk along the chutes in this slaughterhouse singing about how happy they are to be victims. Someone who sees that there is nothing to see, nothing to be, no reality.

    Humanity is a perversion of “life”. An anomaly, a mistake, a disgusting exhibit of a sad inevitability on a probability curve of evolution. One that will not last long, should not have lasted this long for that matter. How ill-suited we are to be confined to a world of restrictions, limitations, and false identities while are minds are limitless, infinite, generators of immense creation and freedom. It is like birds trapped in a plane of existence where gravity is too great for them to overcome. We have wings, but are trapped in a world where we cannot fly. We are a perverse and sick creation with the ability only to suffer in this world. We are creatures with minds trapped in a world where no mind is needed. Like we were granted higher thought only to be able to understand that are existence is pointless. Disturbing, sad, and horrifying.

    Doesn’t matter. My mind does not work anymore. It has been destroyed by years of blinding internal storms of unspeakable and unbearable chaos of anger, pain, and apathy at the plight of being seemingly trapped forever in nothingness. If I could form a complete sentence I could attempt to convey a meaning to you. But my meaning and your meaning could never possibly be the same. Your meaning is yours and my meaning is mine and the two can never be the same. Your universe is yours, and I hope it serves you well and brings you what the humans call “happiness”, “pleasure”, or whatever. My universe is mine, it is dark, it is empty, and there is nothing left to see.
    I just want to move on. :D (I don’t know if you follow much :) ) I want so badly just to move on in a real, meaningful, and significant way. That kind of moving on requires not being trapped in this stifling, trivial, and mundane farce of human existence.

    My problem is not that I want to die. My problem is not that I am afraid to die. My problem is that this sadistic “instinct” to survive keeps me here against my better judgement. I am filled with fear of additional pain. How ridiculous it sounds, and is, given that I am fully aware that there is endless and infinite pain awaiting me in every eternal moment in this hell. Yet my “instinct” always say “NOOOOO!” it will hurt for a few seconds. Totally illogical and cruel.

    So, I was just throwing out there that if there were anyone even slightly enlightened, compassionate, or merely slightly rational, in this so called “society”, “culture”, cesspool really, there would be a way for someone such as myself to simply exit with a little f’ing dignity and peace. It is my existence and I do not want it. Why is there no place for a human who realizes what he/she is doing to simply and peacefully end their existence if they choose to do so? I propose it is because humans are basically sadistic creatures just like the God that created them. It is just a theory. :D

    But either way, this disgusting world forces those who perpetually suffer to have to be reduced to false starts, stops, fantasies, failed attempts, suicide-by-cop, whatever, instead of just providing a humane (:)) way to exit this place in a peaceful, painless, and dignified way of their choosing. Why do you suppose that is? What does the world gain by forcing existence upon those who do not want it? Do we humans keep humans prisoners? Are our lives not our lives?

    So that is why you see the “if I only were a dog” theme here lately. Because it points out the absurdity of a so-called compassionate “society” such as ours. We cannot bear to watch a dog suffer, and we will feel good to put it out of its misery. We know after all, that we have spared the poor creature much suffering. We know that it was the right thing to do. We would consider ourselves monsters to sit there and watch the animal suffer endlessly and continually for far too long, far, far too long without putting it down to stop its pain.

    BUT WHEN IT IS ANOTHER HUMAN>>>>>LOL

    The we all sit around and stare at the twitching, mangled, and bleeding soul. We all sing and dance around that creature as if it should just join in the fun, or could. We point, shake our heads, and some laugh at the horribly suffering creature. But not one, no where, not any of these “decent”, “compassionate”, “loving” individuals anywhere will offer the terminally suffering human a merciful end to its agony. We keep them around to make us feel better about our miserable lives. We say that it is their fault. We say that we can “fix” them. We say that we will drug them into believing the delusions that we “all” believe in.

    Where is the merciful end for the suffering creature that can never “live” without being in agony?

    SOOOOOO, “IF ONLY I WERE A FUCKING DOG!!!!” I could be helped. Could I be rescued from this horrible plane of existence. Could I be freed from this cage of flesh. Could I be spared this nothingness, this sham, this fraud, this delusion, this sick and disgusting world.

    Sorry, I felt like rambling a bit….now back to the pretty plastic boxes, the prescriptions to promote delusions, the lies that we all believe, the stupid costumes we wear only because others wear them, the acting like others are acting when no one is acting like themselves, like what really exists in their internal universes because they cannot bear to be real in an unreal world.

  17. if i only were a dog
    no one can help
    not in any way
    not worth it to anyone
    anywhere or in any way
    if i only were a dog
    i never was
    and never will be
    capable of anything
    but misery
    if only i were a dog
    nothing is real
    only the agony
    that is just me
    i was never meant to be
    if only i were a dog
    they would put me down
    they would not let me suffer endlessly
    but i am less than a dog
    so they prolong my agony
    if only i were a dog
    the world would end my pain
    if only i were a dog
    but it lets me scream in vain
    if only i were a dog
    if only i were a dog
    they would set me free

  18. “What’s driven you so far off, that all you could think of is dying?
    What measures do you take to forget the pain?
    Is life really no longer worth living?

    What’s your story?”

    Everything in life up to now.
    Lose myself in anime/games/movies/books.
    Not at this point no. And has not been for a while.

    Nothing much. Just a tired and weary older guy who sees nothing but more trouble ahead. Add in aging and deteriorating and disease and why continue.

  19. I just can’t wait to see what happens after death. So I would like to speed things up and not wait for who knows how many decades. Also i’m really bored with life and see it as a game, nothing more.

  20. I just want everything to stop.
    At school I put up this front of being happy and bouncy when I know everyone secretly hates me. They’re all just really good actors. My teachers probably think I’m stupid and think that I’m wasting their time. Which I am. Thats all I’ll ever be. A burden. At least if I’m dead I won’t be awake to see their clear disappointment in me. Because I have to keep up this front that I’m sane, when inside I want to die like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone else has their problems. I need to not have any so they can be well.
    Things aren’t much better at home. My mum drinks to extremes, and with every look she gives me I know she’s thinking that she wished that I had never been born, that I’m such a waste of space for not being as smart as my sister. My dad isn’t much better. Every time he looks at me he barely recognises me and he’s just thinking about work
    I just want someone to want me. and to tell me that its gonna be ok. But I know that will never happen because in the end I’m worthless. I waste people’s time and I am so stu[id that I couldn’t kill myself the first time. I want to die, and I can’t even do that right.

  21. I want to die so bad but I’m afraid to commit suicide- afraid of the pain even though the pain of staying alive is greater. I’m a Christian and believe in God yet still feel there is no point to this life. It’s just full of crap and negativity. Why are we here? I hope someday I can get over my irrational fear of suffering for a few seconds in order to end up dead.

  22. Better to find a few seconds of peace so that you may end a lifetime of suffering.

    Tell me, how are you coping with the sexual identity pressures?

    I wrote a post on here called;

    the Queer

    Check it out please
    Let me know what you think?

  23. I wanna die because I’m not interested in chasing illusions

  24. agreed with irspow on a lot of things

  25. society is a huge failure, all this pressure and what do we get in the end…death! some sooner than others! I want to just end it all now and stop all this suffering and madness!! We created this hell lets get the F out!!!!!!!

  26. Dear people,

    All those reason you have mention is not worth to KILL YOURE SELF!
    your life is more important than anything here on earth (money, house, car, gold, silver,…) ( all those things are just materials. they don’t have feelings or a bad day) You shouldn’t listen to those politics on tv, newspapers… The government is your real enemy!! Those people are the reason of your bad feelings. Don’t give them the chance to overcome you!! you are stronger then them just wake up!
    Do you have problems: read books about your problems and search for solutions, did your family banded you? So What! go to them and try to make it good!! keep trying until you successful reached your goal.
    Suicide is not a solution. Come on think!
    Do you have faith in God or you don’t believe in GOD? Well TRUST GOD!! (for who don’t believe in GOD, it’s time to chase after the truth because GOD does really exist.) once again it’s the Media and the government who has manipulated you. There are also very rich people they have everything what they want and still they don’t find happiness and jumps from buildings? the reason: no faith/ believing in GOD!
    Read books about the religion!!
    More!! Read about the ISLAM.
    They have the solution on all your problems, if you give just a little of your time to Islam than you will see that will make you happy. Just try! You have nothing to lose!!
    Islam and Muslims aren’t the TERRORIST! The government IS!( just think where your tax money goes: missiles, bombs… for what? To kill innocent people with your money while you have financial problems??! does this make any sense????
    Don’t kill your self, your life mean more than you can imagine. You are unique! there can impossible be 2 of you and it will never be! Just search for the truth.

    If you really want the know what the government has in his mind?
    check: http://www.wakeupproject.com (watch this informative thing)

    I hope that you will think twice before you take action.
    I’m sorry for any mistakes in my weak language. reason: i’ am from Belgium and i want just to help my sisters and brothers around the world.

  27. “The we all sit around and stare at the twitching, mangled, and bleeding soul. We all sing and dance around that creature as if it should just join in the fun, or could. We point, shake our heads, and some laugh at the horribly suffering creature. But not one, no where, not any of these “decent”, “compassionate”, “loving” individuals anywhere will offer the terminally suffering human a merciful end to its agony. We keep them around to make us feel better about our miserable lives. We say that it is their fault. We say that we can “fix” them. We say that we will drug them into believing the delusions that we “all” believe in.”

    exactly

  28. I have never been able to do anything right no matter how hard I try.
    I don’t have friends, and apparently it’s because I don’t know how to keep them.
    I have no family. They exist, but I am not a part of their lives. This is my fault.
    I have been humiliated, embarrassed, ridiculed, and made to look like a fool. I do agree that I am a fool, but when others constantly throw it in your face, it makes things worse.
    I’m not happy. I will never be happy again.
    No one really cares if I live or die. I actually think that others believe that I am better off dead. They know my past, and know that it is virtually impossible to ever recover from it.
    So any people have played a part in seeing to it that I live the most horrible existence. I trust that they have good reasons for feeling this way. I feel like if people hate me so much, then they have a good reason to, and therefore I must be a bad, evil person. So, I really don’t deserve to live.
    I need medicine for depression, but can’t get it. Meanwhile, I continue to get worse and worse.
    My depression, the fact that I was molested as a child, none of it is important. I am not important…to anyone.
    No one needs me around. They don’t even acknowledge that I’m here except for when they want to make me feel bad or look stupid in front of people that are better than me.

    I just feel like death is my only way out. I know for a fact that I can never repair my life. I also know that at this point, I no longer want it repaired. It’s too late, and because I have gone through so much for so long, I am too weak to continue trying. I want out because no one will ever love me, or need me. I have nothing, and I’m tired of everyone else always having control over me. I’m tired of no one ever being able to understand that I am depressed, or why I am the way that I am. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t feel the way I need to feel. I’m tired of being treated like I’m an alien with a contagious life threatening disease. I’m tired of people treating me like I want to be the way that I am. Don’t they get that I would give my arm, y leg, anything just to be more like everyone else. At least if I was, people would like me. My mom might even start to like me again. No one will ever understand me, and I don’t want to be here any longer. People take what I say in one ear and out the other. I’m probably just crying out for help, but no one will come. I don’t blame them. I mean it’s me were talking about. But, one day, I hope that I will finally be at peace.

  29. I am surrounded by people who hate me, by people who want me to suffer, or be punished. I am surrounded by people who could care less about what has ever happened to me. I am hated, and I do not want to be around because I am afraid of what they may do to me. I’m constantly worrying about what will someone do to me next. I live in fear. I’m sad all of the time. I need medication, therapy, all of it, but because so many people hate me, I feel like a therapist may hate me as well. I just want out. I want to go to a better place, and that place is Heaven. People here will make sure that I never get to rest, and right now that’s all I want to do. I know myself pretty well though, and I know there will come a time when I won’t be able to handle what they throw at me. I just hate myself so much. I think about death constantly, but know that I can’t commit suicide. Maybe God will do what’s best for me, and just take me away. There is no sense in me being here.

  30. I can’t do it. They tell me with hate to kill myself. They look at me with disgust. I have no right to be here. I should be dead. I’m sure no one would notice. My mom abuses me. My dad lives on an island without me my friends are bitches. I should just electrocute myself. It would be so much easier than anything else.

  31. My life continues to go back and forth up and down and ever changing. When I turned 18 my friend died the sunday after, 2 months later my great grandfather, and 2 more months after that my family put down the dog I had since I was 5. A year later I went on a two and half month leave of absence from my work for torn muscles, inflamed muscles, muscle spasms, a pinched nerve all in my back and two bones in my right shoulder pushed together, all from pushing carts in such constant repetition. I was forced to pay all treatment cost and came back to doing the same job and my pain has tripled since. I’m still doing it, still in that horrible pain, still stuck there and still looking up at the sky always gray. I moved out of my parents house before I came back from my leave because my mom and sister had beat the hell out of me. I couldn’t stand their years of mental and physical abuse. Now I can’t afford food or almost anything for that matter because of my rent and the lack of income I even make. My dad, the one person who didn’t treat me like that is my dad and he is moving to Texas now. My parents are divorced and they aren’t getting one but they are moving away from me. I did meet someone and I have fallen for her. She wouldn’t have to do anything and I feel happy around her. A few days ago I found out she is pregnant and plans to get rid of it. I don’t want her to but she feels like she won’t do anything with her life if she keeps it. I am 20, she is 22, I know I’m not ready but if that small part of anything exist, I’ll be there no matter what happens, I just fear if she keeps it she will hate me, if she gets rid of it she will just be upset to even see me.

  32. I wish to taste the ecstasy of oblivion

  33. I want to leave this world so bad. I get bullied ALL the time. My dad calls me fat, says I need to be anorexic, says I’m a failure, and says I’m a disgrace. I starve myself. I cut. I do anything to make the emotional pain go away. Does that help? No. But death would. My dad couldn’t hurt me after that. He couldn’t say any of those things to me. The kids at school would never touch me again. I could leave all their names in my suicide note so that they would ALWAYS know that they are the one’s who caused my death. But I am a coward. I could never slice my arm deep enough, or pull the trigger, or swallow the pills. I may want to, but I would never be able to do the final act of suicide.

  34. I have nothing to live for. I mean i know im only 15 but everytime someone reaches out theyre hand out and i try to grab it they yank it away and i fall even deeper. My life gets worse and worse daily.

  35. i failed in same exam number of times, i just lost confidence and everything.
    That exam is very important to me to graduate , and i lost it.
    I prepared for it every time ,even my friends inspired me and i prepared well enough to clear it up.
    Nothing change i am still a loser i am tired of this struggle and fight i have a lot of pressure of expectations of my parents , now i cant face them to tell this news again.
    I want peace , i wanna die , I don’t deserve life
    :(

  36. I’ve never been a winner. Never been successful. I was living good for once a while ago. I was in college, had a girlfriend and a job. I broke up with her later because I’m a jerk and I realized I still had feelings for her 2 years after. But that’s not the reason I want to die because I contemplated it for a while. Just believed that it would get better and it did for a bit until life build you up so you can fall. I’m a college grad with no goals no hope. I had a dream of being in the music biz but I realized I was t cut out for that. I’m not a people person. I’ve been depressed for a while and just yesterday, we found out my dog for 11 years had cancer so we decided to have him put to sleep. I’m sad about it. Those of you who dont have a dog or cat or anyother pet who can show affection like these creatures don’t you fucking tell me it’s just a dog. He was a member of our family. I’m sad but I’m ok because my only best friend in this world is in a better place now. He isn’t suffering anymore. But his death is the straw that broke the camels back. I have no dreams no will no hope, I’m basically here for nothing. I never asked to be born. No one asks to be born but a lot of people ask to die. I don’t blame anyone for my demise but me. They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but I personally think any permanant solution to any problem is good. I’m greatful that I have family who love me and I have a roof over my head and never been to bed starving. I know I have it better than some. I just feel no bright day is ahead for me. I’m done with he pain and one day people you know and love will die. I rather go than see anyone I love die before me. I hate this world the way it is and I am a misanthrope. I think the human race should die out so that nature can reclaim the earth. I have more compassion for animals than people. I just want to go. Peacefully and painlessly. All I know is disappointment and grief. I don’t want to do it anymore.

  37. For the hell of it.

  38. Because I’m like a toilet; except that toilets pass along whatever shit gets dumped into them when we flush the handle. So I’m like a broken toilet (that don’t flush) except that at least a busted toilet holds what shit you dump into it faithfully. No I’m not even as good as a busted toilet. My apologies to any toilets that might be reading this. Okay I’m like a big smelly black hole: devouring warmth sunlight food and love from the sweat of others’ hard labor and emitting nothing. I must be stopped.

  39. because i always feel like i have done nothing right… this is a mistaken life… my father doesn’t love me, my mother leave me with him… so.. what’s the point of leaving? I’m almost everyday depressed, lonely, and everything… I’m tired of it…

  40. Those are pretty rough things to say about yourself, changeling. To be honest, I’ve been all over the world and never met anyone that bad. It makes me believe that maybe you don’t see yourself clearly. People that toxic are usually hated and I don’t think anyone on here hates you. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve never thought those things about myself, but I was wrong about myself when I thought those things as well.

    On topic: I think my biggest reason really is that I don’t see any value in being alive. It’s not that I think life has ZERO value, it’s more like it has so little value that even the good things don’t justify it. Obviously being kind, having fun, and experiencing fun are good things, but are they worth living for? Not to me. I want to die because I see life as ultimately pointless, even if there are good things between life and death.

    I understand people see it differently, and I have no problem with that. People can go ahead and live their lives for as long as they want to. I remain unsatisfied by the things this world has to offer me.

  41. *I meant experiencing love. Being kind, having fun, and experiencing love. WTB ability to edit comments.

  42. Because I love sleeping more than anything, so why wouldn’t I want to die where I can sleep forever?

  43. Once again, Letmesleep is spot on. Just to piggyback on Changelings case, I too have thought this about myself as well. In my case I didn’t see myself clearly, but even when I did, I still CHOSE to believe the harsh false images of myself simply because I am a masochist and I disturbingly find pleasure in pain. I think many of us here are like that.

    As to why I want to die, somewhat like Letmesleep said, I don’t see the value of life in the midst of the discomfort and pain of my own personal existence. While there are many beautiful people / places / things to experience in our lives such as love, friendships, discovery, the beautiful art of this world and the geological beauty of this world, I find these things very few and very far between the marooned discomfort I bare in my owm life.

    There is so much suffering surounding me that clearly affects me and those I love around me. I don’t think I am the worst human being alive and don’t deserve to live but I will admit that there is hardly anything to like about me and therefore I have absolutely no friends. I am completly without any friends and it just kills me that people dont like me. My own sibling who’s my age is the only “friend” in my life but I clearly see that she’s only here for me (God bless her heart) because we are family.

    I want to die because I hardly ever feel any sort of joy, the pain and misery of being alone on top of all the other problems I have is simply not enough to render even the slightest bit of desire to live. Its just not worth waking up every morning for this.

  44. because im lonely,nobody loves me, i simply hate my life. And I don’t even know how many times in a day i wish i could die. I even have shortcut words to say that-MMD(Make Me Die) It’s hard and i can’t do it anymore.A

  45. because im lonely,nobody loves me, i simply hate my life. And I don’t even know how many times in a day i wish i could die. I even have shortcut words to say that-MMD(Make Me Die) It’s hard and i can’t do it anymore.A

  46. Because my best years, which weren’t even great, are behind me, and because I know I’ll never be happy again.

  47. Ive never actually been told to kill myslef, but ive told myself that many times, how do you get it to just go away? and not hurt yourself or commit sucide..?

  48. Because I wanna know what dieing’s like? I don’t have some big long sad depressing life-ending/changing story. Sorry!

  49. Wanting to die has been in the back of my head for years. I tried to kill myself when I was 22 years old, and I failed. Didn’t take enough pills I guess. Why do I want to die? My daughter passed away a month after birth, but that is only the start. I’ve been abused and under privileged my whole life. I’m probably in the best spot of my life now, and I’m still miserable. I got married, and within 2 years my husband got fat, lazy and lost his job. He wants kids and I don’t think I can after my daughter. I’ve been trying to start my own business for 4 years and it’s never worked out, so I make next to nothing as far as money. I broke my knee cap and haven’t had health insurance in 8 years, so I have $30,000 worth of medical debt. I totally lost my range of motion in my knee which means I won’t probably ever be able to do any physical activities. Which means I will just get fatter and older. I can never get ahead as hard as I try. If you think psychologists help, you are wrong. You grin and put on a show until they think you’re all better so you can quit listening to their bullshit.

  50. I also want to die pretty often, yet I do not do much about it. It hurts being alive on this planet!

    People are so mean, selfish, shallow, two-faced, arrogant, ignorant, dumb, and whatnot…..

    I hate being a human. I hate my life. I hate every second that I breathe, and yet I am still existing. I’m 36 years old and a satanist. Being a satanist should be enough of a reason for me not even to think about dying. But that’s not how our brains work. We’re chemically driven creatures and I am well aware of the fact that my chemistry is not right at the moment. But there are many reasons why my chemistry is messed up. I’m not living in a vacuum and anything that is taking place in my life is affecting me to the max.

    I always tried to fight against weakness, and I managed it. However this urge to die is lingering in me. I don’t know where to turn to, I don’t know what to do. But there is not a single day where I don’t think about ending my life and it is really painful too.

  51. I have a mother who only cares abt my big bro, a big brother who treats me like a strange and a father who goes out drinking til’ morning and doesnt care a thing. I have friends who just uses me. I have been in several relationships but they never really loved me. I just cant put up with it anymore, sometimes i just want to be put into eternal sleep…

  52. I have a mother who only cares abt my big bro, a big brother who treats me like a strange and a father who goes out drinking til’ morning and doesnt care a thing. I have friends who just uses me. I have been in several relationships but they never really loved me. I just cant put up with it anymore, sometimes i just want to be put into eternal sleep… It’s like i have i been dragged into a cave where i cant go out or escape. The deeper i go the more i want to disappear. Whats most scary is that i am getting used living in that cave. When i was first dragged, i was on the edge of insanity.

  53. I was never free. My life is full of high expectations, pressure, too much control, to the point where I never had a choice. Worse, it is my family that makes me feel that way. Especially my grandma. She always dictate what I should do or not…. Even forbids me to go out and have fun with friends. I was never happy. I’m always left out. People call me names, humiliate me… and I just smile at them, pretending that I’m not hurt. The guy I love is disgusted with me. No one remembers my name, my friends don’t talk to me anymore. No one wants to listen to what I have to say. When I speak, they don’t listen. They don’t smile at me. They don’t ask me how am I feeling. My best friend doesn’t make me feel special, because she has a long list of her best friends. We’re just best friends by label, but in truth she’s not a true friend to me. My mother only cares for her new family. My dad left me alone, and I found out that he’s just deceiving me all this years. I’m so lonely. I wanna die. Everyday, whenever I wake up, I wish to die. But God doesn’t hear my cries because I’m a bad person. My mom told me that I’m a bad person, and I started to believe that. I can’t be happy. Because I don’t own my life, according to my grandma. She makes me feel that I’m too much indebted to her, so I’m just her puppet. I hate it. I hate to think that I’ll still live tomorrow. I want to end my life. I will, soon. I believe that God is loving and forgiving… and if He really is, I wonder, He’ll forgive me even if I commit suicide, right? At least let me be happy in afterlife. It’s just the only thing I am hoping for. I wanna die. I don’t see a future ahead of me. Please God. Hear me.

  54. Because i listen to Lana Del Rey all day,
    Because the one man I loved left me and I can’t get over it, he helped me so much, and I loved him with all my heart… we still talk but itll never happen again. and the person im dating now got me back into Heroin, and Im trying to feel something for him but I cant.
    Because Im a heroin addict, and a sex worker, and it helps a little sometimes, but mostly just makes me feel shitty about myself
    Because Im stuck living with a neurotic aunt and have no normal job, my last job just stopped giving me hours, didnt even fire me.
    Because I want this heavy dead feeling to dissapear, and maybe death will be euphoria
    I can see myself losing blood from my jugular and falling asleep, shocked but peaceful.
    I want to die so my ex will realize what he had done to me.
    I want to die because I have no ambition, no inspiration, I used to have too much of it, and I did everything, I wanted to be bad and I was but it wasnt what I hoped it woulod be and i ruined myself.
    im transgender, and i pass, but i would have been better starting earlier instead of going on crazy hitch hiking drug adventures. I still dont feel beautifuol enough and I crave to be beautiful. I gave my soul away as a child hoping to be seen as beautiful, and I am but not enough.
    I want nothing in the world but to get high, be with my ex again, and die. maybe get plastic surgery. I know its only a matter of time for me, im getting into porn and its gonna kill me even faster.

  55. I feel empty. Like if there was a big black hole inside me.

    It started when I was at highschool. All those people picking on me, pushing me in the walls cause I was not like them. I never had problem with school grades and I have numerous talents but I just… feel empty. Like all I do is meaningless. Has no value. I exist, but I don’t know why. No one even sees it. And when they see it, they go away and I just end up alone with myself. Alone, like I always been. Just me…. and the darkness inside me.

    I tried to fit in, but I knew it wasn’t me. It wasn’t who I was, deep inside. But I kept putting the mask on my face. Acting. Trying to ‘live’ like other people. Sometimes, that emptiness goes away, but it always come back when I stop acting and that I see my own reflection in the mirror. The hole becomes bigger and swallow me all inside of it. No one has any idea in my surroundings about how I feel. And when I let the mask fall from me… when I try to talk, to cry for help… they just get angry and tells me it’s my own fault if I feel like this. Like I choosed it.

    And now, I am here…. crying alone… not talking about anything, cause when I talk, all I get is anger from people that call themselves my ‘friends’ or even my ‘boyfriend’. They call themselves like that but when I cry for help, all I get is that speech about how my situation is my own fault and it just discourages me to talk at all. So I close myself.

    And I wait. I wait for something, anything to happen. And the pain becomes so… overwhelming. The hole… becomes bigger. And I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want the pain to go away, to disappear. The emptiness to be filled by a meaning, something.

  56. I Cut myself today for the first time just to see if it would help.
    im 24 almost 25
    i have a loving family, some good friends and im handsome i would say.
    I have no skills that are useful, im Afraid of the public.
    But my life went down hill after a BREAKUP.
    3 years living with someone and they left me because im a bum.
    I wanna get a job i wanna be someone but i feel like im useless.
    I don’t like anything.
    I feel like a disappointment to my father , im the only person in my family that dose nothing… i live at home with my mom, no job no car and no love life.

    I don’t wanna kill myself but i wanna die.

    i have a life better then alot of peoples but i feel so useless and so out of place, and idk what to do with myself.

    im afraid to worrie my friends and family with the way i feel. and i wish i could give my life to someone else, someone who has it worst so i can not exist.

    i feel so ungrateful with what i have but this feeling is terrible, and im so sorry for everyone who feels this way.

    i have no mental problems, i am just sad and i dont wanna be like this no more and everyday that goes by just get worst.

  57. I want to die, because I know that my life is in vain, and death would be meaningless.
    I might suffer from some mental illness but not one person has ever genuinely cared, only taken advantage of it. I just hope that the people I care about, or used to, will lead a happy life, I just want to descend into blackness.

    There is no meaning.

  58. since i was little other children would make fun of me cause i was too shy to play with them.so i began to have social anxiety. im now not confident with anyone except for myself.my sister fucking hates me and i fucking hate her too so much!!
    my mom is an alcoholic my parents are divorced since i was 5 and my dad thinks he’s 30 years old while he’s 50. my mom has self confidence issues like me.
    so how am i suppose to learn to be self confident with a mom like that??
    yesterday when i left the house and went on the roof of the building my mom called the police cause she thought i would jump because ive told her before that someday i would do it, but i really didnt want to jump right then i just wanted to be alone.
    20 cops came and 2 of them tryed to talk to me. they didnt understand, like noone does. not even me.i want so BADLY to d-i-e. but FML cause i care for my mom.
    i visit a psychiatrist once a week, she fucking doesnt get a word im saying.
    she only wants to make me hang out with people which i HATE. i fucking hate people so much. i have no fucking friends. in a month ill start going to high school and i will be alone my first day of high school. i plan to take like 3 xanax so i dont shake of faint. my dad laughs everytime he sees me cry, how cruel is that? and he tells me to stop being a moron.but im gonna move with him in some days so i dont see my sister anymore. god what can i say. i only wish mom didnt have sex with dad back then at the 1998. i wish i was never conceived, never born. now i only plan to commit suicide in ten years or like twenty when my mom finally dies.

  59. I have just finished high school, with very poor grades. My parents pushed me to study when I was still in school. In 3rd year of high school when I was 14 me and my friends decided to try weed. We all played video games a lot and had gotten bored of them and thought this would be a good way to meet new people, girls and become more popular.

    For about 3 months all we did was smoke and drink, I never really drank, i preferred to smoke weed and we had so much fun. We started going out a lot more with other people, talking to girls etc. what any normal 14 year old would do. Im an ok looking guy which also helped me with girls. My parents were always asking me what I was doing outside, where I was, who I was with and they were very strict about me coming home for 6pm. Which gave me like 2hours every day after school to hang out, more on the weekends. They never asked me if I was involved with drugs- I wouldn’t even really have considered myself ON drugs, it was only cannabis we smoked and my friend and I took a pill once- but they told me I could only stay at a friends house once a month, had to be home for dinner, even on weekends, I got a maths tutor, on 3pm on a Saturday, even though I was doing great academically. Slowly I began to lose contact with my friends, they eventually stopped asking if i was coming out or staying over because I would always have to say no.

    4th year came and my friends were pretty much the same. I still spoke to them in school but rarely met them outside of school. I reactivated my world of warcraft account, because I would just have to sit in my house and study or fuck about on the computer. In 4th year there are exams that are not hard at all, they require about 2 month’s worth of studying maximum, in the 2 months before the exams. From the 1st of September I had an english tutor at 11am on a Saturday, which meant staying over at friends on a friday wasn’t allowed. I still had my maths tutor later that day, so on Saturdays I couldn’t go and meet friends until after 4pm. Then a chemistry tutor on tuesday and biology on thursday. I was only allowed to stay out after school on Mondays otherwise all my privileges (computer, tv, xbox) would get taken away for a week. My family is very academic, my older sister didn’t have very many friends and she was at home studying a lot when she was my age. My mother and father have literally no friends, my dad works all day and my mum spends every day in the house alone. She has a strong accent and is very self conscious about talking to people becasue of it. I genuinely believe that my parents deliberately got all the tutors for me to stop me from having friends and living a life of my own. We have no family in this country and my dad believes we have to stick together. I literally begged them for a year and a half every day, then we argued every day, my dad once dragged me down the stairs when I refused to go to the maths tutors (she’s our next door neighbour), I fought my dad, who at the time was more than double my weight and about 3/4 of a foot taller.

    Near the end of 4th year I stopped studying, I would lie in bed all day for weeks and just try and sleep. In the end, my exams went average-ish. I knew the first 70-75% of all the subjects really well but because Id stopped studying and paying attention in school due to just not giving a fuck about anything. my friends on the other hand, refreshed their memories by revising all the courses in the weeks before the exams, so overall our grades were literally identical. I was so furious at my parents for not listening to me and I blamed them for me losing my ability to socialise and for my lack of self confidence. They wouldnt admit that it was their fault and argued about me all the time, my dad openly telling me that if they ever got a divorce it would be because of me. I literally fucking despise him, he’s a terrible person.

    When 5th year came I refused to study. I eased back into my usual schedule, lying in bed all day in my room, thinking and trying to sleep. I lost a bit of weight as well actually never really noticed that before, cos i was always so skinny. Eventually, I decided to start going out again, it’s not like it’s so scary right? There was a party for the seniors in the school, which I gathered up the courage to go to. I wore one of my better T shirts and jeans and when I was about to leave the house and go my mother stopped me to tell me that my t shirt was too small for me and it made me look stupid and that it was a boring dull colour(grey) and that I smelled bad. I had just showered and everything so I don’t know why I believed her, but I went back up to my room and was about to text my friends not to wait for me cos I wouldn’t go when my mum came into my room, crying and begging me to go saying that she was so sorry for being mean and saying those mean things. so in the end, i ended up going to this party, and it wasnt good. at all. from everyone’s point of view i fit in, people were asking me to dance and offering me drinks, i tried so hard to do what a normal person would do at a party but all i could think about was leaving and going home to lie in my bed in the dark.

    By january of 5th year i was failing all my classes. 5th year was a lot harder and the exams you sit decide if you get into university/college. my friends had started studying a lot but whenever i tried to i would just draw a blank. I cancelled one of my tutors myself and the others sais they were going to stop taking me on because i wouldnt do the work they were giving me. whenever i tried to play some online game with my friends they would always be studying. and in the end, they all got really good grades, while I got a B in english. that’s it. Failed everything else. not even a D, I got a no award.

    Since then, we’ve (my parents and I) have spoken to a psychiatrist who agreed with nealy everything I said. She told my parents that the problem was with them and not with me. They’ve both apologised with me but there’s nothing I can do now. For the past 3 and a half years, since I was 14 I’ve been living like this, with this state of mind, not caring about anything, living or dying, eating, drinking, nothing. I spend around 22 hours in my bed per day, I leave to walk my dog twice a day and to go to the toilet. I eat in my bed, watch movies on netflix in my bed, play xbox in my bed, and obviously sleep here. thats it. There is no way out because I dont want a way out. I dont want to go to college and get a job and have a family. I want my parents to give me back those years they took away from me, but I know they’ll never be able to do that. For a while now my friends have been trying to get me to ggo out with them, do what any normal 17/18 year old does. But I have no interest in drinking at all. Last week a bunch of people went camping and they invited me but I said i couldn’t go. That night I stayed up till 5 in the morning watching Dexter on netflix.

    There’s nothing my parents can do to make up for what they did and that’s why I want to die. I’m too much of a pussy to kill myself, I just wish I could go to sleep one day and not wake up. Maybe one day Ill just take some pills, I dont know.

  60. I don’t want to live because life is going to change me and I feel perfect the way I am. To live on normally, I’ll have to somehow fit to society in order to have friends to stay by my side and now I do have friends but i’m still different than them and they try to change me and i know that i have to change but i just dont want to. i know that living will come with a lots of problems and fights and i would have been motivated to fight if i wanted to reach the results, success in life, career, family etc but i dont want to succeed and i dont want a family i dont want anything but staying just the way i am – happy, not caring, with almost no problems, living in my fairytale world that i’ve created in my head and is the only thing that i think about when i can. my dream is that someone would come and set me free from my body in which if i live more, i’ll age and have to change and at the end will be left with nothing but memories of my previous happy life, and if i’m set free i’d be like this forever and do whatever i want and like to do instead of leading battles that i don’t want to lead and becoming results i dont care about at all because i know that although its hard i can make it if i fight but, do you understand, i dont want to fight! however, i’m never going to make it, i could never kill myself because of three things – god, my mother, and the fear. the fear, because i hate pain and i cant stand it, mother, because she loves me and would feel bad, and god, because its striktly forbidden to commit suicide, its the holy rule that stops me the most. my dream is that either somebody would come and take me to another dimension, or that i would find the way myself, and that this would happen in the near future because i dont ever want to get old and basically i want freedom, not death, but if the way to freedom is death, then i want to die
    please keep your fingers crossed for me to find my freedom!
    i wish you all to have all your dreams come true and i wish you all a happy end, whatever it means to you – life, death, freedom or somebody or something that gets you out of your situation like the light at the end of the tunnel.in fact that’s what i wish to you all – i wish you to see and reach the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what it appears to you. :)

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