Chickened out.

January 31st, 2012 by Jamie-S11

I was very close to finally doing it last night. I was all set to go then I couldn’t get my mum out my head. I can’t fucking do it! I chickened out because I can’t leave her on her own. People on this site with no family ties are so lucky! I can’t go on living but I can’t die either. I so badly need someone to talk to in person, and I don’t mean a therapist who’s only there for the pay, I mean someone like me who feels the way I do! Life is just so fucking unbearable and I can’t take any more but I have to. My mum is the greatest person in the world, she’s done everything for me and only wants what’s best for me. She’s always encouraged me and supported me in everything I’ve done and she deserves so much better than me. All I think about all day is death and she has no idea. She’s taken me to doctors, psychologists, therapists, etc, but none of them work! I just wish I’d never been born! I shouldn’t be alive. I have no desire to be alive and I need to leave! I simply NEED to leave! I just can’t do it. Anyone in the same boat as me?

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8 Responses to “Chickened out.”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. You can always email me at It’d be my pleasure to talk to you. :)

  2. I honestly appreciate that but It’s someone in person I need to speak to.

  3. You could phone the Samaritans.

  4. Glad to know you are still here

  5. TDE going proverb: “To the world, you may be just one person; but to one person, you may be the world.”

    Contemplated and been in the same place. Best wishes.

  6. it would break my mom’s heart if I went =( and I guess, it’s for the better

  7. I am with you.

  8. I would feel more comfortable dying in battle than ending it myself. I don’t know why….I think in many cases it takes a tremendous amount of COURAGE to check out. It’s a terrible place to be…I have been there.

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