Why Is My Life So Fucked Up?

November 30th, 2011 by bah

All I wanted was to be normal, to have a happy and peaceful life, to love and be loved.  That’s all I ask for.  Apparently that’s just too much.

After 31 years, my life hasn’t gotten any better–in fact, it’s gotten multitudes worse.  I’m even more messed up, completely broken on the inside and unable to cope with life.

Is life a cruel joke?  It probably is.

Is life unfair?  Oh it most certainly is.  And I definitely got the short end of the stick.

Will I ever feel fine?  Will I ever be able be at ease and enjoy life?   At this moment, I feel hopeless, in despair.  Will things ever get better?  If it hasn’t by now, what makes me think it ever will??

I just don’t have any confidence that I will be able to “fix” my life, and to “fix” myself.  Haven’t been able to do it so far, only been dragging myself further and further down the depths of mental instability…

My life has been fucked up ever since I was 7.  I worked hard to get through it, I even had hope back then.  But now, after 24 whole goddamn years of absolute pain and agony, I haven’t gotten better, but I have gotten worse.


Who will help me?

I know- I am alone in this world.  No one gives a crap about me.

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15 Responses to “Why Is My Life So Fucked Up?”

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  1. Mental instability scares me, and I think I am traveling down that road :-(

  2. May be hard to believe but many are in the same boat as you. Mine took a different turn as well. They say that insanity is “doing/thinking the same thing over and over, expecting a different result”.

    Had someone suggested this to me at my worst, I would have told them to stick it. However, I’d suggest something radically different….when you keep asking the question you have posed, you’ll keep getting more of it…simply ask, how much improvement can I experience within myself and my life? The universe responds to what we focus on, whether we want it or not. Whenever you feel calm and in a space I would suggest giving it a try. It’s up to you.
    Good luck!

  3. What’s kept you going for so long? I’m 21 and I was for sure I would’ve ended my life by now.. I can see myself living into my 30′s

  4. I meant to say ‘I can’t see myself living into my 30′s’

  5. Totally understand.

    @english…. fear of failure kept me around plus the brainwashing of hope that family did on me growing up.
    Failed on previous attempts and have the scars.

  6. Who has helped you so far? What kind of help have you gotten? It sounds like you have been through some trauma-I have, and I know how hard it is to work through it. I have no right giving you advice, since I, myself, am in the same boat. It just sounds like you would like some help. Have you tried medication or therapy? Those are both really good options for some people…

  7. I’m still here because I haven’t been able to get myself to kill myself.

  8. I have 2 great sons, one very stable and one in complete depression trying to complete aerospace engineering with the university of texas taking his money but not letting him switch to another engineering program becasue he only has a 2.65 average instead of a 3.0. I am watching him spiral down and since i am a sever depressant i am going down with him and cant seem to help him . the less i help the more depresses i get. We had a very good life, but then I got very sick and spent months in the hospital with a very rare birth defect descovered at 57. When I got better my UT son started having brains seizures. (probably from playing high school fooball) One month after that my husband got cancer. We have lost all our money and i have lost all my will to live. i have tried therapy,medications and all else, but low and behold now everyhting is preexisting and with no more money i have no more options. I haven’t foudn a way out of my drepression, so i can’t find any way to help my son. I know if i kill myself i can no longer even try to help, but i just really can’t keep haveing all this pain. Better luck to all of you.

  9. WOW.
    and jesus! I am so fucking glad I met all you fucking depressed retards. I always forget tha tlife is just this way. … it brings you down.. and it is your own personality and jubilation to bring yourself back up. PUT A FUCKING SMILE ON YOUR FACE when dusting your jeans after getting thrown from the horse. BUNCH OF PUSSIES! Thanks for helping me rember NOT to LET LIFE beat you DOWN.

  10. Bah, Check out “Ayahuasca” and “Iboga” might give you some hope.
    I really know how it feels like to be very very very fucked up, disapointed, ridden by regrets and depression, physical and mental pain and so on..

    Life has fucked me up really bad lately, and i have considerated suicide for about 6 months , but i decided that before i kill myselfe i will do ANYTHING in my power to fix this, even if it kills me, what is it to lose anyway?

    Fight until you die!

  11. One thing that keeps me from suicide is that, I refuse to let all the assholes in my life think they won. If I were to kill myself.

  12. There are many problems in our lives that we are up against, some can handle more than others. I have endured ongoing family hardships for the last 20 years and at times it busts my balls. I cannot take my own life because of how much further this will impact on other family members and how selfish of me it would be to do so.

    I know alot of people in this world are perhaps not appreciated and loved by their family which I can understand would make you feel worthless. I think what is important to understand is that you as are person are a loving person and have something special to give. May you find the right person who deserves your affection.

    This might sound cliche, “life is short”, you are going die, it’s a matter of time. Learn patience my friends and enjoy the roller coaster ride.

  13. hey, you are not alone. my family more specifically my parents are ass holes my “father” is a sexual pervert in the true sense he neglected us all didn’t give a shit what happened to me whether I got an education or shovelled shit then his new family and oh my it’s saint jerome.

    anyway I dragged myself through an education only to end up as a computer programmer of all the shit jobs to end up with.

    my friend you certainly are not alone I feel like a fake so often but thanks be to God he has guided me through.

  14. look i kno this is probably going to get reported but i feel this is the best advice i can give.
    smoke weed
    i kno its steriotypically the worst thing to turn to BUT incomparison to turning to suicide, well suicide ends your life, drugs ruin your life.
    weed makes you:
    forget: that means you forget how bad yourlife is
    makes you feel happy: weed releases dopamiene that makes you happy only if its short relief between depression, it will also mean that your brain will start to produce more so you will become happy easier.
    It takes up time: that means you have less time to ponder on your unhappiness.
    try another solution if you have the strength but for me without weed i wouldn’t have lived to my 21st. good luck pick up

  15. Hello.. I was having a difficult night and like others who wrote here I googled and found this page.

    I don’t know why life is so hard sometimes, it also seems to be getting harder the older I get. Your question, who will help, is a very good one. Unfortunately, the answer I think is, only you can help yourself. It i a crappy answer, I know, I hate it too.

    All I wanted was to be successful, happy and loved. I am a failure, unhappy, unloved and isolated or at least that is how I feel now, tomorrow morning I am sure I will feel better.

    I wish I could help you more, I wish I could tell you something simple that could help. I hope life turns around for you.

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