I just can’t stand another day living my life. I’m at my lowest and I think if I die my mom would be happy. Or not, ‘cos she and my stepfather and also my lazy half-siblings treats me like I’m their cleaning lady and they won’t even give me a dime for everything that I do for them.
My mom says I can’t have a bad attitude because I’m not pretty, that everyone leaves me because of my sucky attitude. It’s sad that the person who should tell you that you’re beautiful is saying the opposite thing, to think that she’s my mother, and almost everyone I know tells me that I’m beautiful. She calls me disrespectful most of the time, just ‘cus I don’t want to answer her stupid questions. That I prefer to be quiet than say non-sense things. I once told her that one day I will kill myself, and she told me that she’s only gonna cry for one day, after all she will be losing a burden. I hate it, I hate her, I hate my life.
I’m 22 years old and I’m still living with them, because I don’t have a job. And I don’t want to get one, I fear for myself. People are only bound to hurt me, everyone does, everywhere I go. Every single person I know disappoints me. I’m practically friendless, I decide to stay away from all of them because they’re all self-centered. They will be there for you when you’re happy and leave you alone when you’re down, which I am most of the time ‘cus sadly I am bipolar and I think I also have borderline personality. And they can’t take my depressed mood.
Most of my relationships only lasted for two months, they say that it’s hard being with me, that they try their best to make me happy but I’m always sad, that I’m too paranoid. That yes, they think I’m nice and sweet but there is something wrong with me. I’m starting to think I deserve to die alone.
I’m seriously thinking of drinking bleach or overdosing myself or jumping of our roof or better yet hang myself. I just want to die. I’m alone right now in our house and I really want to do it, I wish I can find the strength to do it today…