April 30th, 2012by christina--
I just woke up. Im surprised I shortly fell asleep actually. It’s now 2:1o am. I was up for 2 days to celebrate queensday (big dutch holiday). I slept for about 4 hours I guess. I started crying the minute after I woke up and found the nerves to turn around. I felt literally frozen. I guess I had a bad dream.Â Cant really remember. All I know is that I really want to smoke some weed. But I’m afraid of the dark (yes Im a baby) and for some reason Im too scared to even get out of bed to pee.
I really want to kill myself. Gooodddd. I REALLY want to die. I really dont understand why I keep delaying my due-date.
I did almost throw myself out of the diamond wheel. I really cant come up with the english word for “reuzenrad”. But you know, a wheel that goes like 55 meters up and you make those rounds. It was called the diamond wheel. anyway. We were up at the highest point, and it looked so pretty. And I really had the urge to jump out of the cart. When you think about it they actually make it pretty easy for people. There was a door and glas something but you could easily slide through the window-ish thing. I really regret not doing it.