Hi my name is Aurora and I’m going to turn 19 soon. Since I was a little girl I’ve suffered from depression. I remember my frist suicide attempt was when I was around the age of 7 to 9. I tried to suffocate myself with my blanky by stuffing it down my throat, it didnt work. I continued on with my life miserable, but unaware that these feelings werent normal. My mother and stepfather abused me most of my life both mentally and physically. When I confronted my mom about the way she use to treat me she tells me to get over it or […]
December 2011
these past couple nights ive had dreams of my little brothers.. dreams about me and them running away from all the bad. they’re why i live. what happens when i have nothing to live for anymore? im so scared to be hurt again, so scared that i always have a negative way of looking at things. i try and find god in my life, i try to be a good person. but a good life seems so far away. why do bad things happen to good people? why am i suicidal? why does my mind race? why am i never good enough? im trying. i wish […]
I’m stressed the fuck out, January 6th I goto jail for 2months… I’m so tempted to end it all. fuck I don’t know what to do any more, Jail is the worse place to be I have severe social anxiety and I know I will be having panic attacks all day long……… I can’t even goto the mall without feeling so nervous, jail is gonna destroy my soul. I just wanna goto sleep at night and never wake up again. end is near! fml
It’s something I use to think of a lot.
Sometimes I still do.
I met this boy, in one of my classes, and we were just talking. Somehow suicide etched its words into our conversation. He told me, “If you tell someone, you want to be stopped.” For me..that was true. I told my Dad. I cried in the car and told him everything.
When I was a kid, there are some things I can’t remember. I was crazy..wild. My Mom let me do whatever I wanted. I had a little sister. She suffered from a severe case of asthma. My mom did drugs..all kinds […]
Your job?
Your money?
Your family?
Your friends?
Your fame?
Your reputation?
Your lovers?
…. Why are you happy or Why are you unhappy?
December 26th 2004.. I lost one of my friends in the Tsunami… I miss her sooo much… And I love her soo badly….We were like sis… Love A! <3
When you love someone, and he or she doesn´t loves you back….Its sucks…But when you´ve got feelings for the wrong person….you want to disappear..
When you are extra sensitive, it just makes the thing even worse.. why, I dont know, its just the humankind…
           Am i finally happy?
Finally putting the razor and knife down?
Finally putting the bottle of pills down?
Confused much….. i think yes,,,,,, hear me and help me plz dont yell at me.
If I choose to end it all, I guess I should leave some parting words somewhere, and I suppose this is the place to do it.
Goodbye everyone, I probably won’t miss you as much as you’ll miss me. There’s no one that can help me now. I’m too much of a failure and a piece of shit to be helped. There was no hope for me. This was the only option. Please don’t think it was your fault, especially you Mom and Dad. It was my fault and my fault alone. If suicide is the cowards way out, then I am a coward. I have […]
This is a true story about a guy who was down in the dumps in his life, his marriage, his family, nearly broke, and he started asking God questions about all kinds of things you can imagine from suffering, to sex, to how to fix his life, and some pretty amazing answers were shown to him….
You can buy the “Conversations With God” series, starting with the first book through to book three or four i believe. It’s pretty interesting take on everything happening in the world.
Another really good book to read is “A New Earth” by Eckart Tolle.
Really quite philosophical and informed.
I hope these can […]
I wake up every morning and think please God not this again. Put on a fake smile, laugh and pretend. Pain on the inside, but no one can see. Like being stranded on an island longing to be free. Don’t know how much longer I can bear this weight. Must think of something before its too late. The only thing keeping me alive is fear. The passing of each day and the falling of each tear. I don’t know how much longer until it will all end. But for now I’ll continue to pretend.
she said that to me three times at 11:09. at 11:10. i smiled. i haven’t stopped. i love you too. im scared tho…
So I forgot to close out this website before letting my mom borrow my computer. I don’t want to talk to her about it. Why? Because there is no communicating with her. I’ve tried before. -chuckles- You know what she said? “If you do it don’t do it here”. Like that is going to make me open up to her. I wont say I HATE my mother, cause I don’t except when I’m mad lol but I do dislike her ALOT. I just don’t understand why people are so blind. I’m not perfect. There I said it. But I am trying to work on myself […]
Suicide, suicide
Your presence is near
Suicide, suicide
I wish you were here
Suicide, suicide
Take me away
Suicide, suicide
Please make it today
Suicide, suicide
An answer, for me
Suicide, suicide
I need to escape, be free
Suicide, suicide
I’ve had too much
Suicide, suicide
Take me, do your touch
Suicide, suicide
Leave the rest behind
Suicide, suicide
You’re all over my mind
Suicide, suicide
Let me pass in peace
Suicide, suicide
I need to release
i find myself smiling a lot. mainly because of A.S as i talked about in a previous post. there aren’t to many people on this earth that can make me smile and happy and actually truly laugh every time they open their mouth…. 3 to be exact… i wonder whats gonna happen when they leave me like everyone else.
I used to be a happy girl that is contented with what I have in life. But not anymore, I’ve actually grown kind of tired living in this horribly morbid world. I have just turned 23, and for the past 22 years or so at least since the day I could remember, I give my best in everything that I do. Yes I admit that sometimes I am lazy and all but when it comes to work I make sure I give it my best.
There is something I never understood though – I offer the best that I can to my family and friends and […]
Thank you, Lord!.
Thank you, Father!.
Thank you, God!.
You truly are the path of happiness and joy.
I have never in my life felt more happy than now at this very moment.
The darkness of the world confuses us, and makes us pursue earthly desires… money, vanity, lust, fame, food….
Lord break our chains to these sins. We have become slowly slaves to these earthly desires. We wallow in our sins, and we rationalize to ourselves that this is the way. That such pleasures that never fill but increase our void is what is right.
Lord break our chains to these sins. Let us break free. Slaves no more […]
I cut myself again. I guess I don’t really mind because at least now I can think straight….. It’s been two days since my first attempt….. I honestly didn’t think that i was gonna fail either…. for some reason i know for sure that im going to try again…. Is this insane???
I’m still wrestling with the thought of being remembered as a coward for “choosing the easy way out”……but to be honest that choice i made 2 days ago, to end it all AND go through with it….it was one of the hardest choices ive ever had to make….. anyways I have another question: What […]