I don’t understand. My life is fine. Good, even. I’m a straight A student, smart, funny, Christian, been awarded multiple scholarships recently. Teachers love me. But when I go home at night, all I can think about is what they would do if I were to kill myself. What would my friends say? I want to get out of this hole. This hole of not feeling anything. I was in the same spot three years ago, ended up in therapy. It helped. It did. But now I’m back.
The only way to get out is to do it. And I don’t want to and I can’t see myself going through with my plan, but I’m afraid. I just want to feel something. Never thought pain would feel so good.