I am tired of my “What if…” scenarios which go through my head every minute of my life. If not to kill myself (which isn’t as easy as one probably thinks), I often consider running away from my home to a country with warmer climate and becoming homeless there. I hate the pressure on my back during the whole day. I don’t want to study college, have a job or business. I get angry even when playing PC games (because I hate losing), so there’s no pure “comfort escape” for me. If only I could somehow “connect” to the game and be killed there. One burst of bullets through my head and the rest of the magazine to my body, just to make sure.
I am afraid that being homeless wouldn’t “cure” me from this neither. But it would be at least a bit of change from this stereotype and I would have plenty of time to think “about the whole universe”, not being distracted by instant pleasures from PC and my fridge, nor the threats like schoolwork and studying. I would have to do some dumpster diving or I would die by starvation.
The actual method of suicide I am considering is hanging. Nothing is 100% death but I think this is a “classic one” which worked for many people. Only to find a strong thing to hang on and carry my weight, good rope and a place which won’t be explored at least for one week since my attempt, to make sure if I don’t die immediately, then after a few days when other factors would be included (such as thirst or hunger).
7 comments
Y hanging? y not slit the wrisits. If im to go by my own hand thats how id go… well either that or off a tall building
Atually runnIng away is harder than it seems. Well for me it was. I couldn’t get away for even a whole 24 hours. So I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do.
@Procel: Slitting wrists? I’ve heard many stories of failed attempts. You might miss the “right spot”, end up in a hospital and people close to you would start being more paranoid about you. Even if you are successful, you would see tons of blood, feel much pain and I don’t want that experience even if it would be my last one. Tall building? Well, maybe, that’s the next one. But still I am afraid of it that somehow I would fall badly a wouldn’t die. Or I might kill somebody else and I don’t want that. It’s too scary for me. I don’t think I would have balls to do that. Actually I haven’t read much info about this kind of suicide – how long does it take to die etc (the imagination of breaking all your bones etc is also disgusting). I know it probably wouldn’t hurt, but these logical arguments still can’t convince me.
Well, that’s all ME. I can’t achieve anything in life, even kill myself, because I am such a coward, I overanalyze/overthink everything and in end up in the same sh** again.
@itsmytimetogo: I know, I’ve already done it once. One has to be prepared to do such a radical step in his life. You have to kinda destroy your “history” or psychological attachments – which for me would be completely formatting my PC harddrive and phone. You need to think about every possible thing that might bring you back (I am not talking about people since that’s obvious).
Google Hanging Drop Tables, the British kinda got it down to a science so much its the standard hanging data used by most executions.
There are vids that can be found of people which posted to the net their own hanging suicides. I found 1, it was horrible.
If you get it wrong you will not go peacefully.
try calling the 800 number on this site
Ur not a coward! never think that. the survival instinct is hard to overcome. I heard that if u cut up. U know where they take the pulse, the artery there thats how u do it. as for a building, if its high enough i believe u die instantly but could be wrong?
What if you did nothing, then you have only have one problem. Why do you have to do anything? What/where will it get you?
@caucajun32: Well, nothing is foolproof.
@Procel: I don’t know, I hope so.
@softsoul: I can’t “do nothing”. I have to go to school, do homework etc. Otherwise my family would cut off the internet and PC and that would be the straight end for me. I can’t simply force myself to do that (stay at home and lie to them or tell it directly – that I don’t care anymore about the “system”, about them etc) – it’s more comfortable to keep it like it’s now even if it’s serious pain in the backside. Maybe it’s a vicious circle – and I am simply afraid to step out of it, because I’ve become used to it.