I wish I had the energy to explain my story,maybe I will another day.Just to say suicide thoughts are constant.I’ve made such a mess of my life,I feel there is no way out but death.Guilt,shame, embarrassment is going to drive me to suicide 🙁
Hey,
When there’s a lot going in our minds, we tend to feel like we have “no energy” to explain it. I bet your mind is zooming past 200 km/h, and I sense that a lot is troubling you. I think it would help if I try to get you to think about one thing and one thing only. I’m definately not going to ask you “how you messed up with life”, because everyone knows you can’t answer that within one sentence (the story of how I ruined my life would take many weeks to understand). Perhaps I should ask a more specific question- hopefully this will get you to disperse your thoughts:
There was none! I showered and shaved,that was the best part.
Everything is coming to an end,all the lies.My family and friends think I’m successful and happy,but is so far from true.As i said I wish i could explain my story but it would take a few hours to type out and right now I don’t have the energy,but thank you for your reply.
Sorry I can’t be much of help. I really want to help you, but I can’t even help myself… I need help myself… My entire family thinks i’m really happy with life and that everything is all pleasant and all- but it’s totally opposite; I’m not even sure whether telling them would be a good idea (i’m thinking it’s a VERY bad idea). Since I don’t really know how to help you, I just wanted to let you know that I care for what you have to say (whenever you want to say it) and that you’re not alone in this situation. Though I don’t know your story, just from your comment/post I can already relate to you. You don’t even have to explain it to the full extent- If I’ve been through it, so I can understand your pain. I’ll be here whenever you need someone to talk to.
I don’t want to tell my family either but I may have to.It’s suicide or tell my family,that’s what faces me now and I wish I had the courage to choose the suicide root.I’ve depleted all my funds and some family’s as well.They think it’s invested.My life over the past ten years has been a lot of lies,I don’t know if I can face the music,I rebuilt my life to where is was great and once again have blown it big time.Thanks again for your kind words.
If you rebuilt your life where it was great once, you can definately do it again. Of course, that’s definately easier said than done, but I think you have more choices than those two. Yes, one of my choices is the suicide route as well, but I absolutely can’t tell my family about this. Why is that a choice for you though? (Of course, you don’t have to answer. This may help me though…)
Hedabuvh,thanks for your message.Honestly knowing that others have been there does not help,my situation is unique to me only,I thank you for your message though.
Nobody,I’ll try to explain my situation for you so you can better understand my two choices.
Here is a condensed version of my problem.about 12 years ago I got caught up in the party scene, Ecstasy/cocaine/clubbing.I has a great job.Was financially secure,had just been pre approved for a mortgage,had a new truck,new Harley,life was good.The partying lead to crack cocaine and within a year I lost everything,ended up in rehab,had to move back home and live with my mother for a couple of years,also declared bankruptcy.It was a very difficult time for me.I did clean up though.well kinda,I’ll explain later.
After 4 years of living and working back home I moved back to where I was living previously,back to my old job.Things were great up until 1 year ago when I moved and changed jobs.After 3 months I got fired.Everbody I know here knows that,but I have never told my family back home,that was 7 months ago.Since then I have went through all my savings,credit cards,sold my truck,because of drinking/drugging and gambling.Having rebuilt a great relationship with my mother she lends me money if I ever need it,and I have always paid it back.Recently about a month ago I borrowed $5000 from her to pay last months rent and bills.Well now it’s April 20th and in a few days rent and bills will be due,including the minimum payment I have to make on her line of credit.I think I have maybe $30 to my name.The depression/shame/guilt of this is driving me crazy!! I’ve been lying for the past 7 months,my Mom thinks I’m working and happy,yet I’m desperate and lonely.There’s a lot more to this story,but thats it in a nutshell.Something is gonna give in the next few days and suicide is a real option,I just need to build up the courage.
Why can’t you tell your family about your problem?Care to share a little of your story?
You know what..the truth will set you free if you just tell your mum and apologize and try and sort yourself out you will save yourself more pain.I know you don’t feel you have a way out we’ve all been there before.I’ve lost everything and come back from drugs messy relation ship breaking family problems and debt it was awful being called a lire in front of my family and loosing the trust they had but I slowly earned it back over the years and changed you can too you just have to try.like I said tell the truth suiside isn’t the answer but just something that gets you more trouble of cold and dead in the ground please try we are all behind you
I’ve rebuilt the trust, that’s part of the problem.Will they ever trust me again now?Will they always worry that it could happen again now that I’ve blown it once more?Plus I don’t see any future,it’s all dark! It will take years to get out of the debt I’m in!!
My poor Mom,if she only knew,I love her so much,she trusts me and I’ve been lying to her for months,it’s the guilt and shame that is causing all this depression and leading me to suicide.
DrWoody; My story is quite a mess and I find it too repetitive for me to re-tell it. Long story short, it made me attempt suicide 3 times and it’s making me plan for my 4th. Life is terrible for me, and this is something I can never tell my parents simply because they think i’m happy as I can be. Telling them wouldn’t help me at all, and it would definately leave them devastated to have a daughter like this. Like I said in my former SP posts, this website is definately helping me out rant thoughts of my past, but “I found this website a little too late”. There’s not much more left of me and the only thing that stands between me and death is the people who care.
For your information, 100% of the people who cared abandoned me (explained in my former SP posts) and because of this site, I have one more that cares. I’m an inch away from death- the only question that remains now is when.
13 comments
Hey,
When there’s a lot going in our minds, we tend to feel like we have “no energy” to explain it. I bet your mind is zooming past 200 km/h, and I sense that a lot is troubling you. I think it would help if I try to get you to think about one thing and one thing only. I’m definately not going to ask you “how you messed up with life”, because everyone knows you can’t answer that within one sentence (the story of how I ruined my life would take many weeks to understand). Perhaps I should ask a more specific question- hopefully this will get you to disperse your thoughts:
What was the best part of your day today?
There was none! I showered and shaved,that was the best part.
Everything is coming to an end,all the lies.My family and friends think I’m successful and happy,but is so far from true.As i said I wish i could explain my story but it would take a few hours to type out and right now I don’t have the energy,but thank you for your reply.
Hey DrWoody,
Sorry I can’t be much of help. I really want to help you, but I can’t even help myself… I need help myself… My entire family thinks i’m really happy with life and that everything is all pleasant and all- but it’s totally opposite; I’m not even sure whether telling them would be a good idea (i’m thinking it’s a VERY bad idea). Since I don’t really know how to help you, I just wanted to let you know that I care for what you have to say (whenever you want to say it) and that you’re not alone in this situation. Though I don’t know your story, just from your comment/post I can already relate to you. You don’t even have to explain it to the full extent- If I’ve been through it, so I can understand your pain. I’ll be here whenever you need someone to talk to.
I don’t want to tell my family either but I may have to.It’s suicide or tell my family,that’s what faces me now and I wish I had the courage to choose the suicide root.I’ve depleted all my funds and some family’s as well.They think it’s invested.My life over the past ten years has been a lot of lies,I don’t know if I can face the music,I rebuilt my life to where is was great and once again have blown it big time.Thanks again for your kind words.
If you rebuilt your life where it was great once, you can definately do it again. Of course, that’s definately easier said than done, but I think you have more choices than those two. Yes, one of my choices is the suicide route as well, but I absolutely can’t tell my family about this. Why is that a choice for you though? (Of course, you don’t have to answer. This may help me though…)
You are in a tough place, does knowing that a lot of us have also been there help?
Hedabuvh,thanks for your message.Honestly knowing that others have been there does not help,my situation is unique to me only,I thank you for your message though.
Nobody,I’ll try to explain my situation for you so you can better understand my two choices.
Here is a condensed version of my problem.about 12 years ago I got caught up in the party scene, Ecstasy/cocaine/clubbing.I has a great job.Was financially secure,had just been pre approved for a mortgage,had a new truck,new Harley,life was good.The partying lead to crack cocaine and within a year I lost everything,ended up in rehab,had to move back home and live with my mother for a couple of years,also declared bankruptcy.It was a very difficult time for me.I did clean up though.well kinda,I’ll explain later.
After 4 years of living and working back home I moved back to where I was living previously,back to my old job.Things were great up until 1 year ago when I moved and changed jobs.After 3 months I got fired.Everbody I know here knows that,but I have never told my family back home,that was 7 months ago.Since then I have went through all my savings,credit cards,sold my truck,because of drinking/drugging and gambling.Having rebuilt a great relationship with my mother she lends me money if I ever need it,and I have always paid it back.Recently about a month ago I borrowed $5000 from her to pay last months rent and bills.Well now it’s April 20th and in a few days rent and bills will be due,including the minimum payment I have to make on her line of credit.I think I have maybe $30 to my name.The depression/shame/guilt of this is driving me crazy!! I’ve been lying for the past 7 months,my Mom thinks I’m working and happy,yet I’m desperate and lonely.There’s a lot more to this story,but thats it in a nutshell.Something is gonna give in the next few days and suicide is a real option,I just need to build up the courage.
Why can’t you tell your family about your problem?Care to share a little of your story?
You know what..the truth will set you free if you just tell your mum and apologize and try and sort yourself out you will save yourself more pain.I know you don’t feel you have a way out we’ve all been there before.I’ve lost everything and come back from drugs messy relation ship breaking family problems and debt it was awful being called a lire in front of my family and loosing the trust they had but I slowly earned it back over the years and changed you can too you just have to try.like I said tell the truth suiside isn’t the answer but just something that gets you more trouble of cold and dead in the ground please try we are all behind you
I’ve rebuilt the trust, that’s part of the problem.Will they ever trust me again now?Will they always worry that it could happen again now that I’ve blown it once more?Plus I don’t see any future,it’s all dark! It will take years to get out of the debt I’m in!!
My poor Mom,if she only knew,I love her so much,she trusts me and I’ve been lying to her for months,it’s the guilt and shame that is causing all this depression and leading me to suicide.
DrWoody; My story is quite a mess and I find it too repetitive for me to re-tell it. Long story short, it made me attempt suicide 3 times and it’s making me plan for my 4th. Life is terrible for me, and this is something I can never tell my parents simply because they think i’m happy as I can be. Telling them wouldn’t help me at all, and it would definately leave them devastated to have a daughter like this. Like I said in my former SP posts, this website is definately helping me out rant thoughts of my past, but “I found this website a little too late”. There’s not much more left of me and the only thing that stands between me and death is the people who care.
For your information, 100% of the people who cared abandoned me (explained in my former SP posts) and because of this site, I have one more that cares. I’m an inch away from death- the only question that remains now is when.
I apologize for the depressing comment.
No apology necessary, were all depressed and that’s why were here.
You have one more that cares now 🙂
DrWoody; Thank you very much!