Ending One Way or Another

February 29th, 2012 by pinkfuzzysocks34

I don’t understand. My life is fine. Good, even. I’m a straight A student, smart, funny, Christian, been awarded multiple scholarships recently. Teachers love me. But when I go home at night, all I can think about is what they would do if I were to kill myself. What would my friends say? I want to get out of this hole. This hole of not feeling anything. I was in the same spot three years ago, ended up in therapy. It helped. It did. But now I’m back.

The only way to get out is to do it. And I don’t want to and I can’t see myself going through with my plan, but I’m afraid. I just want to feel something. Never thought pain would feel so good.

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week,
because we will not take action on them.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.

4 Responses to “Ending One Way or Another”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. I feel exactly the same- I couldn’t really ask for better parents or anything… Lots of people say “some have it worse than you do”, but they don’t understand… we have different breaking points and some people are just so strong…

  2. I know what you mean. Most things about my life are normal. Everything that is out in the open for people to see makes it seem like my life is absolutely fantastic.
    But they don’t hear the thoughts that run through my head constantly, telling me that I’m no good, and I’ll never be any good. They don’t know that I want to die, and it’s a miracle that I’ve managed to put it off for this long. A lot of people would want to trade places with me if they had the chance.
    I suggest you go back to therapy. This sort of thing is episodic, and whatever worked the first time is likely to work again. You can get out of the hole.

  3. Your life totally looks like mine, but i’m not christian.. dude i’m thinking to kill myself too, but i’m afraid, people will miss me? And my mom is she be okay?

  4. I’m a straight A student. I got a scholarship worth over a hundred thousand dollars to a private school. I’m also strong as an ox. I feel almost exactly like you do. Even though I’ve accomplished so much, I feel worthless. I feel like I don’t have a future. If you’ve had therapy that helped pick you up last time, I urge you to go back. I’ve seen four or five therapists now and haven’t seen any results. Sometimes it’s just a matter of luck with finding the right therapist for you. I can’t say I have a completely normal life. I’ve had to worry about my next meal before, been abused, and other stuff too, but I still have it ok. I often find myself thinking ‘A person like you shouldn’t feel this way’, but different people suffer from different experiences. Don’t judge yourself negatively for feeling depressed. There are plenty of other people who feel like you do.

Join the discussion: Post a Comment:

You must be logged in to post a comment.