I posted on here last month saying I was going to kill myself whenever I felt ready. I’d been planning to do it yesterday after my last scheduled meeting with someone had gone past, only I’ve managed to arrange to meet someone next Thursday. But for once, I’m actually not annoyed. I feel incredibly motivated to keep pushing on, and I’ve found a way to help me along.
So SIAD is tomorrow, and being a cutter, this is the day I’m more motivated to draw butterflies on my arms. I decided to try and raise some awareness for both SIAD and butterfly project in school, so tomorrow, my aim is to ask people to draw a butterfly on me, and anyone who doesn’t know what it is or why I’m doing it, I’ll explain it to them. I know it’s incredibly minor compared to some people who are brave enough to go into the streets handing out orange ribbons… But being socially anxious and in some situations, mute, I’m just hoping I won’t chicken out when I try to ask some teachers to do it…
Anyway, that’s for my right arm, since the scars are virtually gone. But my left arm has obvious scars so I felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask people to draw on that one. Instead I’m asking online if anyone is willing to have a butterfly drawn in their name? You can choose the colour if you like, and I’ll write your username/initials/a message by it.
I’m doing this for a week and after that, letting everything fade away.
I usually draw my own butterflies, but having someone else draw them or “adopt” one is a ton more motivating to try and pull through… And so while this site doesn’t really focus on self harm as much, the butterfly project seems to be keeping my suicide plans at bay. Which I’m surprisingly happy about!
So yeah, if anyone is willing to ‘draw’ a butterfly on me, please post (and if you want, choose a colour/s and what you want written) and thank you so much =)
EDIT: Also, if my senior tutor gives me the ‘all clear’, I’ve made a small poster explaining the Butterfly Project and mentioning that it’s SIAD. Hopefully this can help raise awareness to at least the couple hundred people I don’t have the nerves to talk to 😛
9 comments
Hey lilbear you are so strong and i am so proud of you for managing so well. It take a real person to manage as well as you have. Remember thoughts and actions are two completley different things.
I would like you to write one of my most common username CAN and which happens to be my initals as well. You can do anything. You can smile. You can live. And you can certainly get better. If you keep the faith and hope. Colour you can choose, how about your favourite!
Here’s an idea i’ll draw a butterfly on my arm as well, with LB for lilBear as i have the same problem with self harm. How about a honey colour as i know all bear love honey?
Yes you can do this.
Hi Shadows,
Thank you so much =] This is the longest I’ve felt so motivated, I can’t even explain the happiness adrenaline I seem to get! It has been such a long time since I smiled a genuine smile, but that’s what I’ve been able to do the past two days.
That sounds great to me! (Haha I’m all warm inside) Wishing you the best with your butterfly!
I’ll do the same. Butterflies have always meant something to me and I’ve even shown them in my art. My name is Hal and violet or purple would be nice if possible. I’ll be posting a picture that I made soon, so I hope you’ll guys will like it.
Wow that’s awesome 😀 Following Shadows example I’ll draw a butterfly on my arm as well, as for you green would be nice and Karen is my name. Best wishes to you!!
Wow LilBear,
This is awesome…I hope I didn’t miss you. This morning a friend came over upset…the schools guidance counsellor called last week….she has been thinking about self-harming…and she just turned 12…the mother did well…but was panicking about not doing enough, or not doing the right thing…but we got through this. So when I saw your post…I immediately thought of Sophie…and I called her…explained what you were doing…and played dumb…since she is in the right age group maybe she could suggest something intelligent to add to my butterfly…and btw…what is your favourite colour…remember…she doesn’t know that I know…she’s just helping out a friend of mine…so if I am not too late…could you add one for me…dedicate it to Sophie…purple for sure…and her words “There are other options”….She also asked if I would ask for her friend Paige as well…light green…and the words…”Be strong and just BE”….and then she thought about her brother’s best friend…and so maybe one for him…T.J. and the colour is red….and the word “Courage” and these are all the words of a 12 year old…and it opened up an awesome dialogue…so thank you …thank you …thank you. So when she says there are other options…I say but since I don’t understand the problem…what are these other options…I don’t want to look stupid Sophie…so here are Sophies options….talk about it with some one you trust…so I ask…who could you talk to…and immediately she says…my mom…well I said…some of these kids don’t have a mom like you do…they would over react or say the wrong things…so what should they do then…and she suggested a close friend…again I said…but what if part of their problem is they have no friends…hmmm she says….I like my guidance counsellor…lol…so three options from Sophie
I don’t expect you to fill all these requests….but you help me in a tough situation…and filled in all the blanks for Sophie and her mom….the lines are open…and you are an angel…..I hope tomorrow goes well for you. Oh yeah and one other thing she said.
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…it’s learning to dance in the rain!!…and she would like that dedicated to her mom…Corrie…and cerulean blue…but doesn’t expect you to use the whole thing…lol…but that maybe you could use this on a poster or such…and she’s 12…
Blessings to the junior social advocate…it’s young ones like you and Sophie that continue to give me hope for this world.
Namaste
Amakua
After I broke up with my first major girlfriend I was distraught and took to cutting my arms and legs.
I felt so bad and somehow it made me feel better.
The scars are still there…but quite faded and unless I told you or you were looking very closely you wouldn’t know. It’s not something I’d tell anyone who has never experienced anything like this.
Still, I was in bad shape and that was much preferable to any number of bad things I could have done to myself. It would just be nice if people could see that you were hurting without having to see blood.
It feels qood to know that people are raisinq awareness.For my color I choose white and Karina IS the name of a love one.
Thank you for the response guys! And to TheSilverArrow, I agree with your last sentence. If you don’t have something as obvious as a cut or unexplained bruises, people generally don’t think there’s that much wrong with you…
Thought I might share today’s events with you:
So today didn’t go exactly as planned. Apparently at my school, it’s actually against the rules to draw on your hands. So while my teachers wanted to draw a butterfly on me and let me put posters around school, I can’t (and wouldn’t want to) ask them to break the rules for me…
But I’m trying to see it not as a complete failure. I did manage to tell quite a few people what the butterfly project was, and asked 3 teachers (before I found out) to draw one on me 🙂 So all in all, I’m both deflated it didn’t go as planned, but in some way proud for trying?
So thanks again to all who responded, I truly mean it when I say I wouldn’t feel this way without your messages. I’ve drawn a lot of butterflies and had many drawn on me today 😀 It’s really nice when people actually want to do it and spend time on their little creation – it really makes me think twice when I have suicidal thoughts. For the past two years since I came out about my feelings/SH, I feel everyone else has been putting more effort than I have. I guess now’s the time I start trying harder.
So here’s to life. The thick and thin 🙂
That doesn’t matter Lilbear its the thought that counts remember.
Look at the amount of butterflies drawn your not alone and people really do care about you. They want you with them, and love you regardless.
Stay Strong Lilbear