November 30th, 2011by U.N. Owen
Sitting here at work bored from the tedium.Â Do not really want to be here.Â And I know I have hit rock bottom because I am posting from work.Â All they can do is fire me and although I may not have the funds to go in the method I choose, it will help meÂ to leave earlier.
Have already spoken on certain things on here.Â But I refuse to take treatement for any ailments.Â If they cannot cure it then I prefer to let the disease take me out.Â And death seems to be the cure for life.Â Because all these years I have just been existing.Â Feel like my birth was pointless because nothing ever appealed to me except for fantasy.Â No… I would like to earn a quick billion but that is only to avoid having to get paid crap arbitrary wages for doing real work while some person in middle management who knows bunk about their job gets six figures.Â And maybe toss half theÂ billionÂ to children’s charities or something.
Even still the billion will not cure me, but it will make the little natural time I have left way more bearable than it is now.Â My dad , grandad, and uncle got treatment and they still died.Â All the treatments did is cost them money and keep them in pain.Â No point in living like that.Â They way they are booting people from my job I may lose it by downsizing eventually anyway.Â And of course I’d rather be dead than homeless and starving.Â Â A certain condition will take me out eventually but still I prefer to not be in that condition ever again.Â Being homeless is worse than words can explain.Â I should have ended things then , lol.. but I was still brainwashed with hope.Â And riddled with fear of failure.Â
Only thing worse than lifeÂ is failing and being either crippled or locked in an asylum where I will have no way to actually end it.Â but the method I have chosen this time should be surefire.Â Just sleep and gone.Â As soon as I can get the setup I’m gone.Â Sucks that I am going to miss the new anime/games/books.