January 31st, 2012 by letmedie

I’m 34 and have been suffering from depression for at least 17 years and ADHD since I was a child. My mother didn’t like how I reacted to Ritalin as a child so the ADHD was left untreated until I was prescribed Adderall about 5 years ago. The difference in output and energy was night and day but the depression continued to lurk under the covers despite having tried many medications over the years (Effexor, Prozac, Paxil, Welbutrin, and finally Citilopram). I racked up enormous student loans over the years and other debts that I realize are attributed to Bipolar manic phases. A major life change triggered a classic case manic episode that lasted three months. During those months I racked up even more debt, moved from the east coast to west, and burned just about every friendship bridge left. Deep personal reflection over the last 4 months helped me realize that I’ve been Bipolar for years and explains why I’m always depressed and sometimes ridiculously irritable/irate. Manic highs don’t have to feel good/elated.  The “big one” that occurred from June to August of last year had some uncharacteristic euphoric highs for me but classic signs like pressured speech, no need for sleep, grandiose delusions, and reckless impulse decision making prevailed. The high fell of a cliff to a perilous low valley of deep depression complete with omnipresent suicide ideation that hasn’t let up one bit over the last 6 months. I officially decided to commit suicide last October and almost hung myself in November but stories of failed attempts on the web scare the crap out of me, as does the pain factor and image of my elongated bruised neck post mortem. I don’t want my parents or sister to have to see that. Research has led me to favor the helium hood method. Several hundred suicides are successful each year and although there are plenty of stories that describe failed attempts (especially on this site), I have yet to find any accounts where attempts gone bad have resulted in traumatic brain injury. Has anyone on here found such portrayals? I bought one small 4.5 cu Balloon Time helium tank and plan to buy three more. I’m thinking of connecting two by a T-Junction and running it into an oven bag secured by rubber bands around my neck. Another tube connecting the remaining  two T-Junctioned tanks will run into a mask. I will exhale, put on the mast and bag and turn on all 4 tanks by opening each one just a little. Then I stop holding my breath and inhale when the bag is filled. A slow trickle from 4 tanks simultaneously should provide enough helium to displace any other gases long enough to do the deed. I hope it works. Every waking hour is torture and I know it can only get worse. I need to end this pain before I don’t have the means to do it peacefully. I’d be surprised if I last another month. The link below is my inspiration.


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8 Responses to “Helium”

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  1. You should try an exercise regiment and diet change if you haven’t. I would also get checked for sleep apnea. Depression and ADHD are very often caused by that. I think you should explore all avenues before giving up. Be strong.

  2. I believe you commented on my post on nitrogen exit bag earlier.. I wanted to thank you for posting that link. Kind of reassuring for me that this is a means to an end. If you haven’t purchased your other tanks yet, maybe look into a nitrogen tank? I cannot tell you from experience, but I have done a lot of research over the last month and most failed attempts I read about were using helium instead.. good luck my friend, hope you find peace, whatever that may be for you. Let me know if you would like to email/chat..

  3. God I wish I could do this but it just seems you have to be so fucking…resourceful

  4. I hear you.

    I’m 48, male, and finally – 13 years ago at 35 – diagnosed as ADHD, Combined Type, with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, not to mention a Major Depressive episode at the time. That was around the same time my marriage ended and my ex took off with my sister’s former husband and moved my kids in with him.

    That was – not coincidentally – also around the time of my first problems with the law after I had a psychotic break from all the stress plus too many meds (stimulants, anti-depressants and benzodiazepines) that I couldn’t tolerate. I snapped and broke into her apartment and proceeded to smash up appliances and furnishings. Later that night came my first of a few uninformed attempts at suicide, interrupted by the police smashing open the door of my friend’s apartment where I was staying.

    Too bad at that time I didn’t also learn that my more challenging issue has been undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. I also have some traits of OCD, Narcissistic PD and Aspergers. I’ve developed Social Anxiety. I like alcohol and sometimes weed to numb things down a bit. I’ve lately gone off the alcohol but need the clonazepam to keep my stomach butterflies and general anxiety and my mood flare-ups in check. No wonder I live with dysthymia. What a coctail of problems and how hard it is to access acceptable mental health treatment.

    Yes 48, just impulsively quit/lost a decent job, just lost my girlfriend because of lack of emotional regulation and lack of anger control from BPD. Lost my fiancee similarly over a year ago. Lost my wife similarly 13 years ago. I managed to completed a business degree way back in ’88 but since then have bounced around from job to job, in and out of business, 17 home addresses in past 24 years. Find it difficult to make and maintain friendships. I’d managed to rebuild my life somewhat after my complete crash in 99, but now a dozen years later I’m back down in a hole again and now I just don’t have the desire to try it again, go through it all just to lose everything yet again.

    Yes, 48, no job, no partner, poor prospects, fractured resume and limited references, battered self-esteem, feelings of shame and guilt, rented house, junker car, no financial assets, no retirement plan, no income other than a meager employment insurance that will expire soon, no medical/dental (good thing I’m in Canada)… I’ve been fortunate enough to have my children back in my life since my ex tok them and moved to the other side of the country back then… but ive reached my limit in what I can offer them. Their mother has a good job and can manage to finish raising them. I intend for my brother to be the one to find me and my children or anyone else will never larn of my suicide. I need to protet them from that.

    48 – not so long ago that was a typical life expectancy. If I had access to a gun I wold be gone long ago. I’m too afraid to jump, hang, or slice.

    I thank the lucky stars I stumbled across the helium method when I found the Peaceful Pill handbook and then its predecessor Final Exit. The pill methods are unrealistic because reliable pills are unavailable anymore (my bottles of clonazepam and zopiclone with alcohol might work but they also might only give me a long deep coma-sleep and maybe kill a few brain cells) – unless I wanted to travel around Chile or Mexico and take my chances on finding a vet supply store willing to sell me Nembutal or the like. Oh, to have lived in the fifties….

    I have my 2 portable He tanks ordered and I’m going to make up my own hood with an oven bag, elastic strap and connect the tanks with hose from the hardware store. When everything’s absolutely ready to go I think I’ll take a couple of clonazepam and have a drink of Grand Marnier to relax, and off to my deliverance from my life of ongoing misery and difficulty and emotional instability and depression and anxiety.

    I haven’t set the date yet, want to “get things in order” first, have it planned perfectly to eliminate the option of failure, and have the timing right for me.

    Thanks for your post here, it brought me to this site – I plan to research every tiny piece of information I can find regarding this peaceful deliverance method. When the time comes, I want to have learned everything I need to do and to avoid doing so that when I’m emotionally and mentally ready, I can proceed with confidence and leave this world peacefully and successfully.

    Any input in the way of information people have or things that have been learned from experiences with the helium method is appreciated.

  5. hey firstgreeksungod,
    are you still around? have you learned any more? how can i make the 15 lpm jet?
    wouldn’t a fitting on the end of a hose with a tiny hole drilled in it work?

  6. Greetings to everyone on this board!

    I am in Canada. I have been doing research for the Helium Method for more than a year now.

    Nowadays, here in Canada and United States, PURE helium is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get from anywhere, any gas suppliers, especially there is a helium shortage. The helium tanks we can buy from any party supply stores are not filled with pure helium, they are mixed with about 20% of air, I was told by many gas suppliers.

    My question is, how and where can I purchase the PURE helium in Canada?
    I have heard that some people use Balloon Time helium tank successed but on the otherside, some people are failed by using these party helium tanks. I am really confused. Could someone help me with my questions? Please, Please help.
    Thanks in advance.

  7. vic,
    i don’t know about were you live but here in the states it’s about 99% pure in the ballon time tanks.

  8. At 34, trust me, he has tried every method under the sun to rid his depression. I am 26 and I have as well. I cant take it much longer, and I hope the author found his peace, and that I will some day as well…

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