I can try to get by, But every time I start to panic, I’m a little bit shy, A bit strange and a little bit manic….February 4th, 2012 by Nat....
I want to do it.
On monday, im planning again…. Apart from this time i haven’t made the mistake of telling ‘Everyone’. So my intention is to travel to a bridge…and you can probably guess the rest….
Life has not gotten better, its gotten worse? My OCD has. Fear of things are coming back…and my hands can tell you that, they don’t appreciate soap as much as i thought they would….
My family know ‘Everything’…at least thats what they think, they’re some things i havent told anyone….and probably never will….It has just made life awkward, and the arguements don’t stop, either about me or about my dad.
My new nephew still hasn’t arrived yet, It will be easier if we dont meet……..? Some people think that im getting better/happier, my actions will be the biggest shock to them, and of course they’re the few people who i want to feel guilty when i leave… because it may be partly their fault?
I also started self harming again, On the monday just gone, i was told that i have to move tutor groups…i got annoyed, and stayed out of 3rd lesson. when i went back i started to lose it..my slender grip on happiness started to slip away….and then my nail met my finger….the next thing i knew a sharp pain was increasing across the bottom part of my index finger….and it also started to gently bleed…All of the pain and hate and anger faded, even just for a few minutes….
And my new tutor? i really dont like it….i dont want to say hate… but i basically dont know anyone, and they are all living in their blissful worlds where they have someone to talk to and are not the new kid…they stare at me, which is already a slight fear, and i just miss my old tutor so much, i knew everyone and loved it in there….those days are long gone now…..
Thanks for reading my little story…..<3.