Archive for April, 2012

Why I do it

Monday, April 30th, 2012

So I’ve thought a lot about why my incessant mind always draws me back to ending it.  I’ve been down that thought pattern too many times to know that it accomplishes nothing.  Every time I get to the breaking point, I can’t help but consider my family and those who know me.  They hold my hand back […]

remorseless

Monday, April 30th, 2012

yup remorseless thats me i feel no remorse no pain…. i gave myself that name because i dont care for my life i never did…. im just a monster who does not belong… when someone dies it doesnt hurt me… i stop trying to find someone who would get me, someone who would accept me […]

Incest (that’ll catch your attention)

Monday, April 30th, 2012

I have begun writing a story on war. Hopefully, I can make it detailed and descriptive, yet still interesting. It’s a war story, based on the near future where the government goes completely corrupt, ruled by the Illuminati and the rich. There are the NUSA, which is the New United States Army/of America, but might […]

My best, my only friend.

Monday, April 30th, 2012

My friend and I are drifting so bad. Friday she was upset over not getting a job she was feeling worthless and like a failure and was talking suicidal. I, being her best friend, tried my hardest to console her and comfort her, as i know the feelings all too well. Her response to my […]

I’m so afraid

Monday, April 30th, 2012

I don’t want my esophougus to rupture. Painfully suffocating to death on my own sick, jesus. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel, and so I eat, and sometimes I need to feel, to know I’m still alive even if it hurts, and so I eat. Then the […]

No more peaceful nights

Monday, April 30th, 2012

For the past 3 months, I haven’t had a night where I haven’t either had a migraine or a severe panic attack. I’m not dealing with another 7 days of this. This will be my third post, and my final one as well.

the Plan

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Middle of the night you wake up, sweaty, confused, afraid. That same old feeling of dread hits you. Why can’t you sleep? Every night it’s the same fuckin thing. You wake up hating yourself and wishing you were dead, you start to think of Cutting, that always works. But tonight Cutting doesn’t help, you are […]

My last resort.

Monday, April 30th, 2012

I am a victim if sexual abuse as a child . After blocking it out for so long, I came forward and the offender was jailed summer last year. Ever since I have felt numb and have no satisfaction from his sentencing. I feel that although he can no longer get to me or other females in […]

My Life, I love you.

Monday, April 30th, 2012

I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always […]

I really need to pee.

Monday, April 30th, 2012

I just woke up. Im surprised I shortly fell asleep actually. It’s now 2:1o am. I was up for 2 days to celebrate queensday (big dutch holiday). I slept for about 4 hours I guess. I started crying the minute after I woke up and found the nerves to turn around. I felt literally frozen. […]