this is my first actual post here.
i have made a decision. i dont like this world and been planning to do something about it.
anyway, my relatives probably dont have any idea about this and will hit them hard when it comes.
for example, i like to think, if my brother would feel the way i do, i would like him to come and tell me the truth. of course i wouldnt have any remote idea about what to tell him lol but i think i would like that. at least hearing the reasons why he would like to do that and if he is really commited to that then even try to make his passing easier.
but thats me of course. i dont know if i should let some close people know about what i have in mind atm but i dont want it to sound like a “crying for help” thing or if even that would help them somehow, im confused about that. not even sure how u would approach this topic. the other day i kinda tried to hint my brother about it but guess i was way too subtle lol
any advise on this will be really helpful. my attempt count is zero so probably they are pretty clueless about this.
what would you do?
thank u!
3 comments
Hello dtec,
And welcome to SP. Interesting how you put the shoe on the other foot in an effort to try to understand your own mindset….a thinker eh?…lol…it doesn’t have to be terminal. But it is required….haven’t met a suicidal soul yet that wasn’t a deep philosophical thinker…maybe it’s just me? What do you think….isn’t your own mind your greatest enemy?
The question I would like to ask before I attempt to answer yours is this….are you truly suicidal…ie. no hope….or do you have suicidal ideations? There is a big difference and the answer to your question will depend on that. Will clarify if you would like…interested in talking to another philosopher…lol
Namaste
Amakua
Amakua:
Thank you for your reply.
Probably I need to clarify my age. As as thinker and my writting style in the post probably you already figured out I should be around 20. But nope, that’s not the case I’m 30. Normally I only save this writing for work lol
You make some good points. The first I would like to touch is the one about the mind being the worst enemy. Yes, I agree it can be. I have read some posts talking about this and asking advise on how to deal with.
Yes, I am a thinker and very practical person. But I never felt my mind is my grestest enemy because it knows when to shut up lol. I maybe should explain this statement because I believe how the mind works is quite different for everyone. Once, a few years ago, I was in a club and went out for some fresh air. I was followed by a friend, not so close, but enough to call him a friend. I was heavy on acid and probably something else lol so I’m sure my looks were not the best but I felt calm but clearly that was only on the inside because this guy asked me if I had tried yoga. I was like wtf?. He wasn’t doing any drugs by the way. So he started telling me how he found peace thru yoga because sometimes he couldn’t deal with his mind. It was way too much for him and thru yoga he managed to clear his mind whenever he needed. I told him that I did not have any trouble shutting down my line of thoughts whenever I felt it was too much to process. So that day I understood this, something as natural as rolling your tongue, some people can while others don’t. This is why totally agree with you but is not my case.
Now, you may be able to shut your mind or not, but where your line of thoughts will lead you it is something totally different. And yes, I also believe that people more sensitive/perceptive is likely that will be more unhappy than people who is not. I can relate here.
Hopefully I managed to pull some sense in all these lines. As you can tell english is not my native.
Now, about your second point. I don’t feel totally hopeless to be honest but living this way is not living and is not meant to be in my humble opinion. Yes, I have suicidal ideations and not the first ones. Even I have a plan, method and tools. Don’t have a date tho. I’m a very logical and careful type of person so I won’t fail at this. I am sure many think this way and in the end wake up 🙁
I believe the time is getting closer so I there are a few details I have not figured out, like how to deal with my corpse, if I should leave a letter or even if I should make it look like a murder for the ease of my relatives. I am sorry if I am way too blunt but thats me and that is why I am writing here in the first place 😛
Anyway, I really appreciate your reply, thank you 🙂
Hopefully we can keep talking up since clearly, for bad or for good as you said in the first place, you have a great mind lol
Hello dtec,
Nice to meet you. 30 is very young…did I forget to tell you that I am 50?
I think you may have the mind and the brain confused…a common mistake…lol…your brain is very much in control…too much control sometimes…lol…that could be part of your issue…sorry. What is your native language…you write better English than I do…and I am only bi-lingual in English and profanity…lol
If one thing confused me it would be the story of the trip with the guru…lol…did you mean to say that you have trouble with meditation and focus or intention…or did you mean you just prefer to shut down…naturally or with drugs and alcohol?…no judgement here.
And yes I can shut down at will…that is how I have survived..and I’ve done it often..but I don’t choose to do that anymore. You are right, living this way is not living…it is surviving…are you a survivor and of what? what changed you? we all have our breaking points…some are just lower or more horrific than others…that is all.
I hope you do wake up and the sooner the better because death is an illusion. I have attempted suicide 7 times myself..the first time before the age of 4…the last time at the age of 40. Now I understand…but the damage I have done to myself and others…and to my body…that I must now endure as well until my time here is up…in God’s time…not mine. But some of us are allowed to take an early exit and are successful the first time we attempt…but usually only if there is truly no hope for us to continue…and if we havent’ damaged our physical bodies too much…lol…a soul exchange may be negotiated instead….but those are far and few between.
I don’t mind blunt…not much tact myself…lol…but why the concern and attention to your corpse…a body you view as a prison. Others here will offer more practical advice…myself I never worried about the consequences of my actions for the most part…only ever wrote one note…and destroyed it before I attempted…so I can’t help you with that.
Namaste
Amakua