I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and my only ride to Anchorage was with my junkie friends. I stopped doing drugs almost three months ago, and it’s been fine, until yesterday. I got out of the doctor’s office and my friends went to go pick up some nifftys ( Heroin). It didn’t bother me until they were ready to smoke it. They couldn’t find any tin foil, so I helped them find it in the back seat of the car. I handed it to them and soon they were taking the black tar out and placing it on the foil. They got a hollowed out […]
January 2012
I do not like sharing feelings. They are very personal and I feel they belong to me, I don’t like wearing them on my sleeve for everyone else to see. In the recesses of my mind, I’m a much more critical and mean person then the one I portray for other people. Why would I tell them what I really think if all it would do is upset them or make them think less of me? And yet, every where I turn is someone or something encouraging me to share what I’m thinking. I have no problem speaking my mind with almost anyone I like […]
You may not like puzzles or reading. But I know that SOMEONE will relate to this allegory. I hope you take the time to read it. I am not a fantastic writer by any means, but wanted to share with you my feelings.
THE MISSING PUZZLE PIECE
I feel like my life is like putting together a puzzle. Not one of those 100 piece puzzles that can be completed in an afternoon; but a legitimate 1000 piece puzzle. You clear off your kitchen table to begin working on the puzzle. The pieces are scattered about the surface and they’re all face up at this point […]
I want to tell them it’s over. That they pushed me over the edge. They made me cutt so hard that i hit a vein and i bleed so much. I hate she thinks she gets no attention when he pays her money just to do good. How she has that guy who loves her the most, yet she hates him. They will see what they do to me. I broke because of them. I’m over the edge. Watching and waiting for that sweet , sweet death. I have never bleed so much. I thought it would hurt, but really i feel nothing. Emotionless and […]
I’ve been doing pretty good lately, actually haven’t been on this website in like 2 weeks or so, not that there is anything wrong but just means i haven’t been having bad thoughts.
But I find myself in a pickle right now.
I fucked up, big time. Well big time in my eyes.
1. I’m in school and I might get kicked out of my classes. I hope I don’t cause that’s just would have been a fucking waste of my time and energy and I will fucking drop out of school.
2. In the past 3 weeks I have had unprotected sex with three guys. And I’m afraid […]
The darkness of loneliness is an all consuming void that has taken over my very existence. The humiliation I am forced to endure is like a river and I am the rock, seemingly strong against it but am being eroded by its relentless onslaught. A simple slice and I could let the pain of life seep from my body and lull me to the deep dreamless sleep of peace. What do you do when oblivion seems warm and inviting like the embrace of a lover? You go to it, you embrace it, you let its sweet arms wrap around you and […]
this is my first time writing a post. I’m not sure how to do this exactly but here it goes. i feel as if no one understands the extent of my sadness. i grew up with an abusive and drug addicted mother. i always had marks so as a result of that i never went to school until i moved in with my sister and her husband last year. now i go to school every day and am at the top of my class. at school i made some ”friends” but when ever i try to tell them how i feel they just talk about […]
I was looking for a sermon I had written several months ago, and I just happened to stumble upon a suicide note I wrote nearly three years ago….
Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
Isaac Asimov said that. I saw this in one of his books and suddenly, everything clicked.
I want to stop living, to be dead. I just wasn’t sure about the actual process of dying.
Â
Now I am though.
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I’m sorry. I know this is a stupid thing to do, but I just can’t handle any of this anymore. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt […]
we’ve all had are bad days, correct? and we’ve all taken it out on other people who didn’t deserve it, also correct?
we all need to remember that when someone flips on you for know reason, its usually becuz something else has happened..
also most of use on hear are still young. we still have most of our life left. so how about we stop and watch the clouds for a bit. i think that would be a great idea. i also think i should listen to my own advice. and I’m going to try. i really am.
to the people who self harm, i do it to. […]
why do I let you hurt me? It dosent make any sense you’ve told me you don’t want to be together and that killed me on the inside, but as soon as you text or call I’m willing to take you back. Why do I let you hurt me? All you do is leave again you don’t care to stay I even doubt that you really love me. But this time no no matter what I will not let you hurt me again I can’t handle it any more I’m done for good.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
I am fucking scared of death. I don’t want to die. It just seems like I’m snowballing, out of control, to my inevitable demise.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
I am terrified of the impact that my death will have on my father, my mother, my son.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
I feel like it’s calling me. Death’s dark, cold hands offering me the acceptance that I so desperately crave.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
I feel like I’m falling in love with the idea of dying. While being scared of the act.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
I just want a release from all this torment.
I DON’T […]
It seems like every time that I get my head above water, something happens to push me back under. I am tired. I am weak. I just want to lay down and sleep and not have to wake up. I’m so physically, spititually, and mentally exhausted that I don’t care about anything anymore. I can’t concentrate on anything. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to get dressed. I don’t want to move. I have no energy. I don’t even have the patience or energy to care for my son. And I can see that I am slipping away. I’m so fucking scared. I […]
i know its bad but I’ve started cutting again… and i don’t get it becuz these past few days I’ve been happy. so why am i cutting again? this makes no sense to me….
aslo i know I’m only 14.. and this may sound pretty depurate or pathetic but i don’t care… i want someone to look forward to seeing me everyday and hugging me everyday.. i want someone to really love me like how “true love” is in the movies…. but i have a feeling i’ll be waiting a while..
also i still feel like somethings missing inside of me.. I’m still empty..
i don’t get […]
my oral report on depression :D enjoy.. i know its kinda bad. but i tried.
Depression
Depression can be a terrible thing. Some people may not think it; But Depression is a mental health disorder.  Depression is were you’re basically sad for usually a long period of time.
Some people wonder what the signs and symptoms of depression are. So I’m going to tell you a few:
A constant feeling of sadness, anxiety, and emptiness
The person feels hopeless
Individuals can feel restless
Patients may lose interest in activities or hobbies they once enjoyed
Levels of energy feel lower
 Hard to concentrate, remember details, and make decisions
Sleep patterns are disturbed – the person may sleep too little or too much
Eating habits may change – he/she may either eat […]
I hate the start of a story, i never know how to start. this is the second time i write in here, last time it was good for me i know, and a lot of nice people gave me some good advice, and right now I’m feeling very horrible, so I’m doing this a second time to help myself.
I suffer from a major depression, suicidal thought are becoming more and more everyday. i can handle that kind of thoughts, to a degree. but different thoughts are in my head. Lately i have been having fantasies about hurting others even murder, and it’s not like normal […]
Basically venting….
My life has just been SO FUCKING WONDERFUL since I turned 33. My car,which was just paid off,died,and b/c my credit is so crappy,Im going to get the runaround trying to get a new one. Of course,my BF lectures me bout my credit instead of sympathizing. My boss has been selfish and demanding when my car broke down,insisting that I”put the donut on and deal with it when Im done working”. She recanted when she learned that it was,in fact,dead. Then my BF continues to be an asshole and refuse to give me rides to work,knowing that I have limited funds after paying $360 to […]
because you hurt her
because you made her cry
because her scars are from you
because shes hopeless
because she almost died
because shes running on empty
because shes not thin
because shes not pretty
because shes not smart
because you used her
because you touched her
because she screams
because shes unknown
because her over dose was to small
because shell try again tonight
because she toke double of them
because she drank them down
because YOUÂ killed her
because she wont wake up tmw
because youll never understand
If there is some suicidal brazilian here, please, e-mail me. Let’s talk on our original language, maybe we can help each other or die together.
my e-mail: theu.jp@gmail.com
It’s been 17 years now since I’ve been diagnosed with depression. The disease itself came very early during my terrible childhood. Parents were very critical, perfectionists, I was never good enough. They didn’t care of me – my therapist says I’ve been hardly mentally abused.
I think about suicide more and more…. every day now. My shrink said that she couldn’t help me anymore except putting me on antipsychotics or mood stabilizers and still taking 3 antidepressants as now. I’ve got an experience with almost all AP and AD new or old as it last 7 years until the doctor found a combination which seemed to […]
So yeah, I don’t even know what I’m on about. I don’t even know why I’m writing this but yeah, I’ve decided to write whatever I was about to write. See? I’m quite confusing. I don’t know who I am, I don’t even know what I want cause.. I don’t know.
Anyways, straight to the point. My family is quite screwed up. Dad and mum divorced since I was 8. Since then, I had no time from him at all, I mean it. He started a new family with the woman he cheated on my mum with. She also moved in with her own daughter. […]